Cirion uses his Phone-a-Friend lifeline and, fortunately, Eorl picks up; Alan uses his Phone-a-friend lifeline and… Matt picks up. Join us as Cirion sees that the end of Gondor is “closer than you think and you’re standing on the brink” in our third of six episodes on Cirion & Eorl. The Northmen contribute blood to Gondor, Borondir becomes a legend, and Galadriel runs interference for the good guys. We long to hear the unwritten songs, admire how Tolkien’s heroes do the right thing because it’s the right thing, and think that Ruckus in Rhovanion would be a great name for a fight. Also, hobbit strike zones and the new paladin ability: smell evil.

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Ondoher learns that battlefield intelligence is crucial to survival; Alan and Matt learn that bad dad jokes are crucial to this podcast. Join us as King Ondoher closes his eyes, only for a moment, and the moment’s gone, in our second of six episodes on Cirion & Eorl. The Gondorian army remains in column formation too long, the vanguard of the Wainriders does their job almost too well, and an unexpected guest shows up to the battle. We do more word-nerdery, hope nothing happens to Faramir (oops), and offer to beta test Total War: Middle-earth. Also, we mock Eärnur again.

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The story of Cirion and Eorl begins with an introduction to the Northmen; the story of Alan and Matt begins with Matt having to pronounce hard words. Join us as the Northmen have nothing to lose ‘cause it’s already lost, as we begin our six-episode sidebar on Cirion and Eorl and the Friendship of Gondor and Rohan — can we just call it Cirion & Eorl? Narmacil II loses badly, the Northmen form the Éothéod, and the Great Plague sets everyone back a century. We learn that about Tolkien’s trench fever, talk about the importance of rearguard actions, and explain the Undeeps. Also, Alan admits he’s pedantic. 

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Gondor and Rohan honestly believed in Saruman, while Alan and Matt aren’t sure what to believe anymore. Join The Man of the West and The Nerd of the Rings as we look at all the Kings of Rohan, and Matt gives Alan his new nickname. Saruman’s gets the keys to his new place, Aldor the Old is what it says on the tin, and no one has anything good to say about Fengel. We start with a review of the new film, The Lord of the Rings: The War of the Rohirrim, wish we could pronounce Old English, and wonder if kings should choose more peaceful hobbies. Also, we talk about Tolkien and AI (no AI used in the generation of this blurb).

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Felaróf pays Eorl back by surrendering his freedom, while Matt pays Alan back with poetic body shaming. Join The Man of the West and The Nerd of the Rings as we meet the first King of the Mark, and flashback to his naming of Felaróf, in our first of two episodes on Appendix A II - The House of Eorl. Fram kills Scatha, but earns the enmity of the Dwarves; Helm proves he’s the original One-Punch Man; and Wulf’s time as King of the Mark is short-lived. We discover a creepy poem about Scatha, make future predictions from the past, and come up with a disturbing origin story for Santa Claus. 

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Join The Man of the West and The Nerd of the Rings as we answer listener questions once again in our 29th Questions After Nightfall! From Nazgûl backstories to chess in Middle-earth, from fantastic Middle-earth insults to the meaning of ‘crownless’, our listeners once again challenge us with unexpected questions. Alan helps Matt with some music history, while Matt admits we’re clueless.

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The Stewardship of Gondor became hereditary as a kingship; should the PPP co-hosts follow suit? Join The Man of the West and The Obscure Lord of the Rings Facts Guy on his last episode this season as the Stewards of Gondor harden their hearts against the return of a king, any king. Cirion looks for an answer, and decides to phone a friend; the Stewards keep Gondor the same, only the names will change; and Thorongil has good advice for Ecthelion. Alan finds another excuse to read Quenya, while Don looks for his copy of Parmesan Eggplant #17, and we realize we don’t use “bereft” enough. Also, Mount Doom has a funny start button. 

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The Wainriders strike Gondor, leaving them without a king for a time, while Don’s old jokes leave Alan to cry a thousand rivers. Join The Man of the West and the Obscure Lord of the Rings Facts Guy as the arrival of the Wainriders triggers a series of Unfortunate Events. Eärnil saves the day for Gondor, but not for Arthedain, Malbeth has some important words, and Glorfindel could afford to be more specific. We observe that if you knock Gondor down then it gets up again, note a little passive-aggressive “per my last email” tone from the Council of Gondor, and make our own Rings of Power prophecy. Also, is Don even old enough to go to a pub?

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The waning of Gondor had already begun in Atanatar’s day; let’s hope Don brings better luck for the PPP. Join us as Gondor reaches the summit of its power in the first of two episodes on the Gondor and the Heirs of Anárion in Appendix A. Lazy kings and racist Gondorians lead to a civil war, Eldacar is shot through the heart and Castamir’s to blame, and the greatest evil is yet to come. We talk about poetry, war crimes, and all things Goth(ic). Also, we wonder what drives a king to marry a nefarious, solitary and loveless cat-lady.

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Arvedui offers the Lossoth jewels they don’t want; Alan and Don offer bad puns you don’t want. Join us as evil comes to Arnor as we continue our time in Appendix A, this time on Arnor and the Heirs of Isildur. Rhudaur goes bad, the Barrow-downs get new residents, and Arvedui finds he’s not even halfway there. We speculate on the reason for Arnor’s breakup, challenge listeners to draw a map with a crayon while blindfolded, and brook no dissent about our praise for Círdan. Also, Don gets Rhudaur in the podcast split.

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