The Question Guys

For this week’s episode, Joe takes Cornell through the Find A Fan Podcast website’s Google Search Console results. WARNING: They’re X-rated!

Also on this week’s episode…

Cornell goes on the website Omegle and allows a man to do unspeakable things to himself while watching Cornell sing the theme song.It’s official, someone has sexually provided for themself while looking at Cornell’s face.Joe accidentally makes a pun and the guys dissect the good and bad of pun life.The guys now offer joie de vive counseling.Cornell dissects the word “Psych” vs. “Sike”.Turns out the guys might be linguists. Cornell has a fascination with words. It’s Seinfeld, then Cornell.Cornell is on hard drugs for this episode (he’s drinking a Red Bull). Cornell tells the story of his weird roof repair. Joe asks if his mom trimming his eyebrow hairs is weird.Family & Friend Listener Update: Joe’s dad still listens … kind of. Cornell’s mom says she’s gonna listen. Joe offers an update on Felicity and Clarissa Explains It All. Joe stands up for Felicity and the fans of the podcast. Let us know if you like Joe & Cornell arguing over Felicity. Leave us a rave review of the podcast please (like Cornell did)!

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Note to our fans: You should be drinking water all the time – stay hydrated!

This week’s topics:

How many whole pizzas have you eaten since we recorded this episode? Update on mom & dad’s Walk at Home by Leslie Sansone YouTube Workouts. We have NOT posted our promised Social Media Poll about whether “Cornell is closer to looking like Steve Buscemi’s face or Jack Nicholson’s current body?” (ONLINE POLL!) Will come out today here. Have we had any more cranky days since recording the podcast? Cornell follows up on if he would want to be raised by an owl.

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Things get heated this week when Joe finds out Cornell doesn’t know who Keri Russell is (and has never heard of the show “Felicity”!). Instead Cornell assumes Joe’s talking about “Clarissa Explains It All” – a show that taught Cornell about the birds and the bees … the same way Melissa Joan Hart taught Joe about female sexuality.

Also on this week’s episode…

Joe & Cornell tackle the issue of PHAT Rhymes and the origins of P-H-A-T. Joe & Cornell have no limits when it comes to cake and pizza. Cornell reminds Joe of their young love of the show EVEN STEVENS. Cornell discusses Instagram Live workout guy Ryan Heffington.Joe reveals that he recorded this week theme to this Walk at Home by Leslie Sansone YouTube Workout. Cornell’s cranky day turns out to be – April 14th which was everyone’s cranky day. This is not a parenting podcast, but Cornell gives some high-caliber parenting tips. Joe wonders what it would feel like to want to take your shirt off in front of people. Cornell describes his dream woman. ATTENTION: Motherly Figures … he’s really looking for a mom-ager like Kris Jenner. Cornell asks the most important question of his life: Who would a woman be more attracted to? A guy with a beautiful body and an uggo face? Or a guy with a beautiful face who’s a big tubbo, lard face?Your choice: Buscemi’s face on The Rock’s Body? Or Orlando Bloom’s face on current Jack Nicholson’s Body? Email us! Is Cornell closest to looking like Steve Buscemi’s face or Jack Nicholson’s current body? (Look out for our social media poll this week.)Joe tells the story of when a cashier said Joe reminded him of Louis CK. Cornell finally cleans up all the drama around why his cats are now outdoor cats. Finally, after spending all night dreaming about Cornell, Joe woke up with a hard-hitting question about owls.

*Honestly, this episode is mostly about the grotesque amount of pizza Joe & Cornell can and do eat.

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This week’s topics:

Joe’s dad listening to the podcast … Listening to podcasts at 1.5x speed… Jen’s WIZARD OF OZ Correction: There is a good witch (Glinda the Good Witch) Onion Correction: Visalia is in the Central Valley, though there are Vidalia onions, but that’s located in Georgia. Do babies listen to the podcast? And how should they reach out?

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It’s the FIND A FAN episode we’ve all been waiting for: The Passover Episode. Not only do Joe and Cornell take you through Joe’s family’s celebration of freedom, they play the theme recorded at the evening’s festivities. As if that wasn’t enough, they deep-dive into the Miss America Pageant and onions.

FROM THE SEDER:

Cornell ruined Joe’s dad’s seder Jeoparody.Checkout Cornell’s drawing here.Cornell was a lactating woman who brought the seder back to life. (The podcast needs a lactator.)Joe lies to everyone at the Seder about how big of a hit the podcast is.Seder Audio Highlights Include:The burp.The battle of Tiger King Jokes.  

FROM THE MISS AMERICA PAGEANT

Cornell thinks fitting a whole onion in your mouth is a talent. Joe & Cornell try to figure out their talents – most likely juggling onions.There will be no standup or improv at the pageant.There’s really a lot of talk about onions.

