The Transformational Podcast

On the 23rd episode of The Matters Of The Heart podcast, I'll be sharing 10 factors to consider in choosing a life partner in today's solo presentation.

I started by first defining marriage which is a legal union between a man and a woman. It is a mutual agreement between the two sex opposition in which both parties share uncommon feelings, understanding, joy, love and other benefiting emotions. The above concept prompted the necessity for one to consider certain factors in choosing a life partner.

Frankly, It is of the greatest joy to be with the right person as it was even attested in the bible; ‘He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favour from the LORD (Proverbs 18:22)’. This is no difference between finding a good husband too. Remember, Marriage is a perpetual union in which only death can cut the cord and therefore, carefulness must be served without being biased or uncertain. It is then imperative for one to consider the following factors in choosing a life partner.

In my opinion, I think marriage shouldn't be rushed into but rather should be carefully and sensitively looked into in order to enjoy a lasting and blissful union.

The 10 factors are stated below

🎯1. FEAR OF GOD

🎯 2.  SINCERITY

🎯 3. HUMILITY

🎯 4. NEATNESS

🎯5. BEAUTY/HANDSOMENESS

🎯 6. SIMPLICITY

🎯7. INTELLIGENCE

🎯8. UNDERSTANDING

🎯9. GOOD MANNERS

🎯10. HARD-WORKING

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On the 22nd episode of The Matters Of The Heart podcast, I have the privilege of having Mrs Titilayo Ewa Adeliyi  in our midst. 

She likes to be called Ewa. She is a Legal Practitioner, Certified Life and Cancer Coach and NLP Practitioner.

She's the CEO of ARISE FROM THE ASHES a non for profit established to inspire, support and inform cancer patients through their cancer patients and to see them through to another season of life of Hope.

She is a Speaker, Author and Mentor.

In 2012, a diagnosis of Breast cancer changed her world, and she aims to support people who have been impacted by cancer to help them see through another season of life with Hope.

She communicates and serves cancer patients to the effect that true health and healing encompasses the medical, nutritional, emotional and faith aspects.


We delved into areas like 

🎯 Introduction 

🎯 What childhood was like

🎯Her cancer journey

🎯What her recovery process was like

🎯 What the support was like on the home front during her cancer journey

🎯How her husband and children coped with the situation?

🎯How she felt on her bad days which she has with the help of God overcome

🎯Her final words where she shared extensively on what her foundation does and why she's so passionate and committed to this incredible cause that is really close to her heart

You can connect with Titi Ewa Adeliyi on Arise from Ashes on Facebook Community Page
Her personal Facebook page or via email at [email protected]


Mrs Adeliyi's devotional and journal can be got on the links below

https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2FMoments-Hope-Devotional-Cancer-Patients%2Fdp%2FB093RP214J%3Ffbclid%3DIwAR2f-6GEHu62rUEq1m2cLn1zozoM7_ezcqlZg1oRihgY8xfcmRtPVsj3enI&h=AT33EO64ZB8YeUG2mMdGz0JnK09hPLB5wpER-6Bf76yEr3dsU4gqWFhCa9HoFOITeE2hnWZa0B82vm2T4IBIKQi2RESiobUxbada0L0ArNf2k7BT-lRUM43olatfknMlyMU

https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.co.jp%2FMoments-Hope-JOURNAL-Titilayo-Adeliyi%2Fdp%2FB0946ZLCNX%3Ffbclid%3DIwAR1zh87QziEMvmTMgEhbjRZVUA13rxcmGuLPE3Um6TwpAXtenOIQousu3SM&h=AT33EO64ZB8YeUG2mMdGz0JnK09hPLB5wpER-6Bf76yEr3dsU4gqWFhCa9HoFOITeE2hnWZa0B82vm2T4IBIKQi2RESiobUxbada0L0ArNf2k7BT-lRUM43olatfknMlyMU

Don't forget to share with your friends and loved ones. You can also follow us, like and subscribe so that you can be the first to know when the next episode drops.


 

On the 21st episode of The Matters Of The Heart podcast, I'll be sharing the 3 most important elements of a successful marriage in my solo presentation. 

Here are some statistics based on research

The average age of interviewees was 77 and included 58 percent women and 42 percent men. The average length of marriage in the sample was 44 years; the couple with the longest marriage were ages 98 and 101 and had been married 76 years. Responses were coded into the most commonly occurring recommendations, resulting in a list of the most frequently selected lessons for a successful, long-term relationship.

