Michael knew he was alcoholic for twelve years before AA, but the part that changed his life was learning what came after putting the drink down.

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Michael, from Montana, shares a direct and thoughtful AA talk centered on Step One, especially the unmanageability that remained after alcohol was removed. He talks about years of drinking Granddad in private, blackouts, hiding car keys from himself, waking up afraid of what he might have done, time behind bars, wrecked cars, hospitalizations, and the slow degradation that made him believe he did not deserve to sober up. After court, treatment, relapses, early sponsorship choices, and the death of a friend, Michael describes the moment he got on his knees with other sober men and finally asked for the compulsion to be removed. From there, he walks through why every Step after Step One deals with the same deeper problem: resentments, fear, selfishness, sexual behavior, sponsorship, amends, and becoming a builder instead of a destroyer. This is a strong tape for anyone who has heard “I’m powerless” but still wonders what AA means by “my life had become unmanageable.”

Michael McK. from Whitefish, MT at Kalispell, MT May 17th 1998

Music: Deep by KaizanBlu