The Positive Mind

Falling out of love is a heartbreaking feeling. The expansiveness. warmth, and joy of being with your beloved is just gone. It may have happened suddenly or overtime, but there is no doubt that 'the loving feeling" is gone. This week Kevin and Niseema explore some of the reasons why what used be a "tuning in" to our partner, suddenly turns into a "tuning out." Expectations, lack of relationship skills, stress, personal history, our own body, etc., can turn that loving feeling into irritability and loneliness. If love is the antidote to loneliness, then what may be the antidote to the "loss" of love?

Love is a feeling, not a hallmark card or a box of chocolates. It is deeper and harder than that. Love is not unconditional, it needs the right conditions to be present, to be felt.

This week Kevin and Niseema talk about love and how it is the antidote to loneliness. In looking at the questions of the UCLA Loneliness Scale (linked in notes) it becomes clear that a lack of love, or the feeling of love, is at the core of why loneliness is so ubiquitous. In looking at love and the ways it shapes our experience of living, we hope to inspire a thoughtful process about the meaning and feeling of love for you.

The past few weeks we've been talking about loneliness and vulnerability and how universal and unseen these experiences can be. In naming your loneliness and seeing where you are vulnerable you can begin to know yourself on a deeper level. This week Kevin and Niseema talk about emotional and cognitive freedom, and how to find a way to be more compassionate about the critical thoughts we may have about ourselves.

When we were young, we learned how to get our needs met by believing what our parents said about us and then giving them what THEY needed. In this show, we separate out the negative messages our parents would have us believe about ourselves, from what really could be our true strengths and our true liberation. We start by asking five pertinent questions beginning with, "What am I doing in my life that is NOT me?"

We also explore the little-known diagnosis of "dependent personality disorder", and how debilitating it can be to feel incapable of doing anything for yourself.

Tune in this week as we explore more ways to live a free and independent life.

This week Kevin and Niseema follow up last week's conversation about the nine personality types, and how they protect against some type of inner wound. As we have been discussing, loneliness can be such a wound.

The story of Achilles is appropriate. Achilles' mother heard a prophecy that her son would be killed at a young age. So she did what any mother would, she dipped him in the River Styx to give him immortality. He grew up strong and beautiful, creating all kinds of havoc believing he was invulnerable. Little did he know he had a spot on his body that didn't get covered in the water. It was this unseen wound, this unseen and unknown part of himself, that ultimately caused his demise.

Do you have an Achilles heel? Does loneliness, which we have been discussing or something else, make you feel vulnerable? This "vulnerability" might actually be your path to a deep sense of inner liberation and freedom.

Kevin and Niseema talk about a wound that maybe others see in you but you don't. In exploring and getting to know your wound, you have the opportunity to have a deep compassion for yourself, and a deeper ability to connect to others.

In this final show on loneliness, Kevin and Niseema talk about

the personality system called the Enneagram, and the nine different ways people can hide their own loneliness from themselves. What if all human beings could be described as one of nine personality types? Knowing your own personality type/style might help you solve many problems in your life, including any loneliness you might have. Kevin and Niseema talk about six of the nine types, how they lead to a sense of isolation and loneliness, and how one might get out of it.

Last week, Kevin and Niseema talked about a number of statistics about loneliness in America and worldwide. An epidemic of loneliness is confirmed by all social psychology studies. 18 of our listeners took the UCLA Loneliness Questionnaire that was posted on our website (www.tffpp.org), and 14 found out that they are very lonely, 4 were average and none were not lonely.

This week, Kevin and Niseema talk about ways to recognize and cultivate “Companionship” and “Belonging,” the two themes of the Loneliness Scale questions. Did your parents have companions or felt a sense of belonging? If not, you may have a high tolerance for isolation and loneliness yourself. This is not something to judge yourself for. Loneliness can boil down to a lack of companionship and/or a lack of belonging.

Kevin and Niseema also talk about the acronym EASE standing for Extend Yourself, Action Plan, Selection, and Expect the Best. By practicing these four simple steps any person can come from a sense of isolation and loneliness to a place of companionship and belonging.

Following up Armand's 2009 interview with the author, John Cacciopo, about his book, "Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection," Kevin and Niseema talk about the idea of having a "high" or "low" tolerance for loneliness based on your family heritage or genetic makeup.

When you look at your own family, your own heritage, can you see whether or not you have a high or low tolerance for loneliness? Does this make it easier for you to talk about loneliness in a non-judgemental, less shameful way? We hope that it does.

In the second part of the show, we talk about the physical effects of loneliness, and the wear and tear that it can take on both the heart and the immune system. Tune in next week where we talk about ways of minimizing and "easing" a sense of loneliness

In last week's show, we discussed loneliness as “the other pandemic.” This week Kevin and Niseema welcome Kate Walter, author/essayist /journalist/educator, whose new book, "Behind The Mask: Living Alone in the Epicenter," takes us inside daily living in New York City during the pandemic. Her essays reveal her neighborhood, her neighbors, their isolation and fears as well as their strength and resilience as a community.Kate credits the power of writing as helping to cope and keep her sanity. We share some examples of writing prompts in the book that help you reflect on and clarify your own experiences during the pandemic. A natural extrovert, Kate talks candidly about how she found herself feeling isolated and alone in the most populous city in the US, and how the long haul of seclusion changed her as a person.

This week Kevin and Niseema talk about the other pandemic happening during Covid: Loneliness. How do you react when you hear the words, "I am lonely?" How do you feel when you feel that you are lonely? How hard is it for you to tell somebody, "I am lonely?" "Lonely" has become a dirty word in the English language. We are not allowed to say the words, "I am lonely." Why is that?

Loneliness is almost as pervasive as Covid-19. In the 1970s, 11% of Americans reported feeling lonely within the last 6 months. Pre-pandemic over 40% reported feeling lonely within the last 6 months. We don't have the current statistics on loneliness, but we expect it to be well over 70%. Yet, we still can't talk about it. Why is that?

What is the one thing you would have to face for you to talk about your loneliness? What is the one thing you would have to give up to end your loneliness? Ending your loneliness can be as easy as telling somebody about it. In the second half of the show, Kevin and Niseema do an exercise that makes talking about loneliness as routine as talking about the weather. Since we all have it, we might as well start sharing it with each other.

Listening to Ecstasy: The Transformative Power of MDMA is now on audio books. To celebrate that release, we asked Charley back for a more in-depth personal view of how he continues to "listen to ecstasy" in both his professional and personal life.

Charley talks about a recent New York Times article that discusses FDA approval for the use of medical MDMA for treatments of PTSD, substance abuse, obsessive compulsive disorder, phobias, eating disorders, depression, end-of-life anxiety and social anxiety in autistic adults. The FDA is currently in Phase 3 clinical trials that are expected to clear the way for legal use by 2023.

In his third appearance on the show, Charley reads pivotal passages that describe the physical and emotional responses that MDMA creates, as well as it's bonding effects in both his relationship with his spouse and some courageous couples who are exploring MDMA as an option. We invite you to listen as Kevin, Niseema and Charley discuss why he calls MDMA "The Chemical of Connection."