The Rum Runnas Podcast

On this week’s episode Jarred and Kyle discuss the weirdest and most interesting news articles from all over the internet, covering everything from: An AR man with multiple bankruptcies (One of which he's still in) is trying to be the state treasurer because no one should understand being bad with money than the guy in charge of all your money, Brazilian Pop Star is hospitalized after holding her farts in for too long around her boyfriend leading her to have a fart attack now she's all about letting it rip...for health reasons, Floridaman crashes his car into an 11ft long gator and now both are dead they don't know how they each died so as it stands until we know that gator both ate and didn't eat that man with his final breath, OH man is robbed for $80 but that isn't the tragedy of the story the real tragedy is that he pinky promised the robber he wouldn't call the police and immediately called the police...UNFORGIVEABLE (no reports if fingers were crossed), and finally Houston man accidentally shoots himself in the balls at a hotel the article doesn't clarify anything other than a law made it Ok to have a gun in a TX hotel.

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Featured Stories / Sources:

Bankruptcies = Good Treasurer / Arkansas Democrat Gazette:

https://www.arkansasonline.com/news/2022/mar/27/state-treasurer-candidate-says-bankruptcies-make/?fbclid=IwAR02Jp0AXH2GN85l-hRPSbQntX2uc1d6hbuxK8wci_aas0aps86BIvqIdDk

She Had a Fart Attack / Yahoo News:

https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/fart-attack-brazilian-singer-hospitalized-145739750.html?utm_source

Schrödinger's Gator / Wink News:

https://www.winknews.com/2022/03/26/man-dies-after-crashing-his-car-into-11-foot-gator/?fbclid=IwAR3GmLfYu4OrnemstTJ2hD1wCgoYVV3A2cjUMYngU75sGXrjspqhACC-_FU

Pinky Promise No Police / WKBN (CBS):

https://www.wkbn.com/news/local-news/robber-in-warren-asked-victim-to-pinky-promise-not-to-report-it/?fbclid=IwAR0sliB-w3rsLA7ubMAHhfYv38_wLrrBTA-PW3Gqc3TTi2Wjk0vzaNBBW2w

Shot in the Balls / MSN news:

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/crime/man-at-houston-s-st-regis-hotel-accidentally-shoots-himself-in-testicles/ar-AAVwTOE?ocid=msedgntp&cvid=a444d51b066f45a8b9bb320df213bf70&utm_source&fbclid=IwAR1IU5BgptyClBC7hb_S7Pz30Ls5xWUm9aXgCQf2y5VVuf9KEw7Xnl15_3g

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On this week’s episode Jarred and Kyle discuss the weirdest and most interesting news articles from all over the internet, covering everything from: An OH woman gets shorted on her chicken order and calls the police (The real question is why can restaurants steal from you but you cant steal from them?), British man is mocked by people and media outlets for putting vegetable oil in his car with absolutely no information gathered on whether his car could accept it or not (#BritishNewsisBullies), NC man drops off his dog at a shelter because he thinks it's gay (Let your dog love who it wants!), TX Man assaults his girlfriend threatens her with a gun and a knife douses her in bleach cuts her hair and then forces her to come to a job interview (luckily it was at a jail so he didn't have far to go), and a woman catches a regular cold falls into a coma and forgets 20 years (easiest way to no longer have to be birthday gifts...I'm sorry I forgot all about your birthdays).

We Read The Click Bait So You Don't Have To!

