“I’ve never met a penis before!”

In which the throbbing members discuss losing their socially constructed virginity. It’s about as cringey as it sounds, so you better listen. 

Virginity References

DISCLAIMER: VIRGINITY IS A SOCIAL CONSTRUCT AND IN OUR SOCIETY TYPICALLY HAS A PHALLO-CENTRIC DEFINITION!

Now that that’s out of the way…

Sissel

Let’s begin with Sissel’s story. She was very sexually frustrated… for most of her life, but also kind of scared of it all? So she eventually forced the issue. All of the unrequited crushes never worked out, so she “found” a guy getting off a bus to have sex with instead! Tall, dark haired, pierced ears, her type.

"Remember when we said this was a podcast without judgement? We fucking lied."

In which we interrogate Sissel to find out all about her sizzling past and scintillating future. Listen to this quickie to learn more about this wild woman!

Meet Sissel!

Quickie Questions

1. If you were to have sex with food items, which food items would you like to incorporate into your sex life?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G8r48HzrYHE

Girls Trip Grapefruit Scene

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLTgWdXrx3U

OG Grapefruit Scene

But in her heart of hearts Sissel would like to emotionally fuck bread... If it's incorporating a food into sex, she wants something that can be licked off her.

2. Describe your ideal date?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-BNwiqDGz5g

An all day date with making food, watching tv, and as much sex as possible.

3. Tell us a bit about your threesome?

It was short term incredibly healthy relationship. She found them on Bumble, and was mostly attracted to the girl. Was very nervous about meeting them, but from the start they were both some excited to have Sissel there, in a very open and interested way. She had never been in a relationship with a guy who was so honest about his interest in her, and she assumes it was because they were so secure in their relationship that being vulnerable about their interest in her wouldn't be a problem.

It was a bit of rocky start. It was fun but the girl at one point tapped out so Sissel wasn't that interested in sticking around (she was mostly there for the girl anyways). They all had sex, for a short while... and only Sissel orgasmed... but she always orgasms!

They went on a second date... This time the girl had food poisoning... Sissel started to wonder if she wasn't interested...

But they went on a third date! They sexted before, sent some noods... And this time it was great!

In summary, it was weirdly the healthiest relationship she'd ever been in, because everyone was open about what they wanted, they were communicating really well before, during, and after! But she didn't love them as people so while the sex was fun, she didn't see it working out long term. Would do again!

But also... She got chlamydia! :(

Which was also a very healthy open experience! They were very upfront about it and super communicative, and she got tested and treated, and had a fun night in a bar with Gina and Kelly telling them all about it.

4. What's the ultimate role play fantasy?

With a woman: A roleplay scenario where the woman is more experienced and somewhat in power in the scenario, really shows Sissel the ropes.

With a man: A taboo sexual encounter? Somewhere she shouldn't be with someone she shouldn't be with? Or maybe historical? A bodice ripper? Maybe someone in a kilt? Maybe just Jaime from Outlander...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d3x6W2pkjMo

5. Ultimate Fictional Dibs!

This is hard.... She wants someone funny and not brooding and annoying... maybe Piz?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YyV4sUACQIQ

We'll come back to this later in the quickie...

6. Where's the weirdest place you've had sex?

“Remember when we said this was a podcast without judgement? We fucking lied.”

In which we interrogate Sissel to find out all about her sizzling past and scintillating future. Listen to this quickie to learn more about this wild woman!

Meet Sissel!

Quickie Questions

1. If you were to have sex with food items, which food items would you like to incorporate into your sex life?

Girls Trip Grapefruit Scene

OG Grapefruit Scene

But in her heart of hearts Sissel would like to emotionally fuck bread… If it’s incorporating a food into sex, she wants something that can be licked off her.

2. Describe your ideal date?

An all day date with making food, watching tv, and as much sex as possible.

3. Tell us a bit about your threesome?

It was short term incredibly healthy relationship. She found them on Bumble, and was mostly attracted to the girl. Was very nervous about meeting them, but from the start they were both some excited to have Sissel there, in a very open and interested way. She had never been in a relationship with a guy who was so honest about his interest in her, and she assumes it was because they were so secure in their relationship that being vulnerable about their interest in her wouldn’t be a problem.

