The Noise Hole with Dave and Joel

Joel just saw the Elton John biopic Rocketman, and Dave wants to know how it stacks up to other rock biopics like Bohemian Rhapsody, and Kickstart My Heart. Spoilers: It’s a lot better than those two. This week the bois are joined by special guest, Reginald Dwight, AKA Sir Elton John! They even carted a piano into the Noise Hole to make him more comfortable.

“A Bean-filled Galleon” by The Down and Dirty Transportation Boys“Goodbye Dildo Bike” by Elton John“Eat Your Mother’s Ass” by Queen“Tie Your Muffler Down” by Roger Taylor of QueenEvery junkie rock star has the same life story“I’m Gonna Suck and Fuck (And Screw)” by KISS“I Wanna Suck and Fuck”, an entirely different song by KISS“Piss In My Jorts” by Alice In Chains from Piss, the Alice in Chains Rock BiopicElton John has a fancy hat to suit your tastes“Goodbye Alien Queen” by Elton JohnRocketman succeeds where Bohemian Rhapsody failsFreddie Mercury was an angel-voiced horndog“Don’t Let Your Son Go Down On Me” by Elton John “Goodbye, Bowl of Cum” by Elton John “Daddy Boy and Stupid Son” by Elton John “Fuck U Pay ME” by Bernie Taupin (as performed by Elton John) “Gary’s Song” by Elton John “Sarah Connor” by Elton JohnNurture the Elton Johns in your gardenThe Queen finally snaps and eats her Corgis“Queen Aid” by Elton John “Goodbye Queenie Pooch” by Elton John “Hey! (It’s The Noise Bois)” by Elton John

This is The Noise Hole’s final episode in its youthful 20s. Next week it will enter it’s dirty 30s, and then it’ll REALLY start to sleep around and get fucked up. This week, Dave and Joel answer Noise Boi questions about staying motivated, and Creed, AND they do a solid 30 minutes of MetalliCHAT!

“Why Do I Stay?” by Miserable Son Of A Bitch “I’m A Little Clever Shit” - Traditional Irish Folk Song How do you stop stopping when learning guitar? “Pickin’ & Choosin’” by The Mississippi Indecisive Boys“Impressing Girls With Your Guitar Skills” by The Cranberries“She’s Got Hot Legs” by AC/DCChugging Metallica riffs to impress your friendsBeing good at guitar is easier than being a good singerMetalliCHAT: S&M II“The Swedish National Anthem” by The Prime Minister Of Sweden“The Swedish National Anthem” by Mariah Carey Swedish Hot Dog BaseballMetallica’s cinematic video for Mission Impossible 2 destroys San FranciscoKirk Hammet is a mischievous goblinGary clarifies Kevin’s parentage… sort of Your standard Stone Gossard riffs“Yeah’a Naw Haw” by Eddie Vedder “Eddie Vedder’s An Owl” by Pearl JamWhat’s the deal with Creed?“With Cloaca Open” by Creed“I’ve Got That Church Money” by Creed“This Is Safe Rock” by Creed“The Doors Are Open” by Scott Stapp“Hey! (It’s The Noise Bois)” by Metallica

Dave and Joel have some hard news to deliver to some of their favorite bands: HANG UP THE AXE, IT’S TIME TO RETIRE! Or is it? Listen to the very end to find out the final verdicts for Weezer, Green Day and more, AND get a healthy dose of beautiful Irish folk music!

“College Is Expensive” by A Regular American Family“I’ll Carry You (Like A Swan)” by A Less Regular American FamilyJoel’s parents stole his college money“My Daddy Probably Spent It On Drugs” by Primal ScreamWhich bands should call it quits?“My Dick’s Not Very Big” by 1996 WeezerPatrick Wilson from Weezer is a cartoon duck, it seems“You Smiled At Me (I Pissed My Jeans)” by 1996 Weezer“My Pants Are Filled With Love (And Piss)” by 2001 Weezer“Let’s Do All The Fuckin’ Pills” by 2002 Weezer“My Life’s So Fuckin’ Lit” by 2010 WeezerGreen Day’s rock and roll trajectory“I’m Feeling A Little Fat” by Billie Joe Armstrong“286” by Green DayDave hates music videos with storiesJoel loves music videos with simple gimmicks “Rollin’” by Limp Bizkit has the best videoThe Foo Fighters make GREAT videosShitty band lineages “The Ballad of Me Patreon” a traditional Irish Folk Ballad“Hey! (It’s The Noise Bois)” by Blur

It seems the Noise Bois were worried about Glenn Danzig’s employment situation, so Dave and Joel checked in and got WAY MORE than they bargained for. It’s a Danzig-centric episode, with bits of Ozzy and The Ramones tossed in for flavor. The word of the week is “rankled.” When someone says “rankled,” remember to SCREAM REAL LOUD!!!