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Featured Stories / Sources:

911 I Want My Chicken / Wavy:

https://www.wavy.com/news/national/i-want-my-chicken-woman-calls-911-about-incorrect-kfc-order/

Oil is Oil / Manchester Evening News:

https://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/uk-news/tesco-customer-filmed-filling-car-23413953?fbclid=IwAR1oRRPTxBeeMcu6pxVT1JUd-WiEKGjdNL5D1CRZ9ei5P6hfQ1eqG8Qp2Rg

No Gay Dogs Allowed / WCCB:

https://www.wccbcharlotte.com/2022/03/17/dog-dumped-at-local-shelter-because-owners-say-hes-gay/?fbclid=IwAR0eIq_jD3SpB6AVBGtfzOmilBxiz_xHkj_1nIxMmG1PclGdHtkikvSRnbk

Kidnapper Takes Victim to Interview at Jail / ABC:

https://kvia.com/top-stories/2022/03/17/police-say-el-paso-man-assaulted-woman-forced-her-to-join-him-at-job-interview-at-jail/?fbclid=IwAR01gCJipgPE_hLUFxrYgotfqwsWM1-ZzmosCuoKuYWoI5PScJQaOFlZHNY

Gets Sick Forgets 20 Years / Oddee:

https://www.oddee.com/woman-forgets-20-years-of-memories-after-catching-a-cold-62074/

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On this week’s episode Jarred and Kyle discuss the weirdest and most interesting news articles from all over the internet, covering everything from: A melon strikes a passing car in either a malicious act or the first ever produce smiting, Legally blind 71yr old MI man tries to steal a helicopter (vaguely) makes weird threats to a hospital wants to steal an ambulance and COVID patients decides to get snacks instead is then taken down by way too many cops, IN teacher of the year retires but not before chasing down and smacking a student so hard his head bounces off a wall, Thai wife is furious her husband chose fun over cooking so she shoots him in the penis with a harpoon and twists it she's not in jail and he's not going home quite yet, and Floridaman's high is what he expected so he calls the cops to test the meth he just got!

We Read The Click Bait So You Don't Have To!

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Featured Stories / Sources:

Beware of Falling Melons / TNP:

https://tnp.straitstimes.com/news/singapore/watermelon-falls-sky-jurong-damages-car-shocks-driver?utm_source&fbclid=IwAR1cpDEU1D8_mCdEKfqe06aa_n9do5m0CN4_AEpwp4W1hWP045evPvvMKJg

Blind Old Man Tries to Steal a Chopper / mLive:

https://www.mlive.com/news/saginaw-bay-city/2022/03/michigan-man-pleads-to-trying-to-steal-helicopter-to-free-covid-patients-from-hospitals.html?utm_source&fbclid=IwAR0WoAr5_s-3JPxdSBD47c1eSouKfLxDc3eQdnju9CJydmzh6u5QFy20o9k

Teacher Smacks a Student / Local12:

https://local12.com/news/nation-world/teacher-of-the-year-winner-arrested-after-seen-on-camera-hitting-a-student-felony-assault-charges-arrest-police-jimtown-high-school-elkhart-county-indiana-education-school-law-cincinnati-ohio?fbclid=IwAR0kFPcOGKuIUCJuXbWs42ragDiE2r_ZlsRNwSIu6cRZgh3eP74vVYDJt4I

No Food Means Harpoon to the Penis / MalayMail:

https://www.malaymail.com/news/life/2022/03/07/thai-wife-shoots-husbands-penis-with-fishing-harpoon-because-he-didnt-cook/2045878

Floridaman "Hey Cops, Test My Meth" / Fox News:

https://www.fox13news.com/news/florida-man-calls-911-to-have-meth-tested-for-authenticity-deputies-say

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On this week’s episode Jarred and Kyle discuss the weirdest and most interesting news articles from all over the internet, covering everything from: A man mislabels a few packages and asks too many questions and ends up in jail for shipping turtles and snakes over the Florida Georgia Line, Woman quits bartending job to dispense another drink...her breastmilk, Florida couple pretends to sell dogs for drug money (Pretend dog real crime), The TX Railroad Commission (which has nothing to do with Railroads) is racked with corruption nudity and death as well as a bunch of people with awesome porn names, and Fashion Designer orders a hand and multiple placentas and now University employees are going to jail for organ trafficking.

We Read The Click Bait So You Don't Have To!

