This Is Why We Can't Have A Podcast!

🚨🎙️ TODAYS EPISODE: PURE CHAOS, ZERO ELEVATION REQUIREMENTS 🎙️🚨

On this episode of This Is Why We Can’t Have a Podcast, Jen and Ashten start by asking the hard-hitting question absolutely no one needed answered: what is the actual difference between a mountain and a hill 🤔⛰️ Spoiler alert: ChatGPT gets involved, feelings get hurt, and we decide it’s less about height and more about ✨attitude✨.

From there, we spiral (naturally) into the unhinged world of cruise directors because apparently being aggressively cheerful while managing thousands of vacationing strangers sounds like a nightmare… but also a personality test?? We break down the unrealistic expectations, the constant performing, and why recent cruise drama has everyone suddenly an expert on maritime customer service.

Then things really go off the rails. We rant about:
• Dynamic pricing and why it feels personal
• Technology ruining simple joys
• Tipping culture and why everyone is confused and stressed
• Being asked one too many questions at checkout

And because no episode is complete without us oversharing, we end with our current hyper-fixations: perfumes, body washes, and why smelling good is a personality trait. If you’ve ever bought something purely because the scent made you feel emotionally supported… this part is for you.

It’s chaotic.
It’s mildly educational.
It’s definitely why we can’t have a podcast.

🎧 New episode drops TODAY.

🚨🚨 WE DID IT. Our very first Listener Confession has entered the chat… and BABY, IT DID NOT DISAPPOINT. We’re still recovering. Emotionally. Spiritually. Legally.

From there, we spiral (naturally) into the Top 10 Reasons People Get Divorced and honestly??? We are CONFUSED how some of these couples even made it to the altar in the first place. Like sir… you hated her dog, her laugh, and her entire existence but still said “I do”?? Bold. Reckless. Unwell.

Then Ashten absolutely LOSES IT over modern-day proposals. You’re telling us the girl picked out the ring, approved the timeline, scheduled the photographer, AND packed the snacks?? WHERE IS THE SURPRISE. WHERE IS THE AWE. WHERE IS THE DRAMA. Bring back the Clark Gable era where men risked rejection, rings were hidden in coat pockets, and we didn’t crowdsource engagements on Pinterest. 😤💍

Jen then introduces us to her mother-in-law’s mysterious new magazine subscription that appears to be Hunting Wives meets Home & Garden and no one—especially her poor mother-in-law—knows if she subscribed willingly or if someone is absolutely trolling her. Either way, the camo-chic content is thriving.

We briefly (but intensely) dip into the new Andrea Yates documentary, where Ashten goes FULL Nancy Grace because some things still do 👏 not 👏 sit 👏 right 👏 with 👏 her 👏.

And to top it all off? We received our FIRST INTERNATIONAL COMMENT on YouTube. So yes. We are basically famous. Global. Worldwide. Please act accordingly. 🌍✨

Buckle up. This episode has chaos, opinions, confusion, and zero chill.
You’ve been warned. 🎧🔥

🚨 MONDAY’S EPISODE: ABSOLUTE CHAOS 🚨

TikTok decided to personally attack us with a trend that claims your entire year is predicted by the song that was #1 on your 10th birthday. Jen? Blissfully skipping through life with “Walk Like an Egyptian.” Ashten? Emotionally assaulted by “One Sweet Day.” So… that tracks. 🎶🫠

Then we spiral straight into a brand-new TLC experiment where normal people are dropped into the Amish community like it’s a reality-TV Hunger Games. Spoiler: we would not survive. Jen would be taken out immediately by the plain clothing rule and Ashten is deeply confused by several guidelines while simultaneously feeling the urge to manage the Amish with her Type 8 personality. Control issues? Never heard of her.

AND THEN—because Jen cannot be stopped—we fall headfirst into a TikTok rabbit hole about a disappearing bar in Louisiana (thank you, Heather 🙌). A bar that exists for 24 hours. Men in suspenders. Mysterious vibes. Comment sections unhinged. Jen starts connecting dots that absolutely did not need connecting and suddenly we’re asking very serious questions about vampires, voodoo, and whether Louisiana is operating under different supernatural laws than the rest of us.