“The Rise Of The Machines” by Jazzy Fruit Johnson and Self Checkout-bot 3000“Glenn, What’s Your Job Today?” by Danzig “My Hair!” by Danzig“I’m A Snake” by Danzig“I’m Not Eating Cum Anymore (For A Job)” by DanzigWhat to do if your house gets infested with Danzigs“Tacos!” by DanzigThe legend of GlennHelsing“The Danzigs Are Flying” by Terrified Villagers“It’s Danzig Night” by Terrified Villagers fr. Iron Maiden “It’s Danzig Night” as covered by Ozzy Osbourne Glenn Danzig asks Ozzy and Sharon for a jobSharon Osbourne is a time witch“My Skills” by Danzig ft. Ozzy OsbourneOzzy and Sharon have a job for GlennOzzy calls Tony Iomi on the Time Phone“Randy Plane” by Ozzy Osbourne Tony Warns Ozzy of terrible things to come“The Two Jobs I Can’t Do” by DanzigOzzy finally finds a job that Glenn will do“Ozzy, You Can Count On Me” by Danzig“Lymph Nodes” by DanzigTranslating Pee Wee Herman to Mr. BeanWhat if the Ramones played Beatles songs?The Beatles’ “Yesterday” by The Ramones“(Hey Ho!) You’ve Got To Hide Your Love Away” by The RamonesThe Noise Hole was designed to channel psychic energy “Choose The Form of Your Destructor” by Bowie The Bozerian “Thanks, Everybody / Hey! (It’s The Noise Bois)” by The Ramones

I hope you’re ready for songs about sandwiches, and the nastiest, snottiest punk rock this side of London circa 1982, Noise Bois, because that’s precisely what you’re gonna get in this FIRST EVER Noise Hole episode recorded in THE ACTUAL NOISE HOLE!!!

“I’m A Hungry Boy” by John MayerJohn Mayer and Seal at Live 8“Please Don’t Eat Me, Dude” by John Mayer and Seal Dave and Joel dive into the Noise Hole Actual“The Ballad of Beautiful Noise Bois” by Dave McElfatrickDave defends Subway subway sandwiches“A Message to The Leaders of The Free World” by SubwayJoel’s memories of Audioslave at Live 8Green Day sells out to the NHL?“Hockeycase” by Green Day“Hockey Of The Day” by MetallicaMetallichat: James’s addiction relapse / Does being a millionaire destroy your rock/metal/punk cred?Empathy for celebrity addicts vs. regular dickheadsPaul Rogers and Bad MittensCan music festivals save the Earth?Rock & Roll Ambivalence with Van HalenVan Halen isn’t allowed to play covers“Smells Like Teen Spirit (Baby)” by Van Halen“Jamie’s Cryin’’ by Nirvana Rock & Roll Conspiracies: Manic Street Preachers edition“Messy Nessy” by Manic Street Preachers ft. Snotty Punks“In The Beginning” by Johnny Boogers and Tony SkidmarkDave’s fake snotty punk rock band, The Shits“Your Granny’s Fanny” by The Shits“Clint Eastwood” by The Shits“Hashpipe” by The Shits“Alive” by The ShitsThe Shits are too crazy for Ozzy“Crazy Train” by The Shits“Fuck Gary” by The Shits“Kiss From A Rose” by The Shits“Thomas Campbell” by The Shits“Hey! (It’s The Noise Bois)” by The Shits“Little Bastard” by The Shits

What really broke up the Beatles? Was it Yoko? Band infighting? Or was it a plot so insidious that the very nipples on John Lennon’s chest weren’t safe from Paul’s ire? Also, LOTS of METALLICHAT-UH™. Dig in, Noise Bois!

“Airplane Friends” by Row 26, Seats A and BJoel watched terrible, worthless movies on an airplaneDave and Joel are pretty bad at Australian accents“The Ballad of Me Fake Accent” by John Lennon“It’s Sunny Outside” by Paul McCartney“I’m Carrot Paul” by John Lennon“My Name Is John” by Paul McCartney“I’ve Been Plotting Your Death” by Paul McCartneyDueling John Lennons“Happiness Is A Warm Gun with The Safety On, Mark David Chapman” by John Lennon“Lethal Nipples” by The BeatlesJoel’s happy about his sparkly, jangly riffPatreon Spotlight Question: What about “Weird Al” Yankovic?The Bois are DIVIDED over “Weird Al” The Dark Knight: “Weird Al” EditionDave’s guitar on The Antiques RoadshowDave’s pleased with his new thrasy toneMetallichat: S&M II Why do we rag on Metallica so hard? “Nothing Else Matters, Besides Our Patreon” by MetallicaReverse Covers: Bob Dylan and Guns N’ RosesCheck in with The BouyeesCheck in with Morissey“Hey! (It’s The Noise Bois)” by Morrissey

