Steve hears a cop brouhaha outside and decides the safest thing for a middle-class white guy to do is to go check on it. Turns out, someone called S.W.A.T. for a kid's birthday party and no one is buying Sue on the rooftop guns. Jason avoided a vehicular incident when Santa came to town by simply being busy. And both guys agree that, even in 2025, terminally-Nextdoor people never have the appropriate level of indignance for any given neighborhood disturbance.

Steve's daughter delivered the perfect burn on a potential bully and he couldn't be prouder. Meanwhile, the Nintendo Treehouse remains the most magical place in the world in Jason's mind and he can't wait to mark it off his bucket list someday. Also, Steve has chosen his brother to off him in a zombified scenario because he once beat a traumatized deer to death with a tire iron. Finally, animal heaven must be the best place, because every creature enters pure and whole, so it's just the coolest, most peaceful zoo.

Women have been known to carry things in their bra and Jason has no idea where the socio-economic boundaries of such behavior are formed. Also, brazen fondling around the house is a two-way street that no one should venture down, across, or through. It seems apparent to both Steve and Jason that co-WFH relationships lead to various Zoom misunderstandings and confused, even angry reactions. Finally, Jason attempts to create a bartering system to convince his family to visit him for favors and accidentally invents prostitution? Keep the change, ya filthy manimal!

Steve and his family eschewed Thanksgiving traditions for freezer treats and snowshoeing and the gods (... God?) made him pay for their transgressions. Jason found inconsistencies in the Chiefs Hallmark holiday romance, leading the guys to craft the perfect holiday schmaltz plot. Also, Steve and his friends couldn't even afford the tennis rackets that poor people (and cartoon characters) make snowshoes out of.

Finally, yes, we checked and Patrick Duffy is still alive.

Jason used his wife as cheap health care for a quick checkup. Rectum? She did indeed damn near kill him. When asked to reciprocate for health inquiries involving nudity, Jason finds only disappointment when the checkup is where the fun begins and ends. Also, Steve may not be good at much, but he always knows the distance to his... hole.

Steve's wife saw a guy peeing at public, so of course she checked out what he was packing. Also, if a man decides to pee in public, that's gross, but everyone deserves to look if they want. Can you say if you've ever held your pee just to spite someone? Finally, Steve brings back a Then You Ruined It classic: dog table boosties! And yes, Steve has (or has not) pooped in too many caves for Jason to keep them separate.

This is your holiday reintroduction to Jason: Master of Awkward Conversations! Sure, you might have witnessed someone slowly leaving a conversation, but have you seen someone extricate themselves while in a car? In the rain? Now THAT'S style! Also, Steve encounters many quest givers on public transit and foolishly decides to stick with the main questline.

Doing it right and doing it your way are different concepts we should all grasp to ensure we get along. Jason agrees with Steve's thoughts on another Shinney Swindle to get his daughter into a different swim class and then immediately regrets the validation. Steve plots a murder on the podcast, forgetting that it's public and available to listen by anyone (though very few do, so the chances he'll be caught are slim). Finally, the guys talk about how many podcasts they've hosted and ruined (it's a non-zero number!).

Steve believes that walkin' and talkin' on a speakerphone should exclusively be a social shortcoming of the olds. Jason's eyes are giving up on him by refusing to pick a focus distance to stick with. He also thinks that hair dye should be illegal to sell to those related to someone with impending memory and cognitive decline. Finally, Jason says Steve creates dongless angels every week and you've got one in your ears right now!

Jason got the frank truth from a high school teacher once it was apparent he would graduate with no problems. Meanwhile, Steve and his class missed out on Lava Hot Springs because they were so horribly behaved that they couldn't be trusted not to be horrible, proving that when words don't work, a punch or a cutting remark will do. Also, some cities have dumb pronunciations so you don't realize they're not the cool one. Finally, never attempt "light as a feather, stiff as a board" with the chunky kid.