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Featured Stories / Sources:

Box Turtle Smuggling / Fox News:

https://www.fox5atlanta.com/news/florida-man-gets-prison-for-illegally-shipping-turtles-and-snakes-from-georgia?fbclid=IwAR3lCPdBwjReqmXzn8sw7Rfg92Hu73d7gHqRJVmaTW9m8bxT-Nub18De0Cs

Breastmilk Bartender / Fox News:

https://www.mystateline.com/news/weird/woman-quits-job-to-breastfeed-boyfriend-full-time/?fbclid=IwAR0FPJvB0vui5uKZCEWCEhddEkS6jNf4AXIp3HeFdTLGJL4a3l9dMdEjWAQ

Pretending to Sell Dogs / NBC:

https://nbc-2.com/news/crime/2022/02/25/two-arrested-for-pretending-to-sell-dogs-for-drug-money/amp/

Corruption, Nudity and Death on the Railroad Commission / KBTX: 

https://www.kbtx.com/2022/02/22/death-nudity-alleged-corruption-republican-primary-texas-railroad-commission-heats-up/?fbclid=IwAR04ZDL6045WTx8gkUTpIl15ofC2jagEmeuca5kBUUTNXjduhkr9nw8hyGs

What the Cruella?! / Newsweek:

 https://www.newsweek.com/human-organs-harvested-trafficked-fashion-designer-say-police-1681906?amp=1&fbclid=IwAR2b0hYE9qNZ7skvoUadtP0zkXGyFl9vowD6whQ3OSuyUgT67y4Pgqhf7jA

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On this week’s episode Jarred and Kyle discuss the weirdest and most interesting news articles from all over the internet, covering everything from: TN man arrested for hitting wife with bread...then a board should of stopped at the bread, Finnish Olympian loses race because his penis froze...again, Dalry man refuses to unclench butt cheeks for a cocaine check arrested for possession, Boston man stabs another man for refusing to flush (courtesy flushes are serious in Boston), and Police search for a man that emptied multiple BAGS OF BLOOD on multiple streets corners!

We Read The Click Bait So You Don't Have To!

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Featured Stories / Sources:

Food Fight / ABC (WFTV):

https://www.wftv.com/news/trending/tennessee-man-accused-hitting-wife-with-loaf-bread-during-dispute/BNU672RUUNG4ZARQ7KDYQWJQ4Y/?fbclid=IwAR0g-N7R4a5CXnHNj65oIQ0VN1pXF3Cqh4WbEPkym9GiIZzTG3MmWgMJ4Vc

Frozen Penis / New York Post:

https://nypost.com/2022/02/20/finland-skier-remi-lindholm-suffers-frozen-penis-in-olympics-mass-start-race/?fbclid=IwAR2_DDwl1w5Q1Ufp067nvQe9PvFGuPsH2o9Uxeu_sXIhSVzSjyVTy4yzMd4

Unclench Your Cheeks / Androssan & Saltcoats Herald:

https://www.ardrossanherald.com/news/19941345.cocaine-search-dalry-man-refused-unclench-buttocks-police/?utm_source&fbclid=IwAR1pd9tmH60t9e61sPjsQ9iX2TNLBuDtAccKwPnjF-ADkpUs0httAqR7cx8

Stabbed over Poop / Boston Herald:

https://www.bostonherald.com/2022/02/21/stabbing-at-mbtas-back-bay-station-man-stabs-victim-because-he-refused-to-flush-a-toilet/?utm_source&fbclid=IwAR36FEKke9_EWSGXp9SpPJrH-fhzb1A_q5kNtmIc0Y_U2WrmQSteR9uCm74

Bags of Blood / BBC News:

https://bbc.in/3seQJZ6?fbclid=IwAR3h4vADw4cQJpzDLxXN6NnVHNfuHKqNTtAxw1wpbICesHC9ilYXd9KlZKE

