Today’s episode is all about Cornell’s life-shattering question: If you had the choice to be either an animal that can fly or one that can live in a body of water, which one would you pick?

Grab your parachute and your wetsuit, cuz this is the podcast journey of a lifetime.

Also on this week’s episode…

Cornell makes a haunting new theme songWe test the pressure Megan Kuhar put on us to make this podcast actually good.“We’re trying to find a fan in our selves and build a fandation.” – Cornell ReidCornell’s drinking a cool-can Lagunitas beer during the show.Don’t pick a book by its cover, but Joe picks his drinks by their cover.Joe buys “Baby Butt” wine.Our fan demo is “over sixty wine drinkers,” but not wineos.Joe keeps score of Cornell’s use of fancy words and it’s a roller coaster ride.We love Malcom Gladwell & Angela Lansbury.Cornell’s a cartoon character when he goes on walks.It’s time for one of the us to go full opera during one of our themes.Joe dreams of flying.If an octopus could make a podcast, it would be way better than ours.Cornell shares a raven story from a National Geographic he read in a doctor’s waiting room one time.Too bad Joe thinks birds are dumb.Another Cornell fun fact: dragonflies are from the dinosaur times.Cornell blames his fake AirPods for everything.The Loch Ness Monster is real, but it doesn’t matter because it lives in a lake.The guys get into it over whether eels are cool.Plankton sucks and the guys aren’t afraid to say it.Also lame – narwhals & starfish.Joe thought Seahorses were regular horse size.Cornell’s Minisode topic to look out for: Can you recreate the feeling of flight under water?Make sure to write us with your questions.

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Examined on this week’s minisode…

Megan Thee Stallion  (says the word “pizza” in this song)Cornell’s Daughter’s Birthday Party (had ice cream cake instead of pizza).Joe ate pizza yesterday. (Finally we get to pizza.) Joe’s girlfriend Jen’s reaction to this week’s episode. (Jen also ate the pizza with Joe.) [Bonus: this is the TikTok Joe mentioned.]Checking in on Cornell’s “new” website. (Surprisingly lacking in pizza.)

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This week’s show is all about TikTok because Joe’s theme will most likely lead to fame, glory, and a room at Bel Air’s most popular TikTok house. First checkout the Tik Tok Dance that inspired Joe and then watch Joe blow it out of the water with his theme song for this week: Savage 1 & Savage 2.

Also on this week’s episode…

Cornell perv-love of Rihanna’s Instagram.Joe’s custom nudy-photo Prius.Joe gets a side-cramp during his first TikTok Dance and then learns that the song he danced to is Savage by Megan Thee Stallion.We learn that Cornell got his first mustache in middle school.These are the funny TikToks Joe mentioned seeing: guy blowdrying trump’s hair and dragging target basketsCornell hates trick shot videos.TikTok deaths – should Joe get electrocuted during a Tok in order to go viral?Cornell also hates pranks unless it’s a Jackass style, “Hey you just got punched!”Cornell talks about a TikTok house and gives a shoutout to Stockton, California.They compare Joe to Addison Rae (Cornell is NOT a fan) and now Joe should be known as an American Dancer.New video idea: doing a TikTok dance while performing brain surgery.Joe discusses what his viral dance video with Addison would be like.How would Cornell go viral on TikTok?Checkout Cornell’s friend Bill Kottkamp.Cornell found Doja Cat on TikTok.Does Megan Thee Stallion take Joe on the road when she tours again?Joe & Cornell discuss their uncles who send email forwards, then come up with their plan for an email forward business.In the end, the guys abandon TikTok for their email forward scam business.Finally, BIG NEWS: Cornell has a website!

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Why did Joe go see JACKASS 3D in theaters by himself? And what would Cornell do if he auditioned to be one of the JACKASS boyz? (Hint: he’d prob write the word “YAY!” next to someone’s name.)

Also on this minisode…

Megan’s new podcast name – Creative Brand SessionsDid the fan ever send a package? Cornell didn’t listen to the episode & we haven’t written our artist statement. Joe did listen and realized he didn’t remember anything Megan said, but it seemed like really good advice. Cornell went camping as the only adult.

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After 11 weeks of barely understanding what they’re doing, Joe & Cornell call in the big gun: Megan Kuhar, a branding strategy coach and Assistant Professor of Music Technology at Baldwin Wallace University Conservatory of Music. Megan’s biggest question for the guys is WHY?! It’s a question they don’t have an answer to, but just asking it sends Cornell into an existential spiral.

Megan Kuhar also hosts The Fan Finder Podcast (now called Creative Brand Sessions).

Learn more about Megan on her website: megan-kuhar.com

And make sure to buy Megan’s E-book THE FAN FINDER MINDSET with our show’s special Coupon Code: FINDAFAN.

