On October 4 2020, during my last few weeks living in Las Vegas, I decided to record myself on what I planned to be my last night gambling. I wanted to capture what one of my typical nights in the casino really looked like. I filmed everything from start to finish — rambling to the camera about betting strategies, chasing losses, and dying a slow death at the Keno Slots.

Five years later, in 2025, I’m watching the footage -- some of which I am seeing for the first time. Nothing is edited or filtered. It’s a real, uncut look at how I thought, talked, and justified my actions while deep in addiction.

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Adam is planning his exit strategy in Vegas. Jenn returns to discuss the differences between her first and second year in recovery as she's celebrating 2 years away from a bet. Adam and Jenn reflect on how their recovery has evolved, how to avoid "binge-recovery", and continuing to find balance in their lives. Adam recaps his time at the CCPG Conference in Hartford. 

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Adam and Noah land in Las Vegas. Adam sits down with Tana Russell, Deputy Director of the Evergreen Council on Problem Gambling in Washington State — one of the most forward-thinking organizations in the country when it comes to awareness, training, and prevention. Tana shares how she entered the world of problem gambling support and she breaks down Evergreen’s approach to training clinicians, collaborating with casinos, and creating community programs that actually make an impact.

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In this week’s episode, it's all things Ellie. Adam sits down with his Mom to do a deep dive into his own and their family's history with addiction and gambling. Ellie didn’t grow up surrounded by gambling — but when the casino doors opened in Connecticut in the early ’90s, things changed. Gambling ran in her family, even if she didn’t gamble much herself. It was in her blood. She saw the patterns, the pull, the danger — and she’s the first to admit that if it weren’t for Adam’s dad keeping her grounded, things might’ve gone differently. Through reflection and vulnerability, Ellie comes to a powerful realization: while she may not consider herself a compulsive gambler, she recognizes the importance of staying aware — of keeping an eye on the behaviors that can quietly lead down that path.

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Robert G joined Gamblers Anonymous in 1993, buried under a million dollars in debt and determined to turn his life around. Over three decades later, he’s still showing up — not just for himself, but for others. But Robert’s story isn’t one of perfection. It’s a story about what happens when life catches you off guard, when honesty slips, and when you’re forced to start over even after years of recovery.

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Out of Breath heads back East. Representing a growing wave of young men being pulled into gambling at an alarming rate, Adam sits down with Jon. A recently graduated D-1 college athlete, Jon placed his first bets in high school. Betting sports through bookies, playing online blackjack during school, and checking the lines before and after soccer practice -- John was developing a problem. When COVID hit, stimulus checks and unemployment money gave him more ammo, and he lost it all within months. Jon 's ability to maintain his academics and athletics in college only fueled his delusion that what he was doing was sustainable. After several rock bottoms and a relapse, through the help of his loved ones and the fellowship, Jon is now on a road of recovery. 

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The Casinos open back up and Adam has a rough weekend. Brian Ward is an International Gambling Recovery Specialist, IGCCB Board Approved Recovery Advisor, Certified Gambling Recovery Mentor, and SMART facilitator. He is also someone with lived experience. Growing up around gambling, it wasn’t until age 21 that a big win on Oregon’s VLTs set him on a dangerous path. What began as “easy money” became an escape from unresolved trauma and inner chaos. His rock bottom came when he stole to fund his habit—but instead of waiting to be caught, he turned himself in. That moment became the start of his recovery. 

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Adam and Eric are Out of Breath. Adam sits down with Abdullah Mahmood, the Administrative Coordinator of the gambling program at Maryhaven. Abdullah shares what inspired him to enter the field, how he moved from chemical dependency into gambling disorders, and why he takes pride in educating himself to connect with those he serves—even without lived experience of gambling. The conversation explores the changing landscape of gambling treatment, where funding comes from, and why more research and prevalence studies are desperately needed. Abdullah’s optimism for the future shines through, and the episode closes with Adam stepping back into 2018, imagining his first appointment, to give listeners a rare glimpse of what that first meeting with a clinician might actually feel like.

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Adam starts playing online poker again. Gail F sits down with Adam to tell her story. A compulsive gambler in recovery who for nearly two decades, she truly lived a double life. Gail started gambling in her late 30s, chasing escape through online casinos that were legal in Canada long before the U.S. What began as a way to numb stress quickly grew into a secret addiction that consumed everything. When she finally came clean to her family at 56 years old, she had nothing but the wreckage of her choices — and she had to start over. Now, five years into recovery, Gail is proving that rebuilding is possible, reclaiming her future, one honest step at a time.

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The world shuts down and Adam shaves his head. Adam sits down with his cousin Matt to talk about a bond that’s been tested by time, addiction, and recovery. As kids, they only saw each other a few times a year — but when they both dropped out of college around the same time, their lives collided. For five wild years, gambling consumed everything: late night trips to the casino, sports bets they couldn’t afford, even running poker tournaments just to stay in the action. Eventually, Matt met his future wife and chose a new path, while Adam kept spiraling for years. Their friendship bent under the weight of gambling and Adam's addiction, but somehow it never broke.

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