A Little Help For Our Friends

The Science of Co-Regulation: Building Safety in Relationships


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Ever wonder why holding your partner's hand during a stressful moment instantly calms you down? The answer lies in the fascinating neurobiological dance of co-regulation – when two nervous systems attune to and influence each other, creating safety, connection, and resilience that neither person could achieve alone.

In this episode, we explore the multidimensional nature of co-regulation in romantic relationships, moving beyond the simplistic idea that partners merely "calm each other down." Through personal stories – including TWO exciting life updates for Jacqueline! – we unpack how healthy relationships support each other across three different levels of connection.

The science is compelling. Research shows that a loving partner's touch literally reduces brain activity in regions associated with threat response. But we also tackle the shadow side: when does the need for co-regulation cross into dependency, control, or emotional manipulation? How do we balance healthy interdependence with personal responsibility for our emotional lives?

Whether you're currently partnered or not, understanding co-regulation reveals profound truths about human connection. We're biologically wired to share emotional burdens, amplify each other's joy, and create meaning together. By developing awareness of our emotional patterns and protective mechanisms, we can transform relationships from battlegrounds into sanctuaries where both people feel safe enough to be fully themselves.

***If you're like "wow that sounds good, but I have NO idea how to co-regulate with my partner," then you've come to the right place- that's what we teach at KulaMind. We're launching our exclusive KulaMind community July 14th, which we're not technically supposed to tell you yet...oh well. 

Support the show

  • If you're navigating someone's mental health or emotional issues, join KulaMind, our community and support platform. In KulaMind, we'll help you set healthy boundaries, advocate for yourself, and support your loved one.


  • Follow @kulamind on Instagram for podcast updates and science-backed insights on staying sane while loving someone emotionally explosive.


  • For more info about this podcast, check out: www.alittlehelpforourfriends.com
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A Little Help For Our FriendsBy Dr. Kibby McMahon

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