Tim Goodman's TV Talk Machine

The hardest working people in podcasting are back at it. And we waste little time in getting right at it. What "it" eventually is, we do not know. But we know this much: "It" is not entertaining. Bob sends in a picture of him in his shorty robe and it's very short. "Bob's getting it done" we agree. Except for maybe the white socks. He's our third listener to send in a picture of where he listens to the TVTM, complete with a blown up version of the TVTM logo. Bob also honors -- wait, "honors" -- Yours Truly with a smattering of "Timmay!" impressions from South Park. We've lost track of the TVTM Dreamer, because we thought it was Emily. It's not. How could we lose track of this information? Easy: Manny! (Benny Evangelista) probably lost it. You know, he's getting a leeeetle too big for his own good. The rising tide of "Save Benny's Corner" appears to be waning, thankfully, and this week we were even too busy to visit the "What's Benny Been Up To?" segment, though we're pretty sure the answer was "working, pretty much." In fact, this Thursday podcast is so chock full of stuff, and we already had Amber from Canada on the Tuesday cast, that we fell away from talking about what we've been listening to (a lot of Lloyd Cole still -- the man is a genius, by the way) and what we've been reading (the newly redesigned San Francisco Chronicle, of course). We're sure this temporary deviation from form made one person happy. Hi Wickedmachine! Speaking of dreamers, we get another one! It's Elizabeth. She even provides a sketch. We also get Walton saying, "Where's the faith in our man parts?" We also have a potential band name: Luscious Mullets. Seriously, it will make sense. If not, then surely my faux make-out session with QB (Chronicle media and political writer Joe Garofoli) will make complete sense. Or when we sing "White Riot" by the Clash. Maybe nothing in this podcast makes sense. I mean, Walton sings "The Map Song" for Dora and then Dora kills Walton. We blame Noah from the 703 for all of that. Hanna from Sweden (with her Irish accent, which we love so much) sends in an MP3 and runs down all "The Wire" actors getting work on TV. She gives us a chart about our TV Talk Machine Facebook page, tracking our friends. Her conclusion: "We need more girls." And then we talk about the awesome mugs she sent (visible on the Facebook page) that are just fantastic. We love gifts! Thanks to Ian who made us laugh by being "from The Kong" and then setting us up for "No Sleep Till Brooklyn." Ian's knowledge of the TVTM is stunning, for he also name-checks Marcus Chan, aka Moreworkus Chan, who oversees the Chronicle's multimedia efforts and is the man responsible for making Benny work so hard. His only misstep was asking why Benny doesn't do more voices. Look, we need Benny to focus. And stop doing research! Katie from the 518 proves immediately that she can take both Manny AND QB's job, which we offer her on the spot. Katie admits that she's been using "Brutal!" in her home life, much to the mystification of her husband. Katie -- welcome to our world. The spouses never seem to think Walton and Gore et al are that funny. And by the way, are you interested in "Katie's Corner"? Benny loses another call and is called out about it! He's losing things, people. We really need to dump him. Lastly -- but not really lastly -- Megan from the 707 makes a theme song for Taldar. It's very "Metal Machine Music" from Lou Reed. But it didn't clear out the podcave. Nope, it made QB laugh. And you know how much he loves to do his Taldar voice. So he gets into that a lot. Then Al Gore.

