The Problem With Perfect

One out of every three people who reads this considers themselves to be lonely on a regular basis.  That means one out of every three people you interact with today struggles with loneliness.

The reality is that even if you’re not lonely, many people around you are.  What’s more is that the subgroup who is most likely to be lonely is the one that is often seen as the most connected.

In this episode, we tackle the difference between isolation and loneliness, discuss the age group with the highest rate of loneliness and offer practical advice for making the world a kinder, less lonely place.

SHOW NOTES
Young Adults Hardest Hit by Loneliness During Pandemic
https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2021/02/young-adults-teens-loneliness-mental-health-coronavirus-covid-pandemic/

Social Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2020/05/how-to-ease-loneliness-and-feel-more-connected/

Loneliness Quiz:
https://www.oprah.com/omagazine/the-loneliness-quiz_1

https://www.oprah.com/relationships/how-to-help-a-lonely-friend_1/all

Why is it that we are so haunted by our past? We spend hours awake at night, replaying situations in our life that we wish we could take back, change or forget altogether. 

These traumatic experiences leave us feeling broken, alone, and full of shame. 

But what if you could learn proven ways to make peace with the hard parts of your past? 

In this episode, you will learn: 

• Why it's so difficult to make peace with your past 
• How your brain is wired to remember traumatic experiences 
• The difference between traumatic vs. painful experiences
• Solutions to "digest" the hard situations you've gone through, not "get over" them. 
• How to know if therapy is a good solution for you. 
• Alternatives to therapy (at zero cost!) 
• Generational traumas, should we blame our traumas on our parents? 
• How perfectionism shows up in trauma situations 
• How to talk to yourself in order to cope with traumatic, or painful circumstances...

and so. much. more! Trust us, you'll want to take notes for this one! The bottom line, there is hope for you. It is possible to live a life freed from the hauntings of your past. 

All about Our Guest: 

Britt Frank, MSW, LSCSW, SEP is a former New Yorker who now calls Kansas City home. She is a speaker, teacher, and trauma therapist who specializes in the physiology of mental health. Britt received her BA from Duke University and her master’s from the University of Kansas. She is certified in Somatic Experiencing, which is a post-graduate specialization that addresses the central nervous system’s impact on mood and wellness. Her experience includes work as a primary therapist at an Arizona-based drug and alcohol treatment center, an inpatient therapist for a children’s psychiatric hospital, and she currently has a private practice in Overland Park. She’s also an award-winning adjunct professor at the University of Kansas and will be launching her first book The Science of Stuck in Spring 2022. 

Connect with Britt at https://www.thegreenhousekc.com/
Britt's Instagram: @brittfrank

Best-selling author and leadership influencer John C. Maxwell once wrote, "Life is a matter of choices, and every choice you make makes you." If Maxwell is right, then our career decisions have massive implications for our future.

But how do we know when it's time to pursue a new job opportunity? How do we position ourselves for advancement? Negotiate a salary? Leverage our worth? How do we land our dream job or does one even exist?

In this episode, Career Consultant Maria Grasso joins us and shares her expertise, answering all these questions and more. The career mentor you've always wished you could have, Maria is yours for this empowering hour chocked full of advice that can help shape your future.

Special Guest: Maria Grasso

Maria is a Senior Career Transition Consultant with more than 25 years of leadership and organizational development experience to her role at Keystone Partners. She advises executives, managers, and individual contributors in career transition, helping clients successfully transition into new career opportunities.
 
 Maria’s background includes senior management positions with Fidelity Investments, Engility (formerly Dynamics Research Corporation), Capgemini (formerly Capgemini Ernst & Young/Gemini Consulting) and consulting engagements in the financial services, technology, healthcare, professional services, hospitality, and biopharmaceutical sectors.
 
 She is a certified Career Partners International Senior Career Transition Consultant and holds an MEd in Leadership and  Organizational Development from the University of Massachusetts Amherst.

SHOW NOTES:

4:00 Maria is a life-long New England Patriots fan but her take on the recent Super Bowl might surprise you.

11:15 Ninety percent of job offers start with this one activity. Are you doing it?

14:00 Many of us find ourselves feeling like we're in dead end jobs that will be the death of our careers. If this is you, here's how you can control the situation.

19:00 Feeling like we are "not enough" wears many disguises in the workplace and some of these will surprise you.

20:45 This is THE NUMBER ONE predictor of success in the workforce. Are you poised for success?

23:00 "Make a choice and own it." Listen here to understand what Maria means by this and how this can help you.

27:00 Are women the only ones who feel like they aren't enough in their careers?

31:20 Do you have someone in your life who is struggling with career transitions? Want to help him/her? This is where to start. It sounds easy but it is anything but.

37:30 What is giving you cause to pause? Are you more committed to allowing space for that voice or what you thought your life and career should look like?

47:00 "Our net value is directly tied to our net worth."  Listen here as Maria unpacks how our self-esteem is connected to our paychecks.

