The Terrible Friends Podcast

The Terrible Friends relive the times they cried in school, from when Rich cried alone all the time and called people fat, Jake got kicked in the balls and broke his arm, and when Jeff got his teeth knocked out by a hockey puck and cried NOT because it hurt, but because he thought his parents would be mad at him because he ruined his braces.

In this week's episode we talk about how our each of our significant others hate us (the other guys I mean), and reminisce on girlfriends and awful dates past.

Sometimes interacting with other people is hard. Especially if they look like they probably smell bad. Or would annoy you. Or are old. We tackle those social issues and explore why most of our collective human interactions turn out to be so… weird. It turns out that Jeff is freaked out by poor people (especially ones that look like they “smell like poop”), rich hates your kids, and Jake gets INCREDIBLY uncomfortable around… the elderly? Jake also hates the scenario we’ve concocted for him involving some randy old people and a phone booth with a broken door. Now that you have that image in your head,  add Jake scream-crying until he throws up and passes out. Fun times. So take a walk down the hallway of life with us. Just don’t touch the doorknobs. And remember. HOLD YOUR BREATH.

Remember kids: It’s an assumption. Assume it. This week everything is sunshine and rainbows until we take a wrong turn down Weird Street and end up at the corner of Goofy Lane and Awkward Avenue. You know – right near that Olive Garden where the waitress spilled a gallon of boiling spaghetti on that old lady. Jake is finally able to fulfill his dreams of living the show “Community” in real life while taking a class at a local college. He fills us in on his first day, complete with descriptions of his wacky classmates like “old guy”, “creepy hunter guy” and “fat clown guys”. He also tells us about his teacher – whom based on our broad interpretation of his poor description, most likely looks something like this: So sit back, relax, and enjoy Episode 67 – Tacos And Shame. Don’t forget – you can also check us out on Facebook and Twitter, as well as leave us a review on iTunes! Thanks for listening!

10,000 years ago, ancient man gazed up at the night sky and arbitrarily decided that some of the pretty lights there sort of looked like some random magical stuff. Fast forward until MODERN TIMES where now the magical sky stuff dictates our past, present, future, mood, social interactions, luck, and favorite foods. Except now it turns out that our earth moved a little bit… and all of the sky shapes that we thought dictated our lives were actually the wrong sky shapes… and now WE’VE ALL BEEN LEADING OUR LIVES BELIEVING IN A DIFFERENT SKY MAGIC THAT WAS THE WRONG SKY MAGIC. EVERYBODY FREAK THE FUCK OUT! Luckily the Terrible Friends Podcast was here to set everybody straight and help out by coming up with a bevy of our own equally pointless, equally stupid, but somehow WAAAY more awesome new Zodiac symbols. Like “Pegapotomus” “Kevin” “Hat” and “Insemino, The Artificial Artificial Insemination Eagle”. We also talk about S-Boxes and Bacon Explosions and Antiques Roadshow and a bunch of other things that will make your brain have an explosion. Did I mention that Seth Macy from the F-List Podcast is our special guest again? Well he is AND NOW YOUR BRAIN DEFINITELY JUST HAD AN EXPLOSION. OH YEAH.

This week Jake had to go up into the mountains to fight a tiger using nothing but some wishes and gun, so Seth Macy from the F-List podcast took some time off from watching bad movies and fortifying his island against T-Rex attacks to fill the empty seat. Guess what? There were some CRAZY HIJINKS! . This episode, the sarsaparilla flows like sarsaparilla as our hosts talk about what happens when you put your foot in the spokes of a bicycle. And what happens when you put a wooden stick in the spokes of your bicycle. And what kind of sad buildings we used to ride bicycles around while putting things in their spokes. In between bathroom brakes we play some pretty songs on the slide whistle while conceptualizing a new bar experience called “Ctrl-Alt-Drunk”. I understand how INSANE the preceding sentence sounds. If you don’t think about it too hard, then you’ll be ok. Just take a shot of Ctrl-Z, and try not to think about why it tastes like iron as you ride that smooth, smooth wave all the way to the end. Ahhhh – refreshing.

