There Will Be Crossbows

The theme is Quadrant, and we've split the podcast into four different sections: the good part, the funny part, the awkward part, and the part where a live moose breaks through the window while John is recording and gores him with his antlers. We hope you love all four! John didn't. He's in the hospital now. In this episode, James and John discuss their upcoming journey to Mars and come up with a new brewery concept, a pair of grumpy grandparents rant about their family, and we sing a sexy song about the magic three words that we want to hear. After you listen, tell exactly three other people!

The theme is "Living", and you'll be LIVING for it! Man, the more you type that word the weirder it looks. Living. Living. Yeah, looks really weird now. Huh. James and John tackle some heavy hypothetical question about death and the existential threat of polar bears, a father figures out what to do with his daughter's dead cat, a reanimated monstrosity sings its woes, and an army of clones turns out to be somewhat underwhelming. If you want to feel more ALIVE than you ever have before, give us a listen!

This week's episode is "Telekinesis", and it will LITERALLY blow your mind, and no, we are not using LITERALLY correctly whatsoever, but it's not a grammar podcast, is it? John considers a career as a stripper, a young man submits his many superhero ideas to Marvel Comics in a heartbreaking song, and an alchemist successfully makes gold but quickly loses interest in it. If you need more reason to listen, we promise you will master the practice of telekinesis by the end of the episode. We're probably lying, but don't you want to find out?

This week's theme is "Pilot", and James and John buckle up for a lofty episode. John possibly commits a hijacking, Amelia Earhart meets some new friends after crashing her plane, a racist Nascar driver gets taken to task, and lots more. The engines are in full throttle for this one, so hop in the cockpit for a listen! Sponsored by INSANITY FUEL energy drink and the upcoming feature film THE 22ND PILOT, both of which definitely exist.

James and John ring in Episode 50 in a suitably ridiculous fashion with a power half-hour of nonsense.  A city council meeting goes wild, a tourist looks to win big in Las Vegas, a high school bully is confronted, and James and John both give each other a trophy, which is funnier than it sounds. The theme is Winner, and if you miss it, you're a Loser. That's right, I said it. I'm going to get fired as the TWBC intern for writing that, but it's a sword I'll gladly fall on. 

The theme is "Committee", and we had to wade through some red tape to make sure that we submitted this one by the inspection deadline. James and John pick a dream board of directors for the podcast, a lonely geek tries his hand at speed dating, a brave soul finally comes to the defense of a maligned former president, and we hear from our sponsors: Congress Simulator 2020 and Disposable Neckties. Listen to this episode quickly, before the bureaucrats make us take it down!

Ssh... we've had a slew of noise complaints recently, so this week's episode is "Whisper", and we'd really appreciate it if you kept it down, okay? This week, John and James tend to a slumber party gone wrong, aliens that only react to noise, a tragic story of young love in the library, and the whole time they stay quiet as mice. Have a listen with your volume turned all the way down for maximum effect.

It's our first "Lazy Episode", bringing you a compilation of choice material from the past, as well as improv scenes that were left on the cutting room floor. We peel away layers of our souls like a fine ripe onion to bring you hand-selected fragments of comedy. If that simile made you hungry for onions, this episode can't help you with that. But if you want to listen to some old improv stuff we did, here it is. I'm so sorry. It's my first day as the intern and I kind of oversold my writing skills in the interview. Please listen or I'll get fired and I really need this gig right now.

The theme is "determination", and we are going to see this through to the end! James and John weigh the ethical implications of flesh-eating Ewoks, a disgruntled employee endures a swarm of angry elderly customers, and a superhero hits the snooze button for just ten more minutes. Guest featuring: Connor Morehouse and Neema Worthington.

This week go WAY back in history to unpack the theme "Papyrus". With the highest body count of any episode yet, James and John navigate the brutal ancient world as they figure out how to build a pyramid. Meanwhile, an escape room turns into a bloody massacre and an Egyptian-Gods-Only party is ruined when Hephaestus decides to crash. Many interns died to bring you this episode. Special guest: Tim Burns. 

Music credits:

Nervous by Kevin MacLeod

Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/4118-nervous

License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Gtasby by Jmazz

Link: https://www.looperman.com/loops/detail/215488/gtasby-130bpm-hip-hop-piano-loop

Gods you'll want to look up after you listen to the episode:

Hephaestus: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hephaestus

Cchinnamasta: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chhinnamasta

Sheela na Gig: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sheela_na_gig

Baron Samedi: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baron_Samedi