THIS WEEK we have Matt back unfortunately and it’s been two weeks and we’re sorry, well I’m sorry, they don’t care, they don’t care AT ALL. Matt calls Sooper an A-hole for some reason, we talk about Ken Paxton, former MLB player, then we go into the YAT ATTACK quiz!! Also el Sooper tries get out of the podcast without a big drag out argument, but they won’t let him. But before that he talks about and rages about recycling. THEN WE ARGUE. We argue so bad. SO this is what happened, they ask me about California but they don’t actually want my opinion they just want to be like “it’s so liberal and stupid we hate it boo yay Trump!!” so when I actually give my opinion then they both come back with stupid crap and they’re very angry that I won’t just give them the satisfying twitter gotcha that everyone else wants. Sorry, oh wait no I’m not. Yeah, it’s that bad. ENJOY!!

THIS WEEK, wow so much happened after we stopped recording, and we didn't touch ANY OF IT. Instead, we talked about sentences with periods, and we had a MATT and we had one tiny little JESS, and we talked about what you can fit in your rectum, the whole thing with that lady that done gonna be on the SCOTUS, a little bit of ooooh chita, and then I make them denounce things because that’s what we do now. Then we start a new game called guess that word that is derived from nahuatl! SO much fun!! Yes, go listen. There will be updates, but sorry there was cursing. Also I yelled at Matt.

THIS WEEK we have the glorious return of Matt Dawson!! Yes he comes back after staring down a hurricane in the face!! But he’s not back for long. Then el Sooper and some short burd lady talk about the hoozy toozies and a hossenfeffer update. Then we discuss the price of phones and computers, and it’s better than you think. Also a cape thief update and all about them cuties at Netflix, and a little whataboutism, and the cow-murdering mosquitos, and the Bob Woodward craziness and also how the 2020 writers are complete hacks! Then I complain about plaques and why Mulan sucks!! WOW You have to listen right now!

THIS WEEK we don’t talk about the boring coronavirus yet again! WOW!! Instead we have another Mattless podcast, we are BEYOND MATT but not beyond Jess, who IS on the podcast. She explains why she is a thief, and then we explain why Matt is not there. Also I talk about Bimbos. Then I tell a story about sounding stupid in front of a dental assistant. ALSO we make fun of a scam, ALSO Matt is not pooping in a bucket no matter what he tweets, ALSO a new edition of Name! That! Statistic! ALSO a charming story about how my truck shot out gas for some reason, ALSO how the RNC stacked up to the DNC, and what did #Tcot stand for anyway?! WOW! What a great podcast you have to go listen now!!

THIS WEEK we have only a MATT and no Jess!! We have an intellectual decision about the bosoms of various major brand mascots, how to get some plozzma doing, and how to get to the PAPPIZE!! And curiously, Matt actually guesses my new game show before I even mention it. WOW!! You must listen now!!

THIS WEEK we get all depressed about coronavirus then el Sooper explains why Twitter is making us all doomed or maybe we’re not doom but at least he comes up with a new word and it’s amazing. Then we talk about our new show, Guess! That! Statistic!! [Applause!] Also el Sooper talks about dumb Twitter brain gotchas and unfortunately he criticizes Matt behind his back and behind his front, sorry about that Mattsparagus, and finally he makes a revealing sooper-gaffe! WOW!! You must listen now!!

This WEEK we get a MATT back, we apologize. El SOOPER has a great idea for a YouTube series called “What how what how,” and you will love it. Then we talk about Europe and then el sooper drinks too much and starts yelling at Matt about his horrible terrible arguments and he quotes Aristotle and Plato and it’s GREAT! But then he has to apologize later. You WILL LOVE IT wow. Also the dystopian movie plans and how to bring happiness to the people! WOW! Listen right now!!

THIS WEEK we get rid of Matt, who is not woke enough and has been cancelled, so we have woke JESS instead! We talk about how to bring joy to the people and a little bit of politics and how Trump is blowing it right now. Also the rat story. WOW!! You have to listen right now!! No Matts.

THIS WEEK we return after taking a mental break holiday and we explain why we took a week off! WOW! Sorry Dana, there is no yelling and screaming this week, but there IS a lot of talk about Spanish and the roni and the riots! All in this week's "I regret to be associated with you people" podcast!!

THIS WEEK we have the lovely and brilliant Dana Perino and her equally brilliant and loverly husband Peter McMahan on the show for the 400th podcastravaganza!! The internet carefully kicks me out of the chat while Peter tells a mortifying true story, then we bore people and meander, and talk about our worst one-star podcast review. It’s amazing. THEN Matt bores us hydrochloroquine facts, then Dana tells us why the BabylOnion Game is a terrible game. THEN we have a Dana Dana Dana quiz! But Jess interrupts to tell the block Matt story. Then Peter tells another joke and Matt bores us with more geography! WOW!! Then we ditch the Perino/McMahons and start yelling and screaming at each other because Dana told us to. WOw! ENJOY IT OR DIE!!