We are joined here by Amber from Canada, continuing our brilliant rush of getting things done in 2009. Our efficiency is off the charts. Although at a later point, someone tells us we're doing too many podcasts and we need to cut back. That didn't hurt our feelings at all. We cover a lot of ground in the two podcasts this week. In addition to Amber, we talk about Hanna from Sweden who -- above and beyond the call of duty -- sent three mugs down to the podcave. One for me, one for Question Boy (Chronicle media and politics writer Joe Garofoli) and one for Manny/Chocoknobs/Post-production Master (Benny Evangelista). They are fabulous and creative and available to view on our TV Talk Machine Facebook page. When we talk with Amber, I learn who Tim Horton is. I then learn all the things about Canada I don't know, which is everything. Amber lies and says she got through almost a full podcast of ours, which we know is not true. We talk a bit about "Dollhouse" and she appears to be disappointed by it as well. In other Amber news: "That just doesn't feel right in my ear." She takes a stab at a couple of outsourced questions, both of which involve Canada, our friends to the north. It's north, right? We also had the creator of our Facebook page, Liam from the 617, send an MP3 to us and he proposes a "podcast crossover" with Mick LaSalle. He also proposed QB do Angry Walton and Drunk Walton. This prompts QB to apologize for making a Walton mistake. Which prompts Manny to apologize about something he messed up as well. Me? Nothing to apologize for, as usual. Well, actually, I should probably apologize yet again to Mrs. CrankyPants for flirting with Amber. Again. Lastly, no marching band music was used in the creation of this podcast.

It's the Chaser Edition! "A podcast about television." But what will you get in it? Um, face punching, Question Boy (Chronicle media and political writer Joe Garofoli) brings up some interesting new voices. I ate the rest of Megan's cookies and Manny (Benny Evangelista) is stunned by that news -- since he never got any of them. He's less stunned that "Benny's Corner" has been canceled. (There is, however, a "Save Benny's Corner" campaign on our Facebook page...which we really do love -- the people and the photos, not the "Save Benny's Corner" campaign...Thanks for everyone who has joined as fans. Now start leaving us some questions on the page or starting a dialog...A dialog that doesn't include a campaign to save "Benny's Corner."). This podcast is noteworthy (never thought we'd write that) because we taped it late in the afternoon and we were both tired and punchy and then we got a little loopy and a lot stupid and we ended up very proud of this effort. It's just the right mix of pointless and stupid -- which is hard to do. Let's put it this way -- we somehow placed Dora on the field during the famous Cal-Stanford game. Later, we empower her -- Le Femme Dora! -- and she gets a gun. And uses it. In addition: We propose a "podcasting camp" as a scam for cash and beer. We have a vision of Benny running while carrying a tuba. (Don't ask.) We read a question from our Facebook page. We talk about "Yo Gabba Gabba" and "Pancake Mountain." Calls come from Oregon and "the Houston area" -- but nothing from Australia or Latin America -- and then we discover that Bill Walton doesn't even sound like Bill Walton as he promotes a new contest to look or sound like him. Helium? Fraud? "That's not the Goose!" says QB. None of it makes sense. But does it ever? And it ends very strangely.

Unfortunately this podcast starts with a certain someone celebrating a certain Super Bowl victory which he rubs in another certain someone's face. We try to offset that -- thanks George D! -- by bringing back some great radio calls from the glory days of Your San Francisco 49ers! Elsewhere: News from television poorly told. Question Boy (Chronicle media and politics writer Joe Garofoli) unveils a special voice. TV Talk Machine on Facebook continues to blow up (we're now taking questions via the Facebook page). Manny, (Benny Evangelista) who was given an Obamicon labeled "Knobs" by a reader, let's us know his doings as "What's Benny Been Doing?" returns. Not a lot happening there. "Benny's Corner" has been canceled (it's hard to support a spin-off show). He continues his odd fascination with marching bands. Music talk (Vampire Weekend, more Lloyd Cole, Fleet Foxes, Scud Mountain Boys, Pernice Brothers); book talk (A.J. Jacobs' "The Year of Living Biblically"), etc. Also: Australia doesn't like Joe's impersonation (and neither do we) but our In Praise of Australian Women failed to garner even a single call from Down Under. We're waiting. There was a plea to get Amber from Canada back in the mix (which requires planning; we discuss that we don't know how to plan). And yet, I've come up with a great answer for everything: "It wouldn't surprise me." Bonuses include: Taldar strikes back! He also sends in an MP3, kills marching band music, joins our Facebook page and is our second person to indicate where he listens to TVTM by sending in a photo of our logo blown up and in focus! Well played young man.

