Great encouragement as I read about Andrew Murray's wife writing about His lifetime thorn in the flesh, his physical weakness

I'm so encouraged by reflecting on how many of the Lord's choice servants all had some terrible weakness in their body they struggled with

A time of terrible darkness comes like a spiritual "panic attack" after realizing how many "men of God" have come to so many different conclusions on important subjects in the Bible...it left me confused and frustrated

After crying out to the Lord about this, His answer to me is "Finish the Work"

Another terrible moment of doubt comes and the Lord shows me all the faith promises I need to remember

Lessons from when God pruned Andrew Murray

Capturing another moment when I'm doing something difficult and the Lord shows me He is proud of me

I sense a seriousness coming more and more into my life and letting go of sarcasm with my friends

My mother opens another door to a big temptation with the opposite sex after I had just professed my faith boldly to wait for Laura earlier that morning

The Lord gives me more wonderful insights about my weakness, suffering and temptations

Realizing I have had a deep fear about being seen as weak and a strong desire to be seen as strong, for fear of how it will affect my testimony for the Lord if I'm seen as weak

I make a message for a Charismatic friend of mine's wife, where I discern something is wrong in her heart with God during prayer for her, but the Spirit stops me from sending it

I haven't felt "faithish" in many months and I think the Lord is doing a deeper work in me to walk even more by faith without feelings

God uses several numbers again pointing to promises that really encourage me when I needed it, in order to keep going

The Lord has gone out of His way today to make it known to me that He loves me and He is proud of me, knowing I needed the encouragement

I have now memorized all 31 categories of the teaching of Jesus Christ...I'm amazed and encouraged at my progress

I'm again really missing my children

Realizing my habit of going to the Lord daily in my weakness to receive the grace I need for the day, each day

Revelation on "Fighting the good fight of faith"

My mother steps into hypocrisy right after our Bible study and even though it really frustrates me, the Lord prevents me from confronting her and teaches me a lesson about patience with others

More insights about the need to walk according to the Spirit and not just by picking a Bible verse

Several wonderful revelations about "self promotion" in my ministry

Discerning the false Catholic church not by arguing historical "facts" but by simply observing all of its rotten fruit in accordance with Jesus' teaching in Mat 12:33-35

People in America have truly heard "too much truth" such that they are now immune to it

The man who is living in the dark, does not favor much the man who wants to drag him into the light

Another bad dream and night time paralysis episode after testifying to a young woman about spiritual warfare

Another terrible dream this time about my children who are not excited to see me at all when I show up and meet them at the beach

Waiting for Laura three years later to the day

Deconstructing an intense episode of Temptation

Find myself weeping and grieving and feeling so fearful for sinners in the face of God's coming judgment

More temptation comes for me to introduce myself to that attractive neighbor when I see her outside

Having told the Lord I can remain single for the rest of my life it becomes clear that Father thinks it would be better for me to be married

Realizing that even good learning (like what I've been doing about America's "Christian" history) can cause you to lose your peace and the presence of God while doing it

The Lord stops me from moving forward on a clever Gospel tract I had created

A moment of sexual temptation is allowed to test me and I pass with God's help

God shows me literal signs of the cross on my walks and moves on my heart the importance of preaching the cross as part of the Gospel and my teaching

Whereas once I had such confidence to preach God's word, I now feel I have no confidence whatsoever after God has opened my eyes more and more to my own weakness

A scary illustration that I pose could play out at the Judgment Seat of Christ where Jesus asks you to prove you were his follower by asking this question

Father continues to teach me to obey and to do so right away rather than following my own stubborn inclinations in my heart

Still waking up every morning feeling darkness and weak in my faith

I sense God is teaching me to learn to have strong faith without feeling any of it and getting me to a place where even if nothing good happens in my circumstances I still have hope for heaven

Finally after about two weeks of darkness, light has come again into my heart

Telling the Lord that more than I want anything, I want humility and realizing what a miracle it is that I even desire that

Several deep insights about pride and humility

Living like a true Christian is the hardest journey on the planet

Learning to minister only in accordance with God's will and not simply doing "good works" for God has been one of the most difficult lessons to learn

Reflecting on how much failure I've had in my ministry in the last few weeks...everything I have touched is failing

I have run out of "me" as I realize I cannot help anyone without depending on God in prayer

Seeing progress where I allowed someone else to take credit for something I said without mentioning it

Realizing Jesus teaching of "taking the lowest" place applies to so many areas of life, not just a banquet