Sink them teeth into a moldy-ass peach, cuz them Noise Bois, Dave and Joel, are kicking out some low key, low energy, low effort jams Juno soundtrack style. They also dig in their spurs, and get in touch with their country side again. And Gary? HOOOBOY, does Gary get in trouble. He’s been a naughty little drum goblin.

“Autumn Song (Daddy’s Attic Photos)” by Penfold or Mineral“When A Father Gives His Son A Gimp Mask” by Penfold or Mineral“Spinning A Surreptitious Dildo” by Dashboard ConfessionalBack when Emo got a thesaurus “Illuminated With Fairy Lights” by Dashboard Confessional “Just Chill (When My Wife Goes To Bed)” by Some Other 90s Emo Band“A Man Needs Hummus” by Country Dave and The Sandwich Fingerers“I’ve Guy 2 Questions” by Travis Dangler and The Wrangler StrangersGary gets caught being VERY NAUGHTY!You can’t get funky in a minor key“3-Way Conversation” by Bassy Jake and The Funky Spunk MonksRevisiting the idea that “jazz sucks” Signing up for higher frequency laughsJazz chat in a smokey clubSmoldering opinions on The Moldy Peaches“The Matrix” theme by The Moldy Peaches“Schindler’s List” theme by The Moldy Peaches“Cape Fear” theme by The Moldy Peaches“Terminator 2” theme by The Moldy PeachesThe Moldy Peaches do some movie pitches to Stevearino“Forrest Gump” theme by The Moldy Peaches“Joel Watson” theme by The Moldy PeachesDave’s moldy flashback to 2009“Somewhere Out There (it’s Dave)” by Joelvel Mousekewitz“Somewhere Out There” by 70’s Tom WaitsWhen your Internet man gets sad“Cheering Up Tom Waits” by The Moldy Peaches“Our Best Boys” by 70’s Tom WaitsAll The Noise Bois are TrainsDave and Joel’s worst experiences holding a guitar“I’ll Apologize” by young Joel“Baby, I Don’t Have A Lot Going On” by young Dave“Show Me Your Tits” by Blink-182“Lord, Oh Lord, You Gotta Show Me Them Titties” a traditional spiritual hymn“I’m In The Lord’s Titty Army” by Dave and The Proddies“Our God Has Some Awesome Tits” by Joel and The Wednesday Night Youth Group“Our Lord Has Some Awesome Tits” by System of A Down“Toxcicitine” by System of A Down ft. Gary“Hey! (It’s The Noise Bois)” by The Moldy Peaches ft. 70’s Tom Waits

Noise Bois, you’re going to have to forgive us as we indulge in this Nickelback-heavy Noise Hole. It’s a thing, it happened, let’s get past it. It’s like Soylent for your ears. It keeps you alive, but no one’s actually enjoying themselves. Also a seemingly NEVER ENDING train of rock stars, living and dead, visit The Hole today, no thanks to GARY!

“Photograph Psychopath” by NickelbackAn update on Gary’s smokingNoise Bois carving Jack-Hole-Lanterns!!!“The Ballad Of The Pumps” by The Noise Bois (as portrayed by Dave)“Listen To Photograph” by NickelbackCHADchat: A visit from Chad Kroeger and Stevearino“Look At This Chart” by Nickelback“Listen To Photograph” by Nickelback“Nothing Else Matters Is A Pretty Good Song” by Metallica“Another Green Day Song” by Green Day“The Biggest Hit Of All Time” by Nickelback fr. Green Day“Look At This Spider-Man” by Nickelback“Listen To Clutch” by Nickelback“Lo Mein Protests” by Nickelback“Fart Sniffing Creep” by Radiohead“Hey! (It’s The Noise Bois)” by RadioheadIggy Pop’s spider smokin’ fiasco“Lust For Spiders” by Iggy Pop“Look At This Iggy Pop” by Nickelback“Look At These Lovely Boys” by Morrissey“Look At These Lovely Boys (Reprise)” by MorrisseyPatreon Spotlight: Does rock and roll need drugs?Beatles Reminisce featuring John and Paul“Ringo Gave Me A Ride” by The Beatles“I’m Going To Self-Immolate” by The Beatles“Sweaty Child’o Mine” by Sloshy SlashOzzy and Sharon return, uninvitedWhat do the Noise Boi’s parents think?Now THAT’s what Dave calls music! “Enter Dave’s Mom” by MetallicaThe Insufferable and Hyper-Specific Croonery of Seth McFarlane“Look At This Family Guy” by Nickelback ft. The GriffinsElton John confronts his mean mumMore Family Guy talk for some god damn reason“Look At This Patreon” by Nickelback“Why Can’t I Be A Bouyee With A Loving Mother?” by The Bouyees“Why’s Our Dads A Couple of Drug Addicts?” by The Bouyees ft. Jack Black and Peter Griffin

