Today Lindsey is dragged to a rock climbing centre by her athletic friend Jenny which results in a life changing discovery about her over-zealous anatomy. She helps her mum rescue a missing rat and, with the help of Elton John, hosts an intimate funeral.

Welcome to the life of the most beautiful princess in all of Birmingham and its surrounding areas. This week Lindsey Santoro has started a diary. But she’s not 13 years old daydreaming about her latest crush and sleepover plans. She’s a 37-year-old no-nonsense Brummy whose days are more likely to involve thrush cream and a bargy with a bus driver. You are cordially invited to step into her world and learn lessons from her lively life.

Producer: Sasha Bobak

A BBC Studios Audio Production for Radio 4.