We also shout out and THANK everyone who’s already sent in their Listener Confessions 👀—and yes, we are starting those THIS FRIDAY and we are not emotionally prepared.

✨ Chaos. Amish rules. TikTok conspiracies. Emotional damage. You do not want to miss this one. ✨

🎙️ Episode Description:

Well friends… YouTube put us in time-out and honestly? Rude. BUT WE'RE BACK!!
This week we spiral (professionally) about our ongoing YouTube troubles, why scammers and catfish are thriving in 2026, and how technology has officially made everyone suspicious of emails, DMs, AND basic human interaction.

We deep dive into generational communication differences—why some people call, some people text, and some people just ✨don’t respond✨ and call it self-care.

We also learn that January 19th is Quitter’s Day (which feels aggressive but accurate), and Jen—our resident winter fairy—gives her very Jen take on why winter is for rest, reflection, slowing down, and absolutely not for making resolutions that set you up for emotional failure. ❄️✨

Then we spiral into the hard truth:
Things that used to be fun… are now EXHAUSTING.
• Staying out late
• Making plans
• Leaving the house
• People

We validate canceling plans, choosing peace, and feeling overwhelmed by things that once required zero effort. If you’ve ever said “I just don’t have it in me anymore,” congratulations—you’re seen.

Jen also drops wisdom bombs about creativity as a stress outlet, her new hobbies, and why creating something is sometimes better than therapy (don’t tell our therapists).

We play “Me Too or Just Me” (spoiler: it’s almost always “me too”), dive into an Unhinged Honesty Round, and discuss what we thought being “rich” meant growing up—where Jen was absolutely “rich” in Ashten’s world and we will not be debating it. 💅

PLUS:
🎥 Movie discussions (as always)
🤫 Listener Confessions officially start NEXT FRIDAY (send them in now—anonymous chaos encouraged)

If you’re tired, overwhelmed, canceling plans, side-eyeing YouTube, or just here for the chaos—this episode is for you.

Listen now. Rest later. Cancel something today. 💀💖

🎙️ NEW YEAR, SAME CHAOS 🎉

New year… new resolutions… same unhinged hosts.
This episode Jen & Ashten absolutely spiral over our own New Year’s resolutions (spoiler: accountability was not invited). We break down the most common resolutions everyone swears they’ll keep (working out, saving money, drinking water 🙄) and then dive headfirst into the MOST unhinged resolutions we’ve ever heard—including deciding you’re getting married no matter what this year (??? ma’am???) and buying a pet snake to face your fears because therapy was apparently booked.

We also take a sharp left turn to talk about Ashten’s family trip to Roswell, New Mexico—aliens, UFO lore, weird vibes, and a True or False: Roswell Edition where Jen is… confidently wrong per usual 👽✨

Then we get a little serious (don’t worry, it’s brief): we talk about the importance of just being with family, slowing down, and soaking up moments that actually matter as we head into 2026.

ANDDDDD we introduce our brand new segment we are so excited about:

🚨 LISTENERS CONFESSIONS 🚨

You’ll email or send a voice memo with your weekly confession and once a week we’ll read/play them on the show. Anonymous. Unhinged. Possibly incriminating. What could go wrong?
EMAIL SUBMISSIONS TO: [email protected]

PUT CONFESSION IN THE SUBJECT LINE TO MAKE SURE WE SEE IT!

We are so honored to be part of your Mondays & Fridays, and we truly cannot wait to see what chaos, growth, laughter, and aliens 2026 brings.

👉 Subscribe to our YouTube channel when we get it back up and running - we are in a time-out for some reason!  PATREON is coming your way with all of our video content!
👉 Follow us on Facebook, Instagram & TikTok
👉 And buckle up… because this year is already off the rails.

