The Problem With Perfect

Imagine there is a list of things to accomplish to create a perfect life. Then imagine that once you’ve checked every item off, you realize that the perfect life isn’t the life that makes you happy. What do you do next? 

Meet Kansas City attorney turned professional influencer Brea Vokolek, whose Instagram page has nearly 12,000 followers. On this episode with Brea, learn how she overcomes her perfectionist struggles to live an authentic life, all the while balancing an Instagram following her critiquing her every move. Plus, learn what Brea spends her days doing so you don’t have to! 

Guest: Brea Vokolek, blogger and influencer “of all the things I’m overanalyzing” including faith, fashion, family and fitness at overanalyzedthat on Instagram.  

Want to connect with Robin and Rachel?

Get your #TeamMatt bracelet and frequent updates about Matt by signing up at www.RobinMayMinistries.com or by sending an email to [email protected].

Find Rachel and Robin on Instagram here:
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Connect with Rachel and her life at the loft:
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Email us @[email protected] with your questions or comments about this or any episode.

Why do bad things happen to good people? If I do good, then I will get good, right? Sadly, if you live long enough you know that isn't always the case. 

So how do we make sense of our lives when bad things happen to us, even when we have done our best to be good? Listen to Robin share tips that have helped her deepen her understanding of suffering, God, and why bad things happen to good people. If you've ever found yourself wondering, how to trust God when bad things happen, this is the episode for you.

As flawed, broken people, "I'm sorry" are two of the most important words we will ever hear and speak. Without the possibility of restoring relationships, our lives would be hopeless and tragic. Yet even given the benefits of it, we often resist apologizing. We rationalize our bad behavior, minimize its impacts and convince ourselves that the other person prompted your wrong doing.

In this episode, we discuss why apologies are so important - and so difficult, especially for those of us who struggle to reconcile our imperfections. And for those of us needing help with this skill, we'll offer our best advice for what to do and not to do in mastering the art of apologizing.

SHOW NOTES
1:15 For our black friends, this is our message and commitment to you in response to the killing of George Floyd.

3:45 If you're perfect, then you can stop listening. For everyone else, this is why this episode can be beneficial to you.

5:00 Ever consider apology as a tool for God's restoration for our world? This perspective might help us be motivated to

10:00 Taking responsibility for your bad behavior is key in apologizing, but it might be easier said than done. Listen here for some examples of how effective apologies might sound.

14:10 Hear Robin's example of what not to do and how building an apology habit can strengthen our relationships.

16:00 Are you like Rachel and want to "fix" things in the moment? Or do you need time to process the apology conversation?

18:00 Do you have trouble giving others grace when you have a misunderstanding? This tip is something that can benefit us all.

20:00 An apology without this is completely empty and will probably do more harm than good.

21:45 Here's the one word to avoid if you're serious about apologizing and restoring relationship.

23:00 Not paying attention to this during any conversations, especially apologies, is disadvantaging your effectiveness.

25:30 Is ghosting an acceptable form of apology? NO! How about a text? Or an email?

28:30 Has someone wronged you deeply and owes you an apology that's never come? You're not alone, but you are worthy.

Want to connect with Robin and Rachel?

Get your #TeamMatt bracelet and frequent updates about Matt by signing up at www.RobinMayMinistries.com or by sending an email to [email protected].

Find Rachel and Robin on Instagram here:
https://instagram.com/theproblemwithperfect?igshid=9jvum57yip6l

Connect with Rachel and her life at the loft:
https://instagram.com/rachel__leigh__?igshid=1erbjftzgyje9
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Email us @[email protected] with your questions or comments about this or any episode.

Ever wonder how emotionally intelligent you are? 

Emotional intelligence is one of those things that we all instinctively know we need and want, but yet few of us can actually define it. So, what does it mean to be emotionally intelligent and perhaps more importantly, how does it look (and not look) in our day to day relationships?

In this episode, author and psychologist Nick Wignall joins us to discuss what behaviors emotionally intelligent people DON'T do. Follow along and you might just get some insight into your level of emotional intelligence, as well as tips for avoiding bad habits that are keeping you from making emotional progress.

Guest: Nick Wignall, is a licensed psychologist who specializes in treatments for anxiety and insomnia. He is also the author of Find Your Therapy: A Practical Guide to Finding Quality Therapy. His writings have been featured in media outlets including NBC News, Business Insider, and Inc. Nick is also the host of Minds and Mics podcast.

Nick did his doctoral training in clinical psychology at the University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center in Dallas and is board certified by the American Board of Professional Psychology, a Diplomate of the Academy of Cognitive Therapy, as well as a member of the Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies and the New Mexico Psychological Association. 

To learn more about Nick's work, go to www.NickWignall.com.

SHOW NOTES

6:15 So what's the big deal with emotional intelligence anyway? And why is it important for us to understand and work to develop it?

10:15 Being a critical thinker is different than being critical. Listen here to learn how this ties to the first thing Nick has found that emotionally intelligent people don't do.

