The Terrible Friends Podcast

We’ve learned a lot about the Internet since we started this podcast.  We’ve discovered websites about Cuddle Parties, watched pterodactyl porn videos, and a website condemning Pinatas.  Like all responsible website admins, we monitor how people find our website with Google Analytics.  Jeff brought a few interesting keywords to light that people have typed into Google and ended up at our website.  This include pterodactyl porn, bad friends podcast, gooey snatch, cuddle party boner, poking pony, and your a terrible friend (yes it was misspelled). We also came up with the great idea to put together a collection of popular songs from the past few decades performed by the B-52’s.  Jeff gave us a preview with songs like “Going the Distance” by Cake, “Basketcase” by Green Day, and of course “Bad Romance” by Lady Gaga. Oh and Jake and Rich impress Jeff with their awesome Foley skills.

Tension is mounting. The surrounding landscape is so quiet that if it were a glass plate, you’d be able to smash it with a brass hammer. As you breathe out, your breath hangs in the air like an icicle at an icicle farm. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, The FIRST ANNUAL TERRIBLE FRIENDS PODCAST BAD MOVIE OLYMPICS is slowly drawing to a close. Who will win? Which movie is the worst? Where can I buy a brass hammer? Most importantly – why do the Bad Movie Olympics have to be over? FEAR NOT. Based on a positive response from our fanbase (not to mention the fact that we sort of enjoyed making each other watch really bad movies) we’re probably going to do this again. When? I’m not sure, but I can guarantee you we won’t be taking a bullshit 4 year break like some OTHER Olympics do. So if you liked THE FIRST ANNUAL TERRIBLE FRIENDS PODCAST BAD MOVIE OLYMPICS, our eventual return is good news! If you didn’t like it… why are you reading this? Did you click on a link for something you didn’t like expecting to find cupcakes? You’re a weirdo. Listen to me drone on like the Bad Movie Olympics are over… THEY ARE NOT OVER! Not only do you have this episode to listen to, but the FINAL episode which we’ll post next week when we finally reveal which movie is the WORST MOVIE EVER. In the mean time make sure to check us out on facebook & twitter, and stay tuned later this week for another non-Bad Movie Olympics episode. SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE.

I’m not going to lie, we’re all over the place this week. Jake and Rich introduce Jeff to some of the many popular uses people find for their webcams – the foremost of which seems to be showing you what their junk looks like up close while a bunch of strangers type Russian at them with the caps lock key turned on. The world is a weird and scary place. We also briefly explore the idea of traveling across the Atlantic to find a British “sister podcast” – a discussion which quickly devolved into  some of the worst British accents you’ve ever heard with your ears. Jeff also brings up the Revolutionary War, which we can all agree is kind of a cheap shot. We also discuss the angle at which Jake needs to sit to be able to poop, some pet peeves, geometry, modernizing Vaudevillian humor, and a bunch of other stuff. Like I said, we were all over the place… kind of like a sea lion with a panda’s face and a woman’s lips drinking a mug of beer while selling you Japanese Cheetos. TALK ABOUT A WACKY THING I JUST DESCRIBED!

It’s been medically proven that the human body can only ingest a certain amount of AWESOME before essentially turning into something that resembles a fire-breathing, dick-punching, Jason Statham look alike. Since our number one fear is a world of ladies who look like Jason Statham, and who are constantly punching our dicks, we decided that after two straight weeks of bringing you PURE LIQUID AWESOME in the form of the Terrible Friends Podcast Bad Movie Olympics, we should give you some time to rest your ears and fists. Also, we had to record the second part of it. But guess what? THE WAIT ENDS TODAY!  That’s right, prepare to start punching dicks again, because it’s time for PART THREE of our MORE EPIC THAN ANTICIPATED Bad Movie Olympics! Why “MORE EPIC THAN ANTICIPATED”?  Because by the time all was said and done we had recorded SO MUCH IMPORTANT STUFF that instead of the planned four part recording we had to SPLIT IT INTO FIVE PARTS. YOUR DICK WON’T KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON UNTIL IT’S BEEN PUNCHED SO MUCH THAT NOW IT’S A GHOST DICK. This week we give you Part Three, and make sure to stop back over the coming weeks for Parts Four and  Five of the Terrible Friends Podcast Bad Movie Olympics, as well as several other fine podcasts in between. We’re sorry to do this to you, but we JUST CAN’T CONTAIN THE AWESOME.

The holiday season is a magical time filled with laughter, fun, gluttony, alcoholism, sadness and many other things, all of which blend together  into the perfect red and green storm  of bourbon flavored tears called “Tradition”. We  here at the Terrible Friends Podcast realized that the holiday season is almost upon us and we don’t have any of our own traditions (except for sadness – we’ve got that covered). So we spent some time thinking up some of our own traditions for this coming Thanksgiving, which – as is par for the course – were all terrible terrible ideas. Rich and Jeff also enlightened Jake to the concept of a F.U.P.A. (or “cooch-pooch” as Rich likes to call it) which also managed to work it’s way into our Thanksgiving traditions as well. If you don’t know what a F.U.P.A. is, you can see examples here, here and here. My apologies if you clicked on one of those links. Here’s a picture of a  puppy playing with some balloons to help you recover some of the humanity you lost. Also, as you may have seen on facebook, we have STICKERS now! We’ll put out another post sometime in the future with instructions on how you can get them from us, and on how to use them, but until then you’ll have to be satisfied by just looking at them on your computer screen. This will be the only podcast this week, but make sure to stay tuned after the Thanksgiving holiday when we’ll present the EXCITING conclusion to the Bad Movie Olympics, as well as some other awesome stuff. Until then, make sure to EAT YOURSELVES SILLY AT THANKSGIVING AND TRY NOT TO KILL YOUR RELATIVES.