The longest passage of Scripture I've memorized so far

More sinus health issues flair up preventing me from being able to work

I've been waking up each morning feel dark and weary in the face of such long waiting

The amazing experience of capturing how many times God has shown me a number which points to a Scripture promise that I so badly needed to hear. I could not have made it this far without His help like this

In the face of a very strong desire to have a church family, I find a local church the Lord tells me again STAY FOCUSED on the work and keep memorizing the Scriptures

The pain of having to stay focused on something that I am so absolutely weak in

I find that I am really struggling in my faith again...feeling down

Two sisters I have been trying to disciple are not listening and they become huge distractions to me and I reason Biblically to leave them alone and move on

Having to really persevere to the promises God has for me

The shocking news of finding out the man I offered to move into my house eventually turned away from the faith because He was looking at a New Covenant God through the Old Covenant lens

Wondering how many Christians miss out on God's best for their life because they give up and don't persevere

Shocking revelations the Lord was giving me about America

Insights on how to better respond to conflict I have had with a Christian sister at Starbucks about her being unequally yoked in her relationship

The 3 types of believers and the only type God can use by Zac Poonen

My prayer that Father will help me to be more like Jesus such that I only do that which I see Him doing

Questioning the Lord why am I still in debt even though I'm obeying him so much and even though His word commands that we not remain in debt

I ask the Lord if I'm supposed to move back into doing videos and he shows me a 919 sign in the middle of the night

Realizing more and more just how FEW people are truly willing to follow Christ because it is so COSTLY to carry a cross

Several current examples of people struggling in suffering or being deceived because they do not trust God

Judging myself and my walk with God based on the fruit

The highest work a Christian can do is the exact thing Father asks them to do, not some greater looking work on their own

I can see the good purpose now of God allowing me to accidentally delete my Story video from YouTube as He continues to hold me back in order to refine me

A scary warning to my parents about the Lord showing me something bad is going to happen to America and we need to be individually prepared for it

My spirit is becoming more and more sensitive and I find myself feeling very worldly even after watching America's Got Talent

I wake up at 4 am with insights about our responsibility to purify ourselves which contradicts the lie that "Jesus did it all"

Shattered Magazine essentially "White washes" my very first magazine article and I decided I am not willing to write for the magazine any longer

The Lord confirms for me with another Zac Poonen teaching about Jeremiah the prophet, that I am on the right path and He is proud of me for not compromising

An idea to re-write some Scriptures according to what people "read" in them vs. what they actually say

Incredible encounter with a homeless man who had once won an emmy award for his work in LA with the TV show Access Hollywood

An amazing financial provision comes in right after I borrowed $100 from my mother to help the homeless man get his car out of impound

More good news from the homeless man as he checks himself into a full detox program

The patience and contentment in my heart just continues to grow in all areas, my ministry, Laura, my children

I told the Lord for the first time that I'm so content that I no longer need Laura because He has made me so content

Thoughts on giving away my book for free after being influenced by Zac Poonen's position on the matter

After prayer I hear a couple of Charismatics talking about running their ministries like a business and it makes me absolutely sick in my spirit

After listening to a Zac Poonen message an avalanche of doubt comes to me about seeing the numbers as part of God's guidance

A sister in Christ who works at Starbucks gets offended when I speak to her about being unequally yoked with her fiance

Insights from Zac Poonen about God helping you to choose your mate

I told the Lord that I can now just live the rest of my life single, but the Lord continues to encourage me to believe for her

A powerful prayer of "Give her to me Father in accordance with your promise" so you will be glorified

I break out laughing reading a book by Zac as I see the four tests of Job from Satan are identical to the tests I have faced

The lie that the deeper and higher Christian life is only for a few "special" Christians

More agony and crying out to God as I continue to try to memorize the teachings of Jesus Christ

I feel like God is trying to show in heaven what he can do with an idiot since He is not letting me out of this

The idea comes to me to create a private online Christian fellowship area and God shuts me down immediately

As of June 24th, 2015 I had only 98 subscribers on YouTube...(92,000 as of July 18, 2020)

A very weird and very disappointing encounter with the youth pastor from Church of the Highlands one of the fastest growing non-denominational churches in the country

My response to all the videos going around on YouTube saying the world is going to end, or the rapture is going to happen on September 23rd 2015

God confirms to me that I've heard correctly and shows me the 522 again after prayer

The stages of a promise by A.W. Tozer

The moment I realized it has been years since I've even had the money to go to dinner and how I've been content for so long in my poverty

Commentary: Streams Devotional "Shall I not drink the cup the Father has given me?"