Guilt says “I did something wrong.” Shame says “I am wrong.” It feels like proof that you’re a weak-willed loser with no self-control when you keep drinking even though you said you wouldn’t or you drink more than you intended. That’s shame talking. The real truth is it’s proof that you need a different approach and that you’re lacking coping skills and the ability to be flexible in your thinking. In this episode, we’ll explore how that difference shapes recovery, the neuroscience of shame, and how moving from shame to guilt can rebuild self-worth and hope.

Work with me:

Community & Meetings: Living a Sober Powered Life https://www.soberpowered.com/membership

Sober coaching https://www.soberpowered.com/sober-coaching

 Weekly email:

You’ll hear from me on Fridays https://www.soberpowered.com/email

Free resources https://www.soberpowered.com/free

Courses:

The non-negotiable mindset https://www.soberpowered.com/mindset-course

Don’t try harder, try different  https://www.soberpowered.com/willpower

Support the show:

If you enjoyed this episode please consider buying me a coffee to support all the research and effort that goes into this podcast https://www.buymeacoffee.com/soberpowered

Thank you for supporting this show by supporting my sponsors https://www.soberpowered.com/sponsors

Sources are posted on my website

Disclaimer: all of the information described in this podcast is my interpretation of the research combined with my opinion. This is not medical advice. 

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever thought back to the early days of your drinking and remembered how just one or two drinks gave you exactly what you wanted? That light, carefree buzz—the feeling that you were relaxed, loosened up, and maybe even a little funnier. Fast forward a few years, and suddenly those same two drinks barely register. You start chasing it—three, four, maybe more—and before you know it, the sweet spot is gone. Instead of a gentle buzz, you either feel nothing… or you’re over the line into drunk.

That disappearing buzz is tolerance. And tolerance is the brain’s way of adapting to repeated exposure to alcohol. In this episode, I want to unpack exactly why the same amount of alcohol feels weaker over time, how tolerance develops in your brain, why it fuels heavier drinking, and why that easy, carefree buzz eventually disappears altogether.

What to listen to next:

Work with me:

Community & Meetings: Living a Sober Powered Life https://www.soberpowered.com/membership

Sober coaching https://www.soberpowered.com/sober-coaching

 Weekly email:

You’ll hear from me on Fridays https://www.soberpowered.com/email

Free resources https://www.soberpowered.com/free

Courses:

The non-negotiable mindset https://www.soberpowered.com/mindset-course

Don’t try harder, try different  https://www.soberpowered.com/willpower

Support the show:

If you enjoyed this episode please consider buying me a coffee to support all the research and effort that goes into this podcast https://www.buymeacoffee.com/soberpowered

Thank you for supporting this show by supporting my sponsors https://www.soberpowered.com/sponsors

Sources are posted on my website

Disclaimer: all of the information described in this podcast is my interpretation of the research combined with my opinion. This is not medical advice. 

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever promised yourself you’d only have one drink? Maybe it was at dinner, or after work—you told yourself, “Just one, that’s it.” But once that drink was gone, something shifted. Instead of feeling satisfied, you found yourself wanting another. And another. It can feel frustrating, even confusing. What’s wrong with me? Why can other people leave some alcohol behind in their glass and I can’t fathom it?

This is one of the most common struggles people face when trying to moderate. And it’s not about willpower, discipline, or wanting it badly enough. It’s about how alcohol interacts with the brain. For some people, that first drink doesn’t close the craving loop—it opens it. In this episode, we’re going to talk about why that happens: how alcohol changes the brain’s reward system, why some people are more vulnerable than others, and why “just one” isn’t harmless if your brain is wired a certain way. By the end, you’ll understand why satisfaction never comes from moderation—and why that’s not your fault.

What to listen to next:

E265: rewiring the reward system

E204: why not everyone develops a problem

Work with me:

Community & Meetings: Living a Sober Powered Life https://www.soberpowered.com/membership

Sober coaching https://www.soberpowered.com/sober-coaching

 Weekly email:

You’ll hear from me on Fridays https://www.soberpowered.com/email

Free resources https://www.soberpowered.com/free

Courses:

The non-negotiable mindset https://www.soberpowered.com/mindset-course

Don’t try harder, try different  https://www.soberpowered.com/willpower

Support the show:

If you enjoyed this episode please consider buying me a coffee to support all the research and effort that goes into this podcast https://www.buymeacoffee.com/soberpowered

Thank you for supporting this show by supporting my sponsors https://www.soberpowered.com/sponsors

Sources are posted on my website

Disclaimer: all of the information described in this podcast is my interpretation of the research combined with my opinion. This is not medical advice. 

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We tend to think of cravings as the enemy in sobriety. If you still want to drink, it must mean you’re doing something wrong. And on the other side, if the cravings go away, it’s tempting to think you’re finally “cured.” Cravings are not a sign of weakness, and the absence of cravings doesn’t mean you’re going to be a special occasion drinker. They’re both just snapshots of what’s happening in your brain at a particular moment in time, not the whole story.