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On this week’s episode Jarred and Kyle discuss the weirdest and most interesting news articles from all over the internet, covering everything from: A drunk woman in Orlando International Airport leads airport security on a low speed motorized luggage chase through the terminal, A NYC train full of poop is bound for AL in an apparently infamous poop train incident, An AL gas station attendant defends his wife from a thief with the only weapon he had nearby,,, yep you guessed it a tomahawk, AZ priest has been getting literally 1 word wrong during baptism ceremonies voiding not only the baptism but all subsequent Sacraments leaving thousands of babies souls forfeit, and Floridaman gets utterly hammered on his lunch break and decides to go back to his job as a school bus driver and try to drop off 40 kids.

We Read The Click Bait So You Don't Have To!

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Featured Stories / Sources:

Low Speed Pursuit / Click Orlando:

https://www.clickorlando.com/news/local/2022/02/15/full-video-drunken-woman-on-motorized-suitcase-leads-police-chase-through-orlando-airport-officials-say/?fbclid=IwAR3WXXcnruzBAvHK12AndicwDhAuKePLSmJBuifOS0I7lMGLusZZFx-OC8o

The Poop Train Cometh / AL News:

https://www.al.com/news/2022/02/new-york-poop-train-may-be-back-in-alabama-state-orders-temporary-halt.html

Told You I'd Use The Tomahawk / CBS (WKRG):

https://www.wkrg.com/mobile-county/citgo-clerk-defends-wife-with-tomahawk-during-attempted-theft/?fbclid=IwAR1lEl214P-RJPMRhaw-lWSxhiEcFr6q0jVLbTScOG3BAzsfc-E0gO3RAdw

Your soul is forfeit / NPR:

https://www.npr.org/2022/02/15/1080829813/priest-resigns-baptisms?fbclid=IwAR0_6Cx3hERuk0UVxyMwHQM9A30IrmCPsLG46ABR1EqzIxZ_O4ydlj1k7jc

Floridaman / ABC (WPBF):

https://www.wpbf.com/article/florida-school-bus-driver-arrested-kids-alcohol/39045423?utm_source&fbclid=IwAR0Z81lvakzwkAk7R_YSlTSvGd5CARrt_dPubSGt8i5RRveNSwNgOUODlaE

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On this week’s episode Jarred and Kyle discuss the weirdest and most interesting news articles from all over the internet, covering everything from: A Las Vegas man with a grenade up his butt (but not really) threatening to blow up a casino and apparently charged with the threat of lying (honestly we couldn't figure it out), IA man pranks his friend with mayo gets punched and loses it smashing his brothers car and killing his friend, car crash in KY leaves 2 men pointing the finger claiming the other kidnapped them, armed NM man apologizes for breaking a window but not eating their shrimp drinking their beer or using their bath in an armed apology, and Floridawoman may or may not have stabbed neighbors in leaf blowing dispute.

We Read The Click Bait So You Don't Have To!

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Featured Stories / Sources:

Butt Grenade / CBS (KLAS):

https://www.8newsnow.com/news/local-news/man-threatens-to-explode-las-vegas-casino-with-grenade-in-his-backside/?fbclid=IwAR1T9K6vNlTA3fDx3n3nGGx2liq8n1V8ZOkNKFLZiokfJt7FnUMa5hSkGdw

It's Just a Prank / NBC (AP):

https://who13.com/news/fight-over-mayo-ends-in-life-sentence-for-iowa-man/?utm_source&fbclid=IwAR1TpbMHNjueCHlTkQ3B1pyluVtuuIWxO0i8noVwRFuTBvT-nQhdw0k7U-A

Who kidnapped who / NBC (LEX 18):

https://www.lex18.com/news/police-driver-passenger-both-claim-they-were-kidnapped-when-car-flips-outside-nicholasville-wendys?utm_source&fbclid=IwAR32T27gpMplwuoekVqe3Pfl6RYCybeO_HTWnm8SXnhiVoeQ-kqhuVMgvv4

