The Unburdened Leader

What does it mean to you to be broken? To be normal? And who gets to decide what it means to be broken or whole?

We live in a culture obsessed with fixing anything deemed broken - from stuff to people.

We need to create spaces where we do not see difference as broken.

And we do this by not settling for our current ways of navigating our discomfort with difference while pushing back on the burdened definition of what is normal and what is broken.

But inclusion is inconvenient. It is also uncomfortable. And awkward. 

Facing your discomfort with difference and neurodivergence means facing your ableism. 

Which is why I was so excited and honored to talk with today’s guest. His book is a beautiful testament to so those with neurodivergence and other intersectional identities that have been marginalized. It is written beautifully and is now my number one recommend when people ask for a book to read about autism.

Eric Garcia is the senior Washington correspondent for the Independent and the author of the book We're Not Broken: Changing the Autism Conversation. He is also a columnist for MSNBC. He previously worked as an assistant editor at the Washington Post’s Outlook section and an associate editor at The Hill, as well as a correspondent for National Journal, MarketWatch, and Roll Call. He has also written for the Daily Beast, the New Republic, and Salon.com. Garcia is a graduate of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

• How Eric connected the dots between bad or debunked ideas about autism and bad public policy around autism and neurodivergence
• Why Eric maintained a journalist’s approach to his book, rather than writing a personal memoir
• How a chance conversation led to Eric’s wrestling with his fear of being “outed” and internalized ableism
• How Eric navigated consent and inspiration or pity “porn” when sharing other autistic people’s stories
• How Eric has recontextualized the asterisks on his successes and taken ownership of his accomplishments

Learn more about Eric Garcia:

• Website
• Twitter: @EricMGarcia
• We're Not Broken: Changing the Autism Conversation

Learn more about Rebecca:

• rebeccaching.com
• Work With Rebecca
• Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

• Electable: Why America Hasn't Put a Woman in the White House . . . Yet, Ali Vitale
• The Power Broker: Robert Moses and the Fall of New York, Robert A Caro
• The Bear
• Andor
• Glass Onion

When you see a need or have a vision for something, what do you do? Especially when there is a lot going on in your life and in the world. Do you jump in and take action or do you get in your head with all the what-ifs and to-do lists so much so that you do not even start to explore or take action?

Many of us do both.

But there are folks who take action and do something that supports the greater good, even when it feels too hard and there are many, many unknowns. 

They take risks, make hard decisions, and commit to their values with laser focus while leading with generosity, boundaries, and tenacity.

With so much unknown when the pandemic hit, it would have been easy for Jeffrey Brown and Jennifer Chen to keep their vision for a new business in their heads and wait until things were less chaotic.

But they did the opposite. 

They dove in with their vision for a new business that represented so much more than the products they were creating but became a true extension of their DNA and values.

Three years ago, they started IZOLA, a bakery making sourdough bread, croissants, and rolls. And they have transformed from lowering orders from their window to a thriving community hub in San Diego.

Jeffrey Brown is a prolific business builder who is passionate about creating fully immersive experiences - from reimagining the bakery industry and serving hot from the oven sourdough and croissants resulting in San Diego's only 5-star bakery to telling Pulitzer-recognized stories through film and photography.

Jennifer Chen has a background in e-commerce. She has spent the last 20 years building multi-million dollar brands in the areas of merchandising, product development, and business development. Now as co-founder of IZOLA, Jennifer has been able to utilize this experience and apply it to a new industry.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

• How Jeffrey and Jennifer translated their love of bread into a way to connect with their community during COVID lockdowns
• How they infused IZOLA with their values as the business started to grow and how that impacts how their hire and lead their team
• Why they chose to use grassroots funding efforts rather than traditional methods of raising capital
• How therapy helps Jennifer and Jeffrey create boundaries between their relationship and their business and navigate conflict
• How their prior work experiences outside the food world have shaped IZOLA’s processes

Learn more about Jeffrey Brown and Jennifer Chen:

• IZOLA
• Instagram: @izolabakery
• Google

Learn more about Rebecca:

• rebeccaching.com
• Work With Rebecca
• Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

• EP 57: Toxic Proving, Gender Bias, and the Not-Enough Loop with Wendy Collie

“Do you respect yourself when you look back on the hard times in your life?”