It was a bit of rocky start. It was fun but the girl at one point tapped out so Sissel wasn’t that interested in sticking around (she was mostly there for the girl anyways). They all had sex, for a short while… and only Sissel orgasmed… but she always orgasms!

They went on a second date… This time the girl had food poisoning… Sissel started to wonder if she wasn’t interested…

But they went on a third date! They sexted before, sent some noods… And this time it was great!

In summary, it was weirdly the healthiest relationship she’d ever been in, because everyone was open about what they wanted, they were communicating really well before, during, and after! But she didn’t love them as people so while the sex was fun, she didn’t see it working out long term. Would do again!

But also… She got chlamydia!

What's sexier than the plague?

In which we make the best of these worst of times. Stay safe. Stay at home. Stay sexy. Wash your hands and... other bits... and COVID - 19.

COVID - 19 References

In these unprecedented (debate-able times) the throbbers discuss the sexiness of coronavirus. In particular we discuss our bingo... please partake and share with friends!!!

BUT ALSO!!! We have guest! Her name is Ginger, and she has intimate knowledge of the dating scene during COVID-19... Incredibly horny! But also how everyone is discovering how many of their coworkers are cam girls... or pondering that we might all be cam girls now.

Sex Isolation Bingo Squares

* Fell in love with a character* Sexted a relative stranger* Wrote an angsty love song* Took nudes... just for yourself* Masturbated way more than usual due to boredom* Masturbated while you were supposed to be working from home* Felt completely un-sexual (different than asexual, which is a sexual orientation... I think... I could be wrong... please inform me if so)* Briefly panicked watching people touch on tv* Had sex with your roommate* Had a good cry* Watched/read a new type of porn* Read sexy quarantine themed fan-fiction* FREE SPACE [Stress Masturbated]* Went on a FaceTime date* Wrote some erotica* Met up in person and felt guilty about it* Bought a new sex toy online* Had video chat sex* Masturbated in the bathroom* Started a new sexy workout* Bought lingerie* Walked around naked* Swiped right on everyone to find someone to talk to* Stopped working out because no one is gonna see you IRL* Sexted your partner

FIND IT ON INSTAGRAM <----- This is us please follow!

We discuss if TikTok is a quarantine past time? But also why are people posting it on instagram? Is it that old people have joined TikTok? And Instagram is for old people? Are WE old people? Probably...

Felling Un-Sexual

Gina is feeling very scared of interacting and touching people, her sexual arousal has been completely disconnected from human beings. She's still masturbating... don't get me wrong... she makes it very clear she is STILL masturbating. Her horniness is being removed from other people... and been reduced to her vibrator.

Hannah and Sissel both discuss their reduced horniness. Sissel agrees that vibrators are arousing. Attraction to machines, quarantine problems.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B9zrW1UB4Ui/

We invite you to enjoy The Reddot Comics... Featuring an anthropomorphized vibrator.

Maisie (and everyone) is really getting into the bored masturbating routine, no one is that turned on but treat yourself to some bored masturbation. There are no better options these days.

Ginger is too fucking irritated and mentally exhausted so she has no energy for masturbation. Gina has been 100% compensating for her anxiety by working too hard and thus exhausting herself into not being horny. Hannah has also been pushing her energies into work because it's the only thing she can control right now, so masturbation has been low on her list of priorities. But she has been having quarantine themed stress sex dreams!!! YAY!!!! Gotta love some illegal state park tree fucking! (Only in dreams though... sad face.)

COVID - 19 Dreams

Gotta love some illegal state park tree fucking! (Only in dreams though... sad face)

Or dreams about hand sanitizer?

Have you had any quarantine dreams?

What’s sexier than the plague?

In which we make the best of these worst of times. Stay safe. Stay at home. Stay sexy. Wash your hands and… other bits… and COVID – 19.

COVID – 19 References

In these unprecedented (debate-able times) the throbbers discuss the sexiness of coronavirus. In particular we discuss our bingo… please partake and share with friends!!!

BUT ALSO!!! We have guest! Her name is Ginger, and she has intimate knowledge of the dating scene during COVID-19… Incredibly horny! But also how everyone is discovering how many of their coworkers are cam girls… or pondering that we might all be cam girls now.

