Your child hits you and then immediately reaches out for a hug. Do you give it to them? It's common to freeze in these moments, worried you're rewarding the hitting or sending mixed signals. In this episode I'm breaking down what's actually happening in your child's brain when they seek connection after aggression, why the choice between comfort and consequence is a false one, and exactly what to say in real time so you can hold the boundary and stay connected at the same time.

00:55 What's happening in their brain.

03:34 Common Mistake Parents Make

06:27 What does it look like in real life

07:41 After returning to baseline

9:46 The long game

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Your child isn't defiant, they're undercoached. That's the reframe I want to leave you with in this episode, and I promise it will change how you show up in the hardest parenting moments. I share the story of my own toddler getting aggressive at a play gym and the one question that shifted me from reactive to intentional in real time. I break down the invisible social and emotional curriculum that starts at home with us, the exact phrases every child needs to know starting in the toddler years, and how to use play (not lectures) to teach these skills proactively. I also talk about line feeding your child words in the moment, what labeled praise actually sounds like, and why if things feel messy right now that means you're right in the middle of the most important work. 00:24 Moment at a play gym 01:21 Misperceiving Behavior 04:16 Importance of Direct Scripts 06:56 Power of Play 08:58 Repetition 12:22 Misconception That We're Failing 14:02 Reflection 14:26 Conclusion and Mantra Get TMP Times in your inbox every Monday. Start your free 7-day trial 👉🏽 https://www.themompsychologist.com/tmptimes 💌 Free Parenting Script Pack: https://themompsychologist.com/script-pack 💌 Follow me over on Instagram - http://www.instagram.com/themompsychologist If you enjoyed this episode, consider leaving a rating. It truly helps. Thanks for tuning in!

"That's not fair." "You're not the boss of me." "I don't WANT to." Most of us were raised where those phrases got us in serious trouble — so when our own kids say them, our nervous system goes straight to threat mode. In this episode I'm reframing all of it. I break down what each of these phrases actually means from a developmental standpoint, how to tell the difference between healthy communication and genuine disrespect, and the exact scripts to respond in a way that holds your authority and honors your child's growing voice at the same time. I also share why shutting these phrases down might be teaching the opposite of what you want — including the skill your teenager is going to need. Grab my free Script Pack at the link in the show notes for more scripts you can use right away. Chapters 00.26- Intro 00:44- What's Actually Developing 02:30- The 5 Phrases and What They Really Mean 05:20- Healthy Communication vs. Actual Disrespect 09:06- Scripts That Hold the Boundary and Honor Their Voice Get TMP Times in your inbox every Monday. Start your free 7-day trial 👉🏽 https://www.themompsychologist.com/tmptimes 💌 Free Parenting Script Pack: https://themompsychologist.com/script-pack 💌 Follow me over on Instagram - http://www.instagram.com/themompsychologist If you enjoyed this episode, consider leaving a rating. It truly helps. Thanks for tuning in!

LET'S CHAT ALL THINGS PARENTING: I'm answering all your parenting questions and sharing real advice you can actually use in this Q&A from lying to teachers, sibling teasing and aggression, my experience losing 100 lbs after having 3 kids, backtalk and negative attitudes, responding to "I'm not going to let you play anymore!", 3 year old being too aggressive with baby, dating talk, forming secure attachment with our kids, guiding teenagers into colleges without being pushy, and more!! If you've ever struggled with any of these, this episode is for you. 💖

Chapters:

00:49- Question 1: How to handle 5 year old lying to teacher?

02:53- Question 2: My sister is telling my nephew he has a bad attitude. How could she handle this better?

Episode on Backtalk - https://courses.themompsychologist.com/podcasts/the-mom-psychologist-show/episodes/2149076210

04:45- Question 3: My 6yr old ignores name calling by her friends. Is that ok?

Episode on Mean Kids - https://courses.themompsychologist.com/podcasts/the-mom-psychologist-show/episodes/2148686406

07:58- Question 4: How should I handle 6yo saying no to non negotiable things (going to bed/brushing teeth)

09:43- Question 5: How can we help guide our teenagers into colleges/career choices without being pushy?

13:24- Question 6: How to stop overreaction (yelling/pushing) in daughter when younger bro teases her

16:04- Question 7: Has horrible parental fighting done irreversible damage to 3 and 6 yo. How to undo - help

18:29- Question 8: Can you build a secure attachment when you have been anxious in the early years?

20:07- Question 9: How do you redirect language/behavior that is sassy/disrespectful without lecture?

20:24- Question 10: 3 yr old boy constantly pulling on baby bros clothes, knocks him down. How to curb behavior

23:28- Question 11: How to respond when 4yo says "fine, I'm not going to let you play anymore!" (To mom)

26:28- Question 12: I know you don't talk about your weight loss journey here, but you have elsewhere?

