The Terrible Friends Podcast

Ahhhh 1983… When Soviet Communism was still terrifying, computers were still confusing to everyone except nerds and teenagers, and thermonuclear war was a constant thought in the back of everyone’s mind. 1983 (aside from being the birth year of me, your hero) is also the backdrop to War Games starring Matthew Broderick, Ally Sheedy, and a computer named after a hamburger. This movie also featured guest appearances from “the frailty of the human psyche”, “oh shit computers are fucking scary”, and “pterodactyls who hate kids”. The Verdict? War Games was pretty good. While the hacking wasn’t quite as colorful or “Descent like” as it was in Weird Science, it was also more believable. The movie had an interesting story which moved along at a good pace, and involved a simplistic, but still captivating sense of discovery throughout (a feeling termed by our own Rich Kimball as “Bubblegum Espionage”). It’s on Netflix Watch It Now, and in my opinion is definitely worth a look. But first things first – check out our newest podcast offering; Episode 39 – Movie Night. Do it now before the super sentient government hamburger computers blow us up!

Occasionally in our constant search of lore and legends on the Internet, we run across a few gems that sparkle more than others. Jake found one of these gems while he was casually browsing through the personals on Craiglist. He found an ad for a group called The Midnight Society,  which has nothing to do with the old Nickelodeon show “Are You Afraid of the Dark?”. No, this was an ad for a group of “real” vampires. The Terrible Friends, upon learning of the true existence of these dark creatures, had a brilliant idea: a social network for vampires. We brainstormed and came up with a few potential domains for our amazing idea. bonerinthenight.com vampirecuddleparty.com nightdarkness.com Which one do you like?  Let us know and we will make this happen!  Email us at [email protected]. For other websites that shouldn’t exist, visit jaredremembered.com, and downwithpinatas.com.

In this episode we talk about our favorite superpowers, a brief Star Wars trivia battle between Jeff and Jake (to be continued; Jake’s going to win eventually), and Jeff recounts the previous night, full of Jake’s drunken shenanigans.

It’s movie night again and we’re still in the midst of trying to educate me on all of the awesome movies I missed (or avoided) from the 1980’s. Execpt this week it was my pick, so I decided to pull from the deep well of the three movies I saw growing up, and picked the late ’80’s classic, “Purple People Eater”. You may remember this movie from when it played nonstop on the Disney Channel around 1989. Purple People Eater is a classic example of “Nostalgia gone horribly horribly wrong”. The whimsical tale of a young boy and a space monster friend I remember from my youth is actually just a cinematic abortion, containing GREAT FEATURES like: *Kids who don’t know how to play instruments trying to play instrument! *A giant purple monster ejaculating music notes out of a phallic horn on its head! *People covering large areas of their skin with what surely had to be lead based paint! *Kids lecturing other kids about being more kind to the elderly! This film also contained some truely terrible cameo’s by a few of early rock & roll’s fallen stars. Jake also claims that based on some “lingering hugs” (whatever that means) that this movie has a very strong child molestation undertones. I just think he didn’t like the movie… It’s also important to note that this movie also stars a very young (but still awesome) Neil Patrick Harris, as well as a young (but still creepy) Dustin Diamond.  So I guess it’s got that going for it. That’s about it – here’s our newest episode! Until next time, for your own safety and sanity, please remember something that apperently none of us did – “If a movie is based off of something that was originally a novelty song, that movie does not need to be watched.”

If you’re from the Midwest or from a small town, chances are that you were either in 4-H or had friends or family that were.  Having grown up on a farm, it’s no surprise that Jake was in 4-H, and I suppose it’s also no surprise that Jeff’s only experience with it was 4-H kids in high school he overheard talking about having sex with farm animals. We also discuss some of our guilty pleasures, which include Lady Gaga, Stargate SG-1, and Jeff pretending that he’s flying an X-Wing when he’s driving to work in his car.