Do you look back on your hard times and feel good about how you led yourself and others? And when you go through a perfect storm of events in your life, what are the certainty anchors and relationships that helped you stay afloat when it felt hard to keep breathing?

Taking the time to honestly reflect on how we feel about ourselves and our choices during a hard time helps us stay present in how we want to lead and live when the next challenge comes our way. 

That’s why I wanted to talk with a few people who left me in awe of the care, forethought, and leadership they displayed throughout the pandemic. While everyone had their own stew of factors that complicated that time, leaders dealt with not only navigating the crisis themselves but offering guidance and vision for those they led.

Today’s guest is someone who knows that leading is not about perfection but instead about striving to improve while offering herself and others grace to screw it up and make mistakes while moving forward towards their collective commitments.

As a massage therapist and Doctor of Physical Therapy, Kristen Knightly Campbell is the Regional Director for Catalyst Physical Therapy and Wellness which has 3 clinics and 3 professional sports partnerships in San Diego, CA. 

From 2012-2016, Kristen also worked with the United States Soccer Federation with youth, Paralympic and Olympic-level teams. She was primarily with the US Women’s National Soccer Team as they prepared for and won the 2015 Women’s World Cup in Canada. In 2016, Kristen stepped away from traveling with the team to start her family, teach at Point Loma Nazarene University in the Masters of Kinesiology program and dive further into her leadership role at Catalyst.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

• How Kristen navigated the early days of COVID advocating for her team while understanding the concerns of the owner, all while on maternity leave
• Why having a foundation of real respect and trust with her boss is essential to resolving conflict
• How letting go of perfectionism and welcoming vulnerability has evolved Kristen’s leadership style
• How COVID has impacted not only the way they deliver services, but also relationships between staff and management
• How Kristen has navigated the emotional toll of COVID with an immunocompromised child

Learn more about Kristen Knightly Campbell:

• Catalyst Physical Therapy and Wellness
• Instagram: @catalystptandwellness

Learn more about Rebecca:

• rebeccaching.com
• Work With Rebecca
• Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

• Where the Crawdads Sing, Delia Owens
• Unbound: My Story of Liberation and the Birth of the Me Too Movement, Tarana Burke
• Drake White - Makin’ Me Look Good Again)
• Instant Family
• Dirty Dancing
• Top Gun

Psychedelics are having a mainstream moment. 

They continue to gain a bigger presence in our cultural awareness beyond their druggy stereotype over the last several decades. 

Psychedelics also continue to grow as an approach to treating certain mental health conditions leading many people to rethink the role of these drugs from solely being dangerous to possible catalysts of healing.

Over the last several years, studies using psychedelics like Ketamine and MDMA have been released focusing on complex PTSD and depression in individuals who had what was dubbed “treatment resistant.”

The early results and continued results show incredible promise and are beginning to stretch views on the use of psychedelics beyond just party drugs and into powerful and legitimate supports to healing.

So, I started doing my own review of the research to find trusted resources to learn from who also understood the many layers–clinically, socially, economically, and legally–surrounding psychedelics as they gain a more mainstream lens and more people are using them to support their mental wellbeing. 

My inquiries led me to today’s incredible and wholehearted Unburdened Leader guest. 

Victor Alfonso Cabral is a collaborative and strategic leader who is committed to making an impact on historical inequalities in his community and beyond. Victor serves as the Director of Policy and Regulatory Affairs for Fluence Training, a company that provides evidence-based training in psychedelic-assisted therapy and psychedelic harm reduction and integration services (PHRI) to clinicians across the world. Victor is also a Licensed Social Worker and practicing psychotherapist with training in Internal Family Systems, psychedelic-assisted therapy, and psychedelic harm reduction and integration. He is listed on Students for Sensible Drug Policy’s list of 40 Under 40 Outstanding BIPOC Leaders in Drug Policy in the United States and received the 2022 Emerging Social Work Leader Award from the National Association of Social Workers of Pennsylvania.

