No basis for a system of government, maybe, but it’s a perfectly good reason for an Elf to wax poetic about the good old days (or the bad ones… but it’s not the Dwarves’ fault). After Legolas tells the story of Nimrodel and Amroth, the Fellowship continue through the Golden Wood until they are halted by mysterious voices from above. We get word-nerdy on the language of the Silvan Elves, contemplate Wizard staffs (staves?), and run off after Thorin’s dad in This Week in Tolkien History. Plus, Amazon series predictions that will be hilarious in a few years.

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The Fellowship mourns Gandalf quickly before moving on to put as much distance as possible between themselves and Moria. Gimli makes a quick stop at a legendary Dwarvish tourist attraction, but Aragorn leaves the car running, hoping to make it to Lothlórien before dark (he’s got rewards points, and all the rooms are Orc-free). Legolas suddenly remembers that, oh yeah, Frodo almost died… so Aragorn pulls over to tend to the wounded, and to deliver an alarming joke about Hobbit-poaching which must draw at least four slightly terrified stares.

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Pull up a seat near the log-fire as we welcome a few guest listeners to our tenth quarterly unscripted Q&A episode! It’s a small gathering in the common-room tonight, and we take our time answering some deep and nuanced questions about Tolkien’s legendarium. Let’s get metaphysical as we speculate about the Ainur, the limits of their power, and their lasting impression on the physical world. We geek out on Old English (no surprise there) and eucatastrophe (ditto), and more... including a brave attempt to answer a one-word question.  

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Happy Tolkien Reading Day! On March 25 every year — the date of the fall of Barad-dûr — Tolkien lovers worldwide celebrate by reading the Professor’s works. A theme is chosen by The Tolkien Society every year, and for 2020 the theme is: Nature v. Industry. Join Alan and Shawn for more reading and less talking than usual as we read some of the best-known passages on the topic, and hopefully a few curve balls too. All that, plus a Barliman’s Bag question that may not be appropriate for young Entings (par-Ental discretion advised).

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On a very special episode of the Prancing Pony Podcast, we come to the most divisive question in Tolkien fandom: are Balrogs left-handed? No, wait, it’s the other one about Balrog physiology, and we finally, definitively* answer it here. The answer we land on may surprise you... but only if you’ve never listened to us before. But first, there’s a chapter to finish! Join us for a free-for-all of fear, foes, and fellowship for Frodo and his friends, before a fiery face-off with a (flightless) First Age fiend and the fatal fall of a fan favorite, and his final “Fly, you fools!” * Not definitively.

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Gandalf discovers a damaged book documenting the Dwarves’ doomed attempt to retake Moria. They read with growing horror about the fates of Balin, Ori, and others; but at least they now know where they are and how to get out. Before they can leave, though, a killer drum solo begins in the depths far below, and soon they are attacked by Orcs, bigger Orcs, and even (say it with us) a cave-troll. Also: bad-luck names for library buildings, Tolkien’s commitment to realistic illustrations, and adventuring undergarments that offer more than just comfort.

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Following an insensitive remark about the “darksome” halls of Khazad-dûm by Samwise at bedtime, Gimli delivers an impassioned defense of his people’s lifestyle choices — in verse — and Gandalf gives a history lesson about Moria and mithril. Safe in his (really valuable) mail-shirt, Frodo takes the first watch… and starts to believe he may not be the only one doing the watching. We revisit the ill will of Caradhras, spoil Gimli’s family reunion plans, and terrify our vegetarian listeners (and Alan) with way too much talk of meat extract.

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Frodo feels a sense of growing dread — and hears faint footsteps behind them — as the Fellowship marches across the long dark of Moria, navigating the twists and turns with only Gandalf’s memory as their guide. But when they reach a fork in the road that the wizard can’t remember, what then? Maybe throwing a rock down this well will help. A passing reference to Middle-earth’s most notorious cat lady gets us chasing our tails in a screeching good sidebar, but before any of that, an interview with the acclaimed Tolkien artist Jenny Dolfen.

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The Fellowship has found the Hollin Gate! But before they can enter Moria, they need to figure out the password. Merry stumbles upon a clue quickly, but no one notices, and Gandalf proceeds to shout spells at the door while something in the water waits for a chance to get handsy (tentaclesy?) with Frodo. Impulse control, Lovecraftian horrors, and an unusually high number of Monty Python references lie within (recorded prior to the passing of the great Terry Jones). Plus, word-nerdery about the worst password a Tolkien fan can use, friend.

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After the warg attack the weather changes again, becoming sunny and clear. That’s terrible news, of course, since now the Fellowship is visible to any unfriendly eyes that may be watching. They must get under the mountains quickly, but first they have to find the Elven Door into Moria; and someone still needs to tell Sam that he can’t take his little pony underground. We examine the implications of separate doors for guests, talk about Tolkien’s flexibility with moon phases, and call a lifeline for a question about Dwarvish word-nerdery that is beyond our skill to nerd.

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