In today’s episode, we’re going to look at why alcohol cravings can stick around for months or even years after you quit, what’s actually happening in your brain when you don’t feel a craving, and why both states carry their own risks. We’ll dig into long-term vulnerability, even when you feel “over it,” and how you can use that knowledge to stay steady in your recovery.

What to listen to next:

E241: 6 Theories of Alcohol Cravings

E283: Alcohol Shortens Your Perception of Time (Instant Gratification)

E284: Reward Substitution: Healthy vs. Harmful Replacements for Alcohol

E278: Intrusive Thoughts About Drinking When You’re Already Sober & 3 Ways to Deal 

E270: Cravings Increase After Quitting Drinking and Peak Around 60 Days Sober and 6 Months Sober

E266: Can You Drink Again After a Break?

Work with me:

Community & Meetings: Living a Sober Powered Life https://www.soberpowered.com/membership

Sober coaching https://www.soberpowered.com/sober-coaching

 Weekly email:

You’ll hear from me on Fridays https://www.soberpowered.com/email

Free resources https://www.soberpowered.com/free

Courses:

The non-negotiable mindset https://www.soberpowered.com/mindset-course

Don’t try harder, try different  https://www.soberpowered.com/willpower

Support the show:

If you enjoyed this episode please consider buying me a coffee to support all the research and effort that goes into this podcast https://www.buymeacoffee.com/soberpowered

Thank you for supporting this show by supporting my sponsors https://www.soberpowered.com/sponsors

Sources are posted on my website

Disclaimer: all of the information described in this podcast is my interpretation of the research combined with my opinion. This is not medical advice. 

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Obsessing over our drinking is very frustrating and it takes over our lives. There is so much more to life than worrying about alcohol. When you get sober, it can be equally frustrating to obsess over sobriety. In this episode, I discuss getting space from thinking about it all the time, some reasons why we constantly think about it, and all the cool things I've done with my space and mental freedom.

What to listen to next:

E254: Why You Can’t Make Good Decisions About Your Drinking (or Anything Else)

E228: Why Alcohol Automatically Captures and Holds Your Attention

E224: Alcohol Makes Your Brain Stop Working

Work with me:

Community & Meetings: Living a Sober Powered Life https://www.soberpowered.com/membership

Sober coaching https://www.soberpowered.com/sober-coaching

 Weekly email:

You’ll hear from me on Fridays https://www.soberpowered.com/email

Free resources https://www.soberpowered.com/free

Courses:

The non-negotiable mindset https://www.soberpowered.com/mindset-course

Don’t try harder, try different  https://www.soberpowered.com/willpower

Support the show:

If you enjoyed this episode please consider buying me a coffee to support all the research and effort that goes into this podcast https://www.buymeacoffee.com/soberpowered

Thank you for supporting this show by supporting my sponsors https://www.soberpowered.com/sponsors

Sources are posted on my website

Disclaimer: all of the information described in this podcast is my interpretation of the research combined with my opinion. This is not medical advice. 

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A rock bottom moment isn’t required to get sober, although it obviously helps. We have no control over what will be our rock bottom, and often we stack consequences for a long time before enough is finally enough. In this episode I discuss what to do if you haven’t had a rock bottom yet. You’ll learn about 3 key things I’ve noticed that dabblers do that prevent them from getting sober for good, and what I would suggest doing if you haven’t hit your enough point yet.

What to listen to next:

E200: My greatest shame

E282: Minimizing, rationalizing, and the myth of "I wasn't that bad"

E164: How taking breaks helped me quit for good

Work with me:

Community & Meetings: Living a Sober Powered Life https://www.soberpowered.com/membership

Sober coaching https://www.soberpowered.com/sober-coaching

 Weekly email:

You’ll hear from me on Fridays https://www.soberpowered.com/email

Free resources https://www.soberpowered.com/free

Courses:

The non-negotiable mindset https://www.soberpowered.com/mindset-course

Don’t try harder, try different  https://www.soberpowered.com/willpower

Support the show:

If you enjoyed this episode please consider buying me a coffee to support all the research and effort that goes into this podcast https://www.buymeacoffee.com/soberpowered

Thank you for supporting this show by supporting my sponsors https://www.soberpowered.com/sponsors

Sources are posted on my website

Disclaimer: all of the information described in this podcast is my interpretation of the research combined with my opinion. This is not medical advice. 

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Quitting drinking doesn’t automatically change how you think, it just removes the numbing. For many of us, that means we’re left with a mind that defaults to worst-case scenarios, criticism, and hopelessness. Sobriety gives you a chance to rewire negative thought patterns, but only if you’re aware of them and actively work to change them. In this episode I discuss the shift from defaulting to negativity, to being able to reframe, see the whole picture, and find a positive spin on things. This has been an essential shift I’ve made that changed everything for me. I’ll also cover 5 ways you can get started because I know this is difficult work.