51:30 What is your personal brand and what are you worth on the open market?

59:30 What is the hidden job market and do you know how to tap into it for your benefit?

63:00 Most of us are missing the boat on this key thing when we network.

69:30 "HELP. My employer keeps asking me to do more and more. What do I do now?"


Resources:
Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In by Roger Fisher and William L. Ury

Power vs. Force, The Hidden Determinants of Human Behavior by David R. Hawkins, MD

Knowing Your Value: Women, Money, and Getting What You're Worth by Mika Brzezinski

Bittersweet. The one word that describes this episode so perfectly.

Bitter because it's a story of tragedy - a life lost too soon to suicide. Bitter because of the mess of emotions left behind to process and no way to get the answers she needed.

Sweet because Rachel's mom, Linda Schisler, is our special guest - and it's her birthday! Sweet because of Linda's heart to help others. Sweet because her message is ultimately one of hope.

Join us for this special episode as Linda tells us what tragedy has taught her,  how it has made her more resilient and how it deepened her faith.

Special Guest:
Linda Schisler is a retired reading educator and life-long follower of Jesus. It wasn't until 10 years ago when her father died, that Linda was forced to let go of the life-sucking goal of perfectionism. Her story about personal growth and deeper faith through this past decade are inspiring and full of practical help. To contact Linda directly, email her at [email protected]


Show Notes:
3:00 Robin is full of hope in this episode and here's why.

8:50 They say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. How is this true for Rachel and Linda?

11:00 Want to make your mom's day? This will definitely do it!

13:00 Listen how perfectionism impacted Linda's life for 36 years and what it cost her.

17:30 Have you had one of these life-changing, defining moments where your life has forever been changed? How are we preparing for those times of tragedy?

20:30 Time does help heal wounds like the emotional tsunami of her father's death. Here's what else Linda found helpful.

23:30 Ever pray for something good and not understand God's silence?

26:20 Do you know what to say to someone who is struggling through tragedy? Can we learn to do better and be more helpful to those around us in these situations?

29:00 In the depths of despair, what was Linda's biggest learning?

32:30 How is losing someone to death by suicide different than losing them in other ways?

38:00 What is the worst thing you fear? Here's how to reframe that fear in a productive way.

42:00 Do you have these important people in your life?


Resources:
A Long Shadowed Grief - Suicide and it’s Aftermath by Harold Ivan Smith

Trust After Trauma: A Guide to Relationships for Survivors and Those Who Love Them by Aphrodite T. Matsakis

A Time to Grieve by Kennth C. Haugk

Conscious Transformation by Joey Klein 

What to Say When People are Suffering

No one wants to grow up and self-sabotage our success and happiness. But yet for so many of us, that is exactly what happens when three simple words take root in our hearts.

I'm not enough.

No, we don't say it out loud. And we probably don't even say it under our breath. But we say it to ourselves in the way we fear the unknown, how we easily get defensive, and how we compare ourselves to others. 

In this episode, we continue confronting the tough realities of life that make us think that we aren't enough and that we have to be perfect to cover up our shortcomings. By understanding why we tell ourselves this lie, we can begin to overcome it and live in light of our true value and self-worth. 

Do you find yourself chronically feeling overwhelmed and your cup empty? What is that feeling and where did it come from? Experts call it emotional exhaustion and there is a good chance many of us are battling it right now - increasing our frustration, irritability and creating a sense of hopelessness.

Join us this episode for a deep dive into emotional exhaustion: how do we define it, identify it and overcome it. 


3:00 Wait, what was I saying? Does this happen to you?

5:45 Are you out of the capacity to execute our normal daily tasks? Here's how to know if you're struggling with emotional exhaustion.

10:40 These professions are most likely to be experiencing emotional exhaustion so let's give them some grace!

14:30 Emotional exhaustion has physical, mental and psychological manifestations. Do these sound familiar? 

22:00 Removing the stress from our life is ideal, but what do you do when that isn't an option?

26:00 Robin reveals her secret for a good night's sleep here.

29:30 Establishing these boundaries will help refuel our tanks.

33:00 It's 9 at night and your coworkers exchange emails. What do you do?

36:00 Others' happiness is your not responsibility so is it time to stop acting like it?

39:00 Here's the other BIG thing that is impacting our tendency to feel emotionally exhausted.

40:00 Here's the one question you need to be able to answer during a season of emotional exhaustion.

Resources:
That Feeling you Cant' Name? It's Emotional Exhaustion
https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/health-wellness/2021/01/12/covid-mental-health-how-cope-emotional-exhaustion-and-burnout/4134289001/

Emotional Exhaustion During Times of Unrest
https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/emotional-exhaustion-during-times-of-unrest

by Bessel van der Kolk M.D.

Sixty-three million households watched Bridgerton in the first four weeks after it was released on Netflix, making it the fifth-largest debut of any show on the service. One of the reasons the period drama is so incredibly popular is a credit to its steamy sex scenes between the absolutely sexually naive wife and her new husband.  Watching it, it's easy to feel sorry for the poor girl and even a sense of anger toward her mother. After all, there was so much pretense around finding a husband yet no mention of what to do with that husband. 

