[Explicit language]

Two movies titled City on Fire enter, only one will leave (with that title) as Herman “OmegaPrime” Davis and Robert Rau watch a movie so bad, it was featured in a Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode — and a movie so good, Quentin Tarantino stole from it (allegedly) — to see which should be called City on Fire.

Even with all-star talent like Leslie Nielsen and Shelly Winters, the only copy available of the first movie was an episode of MST3K someone uploaded on YouTube. This shouldn’t sway our opinion about the title, so we were game. It turns out early episodes of MST3K (like Minneapolis public access TV early) aren’t that great. It does literally show a city on fire, giving it a good reason to call itself that.

The second movie has been touted as the inspiration for Reservoir Dogs, because that sounds like a classier form of stealing. If anything, it shows how good Tarantino is as a director, because his unorthodox style of storytelling and engaging dialogue really punches up a relatively bland Hong Kong action movie. Also, no city burning, and that’s a shame.

But will literal best figurative in this struggle for title supremacy? Listen if you dare.

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Do you have an idea or even want to join the “There Can Be Only One” gang at their next viewing party? Email Robert Rau with your movie suggestion, the days you’re free to watch, and how much beer you can bring.

Follow The Family Dinner on Twitter @thefamilydinner, and subscribe to the group’s Facebook page.

 

Show credits:

* Director/Producer: Robert Rau

* Executive Producer: Jeremy White

[Explicit language]

Normally two movies titled enter, and only one will leave (with that title), but on a special TCBOO, Herman “OmegaPrime” Davis and Robert Rau talk with Jamie Buckner — writer and director of Split — about his film having the same title as the 2016 M. Night Shyamalan movie, as well as old arcade games, bowling hustlers, and the coolness of Keanu Reeves.

Recently Buckner did a Reddit AMA about his movie, and in the process came across our previous podcast episode in which we suggested changing the name of the movie to “Picking up the Spare.” Opposed to re-branding his film just because M. Night wanted to make a movie with the same title, Buckner graciously accepted our request to interview him and defend his title. Along the way, we got off topic a lot because Jamie is a great guy that loves to talk about the movie-making process. Plus, we have no attention span.

We never expected to talk with anyone of our subjects, but since that is a possibility, if you are a Hollywood big shot and want to defend your movie, email Robert Rau, and he will bend over backwards to set up an interview.

Follow The Family Dinner on Twitter @thefamilydinner, and subscribe to the group’s Facebook page.

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Show credits:

* Director/Producer: Robert Rau

* Executive Producer: Jeremy White

[Explicit language]

Two movies titled Season of the Witch enter, only one will leave (with that title) as Herman “OmegaPrime” Davis, Eric McCauley, and Robert Rau watch Nicolas Cage send a demon back to hell — and George Romero’s commentary on bored housewives — to determine which movie should be called Season of the Witch.

Everyone enjoys a good/bad Nicolas Cage movie, as long as it doesn’t border on dull. Unfortunately, his take on two crusaders forced to transport a woman from point A to B has a lot of nothing sandwiched between ten minutes of interesting scenes. The real issue is their package delivery says “witch,” when she’s really a demon possessing the woman. “Trojan witch” just makes more sense.

There were higher hopes for the second movie, a lesser-known George Romero vehicle that doesn’t feature zombies, but we were disappointed again in the tons of boring table talk and ten minutes of actual witchery. They do play the Donovan song with the same title several times as an excuse to remind you that there’s four months left of the movie.

Will either movie be able to keep its title, or be forced to bear whatever evil pun Eric suggests? Listen if you dare.

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Do you have an idea or even want to join the “There Can Be Only One” gang at their next viewing party? Email Robert Rau with your movie suggestion, the days you’re free to watch, and how much beer you can bring.

Follow The Family Dinner on Twitter @thefamilydinner, and subscribe to the group’s Facebook page.

 

Show credits:

* Director/Producer: Robert Rau

* Executive Producer: Jeremy White

[Explicit language]

Two movies titled The Package enter, only one will leave (with that title) as Herman “OmegaPrime” Davis, David Vitrano, and Robert Rau watch Dolph Lundgren deliver quality cooking tips to Steve Austin while trying to kill him — and Gene Hackman save the free world from Tommy Lee Jones’ laugh — to determine which movie should be called The Package.

Dolph Lundgren makes his second appearance in as many weeks as a dying foodie who wants Steve Austin to deliver a package to him, but runs into some problems. One of those is the lack of athleticism range by the stars, since Steve Austin’s proficiency is strictly wrestling-based, and Dolph prefers the enemy to stroll towards him gradually. They do say “the package” a ton, probably to drive the point home, and to remind the audience this is the thing they are trying to accomplish.

The second movie has the advantage of being a well-put-together government conspiracy with quality actors, alleviating the necessity of yelling “the package” every 20 seconds. Gene Hackman is tasked with delivering Tommy Lee Jones to America to face a court-martial, but things get mixed up along the way, and now he has to stop an assassination. Since this is shot in Chicago, you’ll see traces of both The Fugitive and The French Connection, enough to where you might actually enjoy this movie.