Have you ever heard of the phenomenon known as Cuddle Parties? For those who haven’t, here’s the official definition: A Cuddle Party is a structured, safe workshop on boundaries, communication, intimacy and affection. A drug and alcohol-free way to meet fascinating people in a relaxing environment. A laboratory where you can experiment with what makes you feel safe and feel good. – www.cuddleparty.com The Terrible Friends definition is a little bit different: A Cuddle Party is a collection of  lonely, sexually frustrated people who, instead of connect physically with other human beings in a normal manner, such as a hug for a family member or actually having real sex with another person, clamber into a pile together to dry-hump each other to the point of chafing. Or, if you’re a sexual deviant: A Cuddle Party is a great place to rub your boner into the backs of complete strangers without anyone getting mad.  Because, according to www.cuddleparty.com, “An erection is just nature’s thumbs-up sign”. Take a listen!

Once again, this week’s movie night pick was chosen from the large selection of 80’s movies that Jeff hasn’t seen. It was Jake’s pick , and he chose the movie Weird Science which, has the title implies, was kind of weird. Unfortunately the whole movie doesn’t turn out to be the romp through hormone fueled nostalgia that teenage Jake quite remembered… instead it’s sort of a twisted re-telling of the Dr. Suess classic “The Cat In The Hat”… if the Cat In The Hat enjoyed activities like “showering with underage boys”, “making out with underage boys”, “getting underage boys drunk”… etc. It turns out this movie would have been more appropriately named “Fucking Creepy-Ass Science” . As a side note – FUN FACT: The movie also features an incredibly young Robert Downey Jr! So… anyway. Episode 33 – Movie Night: Weird Science… LISTEN NOW!

Ever wonder how funny it would be if a velociraptor had big yellow bananas instead of scary toenails? Hilarious, right? Well apparently Jake doesn’t think so. Here’s a list of other things Jake doesn’t find funny: * People makin’ whoopie while wearing Pterodactyl costumes. * The insinuation that he has the “figure of a Tuba player”. * Jeff’s uncanny impression of him. * Illiteracy (particularly his own). Well lucky for us (and you) WE DO find these  things funny, and we talk about them and much more at length in this week’s episode.  ENJOY!

What do you do if your son pooped in his principal’s barbecue grill, or if you accidentally  shoot your neighbor’s dog repeatedly with a pellet gun, of when your step sister has her first period?  You have the Terrible Friends make a card for that specific situation.  We also talked about the correct usage of “Whatevs” and “Whatever”, our favorite kinds of pie, and the awful things that Jake and Jeff do to girls who go see scary movies with them.

Allow me to ask you a question. Before doing so I’m going to assume that you’re close to my age (26) or maybe a bit younger or older. Do you remember all of the awesome movies from the 1980’s that had a hand in shaping the landscape of our language, fashion, and even the very structure of our culture? You do? Great! But guess what? I don’t remember a single one! Blame it on my somewhat sheltered upbringing – blame it on the fact that when I was growing up I would rather watch “The Empire Strikes Back” for the 1,000,000th time than try and find entertainment in something new. For whatever reason, a few months ago when Jake and Rich and I started talking about iconic movies from the ’80s, I came to a realization. I really haven’t seen any of them. Sure, I’ve managed to catch 20 minutes here and there of movies like “Die Hard” “The Breakfast Club” and “Coming to America” on TV during the last 20 years or so, but actually sitting down and watching any of these movies from start to finish? Nope. So for a month or so, Jake and Rich are going to be making our Movie Night movies exclusively movies from the 1980’s that I haven’t seen. I’m a bit excited about this, but also a little bit tentative. What if these beloved movies that Rich and Jake remember so fondly from their childhood just AREN’t as good when viewed through the eyes of  a cynical adult, 20 years after their release? It’s going to be an interesting experiment regardless, one which I hope that you’ll join us for. The first movie that was picked was the  movie “Trading Places” starring Dan Aykroyd, Eddie Murphy, and a healthy dose of some fun-time 1980s casual racism. Listen along with us as Rich and Jake lead me through the first step in my journey to the movies of yesteryear – Trading Places.