15:00 It's difficult to be curious and critical at the same time and here's how to trade criticism for curiosity.

18:00 Do you find yourself being most critical of the people closest to you? You're not alone and here's why.

19:45 Planning for the future is good; worrying about it isn't. How do we know the difference and how do we keep ourselves from doing it?

23:00 If worrying is so unproductive, why do we keep doing it? What are we trying to overcome?

27:30 If worry is motivated by trying to control the future, ruminating on the past is motivated by the fear of feeling this.

31:30 Opportunity costs aren't just for economists; listen to how it impacts our emotional intelligence.

34:30 If you find yourself worrying about the future or the past, this tip is for you.

36:00 The fourth and final thing emotionally intelligent people don't do involves the people closest to them. It's an unconscious habit that is impacting the relationships around us, even if we don't realize it.

44:00 Expectations are natural but here's a better way to approach the people we love.

Want to connect with Robin and Rachel?

Get your #TeamMatt bracelet and frequent updates about Matt by signing up at www.RobinMayMinistries.com or by sending an email to [email protected].

Find Rachel and Robin on Instagram here:
https://instagram.com/theproblemwithperfect?igshid=9jvum57yip6l

Connect with Rachel and her life at the loft:
https://instagram.com/rachel__leigh__?igshid=1erbjftzgyje9
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Email us @[email protected] with your questions or comments about this or any episode.

Do you have a goal, dream, or something you want for your life but it's not coming together? Then this episode is for you. 

Millennials have now surpassed baby boomers as the largest generation in the U.S. workforce. As they continue to dominate the work place, their influence will also shape the world around us. So what do we know about millennials? What do millennials know and realize about themselves? 

In this episode, Gen X representative, Robin interviews Rachel, The Problem With Perfect's own millennial, in effort to answer these questions and more, including do millennials get a bad rap for being self-entitled and thin skinned? Or are they leading our culture into more meaningful work and relationships?

Show Notes:

3:00 Have you been praying for a bone marrow match for Matt's transplant? Hear how God is answering those prayers and more.

7:00 Ready for something different? See how this episode is turning the tables and putting Rachel on the hot seat.

9:30 What generation are you a member of and do you fit the mold?

12:00 How loyal are millennials to their employers and how does that connect to how they think about money?

15:20 What is more important to you? Financial security or doing work that feels meaningful and purposeful?

17:00 Listen here to find out one of the things that Robin loves most about Rachel's millennial mindset.

20:15 Millennials, according to Rachel, are entitled and self-consumed but listen to why she thinks that can be a good thing.

22:30 If you find yourself frustrated with millennials, here are some qualities you might be overlooking.

26:30 Ever wonder what millennials admire about the generation that raised them? Find out here.

30:30 Gen Z is even more attached to technology than millennial and this might explain why.

31:15 This is the one thing that can frequently separate generations and Rachel and Robin have learned to overcome.

35:50 Listen to hear Rachel's best words of wisdom to the generation behind her.

38:00 Want to inspire younger women?  Hear what Rachel says her generation needs from the older women in their lives.

Want to connect with Robin and Rachel?

Get your #TeamMatt bracelet and frequent updates about Matt by signing up at www.RobinMayMinistries.com or by sending an email to [email protected].

Find Rachel and Robin on Instagram here:
https://instagram.com/theproblemwithperfect?igshid=9jvum57yip6l

Connect with Rachel and her life at the loft:
https://instagram.com/rachel__leigh__?igshid=1erbjftzgyje9
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Email us @[email protected] with your questions or comments about this or any episode.

This is your check-in, how it is going with your word for the year?

When I chose my word for the year, STEP, I had no idea what God had planned over the next few months. Remember, having a word for the year helps to give you a lens by which you look at the world. For me, it helps me think about what God is doing in my life.

Amidst a worldwide pandemic, a cancer diagnosis, and a move to be closer to Matt during treatment, my life feels pretty uncertain at the moment. Even though this last month has been hard, I have found peace knowing that I am exactly where God has planned for me to be.

Maybe you are like me, and the last few months haven't gone as planned. Let this podcast be an encouragement to you that no matter what you are going through, God is with you through it all.

"A heart of a man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." (Proverbs 16:9).

If you want to go back to listen to our podcast about 3 Reasons Why You Need a Word for 2020, click here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/3-reasons-why-you-need-a-word-for-2020/id1482443584?i=1000462561437

No one can look into the future, but we can look to the past and reflect on what it has taught us - which is exactly what Rachel and Robin do in this episode. Armed with a handful of tough questions from our listeners, Rachel interviews Robin about the lessons she's learned during her 25 years of marriage.

Whether you're single and interested in marriage or you've been married for 50 years, you will find yourself in some part of this insightful, encouraging and transparent discussion about marriage. 

SHOW NOTES:
2:30 Don't miss the latest update on Matt's treatment, as well as our shout out to nurses for Nurse's week.

