TheRelationshiPodcast

 

    

What a hoe? What a fuckboy? In episode 47 How To Deal With Toxic Behavior And Shit Testing?, we brushed on the topic of dishonesty. There seems to be a dishonest nature of hoes and fuckboys especially in terms of dating and relationships. In this episode, we talk about hoes and fuckboys in the nature of relationships.  

Is There Any Difference Between Being A Hoe Or A Fuckboy? Outline

Hoes – Hoes are people that sleep around and have multiple partners at the same time.What are key indicators of a hoe?Can someone be a hoe if no sex is involved?

Does sleeping around fall under the umbrella of “dating?”

What is the end goal for someone that sleeps around?

“You can never turn a hoe into a wife.” You can also substitute wife for husband. Do you have any Thots on this statement?

Is a hoe just looking for the right one that will change her hoe lifestyle?

Fuckboy – There are 2 definitions of fuckboy. From 2002 to 2014, a fuckboy is a loser that does dumb shit. From 2017 to now, a fuckboy is a man that sleeps with women without the intention of having a relationship with them. Fuckboys existed way before this term was coined. In former eras, they were called philanderer, don juan, lothario, womanizer, and player.Timeline of a Fuckboy2002 – Cam’ron “Boy Boy”

2004 – TI & DJ Drama “99 Problemz (But A Lil’ Flip Ain’t One)” Freestyle

2008 – Othorized F.A.M “Fuckboy”

2009 – DJ Paul “Fuckboy”

2014 – Run The Jewels “Oh My Darling Don’t Cry”

2017 – Fuckboy definition evolved to what it is today.

Our dating outlook is influenced by our past relationships. What happens to a woman’s outlook on men when they have dated a fuckboy?

Can you blame women when they think all men are dogs?

Is a fuckboy just looking for the right one that will change his fuckboy lifestyle?

Do you think there is a dishonest nature of hoes and fuckboys?

Are hoes and fuckboys one in the same?

Do you think that going through a Hoe/Fuckboy Phase is actually good?

Resource Reads:Going Through A Hoe Phase Could Really Be Good For You

What Is The F-ckboy?

 

    

The nerd in Drey has him turning to science for episode 48. Stan Tatkin is a Doctor of Psychology and Marriage and runs his own Family Therapist clinical practice in Calabasas. 2 years ago, he explained why relationships are difficult on TEDxTalk. The theory is that we have 2 different levels of cognitive decision making, which are ambassadors and primitives. Ambassadors are the logic, reason, high level organization part of the brain. Primitives are simple decisions that we can make on autopilot. For example, knee jerk reactions and/or fight or flight kind of decisions are primitives. As we gain knowledge through our lives, the things we learned are move from ambassador to primitive. We do the same thing when we fall in love. Once the honeymoon phase is over, anything that deviation from our understanding is viewed as a threat by our primitives. That is how fights begin.

Why Relationships Are Difficult Explained by Stan Tatkin Outline

* What are you first reactions to this theory?

* Reflecting on your past relationships with this idea in mind, can you think of any situations where you felt this happen?

* Have you ever gotten into a fight with the person that you are dating and do not know how the fight got blown out of proportion?

* Dr. Tatkin believes that primitives and ambassadors work concurrently to fight. Primitives begin their fighting stance. Ambassadors are then pushed into decision making too quickly without all the rational information to make an informed decision. What are your thoughts on this?

* Our primitive mind is simplistic and categorizes things as benign or a threat. If it is benign, we just keep moving along because there are no danger signs. However, if it is a threat, the body and mind want to react. This is why Tatkin says, “Human relationships can survive fights. Human relationships cannot survive the loss of safety and security.” Do you believe this is true?

* How do you prefer to have an argument with your partner? By text, video chat, phone, or face to face?

* Stan says the best way to fight is face to face. The reason for this is because eye contact helps to regulate and diffuse neurological synapses–it calms each other down. Your visual indicators, eyes, help your mind determine whether the person is actually a threat or giving you a false positive. Do you feel like arguments work out better when you are face to face versus the other methods?

* Resource Reads:

* Relationships Are Hard, But Why? | Stan Tatkin | TEDxKC (YouTube Direct Link)

* Relationships Are Hard, But Why? | Stan Tatkin | TEDxKC (Official TEDxKC page)

* Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT – Full List Of Published Peer Reviewed Articles

* Psychobiological Approach To Couples Therapy | GoodTherapy

    

The biggest issue in dating and/or relationships is toxic behavior exhibited by both sexes. Shit Testing is one of these toxic behaviors. Shit Testing is asking someone questions to judge their reaction or response (ie. “What did you do today?”) Jane asks James what he did today–Jane already knows James met Jill for lunch (he does not know Jane knows). Jane is fishing to see if James will mention the lunch. The goal is to determine if James is honest. Shit tests can be petty and often times is enacted to build ego and entitlement for the enabler. Let’s get into it and see if we can really get to the bottom of this shitty social dynamic.

How To Deal With Toxic Behavior And Shit Testing? Outline

* What is your definition of toxic behavior?

Feminists specify that masculinity is a catalyst for what society tolerates and reinforces (ie. #metoo movement). Does this mean modern feminism is not the issue and the impact is exaggerated?

Both men and women utilize shit testing. Below are examples of shit test statements. Do you agree or disagree with each assessment? Explain why?

“Can we be just friends?”

“You’re such a player aren’t you?”

“How many girls have you slept with?”

“Buy me a drink!”

“I have a boyfriend!”

Do you feel men or women are responsible for enabling these shit tests? Why or why not?

Do men have their own form of shit tests?

Do any of you have first hand experience with shit testing?

Are shit tests a power struggle between gender(s)/specific individuals or mistaken for severe sarcasm?

Are people who are deemed “Less attractive/lower in socioeconomic standing/etc.” subjected to more or less of these ‘shit tests?’

Would society be better off if shit testing did not exist?

Resource Reads:

Shit Testing, It’s What We Do

Why Women Test Men

The Shit Test Encyclopedia

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You should binge on previous episodes of TheRelationshiPodcast. Start from Season 1 (Episode 1). LISTEN NOW.

      

    

Welcome to 2019! In S3.E45, the TRP team discussed New Year’s resolutions. It seems appropriate in this episode we review our previous episodes. So today we are going to discuss the topics from Season 1 and 2. In each season, we will discuss our more most popular episode and also our least popular episode.

TRP Podcast Review: Highs And Lows Of Previous Episodes Outline

* Rookie Season (Season 1)

* S1.E3 Cultural Barrier Challenges of Dating

* What are the issues when dating someone from another culture?

* Do people feel pressure from outside forces to date their own? Family, friends, society.

* Would you change your religion if it was a prerequisite to marriage?

* S1.E9 Five Stages Of A Relationship By George Levinger

* The Five Stages of a relationship

* Acquaintance: You are just friends.

* Build Up: Become friends that want to bang.

* Continuation: Reached bf/gf status–banging exclusively.

* Deterioration: Tired of banging your bf/gf.

* Termination:  Relationship is over. You look for someone to bang you better

* Why do you guys think this is our most popular episode?

* What is your favorite stage?

* Sophomore Season (Season 2)

* S2.E2 Break Ups and Downs: Learning From Relationships

* Is the easiest way to get over someone is to get under someone?

* Would you ghost anyone now?

* What advice would you give people now regarding break up?

* S2.44 How To Manage The Milestone Moments In Your Life?

* Share your top 3 milestone moments in your life.

* What one milestone do you think everybody should have?

* Is social media a good place to manage your milestones?

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New Year’s Resolutions seem like a good talking point for the beginning of 2019 and our first episode. Regardless of how you feel about resolutions, millions of people make them every year.

Have You Made Your 2019 New Year’s Resolutions? Outline

First things first, do you guys make resolutions for yourselves? If so, what are they?

* Do you generally include interpersonal relationships into your resolutions?

Drey went through a few lists of typical relationship resolutions and found a few that they all had in common (Full list in copy):

* Stop multitasking with technology  (S2.E37)

Treat your partner as well as you treat your friends

Make getting back into a shape a couple’s thing

Make sex a priority (S2.E21)

* It is always good to improve yourself and your relationships. However, the sad fact is only 12% follow through with their resolutions. Here are some reasons why resolutions fail (Full list in copy). What would be your solution to these?

Just too overwhelmed.

Treating it like a sprint instead of a marathon / burning out.

Too much thinking, not enough doing.

You know “what,” but what about “why?”

* There is a belief that New Year’s resolutions are unhealthy–per Amy Cuddy, a social psychologist at Harvard. Here are some of the reasons she believes that resolutions do more harm than good. Do you believe these are valid?

Dealed only with absolutes

Are framed by negativity

Focused on outcome instead of process

Too reliant on outside forces

* Resource Reads:

8 Relationship Resolutions to Help Start Off the New Year More Deeply in Love

9 Relationship New Year’s Resolutions For 2018

10 Reasons Why New Year’s Resolutions Fail

Why Your New Year’s Resolutions Do More Harm Than Good

If you want to be a guest on TheRelationshiPodcast please send us an

    

The TRP Crew are within an age (maturity) range where important life decisions come into play. It is marriage for Andrey, career development for Ryan, and getting shitfaced before he becomes John50 for John. All jokes aside, today’s topic is to discuss milestone moments in one’s life and what is deemed “milestone” worthy per 33 Moments In Life That Are More Important Than You Think. While Buzzfeed lists 33 milestone moments, we’re going to cover a few in addition to some that may not be mentioned.

How To Manage The Milestone Moments In Your Life? Outline

* What is your definition of a milestone moment?

* Follow-up: Do milestone moments vary between Men and Women?

* How about those in the LGBT community?

* Describe your experience with these Buzzfeed milestone moments:

* Opening your first paycheck

* Falling in love for the first time

* First success story at work

* Experiencing a turning point in history

* Serious adult conversation with your parents

* What are your thoughts on these more modern/recent milestone experiences not mentioned in the Buzzfeed article?:

* Man or Woman “coming out” (being gay)

* First time you traveled alone

* First (physical or emotional) fight you ever been in

* Are there any other ones we didn’t mention?

* Resource Reads:

* 25 Milestones That Aren’t Marriage

* Young Adults Delay Milestones of Adulthood

* When Are You Really An Adult?

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You should binge on previous episodes of TheRelationshiPodcast. Start from Season 1 (Episode 1). LISTEN NOW.

      

    

The holiday season is among us! Thanksgiving has just passed and Christmas, X-mas, Kwanzaa, and New Years is just around the corner. It’s that time of year to be thankful for all your blessings and maybe dump your partner. Like Ariana Grande says, “Thank you, next.” According Hephzibah Asaolu, Coffee Meets Bagel guest blogger, it was determined that 2 weeks before Christmas and Christmas Day are 2 of the 7 most popular times that relationships end (7 Popular Times of the Year Relationships Break Up). So let’s talk about holiday breakups during this awesome time of year.

Holiday Breakup: Is This The Best Time For Couples To Breakup? Outline

* Have any of you ended a relationship during the holiday season? Or have someone end a relationship?

* Is breaking up during the holidays much harder than if it occurring any other time of the year?

* According to Marie Claire, this is why some men break relationships during the holiday:

* He’s been putting it off.

* Doesn’t want you to meet his parents.

* To avoid meeting friends or coworkers.

* One less gift to buy.

* A New Year with a new girl.

* Suggested ways to survive a breakup during the holiday season

* Stay in public as much as you can.

* Get support from friends & family.

* Continue your holiday traditions.

* Make yourself top priority.

* Stand underneath the mistletoe.

* Hypothetical scenario: If you do break up during the holidays, do you still give him or her their present? Why or why not?

* Resource Reads:

* 7 Popular Times Of The Year Relationships Break Up

* Why Men Break Up With You Around The Holidays?

* Everything You Need To Know About Holiday Breakups

* 5 Ways To Survive The Holiday With A Broken Heart

* Holiday Break Ups – The Man’s Survival Guide

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You should binge on previous episodes of TheRelationshiPodcast. Start from Season 1 (Episode 1). LISTEN NOW.

    

 

    

We’ve been doing a number of workcentric episodes so Andrey felt like it would be a good time to switch it back to talking about romantic relationships. Namely, he wanted to talk about double standards. There’s this article on lovepanky.com named “12 Double Standards in Relationships & Why They’re Toxic AF.” 12 is kind of a lot so let’s go with the ones that stand out the most and see how many we can get through.

Are You Annoyed With Relationship Double Standards? Outline

Making fun of clothing choices.

Typically speaking, women can make fun of men’s fashion choices, but it seems so faux pas for men to turn the tables.

Rules about who you can and can’t hang out with.

This one isn’t very gender or orientation specific. Sometimes partners are held to different standards when it comes to who they’re “allowed” to hang out with.

Initiating the first moves – or any moves.

This one goes back to our episode about dates vs meetups. It’s the archaic notion that men need to initiate any action in hetero relationships.

Not having sex when you don’t want to.

Seems like it’s more acceptable when women do this than when men do.

Being demanding and controlling.

It generally seems to be more socially okay for the woman or the wife to be the ultimate decision maker. If the man is, then he’s considering too controlling of a person.

Having someone else buy you drinks.

Once again, it seems to be more acceptable for a woman to accept drinks than it is for men to.

Seeing any movie she likes but she never sees his.

This could also refer to any social activity, whether it be conventions or shows. You often hear about husbands getting dragged places to where it’s a stereotype. This may or may not be true anymore, but I’m sure all of us have been in this situation.

There’s also another similar article written from a woman’s perspective. Given that we don’t have a woman on the show this week, it wouldn’t be fair to give our opinions on it, but if you want to read that side of it, be sure to check out the link in the copy. We may want to revisit this topic again.

Resource Reads:

12 Double Standards in Relationships & Why They’re Toxic AF

5 Double Standards In Relationships That You Should Never Have To Put Up With

How To Avoid Double Standards In Relationships

10 Crappy Double Standards That Men Perpetuate &...

 

    

Ryan has a strong love and hate relationship with the phrase “No Excuses.” He strongly believes that most people have a difficult time complying with this mantra. Human beings are naturally selfish and sometimes need to excuse themselves because of shifting priorities in life. Some people (including my co-hosts) may disagree with me but I’m always striving to improve so let’s dive into it:

Where Does “No Excuses” Fall In Respect to Interpersonal Relationships? Outline

* What is your definition of an excuse?

* Is there a legitimate excuse? Why or why not?

* Have you ever made an excuse in your life?

* Are there people who are an exception to this rule? Why or why not?

* Successful people often abide by this mantra. Do you know anyone who embraces this mantra?

* Management often specify that some employees use excuses to downplay poor performance. Why is Management not held accountable to the same criticism?

* Would excuses exist if there were no fear of failure? Why or why not?

* Do you feel there’s an expectation of perfection when following this mantra? Why or why not?

* Sometimes we make excuses for other people because we want to save face for certain people, why do you think people do this?

* Are people who do not follow this mantra considered less reliable or less valued as a human being? Why or why not?

* Where do we draw the line with this ‘no excuses’ mantra? In reference to article about the Charter School that didn’t allow students to go to the bathroom during practice tests?

* Resource Reads:

* The Selfish Gene ‘Excuse.’

* How To Stop Making Excuses And Start Being Successful

* Do These 6 Things To Crush The Excuses That Are Holding You Back, Says Bar Rescue’s Jon Taffer

* 10 Reasons We Lie And Make Excuses

* 5 Turnover Excuses That Signal Your Managers Are The Problem

* Schools That Accept ‘No Excuses’ From Students Are Not Helping Them

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This interracial relationship topic came about when I read NextShark.com ’s article “Asian YouTuber Reveals How ‘Asian Girls’ Can Get a White Boyfriend in Hilarious Video.”  This story was about YouTuber Vivian Vuong’s  video “How To Get a White Boyfriend (for Asian Girls).” Initially, I thought the video was a self help video on how to get a Caucasian boyfriend until I watched it all the way through. It essentially was mocking Asian females that do anything to appeal to Caucasian men; from the way they look to bad mouthing Asians.

Why Is There So Much Hate With Interracial Relationships? Outline

* Have any of you seen the trend that Asian females are seeking out other ethnic males for partners?

* Is interracial relationships a trend though? Because when I was growing up I felt like I’ve seen mixed race couples all the time.

* What are your thoughts that Asian women want to elevate their social status so they date the fairer skinned?

* Where does Internalized Racism come into play here?

* Do you think Asian men would get that much flack if they exclusively date non-Asians?

* Or do you think it’s a after thought because Asian men are considered non-desirable to Non-Asians?

* So is there a double standard of interracial relationships for Asian women and men?

* Why do you think this is?

* Resource Reads:

* Dear Asian Women, I’m Calling You Out On This One

* Why Some Asians Marry White: It’s Not Always What You Think (Part One)

* Internalized Racism Among Asians

* Part I: Asian American Men & Dating; How Bad Is It Really?

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You should binge on previous episodes of TheRelationshiPodcast. Start from Season 1 (Episode 1). LISTEN NOW.