Sex Isolation Bingo Squares

* Fell in love with a character* Sexted a relative stranger* Wrote an angsty love song* Took nudes… just for yourself* Masturbated way more than usual due to boredom* Masturbated while you were supposed to be working from home* Felt completely un-sexual (different than asexual, which is a sexual orientation… I think… I could be wrong… please inform me if so)* Briefly panicked watching people touch on tv* Had sex with your roommate* Had a good cry* Watched/read a new type of porn* Read sexy quarantine themed fan-fiction* FREE SPACE [Stress Masturbated]* Went on a FaceTime date* Wrote some erotica* Met up in person and felt guilty about it* Bought a new sex toy online* Had video chat sex* Masturbated in the bathroom* Started a new sexy workout* Bought lingerie* Walked around naked* Swiped right on everyone to find someone to talk to* Stopped working out because no one is gonna see you IRL* Sexted your partner

FIND IT ON INSTAGRAM <—– This is us please follow!

We discuss if TikTok is a quarantine past time? But also why are people posting it on instagram? Is it that old people have joined TikTok? And Instagram is for old people? Are WE old people? Probably…

Felling Un-Sexual

Gina is feeling very scared of interacting and touching people, her sexual arousal has been completely disconnected from human beings. She’s still masturbating… don’t get me wrong… she makes it very clear she is STILL masturbating. Her horniness is being removed from other people… and been reduced to her vibrator.

Hannah and Sissel both discuss their reduced horniness. Sissel agrees that vibrators are arousing. Attraction to machines, quarantine problems.

View this post on Instagram New adjustments . . . . . #adjustment #lockdown #worklife #californian #bigchanges #tipyourbartender #bartenderlife #igcomics #dailycomics #webcomicartist #webtoon #drawingjournal #comicstrips #webtoons #comicsofinstagram A post shared by The RedDot Comic (@the__reddot) on Mar 16, 2020 at 1:11pm PDT

Keep his secrets, massage his shoulders, and stay pretty doing it!

In which the Throbbers delve into the past to see what it says about the future. Vintage Playboys? Yes, please!

Vintage References

Textbook | Women's Institute Library of Cookery [1918]

A very good analysis of how woman were always smart and when they were relegated to the home they turned homemaking into a science. It really is a useful book filled with economic reasoning and biological explanation. It's from the 1910s... before the 50s an 60s really made homemaking easy (home appliances)... So this shit is detailed! It's also from back when woman were in charge of household finances, and you needed to know things like weight of a chicken - to see if your butcher is scamming you - you know, important things.

The whole thing is giving Gina Ethan Frome vibes.

We don't know who wrote this book, by the way... If you do, let us know!?!

It has some standard sexism (everyone is a housewife!) and racism ("hot climate people" *cough brown people* don't have a balanced diets and are thus inferior).

Betty Crocker's Picture Cookbook [1950]

Basic vintage cookbook for all the prep you need for starring in the Great British Bake Off. Some things we learned:

Cookie is spelled with a y, which is weird. Cooky. Cookey? Who knows.

Bummer that Betty Crocker was invented by a man...

Vintage food photography is really not good... Does not look appetizing, especially the gelatin *barf*

Not too sexist... Same as todays cookbooks (so kind of super sexist)

Hannah stole both of her cook books from her sorority. Thanks girls!!!!

Betty Crocker's Hostess Cookbook [1960s]

Its really quite a useful book if you're going for an Mrs. Degree

Only talks about men in regards to grilling (which is still true, men are obsessed with grilling). Only Maisie is into grilling... all the rest of the Throbbers have let our dads handle that shit.

Be careful about grill brushes! Those metal bristles can be trapped inside you forever.

Fifteen [1956]

A book about a fifteen year old girl who wants to get a boyfriend... So she does!

She meets a boy who delivers horse meat for dogs... So obviously he's a keeper!

Surprisingly, the scenes in the book with her boyfriend (Stan) were fine. The scenes with other girls were sad and gross. A lot of belittling single-dom and hanging out with friends. Friends first everyone! We do not recommend not having friends.

Her rivalry with Marcy was particularly bad for women everywhere. Marcy is the perfect 50s girl:

* driving in a convertible* tan* blonde* cashmere sweater* pearls* smiling like she's better than you (cause she is)

Marcy and Jane (the main character) should really bang.

