This Week in the Ancient Near East

Old Kingdom scribes kneeled or sat on the floor so their knees, backs and hips were as screwed up as ours. But did they have a trusted firm of personal injury lawyers pushing through the red tape to get them the Worker’s Comp benefits they were owed? Let’s hope so.

A Late Bronze Age shipwreck 90 kilometers off the coast of Israel has us asking, what were they doing way out there and if your ship sinks, how do you make an insurance claim without texts? Anyway, why are there are no Canaanite sea shanties? No, really.

New evidence suggests horses were domesticated over a thousand years later than previously thought, around 2200 BCE, which would mean they caught on pretty fast with wealthy Near Easterners. Still, who wouldn't love a pony? Who wouldn't love a person that had a pony? With touching childhood memories of horsemanship!

Horvat Tevet was a village in the early Iron Age Galilee. Caananite, Israelite, who knows? They liked beeswax though. Make of that what you will. With a shoutout to The Bangles and a completely incongruent Lightning Round!

Today we’re talking about research suggesting Çatalhöyük was way less populous than once thought, like, hundreds and not thousands of people. How many people does it take to get stuff done anyway, and what’s up with all the frescoes and cow heads? Come for the Neolithic, suffer through a deep dive with Patrick McGoohan, Mayberry, and Lake Wobegone!

New research shows that a long vanished branch of the Nile came right up to the pyramids at Giza, which made it easier to make deliveries. You’d think someone would have noticed that a branch of the river vanished but what do we know. Maybe it was one of those slowly, then all at once situations.

A new collection of radiocarbon dates from Jerusalem has clarified the westward expansion of the city in the Iron Age and helped archaeologists overcome the Hallstadt Plateau. You know, that dull and listless part of the radiocarbon curve? So why are we arguing so much? It’s a regular three ring circus, but with a shoutout to the real king of Jerusalem, B.B. King!

This week we’re talking about the discovery in Iran of a carved stone tube containing glittery red lipstick. Was it for women or men? Was it for fancy people or regular folks? Was it garish or tasteful? Who are we to judge? One way or another, pop is the word of the day!

Today we’re talking about the possibility that the famous site of Dura Europos – you know, the giant Hellenistic multicultural walled city with a synagogue, church and temples etc., had a twin, just six kilometers down the Euphrates River. A twin in Bucks County, Pennsylvania would be more surprising but you take what you can get.

The Late Bronze Age temple at Tell Azekah in the Judean Shephelah has us wondering, why does it face the sun, why is it so small, how often was it used, and how could you possibly have a wedding there? Not that we’re looking for a place, mind you. With an obvious and well deserved shoutout to Timbuk 3!