Put a trash bag over your head, and sinch it with a rubber band, because THIS is the Halloween (adjacent) episode of The Noise Hole, and YOUR costume is “Trash Ghost.” This SPOOOOKIEST of episodes only features MAX SPOOKS for the first ten-ish minutes, then the ENTIRE REST of it is about 1960’s doowop music… which SHOULD scare the living shits out of your ass. It’s less of a treat, and more of a trick, but you knew the deal when you knocked on our door.

“Spooky Candy Time” by 2LittleBoisOfficer RegularHead vs. The Headburgler“Fried Egg On A Hamburger” by 2LittleBoisDave’s dark magic dental adventureHarry Potter and The Ghost What Eats Your Shit“Talkin’ ‘Bout Rock & Roll” by RushWhere are the old-ass, original metalheads? “Sherry” by Some 60s Pop Quartet The remaining Monkees lose their Monkee-bucks“Hey Hey, We’re The Monkees (Thrash Remix)” by The Monkees“Suck My Fuckin’ Shit” by The MonkeesTommy and Sally’s regular 1960s courtship“Sally, My Best Girl” by The Dinner Platters“Fuck Dem Tiddies, Yeah” by Big Tony“Sweet Georgie Girl” by The Dinner Platters ft. Big TonyTommy, Sally and Big Tony at the sock-hop in 1963Casey Kasem’s Top 5 Hits of 1963“Kiss Me On The Regular Lips” by Tammy and The Poodle Skirts“Un, Deux, Trois” by the Serviettes “Jesus Slayed All The Puss” by Elvis Presley Elvis Press Conference“Sit With Me Under The Cherry Tree” by Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons“Enlist Your Fist (Smooch My Gooch)” by Tommy and The Dinner PlatesThe Terminator takes Sarah Connor to the 1960’sPatron Spotlight: How do you feel about audiophiles? How do you change chords without looking?“Start With F” by Morrissey Pete Wentz is a Pete Dunce (bass-wise)We got presents from Noise Bois! “Hey! (It’s The Noise Bois)” by Tommy and The Dinner Plates

This week Dave and Joel take a Dave and stroll down memory lane, as the bois recall their first computers. What is this? The TECHNOLOGY HOLE?! Not after Lemmy fucking Killmeister shows up to… talk about computers. Hmm… maybe it IS The Tech Hole, but you know, still with like a ton of fun songs.

“The Unforgiven IV” by MetallicaAn update on Gary’s smoking detoxThe Bois try to name all the cartoon characters that were kicked out of Guns N’ RosesGuns N’ Roses star in Christopher Nolan’s dark, gritty Bambi reboot“Welcome To The Forest” by Guns N’ Roses N’ Bambi90s Computer Chat with The BoisDave and his Granny’s first computerMaking “the computer” work for the whole familyJoel’s first computerDave tries to email The Queen of EnglandQueen the band tries to get “an internet”“It’s A Kinda Mustache Magic” by Queen“Got To Have It All (Cock & Balls)” by Queen“Foxy Darling” by Queen and Jimmy HendrixLemmy returns for a RETRO RUNDOWN!!!How Lemmy learned to fly from Dave GrohlHow Lemmy got his castle“Super Mario Bros. 3 Airship Theme” by Motörhead“Chop Lemmy” by MotörheadLemmy’s first computer game countdownLemmy’s corrupting influence on Gary“Castle Monster Theme (Beedle Eedle Eedle)” by MotörheadThe history of Tetris“Tetris (Suck Me Cock)” by Motörhead“286 Cybersex” by MotörheadThe dark truth about StevearinoLemmy knows Dave’s dead GrannyLemmy rates his very first PC games“Lemmy’s Theme” by Lemmy and The Noise Bois“Another Brick In The Wall” by MotörheadLemmy’s astonishing revelation about Pink Floyd“Comfortably Numb” by Motörhead“Comfortably Numb” again, but better by Motörhead