Interesting tidbits: She actually babysits as like an almost legit job...

Keep his secrets, massage his shoulders, and stay pretty doing it!

In which the Throbbers delve into the past to see what it says about the future. Vintage Playboys? Yes, please!

Vintage References

Textbook | Women’s Institute Library of Cookery [1918]

A very good analysis of how woman were always smart and when they were relegated to the home they turned homemaking into a science. It really is a useful book filled with economic reasoning and biological explanation. It’s from the 1910s… before the 50s an 60s really made homemaking easy (home appliances)… So this shit is detailed! It’s also from back when woman were in charge of household finances, and you needed to know things like weight of a chicken – to see if your butcher is scamming you – you know, important things.

The whole thing is giving Gina Ethan Frome vibes.

We don’t know who wrote this book, by the way… If you do, let us know!?!

It has some standard sexism (everyone is a housewife!) and racism (“hot climate people” *cough brown people* don’t have a balanced diets and are thus inferior).

Betty Crocker’s Picture Cookbook [1950]

Basic vintage cookbook for all the prep you need for starring in the Great British Bake Off. Some things we learned:

Cookie is spelled with a y, which is weird. Cooky. Cookey? Who knows.

Bummer that Betty Crocker was invented by a man…

Vintage food photography is really not good… Does not look appetizing, especially the gelatin *barf*

Not too sexist… Same as todays cookbooks (so kind of super sexist)

Hannah stole both of her cook books from her sorority. Thanks girls!!!!

Betty Crocker’s Hostess Cookbook [1960s]

Its really quite a useful book if you’re going for an Mrs. Degree

Only talks about men in regards to grilling (which is still true, men are obsessed with grilling). Only Maisie is into grilling… all the rest of the Throbbers have let our dads handle that shit.

Be careful about grill brushes! Those metal bristles can be trapped inside you forever.

Fifteen [1956]

A book about a fifteen year old girl who wants to get a boyfriend… So she does!

She meets a boy who delivers horse meat for dogs… So obviously he’s a keeper!

Surprisingly, the scenes in the book with her boyfriend (Stan) were fine. The scenes with other girls were sad and gross. A lot of belittling single-dom and hanging out with friends. Friends first everyone! We do not recommend not having friends.

Her rivalry with Marcy was particularly bad for women everywhere. Marcy is the perfect 50s girl:

* driving in a convertible* tan* blonde* cashmere sweater* pearls* smiling like she’s better than you (cause she is)

"I'm out here being sexy..."

In which us tech gurus re-record Kelly's titillating quickie! Learn of young Kelly's experiences, interests, and more.

Meet Kelly!

Quickie Questions

1. Do you have a masturbation routine?

Before bed? Not really?

2. Do you have an inspiration? Or do you just ideate?

Literotica...

3. Is there a time of day?

When there isn't too much light happening.... #focusinternally

4. Is there a horniness time of day?

Mostly at night (how many times does she have to say this!)

5. Have you ever had an orgasm in public?

No. She's never been lucky enough to have a spontaneous orgasm...

6. What makes you feel sexy?

Dark and sexy gothic novel noir

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H1DCoGCVUxY

Not quite right... but still everyone get obsessed with Crazy Ex Girlfriend

We may have had technical difficulties and rerecorded this episode....

7. When was your first kiss?

He was a theater boyShe said, "see you later, boy"He played a background tavern-goer

(But she did kiss him and his best friend anyway, and two other people... #theaterkids)

8. Did you ever do anything sexual as a child?

Kelly and her childhood friend played the teddy bear game! In her bedroom with the door closed... Lying on top each other... (that's just sex)

9. Greatest fictional dibs!? Or call!? (who knows what we're talking about)

Deadpool

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONHBaC-pfsk

Also Kelly is the Queen of Cards Against Humanity!

10. Would you rather have sex on a beach or sex in a hayloft?

Beach (as long as the risk of sun exposure is minimal)...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=10&v=1W6AGM-LxGY&feature=emb_logo

11. What's your favorite part of your own body?

Her eyes

11 part b. What's your favorite part of your body that's sexual?

The Throbbers are not available for comment, as they are still arguing over what constitutes a sexual body part.

Pert Heavers!!!!