I think we're going to start calling this The Chaser Edition, since the Tuesday edition pretty much takes care of all the news of the week, like TV stuff and music and books and What's Benny Been Doing? etc. We might even be able to call this particular podcast "efficient" and almost "fast-paced." Well, no. Probably not. We kick it off with a letter from Australia. Aussies in the house! (Teacher Tim, the Official TVTM Archivist, will have to correct us on whether this is the first Australian letter/call. For now, we are putting a push pin in the continent. Hello Down Under!). But Richey from Australia (unclear on the area code) takes us to task for calling the Aussies "bullies" as we referenced the Australia/New Zealand fued on "Flight of the Conchords." We can't remember calling them bullies because, let's not kid ourselves, Aussies are like hockey players -- not the kind of people you want to get in a brawl with. This is one of my theories on why fighting after grade school is dangerous. Nature tells us how to avoid huge, angry-looking people. It doesn't give us that same warning about hockey players and Aussies, who look like you and me -- except that they will beat you into next Tuesday. So we doubt we inferred that, but Richey pointed it out. No doubt next week he'll take more offense because Question Boy (Chronicle media and politics writer Joe Garofoli) does the worst Australian accent ever. No, really, ever. Luckily, he does bring back the Existential French Woman and also, unfortunately, Porno Dick: "I'm always here -- in the shadows." We make up for all this by having an In Praise of Australian Women moment. Or four. We also have a great idea from Anne from the 415, who suggests listeners from around the world do what she did, which is blow up the TVTM cartoon logo, then take a picture with it wherever you might be listening to all of our nonsense -- supermarket, car, etc. and send it in for our now burgeoning wall. She took hers in front of God's own creation -- Giants ballpark, and right next to McCovey Cove, which we frequently mention here. Benny has already put Anne's picture up on the TVTM Facebook page. Speaking of which, we love the pix of everybody. Tim from Monterey wonders if flying over Greenland qualifies as good enough to put a push pin on the map. At the mention of Greenland, Al Gore shows up. The podcast then disintegrates (even further) as we do a whole "Dora" bit where she's a tattoo-laden drunkard. Something like that. And we close with a "butt call." We also reveal that QB has "a JV bladder." That's "junior varsity" if you don't live in this country. And once again, Benny's newfound love of marching band music leads into...a surprise call-back concerning Sunday's Super Bowl. Go Cardinals!.

I think we say in this TVTM that we have 36 Facebook friends as of Monday's taping. Last Joe checked the TV Talk Machine fan page on Tuesday, it was 54 or something. Apparently it's no longer embarrassing to be our friends. Good news. Elsewhere in the podcast, we make good on our promise to make Manny (Benny Evangelista) a pop culture icon by creating a "What's Benny Been Doing?" segment and boy, is it thrilling. Hey, Balzac returns! Plus: Existential French Woman, a new voice from Question Boy (Chronicle politics and media writer Joe Garofoli). We also discuss "Trust Me" on TNT. I like it. We talk about music -- The Wild Swans and Lloyd Cole from me (hey kids, nostalgia from music critics is fun!) -- Joe adds some West African music and Benny...well, Benny is now into marching bands. Let's discuss. Oh, hey, we talk about books, too. Except that Joe and I didn't read anything. But Benny did. We're not sure he paid for it though. E-mails. Calls. And we got an MP3 from Mars! And it makes Question Boy cry for totally unpredictable (well, predictable if you know him) reasons. The MP3 actually came from Salt Lake City. But QB, being childish, riffs on someone's name and he's off to the races. Also: Stupidity. It's all here and we're on a bleeping roll! Enjoy. Whoops: "Enjoy."

