The Problem With Perfect

In part two of our series, we continue our conversation with mental health expert Lauren Eisleben. In this installment, we shift our focus from defining church and trauma to the nitty gritty of what church hurts look like, why they occur so frequently, and how we can be part of the solution instead of the problem. 

Want to learn how to make space for believers who are questioning their faith without letting our discomfort make them feel awkward and ashamed? Want to understand why hurts that occur in our own church feel so personal and threaten our comfort? Want to know how to allow someone else's feelings to be more important than your own? 

Join us for all this and more.

Meet Lauren:
Lauren Eisleben has a B.S. in Mass Communication/Print Journalism and an M.Ed. in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. She worked in the marketing/advertising industry prior to starting her counseling journey in 2017. She also taught at the School of Journalism at the University of Missouri for 8 years. Lauren and her husband have three daughters and live in Columbia, MO.

Here are the highlights:
 (3:00) Ever get a gut feeling like this one and don't know what to do with it?

(8:20) Multiple emotions can live at the same time and the same place. Here's how!

(11:00) Given Lauren's counseling experience, this is the ultimate church hurt.

(14:30) How does our own comfort unconsciously become the goal of uncomfortable faith conversations.

(22:00) Listen here to understand how the best-intended Christians hurt others who are struggling in their faith.

(24:00) The purity culture and prosperity gospel have left a mark on many church goers - and here's how.

(32:30) Have you ever been told that bad things in your life are caused by your sin? If so, listen here to understand how damaging this paradigm can be.

(36:00) Deconstruction is a popular buzz word, but what does it really mean? And is there a more practical approach to understanding the dissonance we experience.

Resources:
Sacred Wounds: A Path to Heal, by Teresa B. Pasquale

 

Church is supposed to be a safe place where we can be transformed by the love of people and our God.

But for some people, nothing is further from the truth. 

Betrayal, abandonment, and shaming are all real experiences for many who hoped and believed better from a community of believers. Even worse, these disappointments combined with religious rules, have left many people further from God than where they started.

These traumas aren’t new, but the psychological impact they cause is just beginning to get the attention it deserves. In this episode, we begin the important conversation around this topic with mental health expert Lauren Eisleben.  A Christian, life-long churchgoer, and counselor who deals with religious traumas, Lauren's insights are both Biblical and practical for all those who have been hurt or know someone else who has been hurt by the church.

Meet Lauren:
Lauren Eisleben has a B.S. in Mass Communication/Print Journalism and an M.Ed. in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. She worked in the marketing/advertising industry prior to starting her counseling journey in 2017. She also taught at the School of Journalism at the University of Missouri for 8 years. Lauren and her husband have three daughters and live in Columbia, MO.

Here are the highlights:

(2:00)  Why even dive into this messy conversation?

(6:15) What is the point of this episode and why we think it could be helpful for believers and unbelievers alike.

(14:00) Is it possible to love church and still understand how churches can be responsible for others' pain so that we can grow more secure in our faith?

(20:00) What happens when people start asking tough questions about our beliefs?

(25:00) How do we define "church"?

(28:00)  How do you respond when people share their questions with you?

(32:15) Trauma is an emotional response to a terrible event. But what is religious trauma? 

(37:00) When our emotions overwhelm our logic, this happens.

How do we define masculinity?  In this episode, we will do a deep dive into what it means to be  "manly," why it's stereotypically harder for men to open up and be vulnerable with other men, and how to leave toxic masculinity in the dust.

The Cliff notes
(07:04) How do you define trauma? 

(07:56) The difference between small t trauma and big t trauma 

(11:00) How trauma impacts your day-to-day life. 

(15:55) How do you define masculinity? 

(32:22) How men can have deeper conversations with other men 

(35:09) Masculinity and porn 

(39:20) Can masculinity be on a spectrum? 

(42:52) How can women help men be more vulnerable 

All About Eli 

Eli is a Social Work therapist (LCSW )who has worked in a psych hospital, intense outpatient clinic and currently works in a group and private practice in queens. 

He created ELIvation and became a therapist to fill a need and create a modern outlook on mental health to create a more digestible and relatable view on mental health to help those in struggling times and add some extra inspiration and motivation into everyday life.