Please note: Much of what is discussed is still not legal in most states and studies. This is a conversation and not a blanket permission slip to use these powerful substances without specialized and caring support. Stay curious and discerning.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

• How connecting with his community as a struggling young adult informed Victor’s call to servant leadership and his healing journey
• How a harm reduction approach to setting and safety informs Victor’s approach to psychedelics
• Potential red flags to be aware of with psychedelic experiences and facilitators
• Why it’s vital to consider the structural issues inherent in our cultural and legal systems when considering who benefits and profits from psychedelics
• How Victor’s personal experiences with healing with psychedelic support have allowed him to unburden and tap into joy, liberation, and authenticity

Learn more about Victor Cabral:

• Fluence Training
• Connect with Victor on LinkedIn
• Instagram: @aWondrousMind
• Twitter: @aWondrousMind

Learn more about Rebecca:

• rebeccaching.com
• Work With Rebecca
• Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

• We Are the Medicine
• Fireside Project
• Emergent Strategy: Shaping Change, Changing Worlds, adrienne maree brown
• Journal of Radical Permission: A Daily Guide for Following Your Soul's Calling Sonya Renee Tyalor and adrienne maree brown
• 2Pac - “Changes”
• Atlanta
• Do the Right Thing

Rugged individualism occupies the heart of American mythology.

We pull ourselves up by our bootstraps. We ignore structural inequality and rely on our “can do” attitudes. We take on the personal shame of job loss or bankruptcy or health struggles. 

And we unquestionably accept that to make it in America, all we need to do is work hard.

Are we happier and is our society stronger for all our self-reliance? Or does individualism exacerbate the political, social, and interpersonal issues that cause us all so much pain? And in what ways do we collude with this toxic myth as we lead and support others around us? 

In today’s leadership roundtable conversation, my guests discuss how addressing the cultural burden of individualism is a powerful place to start when looking to also address the cultural burdens of racism, sexism, and consumerism.

Deran Young is a licensed therapist, CDWF, CDTL, Co-Author of the New York Times Best Seller, You Are Your Best Thing, retired military officer, and the founder of Black Therapists Rock.

Black Therapists Rock is a nonprofit organization that mobilizes over 30,000 mental health professionals committed to reducing the psychological impact of systemic oppression and intergenerational trauma. Deran is a leading influencer and public figure committed to spreading mental health awareness and improving health equity.

Dr. Richard Schwartz began his career as a systemic family therapist and an academic. Grounded in systems thinking, Dr. Schwartz developed Internal Family Systems (IFS) in response to clients’ descriptions of various parts within themselves. A featured speaker for national professional organizations, Dr. Schwartz has published many books, including his latest book, No Bad Parts,  and over fifty articles about IFS.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

• Four cultural legacy burdens and how they impact everything from our personal lives to our government
• How individualism helps perpetuate denial of systemic burdens
• The difference between shame and guilt as we identify the burdens we carry
• How addressing the parts of you that hold our cultural burdens can keep overwhelm and shame from activating
• Why curiosity and compassion are not the same as complicity
• Why clarity is the opposite of denial

Learn more about Deran Young:

• Black Therapists Rock
• You Are Your Best Thing
• Facebook: Black Therapists ROCK™
• Instagram: @blacktherapistsrock

Learn more about Dr. Richard Schwartz:

• IFS Institute
• No Bad Parts

Learn more about Rebecca:

• rebeccaching.com
• Work With Rebecca
• Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

How we talk about health matters.

Conversations about health are pervasive–when we get to know each other, when we play catch up, at kid pick-ups, and in between calls or meetings. 

