The Terrible Friends Podcast

Sometimes technology can be a fickle mistress… We experienced this firsthand when we sat down to record our Bad Movie Olympics episode a couple of weeks ago with our friends Seth and DaLysh from the F-List podcast when, mere minutes into the recording, DaLysh’s computer stopped working. According to Seth, this was because DaLysh is Amish. And his computer is a block of wood. So instead of recording the BMO’s (don’t worry – those are coming next week) we decided to sit down and have a chat with our friend Seth, who aside from hosting the F-List podcast is also a contributing writer for 1up.com where he has a blog called Add To Queue which tells you what you should be watching through netflix on your game console while it isn’t playing games. He taught us about the world. Specifically Maine. Even more specifically, what they drink in Maine. We also dissect the probable chain of events that led up to both of these people consenting to take this picture. And not crying while it was being taken. Other topics covered, include: Islands, zombie invasions on islands, and T-Rex attacks.

An important thing to remember about the Terrible Friends is that we’re as much about learning as we are about fun (or poop, boners, or making fun of stupid people).  To that end, in this episode we discuss the etymology of “slam hole”, the implications of Rich traveling in time, and women with mustaches.  Jake also learns why it’s not a good idea to fall asleep while watching a movie with Jeff, and Rich retells how he gets suspicious looks when he walks by a school during the day. Oh and we watched a video of a nanny caught abusing children.  Enjoy!

You can find some weird stuff in pet stores sometimes. This week we talk about some of it! Like a cat that makes weird faces at you… or another cat that Jake can’t seem to describe… or this dog food that Rich saw recently and managed to photograph. We also talk about this dog food, presented to you by a spokesperson who used to be the star of a television show from the late 70’s and early 80’s. As pointed out by the great John Hodgman before us, this is an almost unbelievably bizarre combination of things that really shouldn’t exist. Oh, did I mention it’s also seeped in casual racism? After that, it was time to head down the rabbit hole of  THE INTERNET – specifically Google Image Search, where we spend some time playing the classic game of  “Search a random word and see how many pages of Google Image Search you have to go through until you find porn”. This eventually morphs into the game “Do a Google Image Search for a variety of double entendre and euphemisms see what the most popular image is.” SPOILER ALERT: Here’s what you get for Cornhole:

When you get a group of guys together and have them talk about stuff, it’s only a matter of time until a discussion comes up about them peeing on stuff.  Jeff calls this “using his stream of justice” so it’s no surprise that he’s had most of the experiences of peeing on stuff he shouldn’t have been peeing on.  One story involves his friend ruining the AC system at a restaurant by peeing on it.  I can tell you that you’d never catch me peeing anywhere close to something that runs off of electricity. We also get a visit from Gollum doing impersonations of Dennis Hopper and Tommy Wiseau.

This week’s episode is full of lots of exciting stoires! Jake tells us about how he went to this thing called “Woofstock” where some old guy propositioned Jake’s dog for sex. I guess we should be thankful for the fact that WHAT HAPPENS AT WOOFSTOCK STAYS AT WOOFSTOCK UNTIL YOU FILE THE POLICE REPORT! While telling a story about having to break into my own house, Jake and Rich explain to me the proper way to break down a door, which I guess is to KICK at it until it breaks. Apparently this works better than my strategy – “run repeatedly into the door until the door opens”. We also ruminate on a conceptual Halloween costume for Jake, the idea for which sprung out of a dream I had. A weird dream. A REALLY weird dream. Please see the mock-up below of how I imagine the final product turning out. Definitely the scariest Halloween costume I’ve seen in years. Closing things out today are three supplemental images – all of which we talk about during the podcast, but don’t ever really do a great job of explaining. I figured we should post them here in order to save you the trouble of googling “Urinal Mouth” and “Yoda Fleshlight”… Enjoy!

Ah yes. It always feels good to find yet another fun little corner of the Internet.  To me I always feel a bit like an explorer who stumbles onto a hidden city in the middle of a jungle in South America.  In this case though, it’d have to be a hidden city where people are having sex with every common household object that they can figure out how to have sex with.  Go see for yourself at Household Holes. If you haven’t noticed yet, one of Jeff and Rich’s favorite things to do is to talk me into awkward conversations and see how uncomfortable they can make me.  A few examples would be bloodplay, 4-H kids that Jeff went to high school with who had sex with farm animals, Cuddle Parties (where a boner is nature’s thumbs-sign), and Jeff getting scabs from another kid in his mouth. Occasionally though, I manage to give my friends  a taste of their own medicine.  If you can’t quite figure out links I was sending them during the podcast, this should help you out.