7:30 Here's how the content for this episode was developed and how you can have a voice for future podcast content.

10:00 Is there a perfect age or time in life to get married? Or should you just wait for THE knee-popping kiss that romcoms are made of?

12:30 Ever feel that you are not enough and that if you were you'd find the perfect partner? If so, let this encouragement replace this lie that the enemy is telling you.

14:45 Trying to develop the "perfect" plan for when to step away from your career and toward motherhood? This advice from Robin might be just the thing you need to hear.

16:15 This uncomfortably transparent conversation about sex and shame between Rachel and Robin hits a hot button and explores the reasons for difficulty in developing intimacy.

21:00 Money is a huge source of conflict for couples. Here are some tips for helping to stop those before they start.

26:00 How do you know that you know that you've found the right person and the right time to get married?

28:00 No relationship is perfect but what are the deal breakers that should make you think twice before getting married.

31:00 How God works in a relationship that started in a bar just as well as a relationship that started in a church?

To view the Ted Talk Robin refers to in this episode:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bB99HIBT9b4

Want to connect with Robin and Rachel?

Get your #TeamMatt bracelet and frequent updates about Matt by signing up at www.RobinMayMinistries.com or by sending an email to [email protected].

Find Rachel and Robin on Instagram here:
https://instagram.com/theproblemwithperfect?igshid=9jvum57yip6l

Connect with Rachel and her life at the loft:
https://instagram.com/rachel__leigh__?igshid=1erbjftzgyje9
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Email us @[email protected] with your questions or comments about this or any episode.

If you're like me, then you're wondering "what the heck do I do for Mother's Day during quarantine??" 

That's why in this episode I am breaking down the Ultimate Mother's Day Guide plus giving you a template for a card to write to your mom this Mother's Day.

ACTIVITIES GUIDE 
(1:42) Go to a dog park 
(2:20) Go through old photos together
(2:40) Make a Tik Tok 
(3:18) Activities to do in the park 
(3:49) A city-wide scavenger hunt 
(4:12) Make her breakfast or dinner 
(4:32) Spend the day phone-free


TEMPLATE FOR LETTER TO MOM
(5:53) I'm so thankful you are my mom because...
(6:10) One special memory I have of us together is...
(6:44) One of my favorite things about you is...
(7:13) You don't hear this enough, but I want you to know...
(7:30) I really look up to you for... 
(7:44) I'm so proud of you for... 
(8:19) I love you

I hope this was helpful to you! Send it to a friend or tag us in your Instagram story! 

If you are wondering how to build resilience in your life, you are not alone. Studies show that the people who emerge from seasons of distress and suffering the strongest are those who can find the good in the midst of it all. But how? How do we find hope and develop resilience in the midst of disappointment or despair?

In this episode, Rachel and Robin help answer this question by discussing an essay from author Emily Esfahani Smith, The 4 Pillars of Meaning That Will Help Us Emerge From the Pandemic Better Than Before. Based on her research from her best-selling book, The Power of Meaning: Crafting a Life That Matters, Smith explains the four tools that can help us grow and learn from traumatic situations. It's a process that is sure to help us understand ourselves and the world around us in a more meaningful way.

SHOW NOTES

Discussion based on an essay, The 4 Pillars of Meaning That Will Help Us Emerge From the Pandemic Better Than Before by Emily ESfahani Smith. Smith is also the author of The Power of Meaning: Crafting a Life That Matters. Her TED talk based on her book, There's More to Life Than Being Happy, has more than 8 million views.

3:00 Want a quick update on the search for a match for bone marrow transplant for Matt? Want to join us in wearing a #TeamMatt bracelet? You're going to love this news!

7:00 We all enjoy life's ups more than the downs, but here's why the downs are just as important as the ups.

10:00 Tragic optimism sounds like an oxymoron, but does it have the opportunity to shape our crisis experiences?

12:50 Here's the first tool that can help us develop tragic optimism. It's something we all long for and can give others.

16:30 Rachel points out that Robin is grieving this during her time away from her home.

18:30 This second pillar is one that will suffer without it, no matter what we call it or how we define it.

This tip can help you when you feel like your not living your life's purpose.

This third tool is something we love to hear about others, but struggle to share our own. Here's why this pillar helps us make sense of the world and how it connects us to God's bigger picture.

Do you have trouble embracing the difficult, shameful parts of your life's story? You're not alone.

This fourth tool or pillar is the one that connects the other three together and all of us to something bigger than ourselves.

Want to connect with Robin and Rachel?

Get your #TeamMatt bracelet and frequent updates about Matt by signing up at www.RobinMayMinistries.com or by sending an email to [email protected].

Find Rachel and Robin on Instagram here:
https://instagram.com/theproblemwithperfect?igshid=9jvum57yip6l

Connect with Rachel and her life at the loft:
https://instagram.com/rachel__leigh__?igshid=1erbjftzgyje9
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Email us @[email protected] with your questions or comments about this or any episode.