Many of us see these conversations as benign since they are so commonplace and seem universal in their relatability.

Yet, these conversations matter because so many of our beliefs around health are connected to a more complicated web of power and profit that burdens our culture and our own well-being. 

Those beliefs can often be traced back to diet culture which fat-shames, fuels disordered eating practices and more serious clinical eating disorders, and spikes feelings of depression and anxiety. 

Diet culture is not just a trendy hashtag or something to police our words. It impacts all of us - whether we feel like we are sucked into it or not. 

Diet culture fuels orthorexia which places moral meaning on the food we eat, what our bodies look like, and the kind of fitness we engage in. 

Diet culture demonizes ways of eating and elevates others- not based on sound science but trends often promoted by influencers and celebrities.

Today’s guests are doing incredible work countering dangerous and inaccurate views of fitness and health. They offer accessible training that honors the positives of movement for ALL in ways that do not fuel a toxic obsession with fitness and health. And they share their windy journey in the fitness space that led to their philosophy and approach today. 

Lauren and Jason Pak are a personal training duo on a mission to bring a more grounded and reasonable approach to health and fitness. They have been personal trainers for 16 years and owned a gym for nearly a decade, and throughout that time they've come to realize that the extremes that exist in the fitness industry lead to intimidation and a lack of confidence, so they are out to combat that messaging in order to help people feel more empowered to take on their own health and fitness endeavors.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

• How Lauren and Jason both struggled with extremes in the fitness and health worlds before landing on their “reasonably fit” approach
• Why Jason and Lauren believe that developing a fitness plan is a conversation, not a list of shoulds or trends
• How seeing her clients yo-yo between joy at accomplishment and despair at the scale impacted Lauren’s self-talk and the way she trains for herself and others
• Why they don’t discourage clients from “scratching the itch” of a trendy workout
• How they create messaging in their social media that goes against toxic diet and fitness culture

Learn more about Jason and Lauren Pak:

• Website
• The Reasonably Fit Podcast
• Instagram: @jasonandlaurenpak
• TikTok: @jasonandlaurenpak

Learn more about Rebecca:

• rebeccaching.com
• Work With Rebecca
• Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

• $100M Offers: How To Make Offers So Good People Feel Stupid Saying No, Alex Hormozi
• Norah Jones
• Sia - "Unstoppable"
• Black Panther: Wakanda Forever - Music From and Inspired By
• The Guardians of the Galaxy: Holiday Special
• Black Panther: Wakanda Forever
• The Challenge: All Stars
• The Sandlot
• Dead Poets Society

We need to talk about power.

Like, get into the nitty gritty details on what we believe about power, how we move around power, and how we see ourselves in relationship to power. 

We need to get really clear on how we define it so we can truly understand the impact that our definitions of power have on our beliefs and actions. 

There are too many examples of people in power who still have a dated and toxic view of power while others struggle to see themselves as powerful. 

Our relationship to power impacts our choices, as children, when we set out to have careers, and in our relationships with others.  

My guest today showed me how we–especially those who identify as women–have a harder time embracing power versus empowerment and how our incomplete definitions of power welcome the more palatable empowerment lens, but fear or reject the true roots of empowerment. 

Kelly Diels is a thinker, teacher, and "development coach for culture makers". 

Over the last 10 years, she has worked with NY Times best-selling authors, national and international feminist organizations, and thousands of online entrepreneurs. Her research & frameworks are designed to help you get out of shame and into power — so you can make the difference you’re dreaming of in your business, in your life, and in our wider culture. Her approach is grounded in her training as a political theorist and feminist theorist. She is the first in her family to graduate from university. Parenting five children who are black has given Kelly a ringside seat for the bias, discrimination, and harassment they live with on a daily basis — and the anger, anguish, and grief drives her to use whatever resources she has to change our cultural systems.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