"Rather than focus on a small number of stories, my goal was to take advantage of the 'wisdom of crowds,' collecting the love and relationship advice of a large and varied cross-section of long-married elders in a scientifically reliable and valid way," said Pillemer.

Pillemer uncovered common advice for couples walking down the aisle or decades into marriage. The top five lessons from the elders, along with Pillemer's analysis:

Learn to communicate: "For a good marriage, the elders overwhelmingly tell us to 'talk, talk, talk.' They believe most marital problems can be solved through open communication, and conversely many whose marriages dissolved blamed lack of communication."

Get to know your partner very well before marrying: "Many of the elders I surveyed married very young; despite that fact, they recommend the opposite. They strongly advise younger people to wait to marry until they have gotten to know their partner well and have a number of shared experiences. An important part of this advice is a lesson that was endorsed in very strong terms: Never get married expecting to be able to change your partner."

Treat marriage as an unbreakable, lifelong commitment: "Rather than seeing marriage as a voluntary partnership that lasts only as long as the passion does, the elders propose a mindset in which it is a profound commitment to be respected, even if things go sour over the short term. Many struggled through dry and unhappy periods and found ways to resolve them -- giving them the reward of a fulfilling, intact marriage in later life."

Learn to work as a team: "The elders urge us to apply what we have learned from our lifelong experiences in teams -- in sports, in work, in the military -- to marriage. Concretely, this viewpoint involves seeing problems as collective to the couple, rather than the domain of one partner. Any difficulty, illness, or setback experienced by one member of the couple is the other partner's responsibility."

Chose a partner who is very similar to you: "Marriage is difficult at times for everyone, the elders assert, but it's much easier with someone who shares your interests, background and orientation. The most critical need for similarity is in core values regarding potentially contentious issues like child-rearing, how money should be spent and religion."

According to Pillemer, "These unique insights show the value of using rigorous survey methods to uncover the practical wisdom of older people. Although a number of general studies of elder wisdom have been conducted, no one had researched the specific advice elders have for a critical life domain like marriage. Therefore, the study points the way toward the need for future research on concrete lessons we learn over the course of our lives."

Don't forget to share with your friends and loved ones. You can also follow us, like and subscribe so that you can be the first to know when the next episode drops.

On the 20th episode of The Matters Of The Heart podcast, I have the privilege of having Ijeoma Cheryl Mmonu in our midst. She's a Lawyer by profession and the founder of Cheryl Marshals and Impeccable cleaning services. Her hobbies are singing, travelling and cleaning. She's proudly Christian.

We covered areas like: 

🎯 2:00 Introduction 

🎯 2:40 Her background story where she shared that she's the first daughter and second child of the family and both family and societal expectations on her are high. She also comes from a family where the Christian value is held in high esteem and a good education is a matter of necessity.

🎯 5:55 Her Professional and academic journey and why she embarked on a journey to Cambridge to study Law. She also delved a bit into how her cleaning services came about.

🎯16:34 Things she enjoys doing to give back to the society
She enjoys cleaning with a passion and loves children especially the girl child. She talked about her consistent support for an orphanage in Abuja, Nigeria where she's based.

🎯22:25 Ijeoma was also kind enough to share her relationship journey with us to encourage other single ladies with emphasis that she's complete in God because she knows her identity in Christ. She loves and serves God unapologetically and never leaves her happiness in the hands of anyone.

🎯 32:20 Closing statement - In closing, Ijeoma shared some encouraging words with us which are let nothing hold you back from pursuing your dreams. Do not limit yourself, You can be anything you want to be, believe in God and yourself and anything is possible.

You can connect with Ijeoma on Facebook @ Ijeoma Cheryl Mmonu 

On the 19th episode of The Matters Of The Heart podcast, I have the honor of having the parenting expert Ayanate Njoku, a mum of three, a blogger, a Family Life/Parent coach and a certified child psychologist currently building an online business. She helps parents become intentional in their parenting journey by offering coaching sessions, sharing helpful advice from her knowledge and experience, as well as tips that have worked for her.

Ayanate is an authour of the gratitude journal and also runs a community to connect with mums to share their respective struggles, learn, unlearn and relearn from them and also to celebrate their wins.

We covered areas like: 

🎯 2:15 Introduction 

🎯 5:08 How long she’s. been a parental coach?

