The Potential State Podcast

We don't want to show our faults and shadows. We fear that people will hurt, reject, or leave us if they see how "pathetic" we are.
Therefore we create environments where you have to bring your "best self", which lead to self-presentation and shallowness. The result is atmospheres lack vitality, play, or growth.

In this talk I explain why creating spaces where faults are welcome can enhance and deepen your relationship.
Examples are given from the clinic and my personal life.
Practical tips will help you create such open spaces in your relationships.

www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael

You're a good person. You try not to judge people by their race, religion, sexual orientation, or other criteria.
But oftentimes trying to avoid judgment also means avoiding distinction. Distinction is crucial for your ability to understand and be empathetic to the other.
Avoiding distinction actually hurts your intimate relationships and lowers your ability to be empathetic to others.
In this talk I explain why morphing judgment and distinction hurts your relationship and how you can change that. Examples are given from the clinic and my personal life.
Practical tips are given how to reclaim distinction and labels in a respectful, generative way in your relationship.

www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael

Many of us have a core belief that "your pain=my fault or responsibility". Over time this creates another core beilef that "my partner's wishes are my obligation."
Soon after, both partners avoid sharing their wishes and start egg-shelling around their partner.
This dynamic leads to a loss of play, potential state and a "playground" for you to hear yourself process out loud your dreams and fantasies.
In this talk, I explain how this dynamic develops and how to change it, through examples from the clinic and my personal life.
Practical examples will help you release yourself feeling commanded by your partner's wishes.

www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael

Your brain is built to protect you from pain and danger, which is wonderful.
But personal and relational growth demand you let new information "in".
Since "there is no comfort in the growth zone", you must learn how to open your mind and let new information in.
In this talk, I describe how to fire the brain from being the body guard so you can discover new blindspots and grow.
Examples are given from the clinic and my personal life.
Pratical tips will help you fire your body-guard and grow.

www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael

The time has come to finally dedicate an episode to the concept of OWNURSH!T© (Yes, the term is copyrighted).
If you really want to change your life, you must begin with owning up to all the unwanted, denied or dissociated parts of yourself (your shadow or sh!t).
Ownursh!t© is the complete ownership of your shadow parts to yourself and your partner. In this episode I describe why the act of Ownursh!t© is crucial for individual and relational change, through examples from the clinic and my personal life.
Practical tips will help you ownursh!t more.

www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael

Do you have a dynamic in your relationship where one partner always forgets (for different reasons) and the other always remembers and has to remind their partner what happened? If so, this dynamic prevents the couple from becoming more intimate and equal.
In this episode I share why some partners cleave to the "forgetting" business card and the price both partner pay in this rigid, dichotomous dynamic.
This is shown through examples from the clinic with real couples.
Practical tips will help you soften this forgetting/remembering split in your intimate relationship.

www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael

What is love?
This is my current definition of love:

"Love it the positive freedom to bring my different self-states, within the creative limitations of an intimated, committed, long-term relationship."

In this talk, I explain this definition of love and how it can help you create relationships where you are free to be yourself, while growing and being open to your partner.
Examples are given from the couple therapy clinic and from my personal life. Practical tips will help you shape your relationship to be full of positive freedom.

www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael

We all have some relationship to our feelings. We might be dissociated from them, fear them, be controlled by them and more. Yet feelings are what make us human and if we can learn to not act on them but rather to surrender to them, we'll be able to feel fully alive.

In this talk I explain how surrendering to your feelings can help enrich your life.
Examples are given from the couple therapy clinic and my personal life.
Practical tips will aid you in better connecting to your feelings.

www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael

We all want to be free to be ourselves in the world and in our relationships. Yet without blocking our exists, we will ultimately repeat the same behaviors and facades (relational business cards) that we usually use. This "negative" freedom actually prevents us from maturing and expanding our relational repertoire. In this talk, I explain the concepts of positive and negative freedoms and why blocking our exists can help us grow. 
Examples are given from the clinic and my personal life. 
Practical tips will help you consciously block your own exists within your relationships.

www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael

In these isolated, lockdown times, it becomes really hard for us to hear and fulfil our partner's wants from us.
One listner asked us what can she do if her partner refuses to cooperate with her want?
In this episode Galit Romanelli and I share the theory of The Wanting Spiral, through an example from our marriage.
This model helps you distinguish between your external behaviroal want of your partner to your deeper internal need. The model will also help your partner hear this need in a more open way.
Practical tips are given on how to use this model.

If you have any requests for specific content that will help you, please email us at
[email protected] and we'll create new content.

Link to the original Spiral of Wanting episode can be found here.

www.potentialstate.com
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-other-side-relationships
http://podcast.potentialstate.com/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXwdZhwQFgUcRQgZoI_L2Uw
https://www.facebook.com/ThePotentialState
https://twitter.com/assael