• Unpacking the difference between empowerment and power, and why we need to embrace generative, skilled forms of power in our lives
• How to begin reclaiming power from what others have shamed in you
• Why changing your relationship to shame and power is more than an individualistic mindset problem
• How Kelly’s changing relationship to power and systemic injustice impacted her relationships
• What it means to an intentional, deliberate culture maker
• How Kelly has flipped “high maintenance” into a positive asset that helps her uphold her standards and boundaries

Learn more about Kelly Diels:

• Website
• Instagram: @kelly.diels
• Subscribe to the Sunday Love Letter

Learn more about Rebecca:

• rebeccaching.com
• Work With Rebecca
• Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

• Architectural Digest
• Panic! At The Disco - “High Hopes"
• Succession
• Dirty Dancing

When we ignore our collective losses and tragedies, we only compound the pain they generate. 

And when we feel like our pain is ignored or we cannot share it, remembering can become complicated. And how we lead can become toxic. 

No matter your age, you have moments in your life that are embedded in your nervous system–the time, the place, who you were with–when something significant happened in your world that shook you to your core.  

When we experience significant collective losses, who we were with and how we connected impacts how we metabolize shock, grief, or horror, as we grapple to make sense of the experience in the moment.

And the sense of community, or lack thereof, we feel during those moments also impacts our remembering. 

When we remember together, we comfort each other. And we also come together to ask the hard questions that support change that sustains.

Over the last 2 years, the January 6th Committee has gathered an incredible amount of data, eyewitness accounts, and transcripts of many conversations that led to the Insurrection. Formal criminal recommendations have just been sent to the Department of Justice as the committee prepares to close down.

And for this year’s anniversary, I am replaying my conversation with Julie Tagen, Chief of Staff to Congressman Jamie Raskin, who served on the January 6th committee.

Julie Tagen is the Chief of Staff to Congressman Jamie Raskin, (MD-08). She is a veteran leader in DC politics and campaigns. She is committed to leaving a legacy to the next generation of leaders who will continue the work she has cared so much about for over two decades.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

• Julie’s first-hand account of what she experienced on January 6 and what she learned about herself that day and in the aftermath
• How Julie has kept cynicism at bay and how she defines success after 25+ years in politics
• Why Julie believes it is critical for politicians to address the cultural issues in their communities to win voters
• How Julie’s experience as a gay, Jewish woman in politics have evolved since her first job and coming out in the 90s
• Why we should be paying closer attention the Congressional investigation into the events of January 6

Learn more about Rebecca:

• rebeccaching.com
• Work With Rebecca
• Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

• Vicarious Traumatization: An Empirical Study of the Effects of Trauma Work on Trauma Therapists, Laurie Anne Pearlman and Paula S. Mac Ian
• Transforming the Pain, Laurie Anne Pearlman and Karen W Saakvitne
• Four Hours At The Capitol, HBO Original Documentary

Today I am bringing back my annual debrief to the podcast. 

Looking back on 2022 has been fruitful and offered a lot of data collecting. You know I love to collect data and review what choices, behaviors, and commitments were kept and which of them were not honored.  

But looking back has not always been a practice or something I enjoyed. In fact, it felt counterintuitive to me. I know many business spaces normalize this practice but a trauma-informed lens, plus working with hundreds of people over the years, has taught me that practices which in theory should be filled with ease can really stir up whatever echoes of burdens we are carrying. 

I feel like for most of my life has been forging ahead with little reflection on looking back. As a result, my inner system felt like it was dangerous to look back. 

But when I shifted to looking back as data collection, and not connected to my identity, worthiness, or safety, looking back became a part of my practice of curiosity, noticing, and integration. 

In fact, I can’t not look back now, as I want to reflect on patterns, habits, experiences, and changes.

The deep change we want in our lives, in our business, in our relationships, and in our well-being comes with regular reflection and data collection so we can make the needed tweaks and adjustments over time.

Taking time, even into the new year, to truly reflect can even lead to unburdening. Protect this time. And honor the dreams and desires you have for the upcoming year by taking the time to collect the much-needed data that will help download what is in your head and heart into a lived experience. 