Will either movie be able to keep its title, or be forced to endure the clever pun David has come up with? Listen if you dare.

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Do you have an idea or even want to join the “There Can Be Only One” gang at their next viewing party? Email Robert Rau with your movie suggestion, the days you’re free to watch, and how much beer you can bring.

Follow The Family Dinner on Twitter @thefamilydinner, and subscribe to the group’s Facebook page.

 

Show credits:

* Director/Producer: Robert Rau

* Executive Producer: Jeremy White

[Explicit language]

Two movies titled The Defender enter, only one will leave (with that title) as Herman “OmegaPrime” Davis, Knick Moore, and Robert Rau watch Dolph Lundgren work for President Jerry Springer — and Jet Li work towards a united Chinese republic— to determine which movie should be called The Defender.

Dolph Lundgren is a really smart, really handsome man who thinks this is all you need to direct a movie. So he flew some guys and squibs to Romania and shot a tale of an agent forced to protect a bad guy because Jerry Springer told him. Other than being horrible, it features little defending, and instead prefers to show Dolph and his gang of expendables getting shot a lot. Plus, the guy they needed to protect died.

The second movie is one of Jet Li’s lesser known efforts that China initially banned because it didn’t have enough pro-China stuff. Sure, there’s a kid getting shot because he wore LED light shoes, but what about their positive foreign relations? So they took a simple story of a guy guarding a girl and threw a big red flag behind it. This film also failed to show any defending, mainly because you want Jet Li on the offense.

Will either movie be able to keep its title, or be forced to change its name to a string of obscenities Knick uttered? Listen if you dare.

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Do you have an idea or even want to join the “There Can Be Only One” gang at their next viewing party? Email Robert Rau with your movie suggestion, the days you’re free to watch, and how much beer you can bring.

Follow The Family Dinner on Twitter @thefamilydinner, and subscribe to the group’s Facebook page.

 

Show credits:

* Director/Producer: Robert Rau

* Executive Producer: Jeremy White

[Explicit language]

Two movies titled Life enter, only one will leave (with that title) as Herman “OmegaPrime” Davis and Robert Rau watch bro-mates Ryan Reynolds and Jake Gyllenhaal battle a gross alien — and bro-pals Eddie Murphy and Martin Lawrence battle a gross justice system — to determine which movie should be called Life.

While there are plenty of options for this title, we went with the newest and most entertaining versions. The first film is still in theaters and features two famous people — and others — revitalizing an alien stuck on Mars for millions of years. This movie benefits from the R-rating, which is mainly due to some pretty disgusting moments and plenty of F-words by Reynolds. Nevertheless, it doesn’t seem necessary to call the movie Life, especially when they keep referring to the creature as “Calvin,” which would be a much more unique title for a movie.

The second is a buddy comedy with plenty of heartbreaking scenes (usually reserved for montages) starring funny people who are frequently in unfunny movies. Eddie Murphy and Martin Lawrence portray two guys locked away for a crime they didn’t commit. It helps they are locked away for a prison sentence applicable to the title of the movie, which makes the decision of whether or not to rename it much easier.

But will we go with a more obvious choice, or let a newer film claim this name? Listen if you dare.

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Do you have an idea or even want to join the “There Can Be Only One” gang at their next viewing party? Email Robert Rau with your movie suggestion, the days you’re free to watch, and how much beer you can bring.

Follow The Family Dinner on Twitter @thefamilydinner, and subscribe to the group’s Facebook page.

 

Show credits:

* Director/Producer: Robert Rau

* Executive Producer: Jeremy White

[Explicit language]

Two movies titled Asian Connection enter, only one will leave (with that title) as Herman “OmegaPrime” Davis and Robert Rau watch Steven Seagal sit around a lot — and Danny Lee get a bunch of cops killed — to determine which movie should be called Asian Connection.

We really want to like Steven Seagal again, but he just hasn’t hit the same greatness he had with Under Siege and Under Siege 2. Nowadays, he exhibits Marlon Brando levels of insecurity while other people do all the acting. Here, two guys rob his banks, and after about 80 minutes, Seagal gets out of his chair to beat them up. By the midway point, everybody is throwing around the word “connection” enough to justify the title, but most of the time, it felt tacky and pointless.

The second is a mid-90s Hong Kong action movie starring Danny Lee (The Killer) as a cop trying to avenge the death of an undercover cop, as well as take a bunch of money and drugs from the bad guys. The movie was fun, and certainly more restrained than what American audiences are used to coming out of China, but it did lack in constant “connection” talk like the first movie.

Will a movie featuring a husk of a human be allowed to keep its title over a competent, enjoyable movie? Listen if you dare.

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Do you have an idea or even want to join the “There Can Be Only One” gang at their next viewing party? Email Robert Rau with your movie suggestion, the days you’re free to watch, and how much beer you can bring.