"What has Benny been up to?" We think this might be a great new segment for us. Benny is also on Facebook. Of course I mocked this on Tuesday, but on this day we're just looking to get Benny some love. Also, Benny found out that someone started a TV Talk Machine fan site on Facebook and we had, like, six people who loved us. Of course, we find this painfully funny. Later the number "jumped" to 10. And now it looks like we're going to have to consider defriending some folks. We're too popular now. On the other hand, where's the international Facebook love for the TVTM? It's so sad. Oh, we also might have another segment called "Benny's Corner," set in a bar. Because we do a bit about Benny in our reality series, "Bars." This podcast becomes an homage to Manny in many ways. In any case, here's our second installment of the week. We've got Walton, plus a tiny, bad version of French Walton, we've got Al Gore, AC/DC, we talk a bit about "Big Love," we get a great MP3 from France! No, psych! It's actually a great question about French shows making it to American television sent in from Megan from the 707. We were completely mesmerized by her voice and French accent and she's invited to the podcast/podcave any time she wants. Plus, she bakes! She's even proposed a "bake off" with Sheri from the Vale, which would probably collapse the podcave in some manner. We also got a fantastic letter and map from Charles in the 915. (See below.) We will add that to our podcast wall.

New president, new TV Talk Machine podcast. Coincidence? Yes! Just thought we'd ride the inaugural coat-tails there a bit...Not only do we have a new president -- welcome Barack Obama -- we have a new theme song for 2009! It's totally awesome and inspiring! Thanks Jason, you're the best. (And sorry for badgering you and shaming you into doing it...but we love it.) While we're still recovering from Hurricane Sheri, we have quite a few interesting twists this week. First, Question Boy sings. I know that's not news. But it's a newsworthy song. We cover a lot of topics, not all of them quickly. We discuss actual television news ("Battlestar Galactica," "Big Love," "Flight of the Conchords," "Secret Diary of A Call Girl," "United States of Tara" etc.). By the way, Question Boy (Chronicle politics and media writer Joe Garofoli) reveals that Porno Dick is one of his "alters." Later, Manny (Benny Evangelista) reveals that he's been working too hard to really have a life that involves reading or listening to music (two topics we discuss). You might think this revelation would induce sympathy from us, but instead we laugh and mock him. And we're planning a new segment -- possibly two -- just to find out what Manny is doing in is life. We even talk about shows that debut this week, including "Lie to Me" with Tim Roth and "Lost." It's probably our most chock-full-of-TV podcast EVER. We apologize in advance. We talk about Facebook, too. Benny and Joe are on Facebook. I am not. A discussion ensues. Then letters, calls, random pointlessness -- the usual. (Except we found out that Dora was stuck in the podcave. Who knew?) Also: I talk about how I've helped our new president pick television series -- you know, cutting out the clutter for him so he can stay focused on the country but also have some entertainment in his life. Anything to help. Our motto. (Along with, "lower your expectations.")

Question Girl Sheri from the Vale returns for part two, we get an e-mail from South Africa (hello South America, you are on the clock); and Question Boy (Joe Garofoli) continues his unfortunate impersonation of Porno Dick Nixon. Dave from the 707 gives us a professionally constructed MP3 that includes snippets of Colin Murray's "Fighting Talk" -- Dave suggests we could change our name to TVFTM (TV Fighting Talk Machine). But we could never match the coolness and the well-produced hipness of Colin's show. That much should be obvious upon listening. We also get a lot of new area codes this time around, including Andrea from Connecticut who always calls us from the car, and a tricky new area code that Manny (Benny Evangelista) figures out immediately.

Sheri from the Vale, one of our Question Girl "winners," showed up for two podcasts this week. This one really needs to be heard to be believed. As does the next one. Question Boy (Chronicle media writer Joe Garofoli) got along splendidly with his alleged QG rival. Almost too well, as you'll hear. And he busted out another voice. Which I wish he wouldn't have, because it's skeevy... But I was over-ruled. Manny (Benny Evangelista) forgot his shorty robe and was instead dipped in chocolate. I think that pretty much sets the tone. All told, the two podcast this week are packed with great calls, letters, an MP3 and our first e-mail from South Africa. Another continent for the TVTM empire!