🎯 8:52 what are the Parenting Styles to adopt?

🎯 15:30 How  parents should  encourage Emotional Growth in their children?

🎯 19:40 What ways  parents can  cope with Daily Stress & Frustrations?

🎯 25:55 How  parents can support their children in dealing with Crisis and Trauma?

🎯 37:00 How  parents can  prevent and manage Problem Behaviour?

🎯 40:55 Is Sibling Rivalry healthy and how can parents successfully deal with it?

🎯 47:50 How she’s  able to  balance being a full time Mum and Family Life without it getting in the way since her husband works abroad?

Ayanate can be reached on her Instagram handle @parentin.united or send her an email at [email protected]

You can get her gratitude journal on Amazon at https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B091WJHFXM/ref=cm_sw_r_wa_api_glt_fabc_AX7GWJ27GG7KS4X5M4AZ

On the 18th episode of The Matters Of The Heart podcast, I have the privilege of having the beautiful and passionate Funmi Akinrinboya in our midst. Originally from the Western part of Nigeria. She has been married for over 12 years. A mum of 3, she has a BSc in Pharmaceutical Science here in UK at London metropolitan University. Funmi holds a postgraduate degree in project management, she's a certified project manager both foundation and practitioner. She's the Founder and Managing Director of BME Suffolk Support Group in Ipswich and Beck Row. 

Funmi has an in-depth knowledge of how housing issues, benefits issues, money advice, consumer issues and immigration issues work. She has worked with DWP as universal credit adviser and also as gateway assessor for Citizen advice and generalist adviser for CAB. Funmi is really passionate about family, children and togetherness. 

We covered areas like: 

- 2:55 Introduction

- 3:25 What growing up was like
which she said was a mixed bag. She has a Christian background, the 2nd child from a family of 6

- 4:50 Her driving force for birthing BME Suffolk
Which she said through her personal life experience and her passion for immigration. Having gone through a lot in her marriage, immigration and personal life herself. 

- 9:00 What has kept her going despite all obstacles faced 
She confessed that people were a bit sceptical initially but she didn't get discouraged. She termed leadership as service to people and finding purpose as well as discovering something for the betterment of humanity. She also highlighted that commitment, discipline and sacrifice were required

- 16:30 How she has managed to fit the project around her full time job
She has able to prioritise and do the important things first. Family, work and her spare time for the support group. Though difficult, she got a huge support from her family.

- 24:00 Her achievements thus far

The support group getting nominated by Suffolk community foundation. 
An award from BBC Suffolk radio for going above and beyond during the Covid-19 pandemic
A handwritten letter from the Lord Lieutenant of Her Royal Majesty in Suffolk
They were featured on the BBC Look East as one of the recognised Black Organisations doing amazingly well in Ipswich
Funmi emphasised that when we serve, our service will attract people to us. Leadership is by service.
They were able to secure food vouchers for people in need of them
£100 for the elderly shielding or self isolating towards their heating during  the last winter
They were able to secure 20 laptops for the young people while home-schooling
£75 towards exercise equipment for families

- 34:40 BME Beck Row project launch
They just a funding approval of a paid staff which means they can keep the office open.

- 41:40 Her motive behind the monthly gatherings
Evidencing everything they do
Giving feedbacks regarding the needs of the people to the funders
Educating, equipping with information and addressing issues
Empowering people with the right information
Food pantry service which has been of tremendous help and support to people in need
Is not about the numbers but a few committed people

- 50:14 How her husband and children have been of immense support to her project.
By carrying her husband along so he can help to look after the kids when she has an interview or a meeting

Don't forget to share with your friends and loved ones. You can also follow us, like and subscribe so that you can be first to know when the next episode drops.

Funmi can be reached on the following social media handles

BME Suffolk on Facebook
BSSG, support for Black and Minorities ethnics in Northwest Ipswich. (bmesuffolk.org)
BME Suffolk on Instagram

On the 17th episode of The Matters Of The Heart podcast, I have the honour of having the beautiful, and vibrant Funmi Adewumi in our midst.

She's a humanitarian, domestic violence adviser, mental health advocate, and a qualified NLP Master Practitioner.  She has over 25 years of work experience shared between the public and private sectors in the UK and Nigeria respectively.  She has developed strong leadership and an unconquerable ''can do'' spirit with which she now pursues the joy of lifting others up, particularly the bruised and abused. Her heart for women and the vulnerable is easily felt in her first published book.