Also on this week’s episode…

Megan helps us find other ways to find fans.Megan helps us figure out what the point of our podcast is.We tell Megan about our first 2 fan reactions.Megan clarifies that we’re not too ugly to have fans.Megan calls us the Seinfeld of podcasts – her words not ours!Megan tries to help us figure out what the show is, but then Cornell tries to get her on board with his new definition for gaslighting.Turns out Joe and Cornell’s big problem is that they don’t have a foundation (but maybe an even bigger problem is that Cornell thinks boats do have foundations).Cornell tries to abandon the podcast and join Megan’s.Cornell and Joe need to write a paragraph to send to Megan about what our show is about.Megan loves the theme and thinks we should release more.It all comes down to one thing: Cornell is looking for a foundation in life!The guys decide what Megan is really saying is that they need to be on multiple platforms.Conclusion: unlike the episode where Cornell brought notes and almost ruined the podcast, Megan’s notes actually helped us.

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Joe & Cornell are honored to be joined by Cornell’s childhood friend, Major Andy. He provides a lot of insight into how Military Rankings work, but first they get to the bottom of Cornell’s epic “writing YAY! on the program at Andy’s graduation” prank.

The questions for Major Andy on this week’s episode are:

What is an attaché? How do military rankings work? (We check our rankings from this week.)What’s it like knowing that we’re the number one podcast in Poland? Do you know the difference between knitting & crocheting? Cornell discusses the episode of Lighting the Void he listened to.

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This week’s episode is a lot about rankings. Where do Joe and Cornell rank amongst all humans on the planet? Where does knitting rank against crocheting? And they take a guess at the order of military rankings.

Also on this week’s episode…

The guys debate whether they shouldcall the show HERE WE ARE. They tease a potential guest coming up who knows about marketing. Joe gives Cornell permission to deal with his family matters on the podcast since they don’t listen to the show. They talk about “airing your dirty laundry” again, but this time they figure it out!Maybe the show should be called “2 Idiots Figure Out What Words Mean”. Jen (Joe’s Girlfriend) update: she likes this show … kinda, mostly Cornell’s part in it. They relive Joe’s burp from The Passover Episode and discuss whether they should do webinars every week. If you’re into doing *unique* sex stuff while listening to this show, that’s A-OK!Joe & Cornell try to guess the order of military rankings in an attempt to talk about our almost-fan: Cornell’s friend from growing up. Cornell tells the story of his great West Point prank: writing “YAY!” next to his friend’s name in the program. They get their first fan question and it’s from Poland: Do Cornell and Joe wear masks that are knitted or crocheted? That debate resurfaces. Joe’s mom makes a surprise drop in on the podcast. Cornell tackles the tying cherry stems into a knot sexual stereotype. Joe & Cornell discusses where they rank of all people on the planet. Joe & Cornell’s final guess at military rankings:PrivateMajor Lieutenant CaptainGeneralLieutenant GeneralBrigadier General

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The hilarious Bridger Winegar stops by for an analysis of Joe’s recollection of a Crazy Town poster from Bridger’s past. They also force Bridger to compare Cornell’s opening theme for the minisodes to the incredible song Aimee Mann made for Bridger’s podcast I SAID NO GIFTS.

Also on this minisode…

Who did Cornell actually FaceTime watch a movie with?Our college years were the worst era of music. Joe’s girlfriend’s text about Cornell’s Disney comments.Joe’s sister’s phone call about sympathizing for Jen. Cornell’s role-playing question for Joe about Felicity.

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Joe and Cornell start this week’s Find A Fan by talking about The Beatles, but things quickly shift from the greatest band of all time to the greatest debate of all time: boxers vs. briefs. Their answers will SHOCK YOU! 

Also on this week’s episode…

The guys discuss which Beatle they are and the movie “Yesterday”. The guys get to the bottom of the boxer-brief debate.Cornell thinks Joe wears puffy, billowy undies. Cornell thinks men should wear yoga pants. He also thinks that boxer-briefs are the Limp Bizkit of undergarments. Joe reminds Cornell about memory from college and discovers that there was an arcade at their school were Cornell spent most of his time on bust-a-move. Joe tells the story of Cornell’s best friend from college’s love of Limp Bizkit. Joe tells the story of Bridger & Crazy Town.Cornell saw Crazy Town in concert. Joe takes us down memory lane to when Joe brought the one cool guy to a Toad The Wet Sprocket concert.Joe tells the story of trying to exercise in boxers and shorts with built-in underwear. Cornell is more of a compression shorts guy. Cornell apologizes for all of the weiner & ball talk.Cornell takes major issue with people shortening Disneyland/World as Disney. Joe feels then same way about celebrity names. How does Marie Calendars fit into this? The guys decide to open a restaurant called Calendars. Please let us know what our pun-ny menu items should be. Joe tells the devastating story of how he lost the only fan he might’ve ever had. Joe shares some marketing advice from Gabe The Bass Player with Cornell and they realize it may impossible for them to get new fans. Joe updates everyone on the prospect of his “Felicity” Podcast. Cornell updates everyone on his rogue-roofer saga. Cornell proposes a potential ice cream party and admits that he is into Rocky Road ice cream now, but this is really just a segue for him to take down the expression HAVE YOUR CAKE & EAT IT TOO. 

Look out for this week’s minisode on Friday at 7a. 

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Cornell’s last minute “review” of the podcast. Has Cornell’s Mom listened? Shoe-hornFlow vs. StreamsJen is fired up with a possible mistake on the show. (Joe Rogan Spotify)

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