This week we learn that nostalgia can be a dangerous thing (again). Think back the venues you used to frequent as a kid… That skating rink/amusement park/children’s museum was pretty awesome, right!?  Now remove the naivety-tinted glasses of your youth and take another look. What used to be the coolest place in the world is now probably a dump (if you’re lucky) or a creepy, gross, sticky place possibly staffed by child molesters (if you aren’t). For Rich, the halcyon location of his youth was a place called Joyland – which, of course, came equipped with a creepy (borderline: TERRIFYING) animitronic clown which played an organ. Apparenly the clown’s name was Louie. Jeff’s fondly-remembered location for “fun” was a place called the Skyline Skate Ranch, where they regularly held things called “Panda Parties”. If the phrase “Panda Party” doesn’t immediately set off the “DANGER NOW” alarm in your brain, then you’re probably either: A) A series regular on the show “To Catch A Predator” B) Jeff when he was 8 Jake, on the other hand, used to just go hang out at an old bridge where he would try and make out with girls. In his words it was “pretty sad”. We couldn’t agree more. We also explored some “jokes” from a “joke” book that was published in the 1920s called “Jokes For All Occasions”. They’re all pretty special. Luckily Jeff saves the day by channeling Vaudevillian comedians and playing the kazoo (like usual). While you’ll still find yourself cringing, it’s a different kind of cringe than you usually experience while listening to us. SO ENJOY THAT!

Oh the Cosmo Quiz.  I’m sure many of you (well the guys anyway) have picked up a copy of Cosmopolitan and looked through the quizzes they publish thinking, “What the fuck are they thinking?”  Well we take it a step further.  Every now and then we’ll take one of those quizzes and broadcast it throughout the Internet for your enjoyment. The quiz this time was titled: “What Kind of Sexy Are You?”  I won’t say any of the questions, but I can tell you that Rich and I are “Siren Sexy”, and Jeff is merely “Fun-Lovin’ Sexy”. Also, Jeff bitches about people forgetting his birthday (even though they didn’t), and we discuss a craigslist ad obviously made by a vampire looking for a victim. ENJOY!!!!

We know you’ve all been sitting on the edge of your seat, waiting with bated breath for us to continue our deliberations as we decide which one of these no good, awful, rotten, very bad movies is the worst, awfulust, rottenest, and veriest baddest. If your breath is not bated, you probably haven’t listened to PART ONE. Either that, or you need your breath checked. WELL GUESS WHAT, YOU LUCKY DUCK?  Presented to you here is the second part (OR PART TWO) in our mental and verbal quest to find which one of these movies will be crowned the winner of the Bad Movie Olympics. Categories covered within include: “Worst Lead Actor/Actress”, “Worst Supporting Actor/Actress”, “Best Use Of A Midget” and many more.  It really is as awesome as it sounds. Don’t worry, the Bad Movie Olympics are far from over – this is just merely a short stop along the road to crappiness as PARTS THREE and FOUR will be released in the coming weeks, so stay tuned!

The moment you’ve been waiting for has finally arrived. After months of planning and careful preparation, we here at the Terrible Friends Podcast are proud to present to you the FIRST ANNUAL TERRIBLE FRIENDS PODCAST BAD MOVIE OLYMPICS!!! For those of you just tuning in right now, the idea behind the Bad Movie Olympics was a simple one. We here at the Terrible Friends Podcast are joined by two of our friends, Seth Macy and Tre DaLysh from the F-List podcast, and each of us picks a bad movie. We watched all five bad movies, and then got together on the internet to argue about which one of us picked the WORST movie. If it doesn’t sound that complicated… well… that’s because it isn’t. But here’s one thing that it IS. And that thing is AWESOME! After getting through our first Bad Movie debate session, we realized two things. 1) This is turning out to be WAY more fun than any of us could have anticipated. 2)  We produced a substantial amount more content than we had anticipated. (i.e. We had so much freaking fun arguing and hearing the sounds of our own voices that there’s a lot of recording). So instead of the planned Bad Movie Olympics Special Episode, we’re going to be splitting it up into four, maybe even five parts for your listening pleasure and posting them once a week. What you have in your hot little virtual hands right now is part one. We hope you enjoy listening to it as much as we enjoyed making it! As one last aside, if you find yourselves listening to us talk about these HORRIBLE movies and have some thoughts of your own, don’t hesitate to leave feedback here, our facebook page, or send an email to [email protected]. We’ve still got at least one more Bad Movie Olympics recording session planned, and would love to read some listener feedback about which movie YOU think is the worst. Thanks again for listening, and enjoy Part One of the Terrible Friends Podcast Bad Movie Olympics!

Ahh Halloween.  Anyone who has any amount of fun in their body loves Halloween.  It’s a time of scary movies, nice weather, jello shots, and drunk slutty girls in costumes.  It’s also the time to reminisce of Halloween memories past, such as Jeff dressing up as Super Baboon, Rich and Jake terrorizing people with chainsaws, a haunted house called the Horror of Macaroon (which is a cookie), and Jake wandering the halls of a girls dorm in college with a scream mask on for hours.  Really.  It’s a fucking miracle that he didn’t get arrested. Oh and Rich really, really hates Utah.