She shared her vulnerability with us by taking us through her marital and life journeys, the obstacles faced and how she overcame her fears and emotional torture which metamorphosed to her becoming a transformational coach. She saw her dark moments as a time to draw closer to God and kept learning and researching daily, acquiring knowledge and skills to become the better version of herself. 

We covered areas like: 

- 3:50 Introduction

-  5:20 Her childhood story which she said was really interesting because her parents were loving and magnanimous always wanting to helping others.  Her parents were disciplinarians with her mum called the strict one. She didn't spare them in their upbringing ensuring that they got some value from their upbringing. She realised later that this was done out of love because they wanted the best for her and her siblings. She realised it brought out the survival instinct in her which has paid off to her now reflecting back.

- 17:08 She shared her marriage journey with us which she started pretty early.  She highlighted that her first marriage amplified their differences as she was an introvert while her husband was an extrovert and loved to party but marriage did not change this for him. This was the case in other areas of the marriage as well as it was obvious that they were generally not on the same page. This carried on for 10 years before they both talked about it and finally went their separate ways.

- 23:00 She shared her 2nd marriage journey with us. Single for 15 years until she met her 2nd husband. She felt she was matured to take decisions and knew what she was doing. Even though she saw the handwriting on the wall because he was once married but she felt she had things under control. The marriage was smooth for about 6 months before they started having issues.

- 40:00 What led her to converting from Islam to Christianity. She had been getting church invitations from friends she started to seek the face of God and found God for herself. With this she was convinced

- 43: 00 The stumbling blocks to people resigning themselves to fate. She shed some light on this which she classed as toxic stress

- 45: 10 The growth mindset which she said is really key to moving forward and fulfilling our purpose in life.

- 47: 00 Going ahead with her 2nd marriage even though she saw the warning signs. Mindset plays a huge role in this. She expressed that if people can find their identity they would handle things better.

- 51:30 How she's been able to turn her adversity into strength. This she said has been a progressive journey.
- 1:05:15 Her final words of encouragement

Coach Funmi's book ''I Am Better Than This'' can be found on Amazon and https://selectivelife.thinkific.com/

Connect with coach Funmi on her IG handle @selectivelifeglobal
As a goodwill gesture Coach Funmi has agreed to give free copies to anyone going through abuse so feel free to reach out to her.

Don't forget to share with your friends and loved ones. You can also follow us, like and subscribe so that you can be first to know when the next episode drops.

On the 16th episode of The Matters Of The Heart podcast, it's a solo presentation with the focus on resilience.

Resilience involves developing flexibility in your life as you encounter stressful events and demanding circumstances. An essential part of this is your ability to be open-minded and flexible when dealing with uncertainty and change. Resilient people have an acute sense of what they can and can't control.

We are currently going through a once-in-a-lifetime global crisis. The truth is that there are a lot of reasons why we could be pessimistic and fearful about the future; but what history has taught us is that we have an ability as human beings to come out of every crisis stronger than ever.

What makes the difference between those who are looking at the current state as their worst nightmare versus those who are looking at this moment as an opportunity? It's tempting to say "optimism" or "perspective," or even "patience," but the truth is it's how fast they can adapt to change.

So in our relationships a lot of resilience is required for us to overcome life's challenges and become better versions of ourselves. Don't get overwhelmed with everything happening around you rather be intentional and focus on bouncing back bigger and better. 

Don't forget to share with your friends and loved ones. You can also follow us, like and subscribe so that you can be first to know when the next episode drops.

On the 15th episode of The Matters Of The Heart podcast, I have the honour of having the beautiful, goal getter and resilient Lanre Lasisi  in our midst. 

She's an entrepreneur and the founder of TLB (Totally Liberated), a non-profit organisation which she set up as a result of her own health journey. She holds two Bachelor’s degrees with honours – a degree in English from Lagos State University (1988) and a Business Degree at the University of Luton now University of Bedfordshire UK (1998).  She's a breast cancer survivor, she also coaches and raises awareness on grief and trauma.  Her journey and survival centres on her faith in God.

Lanre is a mother and single parent to three awesome daughters aged 30,  27 and 21years old. Her passion is to continue to raise awareness on both breast and prostate cancer, and to let the African society know that with the right treatment and support they can survive cancer. She loves sharing her journey at any given opportunity with others to build a community of ‘Totally Liberated’ minds.

