Yes — there are many people in this world you could be in a relationship with. There is no shortage of potential partners. But when you are struggling inside your relationship, when there is fear, insecurity, reactivity, shutting down, chasing, or any kind of trauma response, the idea that there's "someone better out there" doesn't empower you. It actually pulls you further away from yourself. It keeps you externally focused instead of internally connected.

For someone who is living inside anxiety, attachment wounds, people-pleasing, avoidance, perfectionism, or the pattern of running every time things get hard… the message "you deserve better, go find it" becomes another way to disconnect from yourself. It reinforces the belief that your healing lives outside of you. That someone else will come along and soothe everything you haven't yet learned how to hold within yourself.

And that is where this narrative becomes harmful.

Because it pushes people into the next relationship without ever stopping to understand:

• why they choose who they choose

• what part of them gets activated, frightened, or shut down

• what version of themselves takes over when things feel threatening

• what need in them keeps going unmet, and why

• what patterns they are replaying from their childhood or past

• what agreements or beliefs about love they are still living inside of

Without that awareness, leaving doesn't create clarity, it creates repetition.

If someone leaves without doing their inner work, they don't "find better." They find a new person to run the same patterns with.

They carry the same wound into the next connection. They carry the same fear into the next dynamic. They bring the same unspoken needs, the same unhealed parts, the same survival strategies — and eventually, those patterns show up again, no matter how different the new partner seems at first.

And because the beginning of a relationship feels exciting, hopeful, intoxicating… people mistake that dopamine rush for healing. They mistake the quiet of a new connection for safety. They mistake difference for evolution.

But when the high wears off, when the nervous system settles, the same wounds come forward. And the cycle repeats.

So when I say that "go find better" is harmful, this is what I mean: it seduces you into believing that your healing is waiting for you in someone else, instead of waiting for you in you. It distracts you from the work that actually changes your patterns. And it prevents you from looking at the version of yourself that keeps showing up in your relationships, over and over again.

You don't break the cycle by finding someone new. You break the cycle by coming home to yourself.

Learn More About Me and My Offerings at www.healwithalchemy.com

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