The Shmuz

The Shadchan says, "So tell me, what are you looking for?" And, out comes the laundry list.

"I need someone who is extroverted, funny, and outgoing."

"I need a woman who is very frum, good, kind, tolerant, and funny."

"I need a guy who is tall, a take-charge type, strong but not headstrong."

And unwittingly, many people make the first mistake of the dating game - they aren't looking for their Bashert- they have already formed him in their minds, and now are out to find the one that comes the closest to that image.

It is almost like the children's toy Mr. Potato Head. You get to design the doll, choose red lips, big ears, small eyes, short legs

Before going out most people go through a sort of personal inventory: "Let's see. Since I am., I need" Unconsciously, they put together a wish list of qualities to take out into the market place. Then amazingly, they find themselves frustrated. "I just can't find Mr. Right."

This is a must-listen-to Shmuz offering a practical down to earth way to avoid the two most common mistakes made in finding and keeping your Bashert.

Part one of a three-part series on Bitachon, this Shmuz focuses us on the first stage of Bitachon: learning to trust HASHEM. Amazingly the Chovos Halevovos explains to us that by nature we trust. In fact, without trust we couldnt function. If we didnt trust, then every time we left our home we would fear death by a car crash, an earthquake, or a tornado. Every time we entered into a business transaction we would fear the economy failing or a major international catastrophe. To allow us to function as healthy human beings, HASHEM put into our nature a need to trust. However, that need to trust is typically misplaced. We trust in nature, we trust in the economy, we trust in the Air Force, the police and the emergency medical personnelmore than anything we trust that the ways things have been until now, they will continue to be. And this sense of trust remains with us until the thing we so trusted in fails us, and then we see the futility of that which we trusted in.

A good follow-up to Shmuz #18 The Difference Between Emunah and Bitachon. 

Has there ever been a time when you reacted to something, and you couldnt believe that it was you who was speaking that way? Have you ever said something and had a feeling of, What came over me it was as if I were possessed?

In this introduction to the inner workings of the human being, we come face to face with the understanding that I am created from very diverse elements. Within me are different forces pulling in opposite directions. Not only isnt this accidental, it is actually a necessary component of FREE WILL. Free Will means that I could go either way. It is my choice, not something that I was programmed to do that made me choose this way. Yet without this there would be no temptation, and Man would do good - only good, not because he chose to, but because he was programmed for it, hence there would be no Free Will.

In this integral introduction to the complexity of the human we are given a glimpse into understanding the forces behind the different behaviors within ourselves. 
 

While we boast of more labor saving devices that ever before in history, It seems that we are busier today than we have ever been. In fact, we are so busy that we dont even have the time to ask ourselves what is that we are so busy with.

This Shmuz focuses us on attitudes and perspectives that we pick up from the society in which we live attitudes that may be against what the Torah views as ideal, and even against what common sense says is intelligent. 
 

Chazal teach us that HASHEM would have created the entire world for one man: the sun, the moon and the stars, the planets and constellations, the oceans, the rivers and the birds -- all for one human being. The question is what exactly is so great about man? What is so fantastically meaningful and significant about one man that it was worth creating all of heaven and earth just for him?

Using the famous event of Hillels students following him to the bathhouse as a backdrop, we are brought to a new understanding of the significance of Man and what is expected from him a mindset very much missing from Western Thought. 
 

Who can look at a sunset and not say Wow, look at the beauty of this world.? Yet, it seems that we rarely do that. It is almost as if we are detached from the natural world -- As if the world of lions and tigers and bears is a place reserved for taking our children to when they are little, but has no connection to our lives.

The Rishonim tell us that the surest way to come to understand that there is a creator of the world is to look at the creation and say just that. Wow! Look at the wisdom, look at the vastness; look at the sophistication of this world. But looking at the world with an eye to see its creator requires attention and training.

This Shmuz helps us focus on the Wow behind nature thereby allowing us to be moved by the awe inspiring miracles with which HASHEM has created the world in which we live. 
 

We are trained from our school years to say boruch Hashem and im yirtzeh Hashem. Yet it seems that something is lacking. While we mouth the words that Hashem is responsible and we thank Hashem, if we are honest with ourselves we will soon recognize that what is lacking from our sentiments is Hashem. The sense of Hashems presence and involvement in our life that we talk about is what is missing from our understanding.

Understanding the sixth and highest level of emunah, we are brought to understand some of the deepest thoughts of which man is capable. 
 

Did you ever notice that no one does anything wrong? It seems that no matter how clear it is to you and me that this person is engaged in self destructive behavior, he doesn't admit that he is doing something wrong or harmful; rather he comes up with an entire rationale why it is good and in fact proper.

To allow for Free Will, we humans had to be given this ability to rationalize away our behavior, to view what we do, whatever we do, as right and proper, because otherwise we could never allow ourselves to do something that is "wrong". Using some commonplace examples, we are brought to focus on both our need to explain away what we do as justified, and what we can do to grow beyond this most human failing. 
 

It is very difficult for us human beings to accept that we do things that are wrong, and so we rationalize. We create illusions and fanciful stories that we ourselves dont believe. And so, you will find intelligent, otherwise rational people saying things like, Of course I wouldnt steal, stealing is dishonest, but this isnt stealing .Its shtick. We mach shtick. We mach Shtick with the tickets, mach shtick with the regents. But its O.K because its not stealing; its only shtick.

This Shmuz helps us identify something that has become blight in our community, the lack of a true sense of integrity in all of our dealings.