The Sportive

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Jon, Clarence and Brandon discuss:

• Parents getting turnt on work trips
• The case for keeping Kevin Love
• The case for firing Flip 
• Teddy B and the art of pre-raging
• Update on Twins' 2016 outlook
• How we can get Rick Spielman fired (hint: check the ep title)
• World Cup

 #HireStu

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Brandon was out of town this week, so we turned to Emergency Podcast Guest (and Jon's brother) Dave Marthaler to fill in with the rest of the gang.

After Dave confirmed that the podcast is not, in fact, just Jon sitting around a table with a bunch of stuffed animals, imitating their voices, he joined in the talk about some and perhaps all of the following:

• The Vikings draft (which was like a month ago, but we haven't recorded a podcast in awhile)
• Speculating on what Brandon might think about Kevin Love
• The end of the Wild season
• Gopher football
• Are the Gophers better off than they have been in years, overall as an athletic department?
• Landon Donovan being left off the USA's World Cup roster

There was some other stuff in there, too. It got strange at times, not least because both Marthalers sound the exact same.

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Football scouting expert and temporary Canadian John Sharkman leads us in a draft-heavy episode. We get reeeeeeeal deep as we argue the merits of John Football, Ted Bridgewater, Bork Blatles and more. Spoiler alert: we're praying for Manziel, planning for line depth. 

After the honest-to-god legitimate sports conversation, we spend the rest of our time BSing about The Big Lebowski, Bob Ford, the cost of Coronas, and Minnesota bar go-tos. 

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Podcaster Emeritus Michael Rand and his comically verbose pal Rocket make the trek to Sportive HQ and things get real confusing, real fast. We piloted a new thing in which we broach a topic, move on to something else, bring it back up again, forget the original point, get confused, suggest yet another topic, swear at each other, and somehow an hour later we end up at the place we began. A place called Nowhere. 

Specific topics:

• Rocket referring to Stu as a "box of smashed assholes"
• A Sportive Roast
• Why hockey twitter sucks 
• Twins rest-of-season predictions
• So much laughing at Rand for backing Pelfrey
• Why Mauer sucks (Team Brain Injury vs. Team Lil Joey's Feewings aw Huwt)
• Wolves talk, for some reason
• Johnny Football vs. Teddy B

And a lot more. This one's not for the faint of heart, that's for sure. 

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Hey, by the way: our podcast is on Stitcher now, too! If that's your podcast app of choice, listen to us there!

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The great Holly Manthei dialed in for her third appearance, chock-full of the scatter-brained nonsense you've come to expect when we all get together. A few of the many items we hit on:

• East coast cobblers
• Beer science 
• Sour beers
• How to reach your spreads
• Grommets 2, the movie
• The Mount Rushmore of MN Soccer (somehow includes 45 people)
• Girbaud jeans & New Kids on the Block
• The true story of what Holly did with her World Cup medal
• Meat markets
• Hypercolor tees
• Peep show booths

We also touched on glory holes and unleashed roughly 75k swears, because of course we did.

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Hockey stats nerd and President of Deutschland Hans Van Slooten joins us on a puck-heavy episode. Discussed:

• Wild playoff preview/predictions
• Odds Mike Yeo is around next year
• Gopher Frozen Four recap
• Stu and Jon getting after each other, delightfully
• Why we hate UND
• Four seconds apiece devoted to the Twins and Vikings
• Brandon discussing his team allegiances followed by a chorus of fart sounds

And a bit of Wolves talk just to allow Hans to get a few below-the-belt shots in. Enjoy, puckheads.

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Discussed:

• The Twins Bottom 5 Prospects
• Wolves/Wild check-ins
• Frozen Four preview (which lasted all of 16 seconds)
• Brandon offers a tip on how to be a terrible person when friends trash-talk your favorite team
• Vikings draft talk, i.e. Team Evil vs. Team Incompetent
• Steven Seagal shoutout, natch
• MORE "FARGO" TALK, to the delight of absolutely no one

We also brainstorm names to a hypothetical goalie-based skin flick, so to answer your question: yes, we are still morons who enjoy wasting your time.

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Twins Daily guy and bad-movies lover Nick Nelson returns to the fold as we discuss:

• Clarence's annual hockey weekend bender
• Grandma's wearing puffy paint sweatshirts
• The Twins 2015 opening day lineup (we gave up on this season already)
• Ed Rosario's strange no-show
• Fancy ketchup
• Lakers v. Wolves for the billionth time
• A bunch of #AskSportive questions

Later, Nick mentions Gleems and lube in the same sentence. You've been warned.

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Brandon didn't make it this week, and neither did our planned guest, and so Stu, Clarence and Jon were left to discuss whatever happened to float through their heads. That included:

• Glen Perkins being the most One of Us since Kent Hrbek
• Whether Aaron Hicks should begin the season at Triple-A
• Pretending to care about Vikings free agency
• What to burn if the Vikings don't take a quarterback in the draft
• Clarence firing everyone associated with the Wild (it led to a 6-0 win)
• If Gopher hockey wins a conference championship and nobody cares, does it make a sound?
• Jon getting progressively more worked up as Clarence disagrees with all of his points about college hockey
• Stu zoning out and naming his best Steely Dan song ever
• Whether Justified or The Americans is a better show
• Terrible March Madness picks

In other words: A pretty typical bunch of nonsense.

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