This is why we can’t have a podcast… but we do anyway. 😌✨
 And you can add our email for the listeners confessions 

In this episode, the hosts discuss a variety of topics ranging from beauty trends and personal experiences with Botox to the significance of vision boards and journaling. They share their thoughts on the importance of handwritten letters and personal connections, before diving into a shocking kidnapping case that raises questions about parental abduction. The conversation also touches on the influence of cults and concludes with reflections on popular TV shows and their impact on personal lives.

In this episode of 'This Is Why We Can't Have a Podcast,' Jen and Ashten discuss the joys and challenges of Christmas traditions, the importance of friendship, and the dynamics of their relationships. They share personal stories, explore unique holiday customs from around the world, and reflect on the significance of maintaining connections with loved ones. The conversation is filled with humor, warmth, and candid moments, offering listeners a relatable and entertaining experience.

🎙️ This Is Why We Can’t Have a Podcast — Episode Drop 🎙️

In this episode, Jen & Ashten spiral immediately and never recover. We start with a very serious adult problem: why windshield wipers only have “too slow,” “panic mode,” and “I guess we’re hydroplaning.” From there, we dream about luxury cars we absolutely do not need, complain about the audacity of car payments, and announce that in a perfect world we are both wildly rich and mildly unhinged.

Then things escalate.

Ashten presents Aubrey’s Boyfriend Manifesto (applications currently closed, background checks implied), while also delivering a passionate TED Talk about why Gone with the Wind is required viewing and how Jen has somehow survived adulthood without seeing basically any classic movie ever made. We take a ChatGPT quiz to determine which Gone with the Wind characters we are, and honestly… the results were personal.

Just when you think we might calm down, we pivot to TikTok algorithms wrecking our emotions, why social media knows us better than our therapists, and how that’s probably not healthy. We also discuss nail salon days at home, where Jen may or may not have purchased every nail product known to man and may or may not actually follow through. Jury’s out.

Other important truths revealed:
• There is no correct windshield wiper speed
• Jen should not have access to money. Anywhere.
• Emma is prepared for every possible apocalypse
• Our kids have better music taste than us
• Car manufacturers owe us answers
• Freedom is the dream
• This episode explains… everything

If you’ve ever cried over an algorithm, judged windshield wipers, loved an old movie too much, or watched your best friend online shop with zero supervision — this episode is for you.

✨ Quotes you’ll hear:
“In a perfect world, I’m a millionaire.”
“Gone with the Wind should be a staple at your house.”
“Social media has made me an emotional mess.”
“Jen shouldn’t have an account. Money. Anywhere.”
“This is why we can’t…”

🎧 Available wherever you listen to podcasts
📲 Listen responsibly (or don’t)

In this episode, the hosts discuss a variety of topics ranging from the excitement of new kittens to nostalgic millennial music and the emotional connections tied to favorite Christmas movies. They share personal stories about family traditions, holiday preparations, and the sometimes scary realities of the holiday season. The conversation flows into deeper reflections on music's role in processing emotions and memories, particularly around the holidays.

Welcome back to the podcast where logic comes to die and chaos pays rent.

This week, Ashten admits that crime scene photos have ruined her life because now she feels morally obligated to keep her house spotless in case she’s murdered and doesn’t want to be humiliated post-mortem by dusty blinds and a rogue Chick-Fil-A cup.

Then we deep-dive into the existential true-crime crisis of:
When someone gets found “not guilty”… does law enforcement just go, “Welp, mystery solved, lunch?”
Like HELLO?? Casey Anthony? OJ?
Are the real killers just out there living their best lives?? Is there a follow-up department or nah???

Next up, we pivot aggressively — like whiplash aggressively — into aging gracefully, because apparently Demi Moore has a blood pact with the universe and has decided not to age past 37. Teach us your witchcraft, queen.

We also scream about how everyone needs to be watching Landman, how acts of service may actually be a love language AND a cry for help, and how grief and happiness can exist like chaotic roommates who share a Netflix account.

And naturally, woven through all of this is:
✨ Our unfiltered chaos
✨ Random emotional whiplash
✨ Insults said with love
✨ And the kind of best-friend derailments that make you question our mental stability

Basically… it’s us. But worse. In the best way.