Armed Apology / Yahoo News:

https://www.yahoo.com/news/intruder-armed-ar-15-rifle-171313658.html?utm_source

Floridawoman / Click Orlando:

https://www.clickorlando.com/news/local/2022/02/07/leaf-blowing-feud-ends-with-2-stabbed-florida-woman-arrested/?utm_source&fbclid=IwAR28x8YnwsAYzgBu1S0r9YhxkhbacjRhddXT050kNy8XhozrLjI_-PEiw54

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On this week’s episode Jarred and Kyle discuss the weirdest and most interesting news articles from all over the internet, covering everything from: A LV man claims the ghost of Dale Earnhardt made him drive into incoming traffic to bring NASCAR back to LV will it work we don't know but he's in jail, Columbia seizes 20,000 liquid cocaine filled coconuts...you put the coke in the coconuts and then you go to jail, 67 year old man thinks he's got a hernia he's just ignored for 10 years doctors operate and find his other testicle and about 3/4 of a female reproductive system no word on if he had periods. Man severs his own penis with scissors after smoking "2 Bongs" in this allegedly definitely hit piece story, and a bunch of rappers from Joey Bada$$ to Kevin Gates believe nutting is detrimental to their health as they lose life force...partners are probably also lost.

We Read The Click Bait So You Don't Have To!

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Featured Stories / Sources:

Dale made me do it / WCAX:

https://www.wcax.com/2022/02/02/crash-suspect-says-dale-earnhardts-ghost-told-him-drive-wrong-way/?fbclid=IwAR2eAl8__tvlQKpEgOcpQsav6ESq5I20wsN3lQi84fvkS1G3AHNE_8San7M

Cocaine-Coconuts / Yahoo News:

https://news.yahoo.com/colombia-intercepts-20-000-coconuts-182114377.html?fr=sychp_catchall&guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cDovL20uZmFjZWJvb2suY29t&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAAIyXD8ncT7kSam1oagd0yGXcbA7XLYFQsFYahtalUKzPAKXs9zlt7GXGv-5TLUaIFInKMaWYqKBw5RG1DO-m3zPxtgtcDOnXSe2qt9P5-nlBKDwUW5ULlnUpQex_dlTPxxHwYbW64g8L5CwONPn9Azd96nqi4Lm4pLt9uNbGxSyn

He's Goat a Leg Vagina / Times Now News:

https://www.timesnownews.com/the-buzz/article/man-goes-to-hospital-with-hernia-but-doctors-find-female-genitalia-in-bulge/853331

Weed Made Him Cut Off His Penis / Metro News:

https://metro.co.uk/2022/01/30/man-chopped-off-own-penis-with-scissors-after-using-cannabis-16015798/

Stay Young, Stay Strong, Don't Nut / XXL:

https://www.xxlmag.com/joey-badass-does-not-ejaculate-sex-preserve-lifeforce/?fbclid=IwAR3OAvxsTcg-rnQpJnr5YsdHBgh02Wksg03YGz2nUAe4jXQIrhrdkR12IxI

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On this week’s episode Jarred and Kyle discuss the weirdest and most interesting news articles from all over the internet, covering everything from: Italian government tries to have Noble Peace Prize Winner speak but gets a dose of Final Fantasy Porn, Midland school's principle (That doesn't seem very inclusive) promises there isn't litter boxes for students but can we be sure they didn't move them, Meijer grocery employee solves workplace disagreement by splashing a jar of poo and pee on their pants the punishment is very vague, TX woman finds out the hard way that you can't buy kids at Walmart, Drunk Priest in India tries to decapitate a goat ends up slitting a man's throat (We don't know how he screwed that up).

We Read The Click Bait So You Don't Have To!