Blue Velvet is a messed up movie. That doesn’t mean it isn’t a great movie, because it totally IS a great movie. It’s also considered to be one of the late Dennis Hopper’s strongest performances ever. It’s well written, well directed, well shot, the story has good pacing… it’s just a messed up movie. The story takes place in a neo-industrial rural-to-mid-sized town where a bored teen finds a severed ear in a field  – a discovery that will lead him into the very depths of his town’s seedy underbelly. He meets characters like “insane immigrant nightclub singer” and “nitrous huffing rapist”… and THEN the movie starts to get weird. As I mentioned before – Dennis Hopper steals the show with his portrayal of Frank Booth, the world’s biggest fan of Pabst Blue Ribbon (sorry hipsters, Frank Booth has been on the Pabst wagon since before you could use a toilet) who happens to be a very violent rapist. Frank Booth also has a wide vocabulary of insults and instructions at hand – most of which involve the word “fuck”. Sometimes several times in a row. If you’re looking for something interesting, thought provoking, and, well… weird, you should definitely give Blue Velvet a look; although it’s definitely not a movie for the faint of heart, or the naive of spirit. We introduce a new segment in this week’s podcast in which we delve into two scenes cut out of the theatrical release – both of which add a little bit of clarity to the overall story. So go ahead and give it a download and then take a ride with us, neighbor. It’ll be fun.

One of Jeff’s favorite things to do is to find ways make me as uncomfortable as possible.  He did a fantastic job of that this week when he brought up bloodplay, accidentally getting another dude’s scabs in his mouth in a swimming pool, and clown sex.  As you listen to the podcast, I think you can actually visualize me squirming in my seat more and more as the podcast goes along. I did, however, gain a bit of respect for Jeff as he tells the story of how he broke his arm when he was a kid, and then immediately tried to reset the bone himself by trying to yank it back into place.  I’m pretty sure that if Rich or I were in the same situation we’d just have started sobbing uncontrollably.

This week’s Movie Night podcast is very special, in more ways than one. Due to some technical/scheduling difficulties, this week’s movie got a recording session all it’s own, so we’re “kicking it old school” as the kids today say – bringing you around 45 minutes of red-hot podcast about the movie Big Trouble in Little China. The increased length can also be attributed to the fact that Rich WOULD NOT STOP EATING CHEETOS and because of that, we spend a lot of time talking about Cheetos. Specifically Cheetos Zingers. Whatever the reason, we spend about twice our usual amount of time talking about a movie Jake calls “One of the best movies ever made” which from the start seems HIGHLY questionable. On the other hand I WOULD accept “weird-ass trip through an American screenwriter’s mostly un-researched version of Chinese mystic culture” – seriously, this movie made me feel like I had signed up for Intermediate Chinese Mysticism 201 and then skipped every class leading up to the review session for the comprehensive final. Maybe THIS is the point at which my lack of knowledge of other 80’s movies is finally coming into play… Perhaps if I had the complete knowledge of every other weird kung-fu movie made during the 1980’s then this one would have been more of a homage or a spoof or something instead of just… well… confusing. Anyway. That’s not to say I HATED this movie. It was weird, but weird in a fun way. The whole plot essentially consisted of Kurt Russel and some Chinese character actors fighting the cast of Mortal Kombat and some super-scary looking muppets. As a side bar – this movie was apparently popular enough to warrant it’s own action figures. Take that, world. The only thing that REALLY bugged me about this movie was the beginning and the end – neither seemed complete enough and were both FAR too out of the context of the movie which they were made to bookend. I could also go on a rant about how the ending was obviously intended to set-up a sequel that never got made, but I wont (because I did enough of that on the podcast). So there you go –  listen to our thoughts on Big Trouble in Little China which while not being one of the best movies ever made, is definitely pretty good. I’ll leave you now with an artist’s rendering of the “Chinese Wild Man” who while seeming so violent on the streets of Chinatown, proves to be nothing but a gentle giant in its natural habitat.

Ever wonder about bug wieners? Baby hobos? Pumpkin Spice flavored Hershey’s Kisses? Grape flavored foam? Lady parts? Well we have, and let me tell you – none of those are things you really want to spend too much time mulling over. But hey, we’ll do it for you, and then talk about it in podcast form! Highlights include: The mating habits of Bed Bugs – PICTURE NSFW IF YOU’RE A BED BUG IN A BED BUG WORKPLACE We have a conversation with a drunk baby. We also re-visit the topic of “Worst Candy EVER” with a few new top contenders: Enjoy! Make sure to write us a review on iTunes (if you haven’t already) and stay tuned because we have some super exciting stuff coming up in October!