Also on this episode…

They sing “Row, Row, Row Your Boat,” which Joe thinks it’s a game.When faced with the witches from “The Wizard of Oz,” Cornell is going Bad Witch every time.Cornell takes us through his daily free writing.We learn about how David Bowie pretended to read cool-looking books on the Underground in order to look cool.They discuss people conceiving children while listening to the podcast and naming their children Jornell.Cornell suggests they are like Neil deGrasse Tyson, but then decide it’s safer to be Malcom Gladwell. Joe gives a huge endorsement for the Gladwell’s audiobook Talking to Strangers.Joe is only talking to his family and friends through the podcast in order to get more listeners, but no one in Cornell’s life is listening to the podcast.They give guidelines on how to use this podcast at Guantanamo.In trying to grow their listenership, the guys explore reaching out to the The Fan Finder podcast. 

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Welcome to the first ever Find A Fan Podcast Minisode! That’s right, we’re replacing our weekly Friday release of the week’s theme (if you want to rock out to our songs for your work out, email us for the album) and replacing it with a minisode.

Here’s what a minisode is: Joe & Cornell pick 5 topics they want to discuss from the week’s episode, but have only 2 minutes per topic. (See, not every episode is “too long!” – Joe’s dad’s review of the podcast.)

This week’s topics are:

What is a minisode? Pavlov’s DogGaslighting ChurrosCorrection: Knitting and Crocheting

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This week’s episode opens up with a BANG when Cornell takes the show’s theme to new heights by channelling his internal (and external) Sublime.

Also on this week’s episode…

Cornell admits he listens to all his music on YouTube – weird!Cornell takes Pavlov’s Dog to task and decides he’s gotta better experiment for him called “Cornell’s dog” (or maybe ‘Cornell’s dawg’?).Joe & Cornell  ask listeners to write in to let them know how a person measures a dog’s salivation.  They discuss fan (family) reactions:Cornell’s sis thinks the show is “cute”.Joe’s girlfriend is not a fan.  This Week’s Call To Action – Please send us pictures of what you’re doing while listening to the show. Joe tries to describe what a “fan’s” knitting (that is actually a crocheting) looks like.Cornell saves Joe from a sneeze with Hippopotamus (x3).CHURROS DECONSTRUCTED – The guys take on the controversial topic of churros. (Even Marc Maron is too afraid to go there.)Disney vs. CostcoPOLITICS ALERT – Uh oh … the guys think Obama is cool!Joe wants Cornell to take him to Disneyland and wonders if maybe Joe & Cornell should record an episode from there? (Get ready to listen to Joe eat churros!)They reflect on how the last episode almost ruined Joe’s life but didn’t phase Cornell at all. People will know of it as the episode where “they went there”.Joe reminds Cornell about their college obsession with Rubik’s cubes and has Cornell take listeners through how-to-solve.They get a surprise wrong number call from someone looking for the Lighting The Void Podcast.If you want to call us on the show, just try every phone number till you get us.Cornell preaches about how the word gaslighting should mean something else (… just wait until Cornell explains what the word should actually mean).Reach out and let us know what you think of Cornell’s definition.Cornell gets his leather jacket on and it activates his rock n roll side.They discuss their upcoming Passover Seder and Cornell suggests that Joe’s dad might be dissing their podcast for being too long as retaliation for many people’s claims that his annual seder is too long.

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Hey Hollywood execs working on PITCH PERFECT 4, Joe tackles this week’s theme a cappella. And the reviews are in:

“Joe sounds like a Robert Goulet-type with a Disaronno on the rocks.” – Cornell Reid

After binging the first four episodes of FIND A FAN, Cornell shows up with notes for the first time and it pretty much destroys the podcast. There’s a chance Joe may never recover.    

Here are other things we learn this week: 

Joe and Cornell both got A’s in speech class in college. The full name of the podcast is actually: Find a Fan To Make Us Better People Sure, they love the show, but they have some notes and those notes are killing them inside. Joe can’t stop saying, “To be honest,” and Cornell can’t stop saying, “Right.” Cornell compares himself to the best garbage person in the world. Joe accuses Cornell of trying to suck up to him about his theme song in order to win him back. QUESTION: Have Joe & Cornell let their fans down by opening up in this episode about their insecurities? They’re gonna use Chinese Lanterns to burn Cornell’s notes and fans can submit any negative thoughts they want burned.  Cornell feels safe with Joe and that’s why he feels comfortable sharing these thoughts with him. They encourage fans to start a “saliva count.” This is the first episode after having released an episode into the world and REVIEWS ARE IN:Joe’s mom LOVES it. Joe’s dad …. has listened to it. Joe & Cornell are open to officiating weddings as episodes of the podcast. Joe announces he’s back on the sauce – drinking half-caff. Joe gives a big update Eliza Dushku. 

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Cornell showed up to this week’s recording empty handed. So, yeah, the episode was cancelled since Cornell ruined it. PSYCH! Cornell is a pro (well, not pro enough to have remembered to record a theme) and pros make the show go on no matter what.

So he performed the theme live and, despite claims to the contrary, it was different every time, so this week’s theme is actually three different attempts at the killer track.

Well done, @Corneezy.