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Featured Stories / Sources:

FFVII Porn During Government Meeting / IGN:

https://sea.ign.com/final-fantasy-vii-remake/180941/news/italian-government-meeting-interrupted-by-final-fantasy-vii-porn?fbclid=IwAR2hI8sC2SJKDcJhtXeyJNgMVMozyezeRsFVtbZgJXv0zrh5cxnnXqoU5Fg

Kids aren’t Using the Litter Boxes / Midland Daily News:

https://www.ourmidland.com/news/article/No-there-was-never-a-litterbox-in-a-Midland-16794724.php?fbclid=IwAR1QzUcg0x31gZGpWSAagCbKlMGq4zbLTGV2VDClK7R-ov_69NSMPE1jumI

Jar of Pee and Poo / ABC Up North Live:

https://upnorthlive.com/news/local/police-meijer-employee-splashes-another-employee-with-jar-full-of-feces-urine?fbclid=IwAR1WU2CMdiKfat1iTqK735muCog3Ciiy34FF4athiHgCb9HmHU21gMrjLOc

You Can't Buy Kids At Walmart / KSAT:

https://www.ksat.com/news/local/2022/01/22/texas-woman-arrested-for-allegedly-trying-to-purchase-child-at-walmart-checkout-deputies-say/?fbclid=IwAR16FJSdcTC_zpHQmkfaxonVsLvs1_UrpOaom513M5MVVZw8D83-4mVCZeU

Goat Sacrifice Goes Wrong / MSN (Microsoft News):

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/animal-sacrifice-sees-drunk-priest-allegedly-behead-man-instead-of-goat/ar-AASTPHj?li=BBnb7Kz&fbclid=IwAR3y9wMDg-UCGsJxv9aleSQLvO1NIBLHmQvTWrIe4qkHaWuXZmqJ7Ocs8Lg

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On this week’s episode Jarred and Kyle discuss the weirdest and most interesting news articles from all over the internet, covering everything from: Omaha woman scolds her cat whom immediately decides enough is enough and throws down woman calls 911 to save her, Being Vegan might be horrific as studies begin to prove that plants can feel pain and make sounds when they are injured or dying (So plants are sentient and vegans are barely better than cannibals, it's science), London ex ballet dancer strips down grabs some sex toys and knives and erotically dances in park the judge is not pleased, Portland Pickled mascot took over the teams social media and like so many men before him made the terrible decision to snap an unsolicited dick pic (or pickle pic...are mascot dicks even NSFW), Unidentified American man (Probably a Floridaman who are we kidding) has problems getting it up so his wife fills his entire urinary tract up with spray foam insulation (WARNING GUYS: This one is painful to listen to...But if you got to see pics click the link below)!

We Read The Click Bait So You Don't Have To!

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Featured Stories / Sources

Kitty Felon / Omaha World Herald:

https://omaha.com/news/local/cat-enraged-after-scolding-attacks-omaha-woman/article_13a69348-73c2-11ec-b280-2bf64ca9a445.html?fbclid=IwAR1IwOwJPqg58hdJPvoNn9ZY6pTckoEuo-KmVPAhoC0K7uCJiW87YxBzEf4

When Plants Cry / Green Living Tribe:

https://greenlivingtribe.com/vegans-upset-by-new-research-that-plants-are-conscious-and-scream-when-dying/?fbclid=IwAR1R5NfeCC6cvBLW_Xz-jJ5dysj5t3XLGd_H9NcY_jB3SlZLZ_1SNr7u3sI

Nude Public Ballet / My London:

https://www.mylondon.news/news/west-london-news/royal-ballet-star-strapped-sex-22688079

Look at his Pickle / SBNation:

https://www.sbnation.com/2022/1/13/22881310/portland-pickles-mascot-twitter-nsfw?fbclid=IwAR3UKbNMjX1kdUYBNWOn2RGHQl9g8XQYMASfxBz4N67CwdZ-kxYmkUf1DRU

Foam Filled Penis / India Times:

https://www.indiatimes.com/trending/wtf/wife-puts-expanding-foam-in-husbands-penis-to-keep-it-erect-during-sex-559644.html

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