27:54- Question 13: Giving birthday this month. What helped you lock in to get healthy? Really hoping to give this to myself.

30:49- Question 14: Is it normal for 7yo to develop an attitude when she doesn't get her way? She's like a teen

💌 Get TMP Times in your inbox every Monday. Start your free 7-day trial 👉🏽 https://www.themompsychologist.com/tmptimes

💌 Free Parenting Script Pack: https://themompsychologist.com/script-pack

💌 Follow me over on Instagram - http://www.instagram.com/themompsychologist

If you enjoyed this episode, consider leaving a rating. It truly helps. Thanks for tuning in!

I'll never forget the time my 7-year-old had a full meltdown on our bedroom floor over a shirt disagreement. After 30 minutes of listening, problem-solving, and offering alternatives, I finally said, "It's okay to feel upset. Don't let your feelings get in the way of your responsibilities." Then I walked away. Five minutes later, she was completely ready. In this episode, I break down why constant emotional processing without expectations can actually increase your child's emotional intensity and prevent them from building resilience. Chapters: Intro: Emotional Validation Has Gone Too Far - 00:00 Meltdown Story: What I Said to My 7-Year-Old - 01:05 How to Model "Both/And" Language - 11:28 Building Resilience: When to Process vs. Redirect - 13:22 💌 Get TMP Times in your inbox every Monday. Start your free 7-day trial 👉🏽 https://www.themompsychologist.com/tmptimes 💌 Free Parenting Script Pack: https://themompsychologist.com/script-pack 💌 Follow me over on Instagram - http://www.instagram.com/themompsychologist If you enjoyed this episode, consider leaving a rating. It truly helps. Thanks for tuning in!

Try my free 7-day trial of TMP Times: https://www.themompsychologist.com/tmptimes You cannot force food down a child's throat. You cannot force pee into a potty. You cannot force a brain to fall asleep. If you're fighting these battles every single day, you're fighting battles you can never win and it's making everything worse. In this episode, I break down the 3 power struggles you'll never win (food, potty training, sleep), introduce the Division of Responsibility framework that removes the battle entirely, and give you exact scripts for dinner refusals, bedtime stalling, and morning routine resistance. You'll learn the difference between controlling their body (which creates psychological reactance) vs. controlling the environment (which actually works). Scripts for What You CAN Control FOR FOOD BATTLES: When they refuse dinner: "This is what we have for dinner. Eat what you want from your plate. When dinner's over, we'll have a small dessert." When they demand dessert without eating: "Dessert is part of our meal. Here's your portion. Still hungry after? More dinner is available." When they say "I don't like this": "Okay, you don't have to eat that. What else on your plate would you like to try?" When they haven't eaten much all day: "I notice you haven't eaten much today. Your body might be feeling hungry. Here's what we have. Take what you'd like." FOR BEDTIME BATTLES: When they won't stay in bed: "I see you're not sleepy yet. Time for your body to rest though. You can look at books or play quietly in bed." When they keep asking for "one more" thing: "Last call - need anything before I go? Water? Hug? Okay, that's it. I'm going to rest too now." When they stall at bedtime: "Teeth brushing time. You can do it yourself or I can help. What works for you?"

Ever feel like the more you correct your child’s backtalk, the worse it gets? In this episode, I’m breaking down why that happens and sharing real-life scripts and mindset shifts that actually work. You’ll walk away with practical tools to handle those tough moments, connect with your child, and bring more peace to your home.

I would LOVE to hear your thoughts! Drop me a DM over on Instagram @themompsychologist so we can keep this conversation going! All my love, Dr. J ❤️

Wanna go deeper?

I would LOVE to hear your thoughts! Drop me a DM over on Instagram @themompsychologist so we can keep this conversation going! All my love, Dr. J ❤️

Important note: This applies to neurotypical children or when neurodivergence has already been considered. If your child might be neurodivergent, the "perfect at school, difficult at home" pattern often indicates masking and genuine depletion rather than boundary-testing. It's *still* important to focus on guiding children's behavior through respectful boundaries, teaching, and clear expectations. 

Wanna go deeper?

I would LOVE to hear your thoughts! Drop me a DM over on Instagram @themompsychologist so we can keep this conversation going! All my love, Dr. J ❤️

Wanna go deeper?

Okay, real talk... mornings can bring out a whole different side of me, and I know I’m not the only one! In this episode, I’m getting honest about my “Nagging Nancy” moments, why our kids push back on routines, and how I’m learning (slowly but surely) to step back and let them take the lead. We’re talking about building real motivation, letting natural consequences do their thing, and giving ourselves grace when things get messy. If you’re tired of the morning chaos and want some practical, heart-centered tips (plus a mantra to keep you grounded), this one’s for you. Let’s grow together, one imperfect morning at a time! 

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