Eli has been featured on Kelly Clarkson show, IVF Warrior, Fruitful, Breaking Taboo and on multiple podcasts ranging from parenting, relationships, mental health, and infertility. 

His main goal is to help people on their journey to add support, care, empathy, expertise, and insight.

He runs events, seminars, and individual coaching on topics from mental health awareness, public speaking coaching, relationship coaching, and confidence-boosting.

Follow Eli on Instagram at @eliweinstein_lcsw and @thedudetherapist 

How do you love the parts of your body that you hate? Or at least learn to not speak negatively about them. We all have a problem with perfection when it comes to our bodies. In this episode, we are giving you four ideas to ditch the negative self-talk and start learning to love yourself a little more. 

Dive in deeper to the body image conversation on Body Image with Registered Dietitian Caroline 

https://apple.co/35Oqw7H

4 Ways to Love Your Body 

1. Challenge your belief that a certain body size is better
2. Find an exercise routine that you really love
3. Follow healthy fitness influencers on Instagram whose bodies challenge your beauty standards. 
4. Learn to be grateful for your body… apart from how it looks

When it comes to society's  definition of "Daddy Issues," daddies and daughters both get a bad rap. In reality, dads aren't always all to blame for their daughter's relational insecurities. And daughters aren't the only one with attachment issues that arise as a result of their caregivers being emotionally unavailable. 

In this episode, join us for a conversation that defines Daddy Issues in a meaningful way -providing hope and help for all of us who struggle with attachment issues.  This might include you, even if you don't know it.

Show Notes:
Discussion based on the article, Yes, Daddy Issues are Real - Here's How to Deal
 https://www.healthline.com/health/what-are-daddy-issues

4:00 Daddy issues are real, but here's what they really are and why we all have one.

7:30 Do you find yourself always wanting to please people? This attachment style might offer some explanation for why.

13:15 Listen here for Robin's explanation of her Daddy Issues that led her to search for love.

16:00 Ever wonder if you can overcome that feeling of being unworthy of love?


For more information on attachment styles, read this:
https://www.verywellmind.com/attachment-styles-2795344

To take a quick test to learn more about your attachment style, go to:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/tests/relationships/relationship-attachment-style-test

Body Image... if we're honest, it's something we all struggle with. If you've ever thought to yourself,

"I wish my stomach was flatter" 
"If only I could lose 10 pounds"
"This new diet is what I need to finally get to the weight I want to be" 
"I ate bad this weekend so I need to be good this week and go to the gym a lot" 

You might have some body image issues or at least a complicated relationship with your body. 

The perfect body is not attainable,  and no matter how much we perfect ourselves to death, constant dieting and restricting ourselves will leave us feeling like we are not enough. 

In this episode, Registred Dietitian Caroline Shermer helps us learn practical tips for a more positive body image and teaches us how to think about our relationship with food in a more healthy way. 

HIT THE HIGHLIGHTS

(03:47) Why dieting behaviors are actually considered disordered eating behaviors 

(04:36) Why Caroline became passionate about the diet culture industry. 

(05:59) The most common struggles with eating disorders and chronic dieting 

(07:41) Why going on a diet will actually make you gain weight 

(09:30) How to eat healthily and also not go on a diet 

(11:03) Is BMI or weight an actual good indicator of health? 

(14:02) where did we get the notion that a smaller body is a better body? 

(16:32) Are body image issues the same across all generations? 

(17:26) What is a food and exercise autobiography? 

(19:30) How our mom’s patterns impact our eating habits and body image. 

(23:00) How to test if your healthy habits are actually unhealthy. 

(24:50) What moms can do to help their daughters have a better body image. 

(28:54) What to say to someone who has unhealthy eating habits or body image issues. 

(35:00) If you have an eating disorder or disordered eating habits, try this method to help cultivate a better relationship with food and your body. 

(38:40) Is body image positivity actually a good thing? 

Additional Learning 

https://christyharrison.com/book-anti-diet-intuitive-eating-christy-harrison

Connect with Caroline

Caroline Shermer is a non-diet dietitian living in Nashville TN who believes you are meant to eat. She encourages and empowers women to find food freedom and body peace. She wants women to start living and stop dieting! 

https://meanttoeat.com/

Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. The Declaration of Independence says these are three examples of unalienable rights given to each of us by our Creator. 

So, what does it mean to pursue happiness? And how do you know when you've achieved it? How do you know if and when you're happy?