Follow The Family Dinner on Twitter @thefamilydinner, and subscribe to the group’s Facebook page.

 

Show credits:

* Director/Producer: Robert Rau

* Executive Producer: Jeremy White

[Explicit language]

Two movies titled Point Blank enter, only one will leave (with that title) as Herman “OmegaPrime” Davis and Robert Rau watch Lee Marvin get called “Walker” a lot — and a French action picture unfortunately titled after a Lee Marvin film — to determine which movie should be called Point Blank.

First up is one of those “1001 Movies to Watch Before You Die” that you’ve probably seen because the source material has been turned into three different movies (Point Blank, Payback, and Parker). This version of a guy out for revenge and some money stars Lee Marvin as Walker. (Trust me, you’ll remember that name.) This is certainly more stylishly done than other adaptations, but the movie really wants the focus on the lead character, not any close range attacks.

The second is another Edgar Wright recommendation about a nurse and husband who is forced into helping out criminals. Fast-paced, thrilling action and a scant 80-minute run time are all good reasons to see this movie, if you need something other than the advice of a great director. Incidentally, it also lacks the close-range shooting. Instead, it features just a bunch of gun pointing.

But which inappropriately titled movie will be allowed to keep its title? Listen if you dare.

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Do you have an idea or even want to join the “There Can Be Only One” gang at their next viewing party? Email Robert Rau with your movie suggestion, the days you’re free to watch, and how much beer you can bring.

Follow The Family Dinner on Twitter @thefamilydinner, and subscribe to the group’s Facebook page.

 

Show credits:

* Director/Producer: Robert Rau

* Executive Producer: Jeremy White

[Explicit language]

Two movies titled Born To Fight enter, only one will leave (with that title) as Herman “OmegaPrime” Davis, Mike “Regular Name” Honore, Knick Moore, and Robert Rau watch a run-of-the-mill, racist boxing movie from 1936 — and a Thai Olympic Village slaughter an army with wicker balls — to determine which movie should be called Born To Fight.

Edgar Wright is a great director, and just like anyone who loves this craft, he enjoys finding movies no one has heard of. One of these is the 2007 Thai action extravaganza brought to you by the same team that made Ong Bak and The Protector.

Before we saw that movie, though, we watched a standard boxing story from 1936 about a guy who thought he killed a gangster, so he trains a hobo to become a fighter. This movie is only 67 minutes long and is super racist, so it has some pluses and minuses. Nevertheless, considering the extensive training involved, it does misrepresent any skills that are with either fighter from birth.

This movie is only 67 minutes long and is super racist, so it has some pluses and minuses.

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As bad as the first movie was, the second movie totally made it worthwhile. After their leader gets arrested for several dozen felonies, an army kidnaps an entire town to get him back. Turns out, they accidentally kidnapped a town filled with amateur fighters and Olympic competitors, and they get systematically destroyed. This movie was great and should be viewed immediately, the 1936 film should not be viewed by anyone.

But will an unwatchable movie trapped in the past still be able to keep its title over a vastly superior action smorgasbord? Listen if you dare.

Do you have an idea or even want to join the “There Can Be Only One” gang at their next viewing party? Email Robert Rau with your movie suggestion, the days you’re free to watch, and how much beer you can bring.

Follow The Family Dinner on Twitter @thefamilydinner, and subscribe to the group’s Facebook page.

 

Show credits:

* Director/Producer: Robert Rau

[Explicit language]

Two movies titled (The) Pirates enter, only one will leave (with that title) as Herman “OmegaPrime” Davis and Robert Rau watch Roman Polanski attempt to make a comedy — and a Korean production succeed at making a comedy — to determine which movie should be called (The) Pirates.

Roman Polanski certainly has some beloved movies, but back in 1986 he was having a bit of a time finding work for some reason. So he partnered with Cannon Film Distributing and Walter Matthau to make a $30 million pirate movie that only made a million bucks in theaters. While the title does succeed in telling you the movie is about pirates, the movie treated the story like one of many adventures had by Captain Red and Frog (his loyal servant). Considering the focus was on them, the title could have been more specific.

Not so for the cast of the 2014 Korean movie about multiple gangs of pirates all trying to get a royal stamp out of the belly of a whale. Because of its lack of English language and actors, The Pirates was largely ignored in the states, but — thanks to Netflix — can be enjoyed, if you can handle reading. The movie is silly, filled with cheaper CGI, but tons of fun and wonderful aesthetic.

But will the Korean film prevail by being more aptly titled and more entertaining? Listen if you dare.

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Do you have an idea or even want to join the “There Can Be Only One” gang at their next viewing party? Email Robert Rau with your movie suggestion, the days you’re free to watch, and how much beer you can bring.

Follow The Family Dinner on Twitter @thefamilydinner, and subscribe to the group’s Facebook page.

 

Show credits:

* Director/Producer: Robert Rau

* Executive Producer: Jeremy White