In this episode, we ask how parents today are dealing with this sensitive subject and what the surprising research on the subject says. We also explore what young girls wish their mothers were teaching them and get real about why parents find being honest with their kids about sex so difficult. 

 SHOW NOTES:

5:00 What surprised you most about Bridgerton? 

7:30 Curious about the historical period depicted in Bridgerton? Listen here for some fun facts about the series and the Regency Period in England.

13:30 Mothers in this era seem to be out of touch, but are they that different than mothers today?

16:00 Listen here about the epiphany Robin had after watching Bridgerton.

19:00 The fear of judgement is what makes this conversation so difficult. Here's what we need from listeners during this conversation.

21:30 Talking about sex is difficult, even for Robin. Here's how that has impacted her relationship with her daughter.

23:20 Do you remember having "The Talk" with your parent? Here's Rachel's story about her talk with her mom.

27:30 Parents think they are educating their children about sex, but are they? Here's what kids have to say about what their parents are and are not talking to them about.

35:00 Here's one thing that Rachel thinks moms could do to truly help their daughters.

37:00 Listen here for Robin's two reasons why talking about sex has been difficult.

42:00 How do we stop the cycle of not being transparent and feeling shame about sex?

44:00 What is the end goal of conversations about sex with your kids?

47:00 Can we talk about the messages The Church is giving about sex?

49:00 Listen here to find out what girls are wondering about their moms? 

Resources;
Article from Psychology Today referenced in the podcast: www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sex-sexuality-and-romance/202004/should-parents-talk-their-girls-about-sex

Podcast that spurred this conversation: https://www.buzzsprout.com/632383/episodes/7100524-what-i-wish-i-would-ve-known-about-getting-married-young

Brandon Adams believes you should leave people better than you found them. The son of a minister, Brandon treats the gym like his church and is determined to speak positive truth into the lives of those he encounters there. 

Yes, Brandon is physically everything you might imagine he would be with an Instagram handle @ChocolateMuscle_. He's confident, outspoken and well, very muscular.  But it was actually his slender build and dark skin that resulted in young Brandon wanting to transform himself. Now a coach at Orangetheory Fitness in Kansas City, as well as a private trainer, Brandon helps people embrace who they are as they grow in their strength and self-confidence. His enthusiasm and zest for life are undeniable and this interview will make you sad, happy and ready to live life to its fullest.

Special Guest 
Brandon Adams

If you grew up in church or have spent much time attending one, then you know the Church has a lot to say about marriage, singleness and sexual purity.  Most of us, even if we don't recognize it, have been impacted in some way or another by the well-intentioned "purity culture" that the Church often promotes. In this episode, we ask tough questions about how this culture has shaped our decisions,  and how it looks to live out a desire for spiritual purity and personal holiness.

Speaker, writer and passionate Christ-lover Kendra LeeAnne joins us to discuss how the church's expectations helped her create a picture of happiness through marriage that was unrealistic and destructive. Now a young, divorced mother of three, Kendra offers her wisdom on how this desire for marriage clouded her judgement and what she's learned about herself, her faith and God in the process. 


Special Guest: Kendra LeeAnne, speaker and writer

SHOW NOTES
10:30 Have you ever felt the pressure to get married? Where does that narrative come from?

17:45 Do you believe if you do good then you'll get good? How does this belief impact our perspectives on marriage?

21:00 Listen as Kendra discusses how the purity culture impacted her and how she found her self worth and the impacts it made in her life and marriage.

25:00 Ever feel unlovable and ashamed of your past choices? You're not alone.

27:30 Think scandals are unique to our generation? Guess again. Sex, marriage and religion have always been messy.

30:00 Why do we have a desire for sex? And do we know what a Godly marriage is supposed to look like?

35:15 What Titles define you? How do you find your identity? And how is that working out for you? 

38:30 What has marriage and divorce taught Kendra about her value and role in life?

41:30 Are we making room for singleness and our single friends? How do we help women create a vision for wholeness that doesn't include marriage?

48:00 What would we say to the woman who married young and is questioning her decision?

51:30 Can you identify what defines abuse and the different types? 

55:00 What lies do you believe that are causing incorrect assumptions in your life?


Resources:
To learn more about Kendra, her story and her resources: http://www.kendraleeanne.com/
On Instagram: @Kendraleeannespeaks

I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris

I Survived Kissing Dating Goodbye Documentary
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ybYTkkQJw_M

Choosing a word to help give your year direction and to help define your purpose has become increasingly popular. With the new year upon us, join Robin and special guest co-host, Matt May, as they discuss the value in choosing a word for the year and how to go about it. As a bonus, Matt shares his word from 2020 and how he saw God work through it as his cancer relapsed and he went through a bone marrow transplant.