It's a simple question that's not so simple to answer. Maybe that's why the internet is full of posts like these: 
Six Ways to be Happy
Seven Happiness Boosters
Eight Happy Nutrients
Nine Tips to Feel Happy
Top 80 Happiness Podcasts to Follow in 2021

In this episode, we ask ourselves this meaningful question, as well as explore how to know if you're happy and how to become happier. Join us for this personal and transparent conversation and in doing so, hopefully you'll become... happier!

Show Notes

2:00 Back together and live from the loft, Rachel talks about a new life change she's experiencing.

4:45 Ever wonder how we come up with podcast topics? Listen here for the behind the scenes WHY for this episode.

8:30 How do you define happiness? 

12:00 Are we as Christians blowing off the happy question and not taking it seriously for our own well-being and for the benefit of those around us?

15:00 Still trying to decide whether or not you're happy? Take the quiz we took and let is spur your thinking. 
https://www.oprah.com/spirit/take-the-happiness-test-quiz_1

17:00 Do you find the joy in the journey or do you play the IF, THEN happiness game?

20:00 Listen here to hear how Rachel sees the definition of happiness evolving as life unfolds.

23:00 Are you waiting for MORE and BETTER to be happy? If you made a list of what you need to be happy, would it look like ours?

28:45 Listen here for Robin's suggestion for the one activity that would make us all happier.

30:00 To learn more about the Authentic Happiness Theory, go to https://www.pursuit-of-happiness.org/history-of-happiness/martin-seligman-psychology/.

36:00 Are you being transformed by this one thing every day?

Need a good laugh? 

Join us for part two of our interview with comedian Jaron Myers - the mastermind behind the Chick-Fil-A rap that now has more than 2 million downloads. In this episode, Jaron takes us behind the scenes and explains how he pulled it off - including blowing up a car.

Special Guest: Jaron Myers
Jaron is a Missouri boy who became an internet phenomenon with his Chick-Fil-A rap video.  Now with two successful Amazon Prime comedy specials, Jaron is living his dream - using comedy to connect people to the deeper meanings of life. The host of his own podcast, Things I Learned Last Night, Jaron also does comedy shows around the country. 

Haven't seen the Chick-Fil-A rap? Watch it here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zyhf2DvFhIY 

Before Jaron Myers became a viral comedic phenomenon, he says he was an anxious, miserable mess. 

Surprisingly, it wasn't success that made him into the genuinely joyful guy he is today. Instead, it was an intense moment of desperation with God that helped him replace his rule-following, box-checking religion for a deeper, more meaningful relationship with Jesus.

From high school worship leader to the star of his own Amazon Prime comedy specials, Jaron's success and life transformation didn't happen overnight. Known as the "Chick Fil A May I Help you Guy" for his novel rap that has more than 200 million downloads, Jaron combines his love for life, God and deep, meaningful connections in all he does.

In this special two-part episode, we get a behind-the-scenes look at this humble star. Not only does he love Jesus and people - he loves to use his platform to connect the two. Listen in to learn how we too can train our brains to find joy and share it with others.

Special Guest: Jaron Myers, host of Things I Learned Last Night podcast. To learn more, follow him on Instagram or to book him to speak at your next event, go to JaronMyers.com.

Show Notes:

6:00 Jaron became famous for his funny songs, which as he recounts here, started by mistake. 

9:00 Genuine laughter makes people vulnerable and allows for real connection. It might surprise you who helped Jaron learn this lesson.

12:50 How does Jaron renew his mind and share that joy with his audience?

15:45 Hear how the book Telling Yourself the Truth by Marie Chapian and William D Backus has helped Jaron get more in touch with his emotions and root himself in truth.

20:20 Laughter, as Jaron explains here, helps tear down walls and builds vulnerability. 

25:30 What makes Jaron cry laugh? Listen here

30:30 How does clean comedy come natural to Jaron?

35:00 Listen here to get the behind the scenes story for the Amazon show that almost didn't happen.

40:00 Jaron found himself a college drop out searching for meaning and how to prove his worth. Hear how that moment changed his life forever.

48:00 When you spend yourself measuring yourself, this is what happens next.

51:00 What does the research say about how many friends we have? These results will surprise you and help you understand why we have trouble being deeply connected to others.