Listen to the full episode to hear:

• The many reasons I worked to embrace “slow” in 2022
• Why “space” and “pace” are my words for 2023
• How committing to space and pace will encompass honoring boundaries and commitments
• My favorite movies, TV shows, books, and experiences of 2022

Learn more about Rebecca:

• rebeccaching.com
• Work With Rebecca
• Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

• The Bear
• The Good Fight
• Severance
• Shining Girls
• Miss Marvel
• She-Hulk
• Stranger Things
• The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power
• Loot
• Wednesday
• Turning Red
• Nope
• Elvis
• Licorice Pizza
• The Sandman
• Spirited
• Julia
• The Watcher
• For All Mankind
• From Scratch
• Essential Labor: Mothering as Social Change, Angela Garbes
• Confidence Culture,Shani Orgad and Rosalind Gill
• Journal of Radical Permission: A Daily Guide for Following Your Soul's Calling, Sonya Renee Taylor and adrienne maree brown
• What Works: A Comprehensive Framework to Change the Way We Approach Goal Setting, Tara McMullin
• The Pain We Carry: Healing from Complex Ptsd for People of Color, Natalie Y Gutiérrez
• Start Finishing: How to Go from Idea to Done,Charlie Gilkey
• Easy Beauty: A Memoir, Chloé Cooper Jones

We all connect with the power of vulnerability in ourselves and in others. 

And vulnerability continues to be misunderstood and misappropriated in marketing businesses and services, political campaigns, legislative agendas, and leadership, to name a few. 

These days, discerning between true vulnerability and what today’s guest calls #vulnerability can become a real challenge.

When vulnerability is used with an agenda to acquire more community, brand awareness, or social capital, this agenda moves us away from the heart of this courageous state. 

Vulnerability is complicated because it RARELY feels good. But what leads us to vulnerability often is good, because it means we are following our integrity even when there’s a lot to lose. 

Many of us struggle with vulnerability because we struggle with knowing ourselves. All too often, we know more about who we think we should be, than who we really are.

This becomes extra challenging when the expectation to “just be vulnerable” as a tool to lead and to sell continues to increase. 

But if we do not have our own clarity of values, clarity of our identity, then vulnerability turns into a commodity to use.

#vulnerability is so attractive–even seductive–because it draws us in with stories and experiences that evoke emotion. And it usually draws the likes, follows, shares that so many covet. 

And today’s guest digs deep with me #hashtag vulnerability today.

Tara McMullin is a writer, podcaster, and producer who's been making business make sense for small business owners for over 12 years. She's the host of What Works, a podcast about entrepreneurship for humans that's been downloaded over 4 million times. She's also the co-founder of Yellow House Media. Her new book, What Works: A Comprehensive Framework to Change the Way We Approach Goal Setting, was released in November 2022. 

Listen to the full episode to hear:

• How economic uncertainty plays into the way we leverage vulnerability for social capital
• How social media algorithms take advantage of vulnerability and heightened emotions to keep us scrolling
• How privilege, marginalization and risk intersect with vulnerability online
• The difference between self-disclosure and true vulnerability
• How both performative confidence and performative vulnerability can lead to self-alienation
• Why we need to account for emotional labor and capacity when we’re considering our resources

Learn more about Tara McMullin:

• What Works
• Yellow House Media
• What Works: A Comprehensive Framework to Change the Way We Approach Goal Setting
• Instagram: @tara_mcmullin

Learn more about Rebecca:

• rebeccaching.com
• Work With Rebecca
• Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

• Confidence Culture, Shani Orgad and Rosalind Gill
• The Managed Heart: Commercialization of Human Feeling, Arlie Russell Hochschild
• Exhalation, Ted Chiang
• How to Read Now: Essays, Elaine Castillo
• Dave Matthews Band
• The Serpent Queen
• Vikings
• The Princess Bride