Season 2 is here! Only one episode in and we’re already learning a bunch of important lessons! For example: we learned that it’s never a good idea to record a podcast before noon – especially after a hard night of drinking. We also learned that when we get together and record in the same room, it makes everyone REALLY uncomfortable when Jake insists on being nude from the waist down. These things are all good things to know. Everyone is mad at Jake because he made us watch a really terrible H.P. Lovecraft movie called “From Beyond” – which was supposed to be entertaining, but actually turned out to be the opposite of entertaining. Untertaining, if you will. So keep in mind that as we’re talking about this horrible movie, the sheer and utter boredom you may be hearing in our voices is actually just 10% boredom,  30% anger at Jake and 60% hangover. Luckily, to break up the monotony we have a special celebrity guest who stopped by to say a few words and keep an eye on Jake. I won’t TELL you who it is, but I’ll give you a hint – if you’ve ever met him in person, chances are you’re not legally allowed to live within 1000 feet of an elementary school. Tune in later this week for another podcast featuring ANOTHER SPECIAL GUEST WHO IS ACTUALLY REAL THIS TIME , Mr. Seth Macy – host of the F-List Podcast. Trust us, it’s going to be EPIC. If you need to kill some time between now and then, you should head over to our facebook, follow us on twitter, or hop on over to iTunes to leave a review.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the holiday season is upon us! We here at the Terrible Friends Podcast have decided to celebrate by jumping aboard our personal dirigibles and floating up to Santa’s Workshop on the North Pole to record our HOLIDAY MEGA EPISODE (it’s important to note that for the sake of continuity, we still recorded the podcast over skype, from three different wings of Santa’s Ice Mansion). I have to say, it was a fairly magical experience recording a podcast in December at the North Pole – amid the hustle and bustle of magical elves working hard on last minute preparations for Santa’s big night… Reindeer flying in and out of the Aurora Borealis… grumpy living snow-man-monsters shuffling about… JUST MAGICAL! The peppermint schnapps and chocolate wine (yes, you read that correctly) flowed freely as we talked on into the night about all things holiday related – we relived old Christmas memories of presents good and bad, re-imagined the Charles Dickens (rest in peace) classic “A Christmas Carol” with Jake as Ebenezer Scrooge, talked about our favorite Holiday movies – plus, Jeff has some VERY SPECIAL old-timey Christmas themed jokes that he wrote, which managed to be worse than the chocolate wine. Enjoy our very special HOLIDAY MEGA EPISODE, and make sure to stop back by next week for our  VERY SPECIAL LOOK BACK ON 2010!

It’s that time of year when we gather our loved ones, snuggle around the fire, count our blessings, and have frank and candid discussions about The Human Centipede. Even though our Holiday Mega Episode doesn’t drop until next week, we still manage to get in the spirit of the season with all sorts of fun stuff. Jeff helps us out by simulating your “Life After Thanksgiving” which turns out to be pretty accurate. We also reminisce about this past Thanksgiving holiday where one of Jake’s friends, in what could only be described as a BOLD yet very baffling display of… something… called Jeff a VERY BAD and contextually confusing word during a game of Drunken UNO. He also managed to do it in the form of a question. Jake has weird friends. Lots of other stuff happens too – including a visit from the Drunk Baby who stops by to sing us the “Bed Intruder Song” – and we re-imagine some classic nursery rhymes as modern shock-horror movies. Give it a listen, and stop by next week for our Holiday Mega Episode!

This is it. It’s time.  It’s been more than a month since we posted the first episode of the Bad Movie Olympics and now it’s time to finally reveal which of these five AWFUL movies turns out to be the MOST AWFULUST. I have to admit, the ending was a surprise to even us… That, combined with the awesome celebrity intro we managed to score for this episode, and you’re looking at some damn fine podcastin’. We had a great time doing this whole Bad Movie Olympics thing, and can say that sometime in the future we’ll definitely be doing it again. In the mean time, we’re going to be collaborating with our friends Seth and DaLysh again pretty soon, so stay tuned for that. Check back in a couple of days for another awesome episode, and make sure to and come back next week for our TERRIBLE FRIENDS PODCAST HOLIDAY SPECTACULAR! But first…. enjoy the FINAL episode of the FIRST ANNUAL TERRIBLE FRIENDS PODCAST BAD MOVIE OLYMPICS!!!!!!!