The Witty Committee™️

6 New Yorkers. 4 winters. 1 dead monkey. The answers to all the questions we've been asking: can high school sweethearts go the distance? Is a 4-year degree all it's cracked up to be? How old do you have to be to be a cougar? Pop the champagne as we laugh, cry, and discuss the merits of designer mutts.

Summer is ending on the Upper East Side, and our characters are packing their bags. Whether you're driving a U-Haul full of LL Bean Bags or a Beamer packed with Louis Vuitton, college is just a few rest stops away. However, they've got one more chapter to write before they can close the book on their NYC lives. Blair and Nate come off of their love boat to a rude awakening. Serena is on the verge of superstardom, which might derail the Yale-train. Dan and Vanessa are doing their Dan-and-Vanessa thing (snooze), but at least Dan figured out his sexuality (although the alphabet mafia donuts were good). There's no better goodbye than a party at the Met, and a tearful hug at Grand Central. We'll see you on Thanksgiving Break! xoxo, TWC 

The Hamptons sun is hot but our favorite Upper East Siders are even hotter. This week we follow our muses and their doppelgangers to the beach, but they quickly find themselves on the run in a vintage Aston Martin (cue Taylor Swift's Getaway Car (or James Bond?)). Dan finds out that he might have more in common with Walt Whitman than he thought, and Vanessa stumbles into an a-muse-ing situation. We end with a birthday bash that is more explosive than the Storming of the Bastille. Bonne Anniversaire, Serena!

If you enjoyed Flowers in the Attic, do we have a disappointing episode for you! This week Blair flees a bitchy Brit named Camilla (sounds familiar) for the safety of a 9 to 5, Serena competes with Paris Hilton for a Golden Raspberry, and Nate is on location for Townies Gone Wild. Plus, we've got a yoga sex cult and the return of our least favorite director (so far). Will we finally get some representation and diversity? No! (but you knew that already).

Thank you for joining us this week for Sad Boi Hour. Graduation is upon us (well, most of us) and with that come a lot of big life changes and even more clichés about what it means to grow up. Blair may have found her knight in shining armor, while Serena is stumbling her way through Blair's dream life (again?). Dan wants to sacrifice his $80k education for his on-again/definitely-off-again girlfriend, and Jenny tries to follow in Serena's size 10 footsteps a little too closely. If they can get into this much trouble while still in school, who knows what's in store now that summer's here? 

We're on a boat and it's going 0.5 mph, and we've got a nautical-themed Senior Spa Day commemorative t-shirt on. Everything's bigger on the Upper East Side, including senior skip days. Between a lover's den at the Plaza and stowaways on mega-yachts, it feels like no one's at school these days. Maybe that's on purpose for our favorite Serena wannabe freshman. Tune in to hear all about faux rock stars and the best recipe for fingertip stew.

April showers usually bring May flowers, but this week they're bringing unwelcome houseguests of all shapes and sizes. College decisions are out, and we may have uncovered a conspiracy big enough to make the cover of Treats magazine. Speaking of uncovering treats, we've got a virgin cult, a surprise baby, and a potential "don't ask, don't tell" conundrum on our hands. Will our favs finally get accepted? Is there enough bleach in a bottle to blot away their pasts? Only time will tell.

It's spring break in NYC and it looks like everyone's turning over a new leaf. Nate is "sober," Chuck is gay, and Blair is starting to see someone from her past in a whole new light. Dan commits mail fraud and Jenny learns that, sometimes, secrets are preferable to the truth. Is another talk about the birds and the bees in order, or are we on the hunt for a different ski bunny in Sun Valley? 

There are only two things that our Upper East Siders want to see in their inboxes: college acceptance letters and fashion show invites. While not everyone scores an invite to the ball, it's definitely a fairy tale in Manhattan. We've got a night in shining armor, Snow White, and a troll named Mystery Craze. Will Serena and Aaron find their happily-ever-after? Can Blair skip ahead a few chapters and go straight to being an evil stepmother, with a stop in New Haven along the way? Is Jenny more of a pillow princess than she thought? Things get positively medieval this week, for sure.

The year is coming to an end, and that means many things on the Upper East Side. College applications are due, but Blair and Serena are more focused on their tans than they are on exams. Dan learns just how treacherous a woman can be, and Vanessa accidentally exposes a minor (all in the name of art, right?). Can Blair shake off her suitors and nail her essay? Will Serena learn to go with the Flow, or will she find comfort a little closer to home? That's one secret I'll never tell......... (oh wait, nevermind, it's all covered in this episode!)