What to listen to next:

E170: Here's why the first year is so hard

E265: Rewiring the reward system

E276: A burst of mental clarity around 60 days sober

E269: Running on autopilot mode

Work with me:

Community & Meetings: Living a Sober Powered Life https://www.soberpowered.com/membership

Sober coaching https://www.soberpowered.com/sober-coaching

 Weekly email:

You’ll hear from me on Fridays https://www.soberpowered.com/email

Free resources https://www.soberpowered.com/free

Courses:

The non-negotiable mindset https://www.soberpowered.com/mindset-course

Don’t try harder, try different  https://www.soberpowered.com/willpower

Support the show:

If you enjoyed this episode please consider buying me a coffee to support all the research and effort that goes into this podcast https://www.buymeacoffee.com/soberpowered

Thank you for supporting this show by supporting my sponsors https://www.soberpowered.com/sponsors

Sources are posted on my website

Disclaimer: all of the information described in this podcast is my interpretation of the research combined with my opinion. This is not medical advice. 

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In sobriety our brains are still stuck in survival mode. We zoom in on small problems, assume they’re huge, and feel overwhelmed by everyday stressors. Minor stressors make our lives grind to a halt. But with time, our thinking shifts and we learn the skills we need to zoom out. In this episode, I’ll explain where this tunnel vision comes from, what it looks like while you’re working on this, and how things evolve over time as we stay sober and do “the work”.

What to listen to next:

E283: Alcohol Shortens Your Perception of Time (Instant Gratification)

E288: How to "Sit With It"

Work with me:

Community & Meetings: Living a Sober Powered Life https://www.soberpowered.com/membership

Sober coaching https://www.soberpowered.com/sober-coaching

 Weekly email:

You’ll hear from me on Fridays https://www.soberpowered.com/email

Free resources https://www.soberpowered.com/free

Courses:

The non-negotiable mindset https://www.soberpowered.com/mindset-course

Don’t try harder, try different  https://www.soberpowered.com/willpower

Support the show:

If you enjoyed this episode please consider buying me a coffee to support all the research and effort that goes into this podcast https://www.buymeacoffee.com/soberpowered

Thank you for supporting this show by supporting my sponsors https://www.soberpowered.com/sponsors

Sources are posted on my website

Disclaimer: all of the information described in this podcast is my interpretation of the research combined with my opinion. This is not medical advice. 

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Learning to manage emotions is one of the most difficult parts of sobriety. Many people don’t think they were drinking to cope, only to find out once they try to quit that they were. When I was drinking and in the first couple of years of sobriety, I used to make things more difficult for myself because I couldn’t manage emotions. I would ruminate, avoid, or escape with other self-destructive things like sugar, blowing up at people, or feeling completely overwhelmed. Part of being sober is learning how to deal with life in healthy ways, and not making things worse for ourselves. That’s what this episode is all about.

What to listen to next:

E269: Autopilot Mode

E251: Here's Why Your Emotions Are So Intense

E216: 4 Types of Impulsivity: Which One Are You?

Work with me:

Community & Meetings: Living a Sober Powered Life https://www.soberpowered.com/membership

Sober coaching https://www.soberpowered.com/sober-coaching

 Weekly email:

You’ll hear from me on Fridays https://www.soberpowered.com/email

Free resources https://www.soberpowered.com/free

Courses:

The non-negotiable mindset https://www.soberpowered.com/mindset-course

Don’t try harder, try different  https://www.soberpowered.com/willpower

Support the show:

If you enjoyed this episode please consider buying me a coffee to support all the research and effort that goes into this podcast https://www.buymeacoffee.com/soberpowered

Thank you for supporting this show by supporting my sponsors https://www.soberpowered.com/sponsors

Sources are posted on my website

Disclaimer: all of the information described in this podcast is my interpretation of the research combined with my opinion. This is not medical advice. 

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When we think about getting sober, most of the focus is on not drinking, but we don’t think about what to start doing to actually rewire the brain and move forward. In this episode, I’ll explain why white-knuckling doesn’t work. You’ll learn about why willpower is not the most important factor for staying sober, how being “strong” prevents us from getting support, and what you can do differently to make progress. It’s not about convincing yourself of all the bad health effects of alcohol or powering through temptation, because if those things were effective long term strategies, then relapse rates wouldn’t be so high. I will also discuss how taking on the label of an “alcoholic” is a barrier for many people that keeps us isolated and drinking.

What to listen to next:

E274: High Dopamine, Low Effort Behaviors and Making Sobriety Feel Less Hard

E267: Resources vs Support: Are You Setting Yourself Up For Success?

Work with me:

Community & Meetings: Living a Sober Powered Life https://www.soberpowered.com/membership

Sober coaching https://www.soberpowered.com/sober-coaching

 Weekly email:

You’ll hear from me on Fridays https://www.soberpowered.com/email

Free resources https://www.soberpowered.com/free

Courses:

The non-negotiable mindset https://www.soberpowered.com/mindset-course

Don’t try harder, try different  https://www.soberpowered.com/willpower

Support the show:

If you enjoyed this episode please consider buying me a coffee to support all the research and effort that goes into this podcast https://www.buymeacoffee.com/soberpowered

Thank you for supporting this show by supporting my sponsors https://www.soberpowered.com/sponsors

Sources are posted on my website

Disclaimer: all of the information described in this podcast is my interpretation of the research combined with my opinion. This is not medical advice. 

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices