theTimeVault

TARDIS CLASSIFIEDS

For Sale

Melted Clocks, Empty Drinks Machine, Uncomfortable Bed and Fluffed Lines.

£25 for the lot or swap for Sense and Coherence

Contact Babs, Box Blue64

Where do all the calculators go?

Once Upon A Time….

There was a giant, invisible jellyfish that lived in a hole eating coconuts.

The jellyfish was terribly lonely and bored and liked to play pranks on people.

One day, he hid all the fizzy pop from a bunch of visiting prospectors so they were dying for a drink.  They couldn’t understand what was happening and that amused the Jellyfish greatly.

The next day, he tied a giant piece of elastic to a passing spaceship, and they were forced to do the first ever space bungee jump.  Oh, how the Jellyfish laughed.

Never short of ideas, he then hypnotised a clever scientist into thinking he was the Tazmanian Devil.  The jellyfish had never had so much fun.

Until one day, a stranger appeared, offered the jellyfish a tin of sweets and he was never seen again.

The End

Swivel on it, punks!

When I was a kid, there was a toy I used to have. It was a small plastic-y, rubbery octopus thing that was all sticky and slimy. You’d throw it at a window and it would stick to it and slowly squelch it’s way down……minutes of fun.

With all those suckers, I wonder if you could do the same with a Zygon…

It’s amazing that this one ever got past the BBC censors.

In only the second Doctor Who story ever, the TARDIS crew help the Thals fight and destroy their opponents. Sounds straight forward to us, but hang on a minute! Weren’t the perfect looking, blonde haired, blue eyed people the very model of a perfectly ordered Aryan super race as recommended by the Nazi’s? Not one of the Thals is disabled, deformed or unattractive, the odd one or two that are weaker than the others get killed off pretty quickly and our heroes teach them all how to fight!

They teach the Nazi way to the Nazi poster boys and even join in when they head off to kill all the mutated, deformed inhabitants of the city; all of whom are disabled! They’re all confined to wheelchairs and unable to leave their home, there’s nowhere for them to run to and as a result they’re sitting ducks, mercilessly preyed upon by the Thals until they’re all dead! And then the Doctor and friends head off somewhere else, feeling all smug and happy that they’ve helped wipe out a civilisation.

And this is presented as a children’s show.

Spring-time for Davros!

A disabled electrician with a massive ego invents a wheelchair with a bad attitude and a passion for unblocking toilets. Unable to leave the house, he orders his weekly shop online but the Thal supermarket delivers some bad clams so he blows them all to shit.

Two doctors fight over the dullest piece of jewelery ever seen, whilst Sarah climbs to the top of a giant phallic structure and throws herself off it.

That’s women’s lib for you.

You say Sontaran, I say Sontaran....

Harry sets a bad example to youngsters everywhere by going spelunking and rock climbing without any safety equipment whatsoever; that’s no way for a medical professional to behave!

Sarah sets a good example to youngsters everywhere by proving that you can be a successful, strong, independent, modern woman capable of writing wrongs and fighting evil monsters as long as you face your fears, which now include snakes, heights, mud, golf balls and potatoes. Honestly, when you add those to the already unusual list of badgers, spiders, nazi’s, plumbing equipment and giant cocks, she’ll soon have the single biggest collection of extreme phobias the world has ever known.

The Doctor, meanwhile, isn’t afraid of anything. He’s quite happy just to crouch down in a field and fiddle with someone else’s balls....

The pilot episode's not bad actually, once you manage to tune out the two blokes off-camera who keep talking all the way through it.

We think that's why they re-did it.