We covered areas like:  

- 2:10 Introduction

-  4:16  What growing up was like. She shared that her late Dad was a teacher who believed that a the first born a lot of responsibilities rested on her shoulders. Though he was a disciplined person he thought her how to cook and be prudent with money even at a very tender age. She also had a cordial relationship with her Mum and siblings.  

- 10:25 She also took us through her marriage journey of 23 years. After having a close nit registry ceremony in the UK which she said she was very present in and enjoyed every moment of,  her parents wanted her to have the traditional ceremony in Nigeria which they obliged. She shared that she was there but not present because the parents had it specifically for themselves and so took the credit for it.

She also shared her not so smooth pregnancy journeys with us with the miracle of her first 2 daughters being sickle cell carriers (AS genotype) just as their both parents. The most amazing miracle is the fact that her last daughter has an (AA genotype) which is beyond a miracle. 

She also shared that the 3rd party involvement in her marriage played role in the breakdown of her marriage as well as communication issues. 

She shared her ugly story of sacrificing her career for her partner to get established in his career which he turned round to hunt her with with comments like her brain is no longer up to his standard. This obviously dealt a blow on her self esteem over the years.

- 25:30 How life has been as a divorced person. She stressed that this has made her more determined and intentional about life. She has been able to pick herself back up and not wallow in self pity. She's giving back to the society, impacting lives and adding value.

- 28:15 How the situation has affected her daughters. She shared that it has caused them a lot of trauma and grieve over the years which they're still dealing with and having therapy for.  She shared what it was like to have a tremendous support system from her daughters, church family, family members and friends who rose up to support her through her treatment process which helped quicken her recovery process as well. This she said was priceless knowing that she wasn't alone.

- 32:46 Her advice for women in toxic relationships. 

You can connect with me on Olanrewaju Temitayo Lasisi:

Instagram - @lanre.bl7

Facebook -  Lanre Temitayo Lasisi

Tiktok - Lanre Lasisi278

Don't forget to share with your friends and loved ones. You can also follow us, like and subscribe so that you can be first to know when the next episode drops.

On the 14th episode of The Matters Of The Heart podcast, I have the pleasure of having the lovely Comfort Adekunle in our midst. She is an Author of the book " Be Fulfilled or Be Forgotten". She is a Life and Purpose Coach, Female Lifestyle Expert, A Videographer and Photographer. 

She is the host of a Show titled "Purpose Show" which is aired weekly with hundreds of views. She is the founder of the Purposeful Females International, a community of Intentional females. She is currently based in Lagos, Nigeria and her favourite quote is "make your life count and don't just count your life".

We covered areas like:  

- 2:16 Introduction

- 4:08 What her childhood was like
She spoke about the tremendous support she got from her parents especially her Dad who always said to her and her siblings that gender is not a barrier to being successful

- 7:00 Her other passions as well
She revealed that she's a lover of children and teaches Sunday school at Church  

- 7:53  What is like to be single and waiting
She explained that it has given her time to explore and discover a lot of things about herself. And also utilising the time on her hands wisely

- 11:25 Her previous relationship that didn't work out which she said was a blessing in disguise as she might have married wrong. She highlighted the fact that you attract who you are. She's got a better relationship with God now and knows better.
She also warned that singles should get married to someone who's ready to share in your dreams and aspirations giving their unflinching support which will definitely bring out the best in you as a person   

- 13:20  Her words of encouragement for singles who are waiting to get married
She advised them not to get pressured into marriage and particularly stressed there's a difference between "A good person and the right person". She admonished them to pray, attend godly gatherings, dress modestly, have a vision for their lives and trust for the right person


- 17:36 Things to look out for in a relationship before considering marriage
The person must be a child of God, love God, must be comfortable with who you are and who you're becoming, trustworthy amongst many others

- 21:00 How to tell that a lady is ready for marriage
She must discovered her personal identity, she must have at least a stream of income. Must be a solution to a problem. She stressed that purpose is an absolute source of relevance so she must understand her purpose

- 28:00 Encouraging the singles to have good, reliable and trustworthy friends they can talk to so they don't feel lonely. She also stressed that Holy Spirit the comforter will comfort them. She admonished them to prioritise their happiness and not get pressured into marriage 


Don't forget to share with your friends and loved ones. You can also follow us, like and subscribe so that you can be first to know when the next episode drops.