“I’m out here being sexy…”

In which us tech gurus re-record Kelly’s titillating quickie! Learn of young Kelly’s experiences, interests, and more.

Meet Kelly!

Quickie Questions

1. Do you have a masturbation routine?

Before bed? Not really?

2. Do you have an inspiration? Or do you just ideate?

Literotica…

3. Is there a time of day?

When there isn’t too much light happening…. #focusinternally

4. Is there a horniness time of day?

Mostly at night (how many times does she have to say this!)

5. Have you ever had an orgasm in public?

No. She’s never been lucky enough to have a spontaneous orgasm…

6. What makes you feel sexy?

Dark and sexy gothic novel noir

Not quite right… but still everyone get obsessed with Crazy Ex Girlfriend

We may have had technical difficulties and rerecorded this episode….

7. When was your first kiss?

He was a theater boyShe said, “see you later, boy”He played a background tavern-goer

(But she did kiss him and his best friend anyway, and two other people… #theaterkids)

8. Did you ever do anything sexual as a child?

Kelly and her childhood friend played the teddy bear game! In her bedroom with the door closed… Lying on top each other… (that’s just sex)

9. Greatest fictional dibs!? Or call!? (who knows what we’re talking about)

Deadpool

Also Kelly is the Queen of Cards Against Humanity!

10. Would you rather have sex on a beach or sex in a hayloft?

Beach (as long as the risk of sun exposure is minimal)…

11. What’s your favorite part of your own body?

Her eyes

11 part b. What’s your favorite part of your body that’s sexual?

The Throbbers are not available for comment, as they are still arguing over what constitutes a sexual body part.

Pert Heavers!!!!

Thank You For Listening!

We are all able-bodied, cisgendered white women. We know our background and experiences only cover a percentage of those around us which is why we want to supplement this with guest speakers, research, and you. If you have opinions and experiences you’d like to share we would love to hear it! If, however, you just want to spew hate at us then we can’t stop you but instead we invite you to suck our collective clitorises. Hater. This podcast also contains mature sexual themes and swearing. No, clitoris isn’t a swear word.Learn More About Us

"Just a parched wasteland of lots of friends"

In which the Throbbers venture into the world of Love Languages. Who likes quality time? Who likes being touched? Who likes quality time being touched? Find out more!

Lucy isn't Astral Projecting!!!!!

Love References

Discover your Love Languages!!!

The Throbbers all took this quiz and you can find out which Throbber you identify with most! If we got it from The Bachelorette it must be legit.

It's not just about romantic love but also platonic and familial love. We try and break them down... sort of... (We aren't a research podcast). 12 is the highest you can get in any category and it's not an exclusive rating system. Support team #kaisie !

Sissel - Acts of Service & Quality Time | Words of Affirmation

Maisie - Quality Time | Physical Touch

Kelly - Quality Time | Physical Touch

Lucy - Quality Time | Words of Affirmation

Gina - Acts of Service | Physical Touch & Quality Time

Hannah - Acts of Service | Physical Touch & Words of Affirmation

Then we just dissected the crap out of how we feel about all these different languages. Analyzing how our pasts and different relationships have impacted how we feel about them.

We graze past the concept of consent. Everyone has different thresholds for interactions and it's important to ask before you engage with someone... *cough* Gina *cough* you can't just hug people. We discuss how our different levels have impacted our friendships and how we interact physically with each other. We also discuss American touch culture, and how it compares to our interactions in Spain and Japan. How do you determine the motivation behind your desire for physical touch? Is it touch starvation? Is it horniness? How do they differ?

Touch Starvation

https://youtu.be/ykW4rtW2eu0

Have you ever been in loved? (lol)

We discussed being loved and loving in a romantic way... but not necessarily marriage.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2m6sHROA3U

But not mawwage....

This part is hard... Talking about love is hard. Hit you like a ton of bricks, falling in love like falling asleep, wouldn't wish it on your worst enemy kind of love.

We discuss the validity of crushes as an emotional experience. How it's fun and can be the preamble to a good thing! Or a many-year-long crushing experience. Does it need to be reciprocal to count as real love?

We discuss how the media represents love and how that meshes with our interpretation of love. Should the love interest be vacuuming the whole time? Would that make a better movie?

Maybe you need a farmer in your life to be in love?