Tim Goodman's TV Talk Machine

It's not a goodbye. We'll be back. And if for some reason we're not, we'll put up a long, teary-eyed post about it then, and wear shorty robes with black arm bands. Until then, we will not partake in emotion, nostalgia or even anger. We believe in radio without the listeners. We believe in offering almost nothing just as you expect nothing. Our 40+ minutes of new media stupidity will return. And hey, check out the current Macworld where we got a nice mention.

Is Girlina a show-killer? Ah, we kid. I told Girlina, who came all the way from New Orleans to be at our Bastard Machine/TVTM Birthday Bash hootenanny, that she was the Paula Marshall of Question Girls. Let's hope not. But as you may have noted on a previous post, this and Thursday's second half podcast may be our last TVTM for a while (possibly forever), since Benny Evangelista is being recalled to the Business department to help cover the cratering economy. If we are going out, we're going out with an actual effort! We read e-mails and field calls. Yes, calls! In both podcasts! Thanks to those people who stepped up after my morose, brooding, angry TVTM and decided to dial. Cheers! And as someone pointed out -- that someone being me -- we can't end the TVTM because we never got to adequately outsource our questions to Amber in Canada! We must right this wrong. And we will! In the meantime, you can always write to Amber. Her answer column comes out on Mondays, when we normally tape the TVTM. It's almost like we were there. Plus, she's a whole lot hotter than me or Question Boy or Manny. Plus, she'll probably get the answers right.

Not sure this will make much sense to anyone who wasn't there. I lived through it (barely) so I haven't even listened to it yet. But in the words of one attendee, it was "epic." We came to a movie theater in "the ELC," (the Cerrito Speakeasy -- thanks guys!), we saw (television shows, public displays of affection, boozing, the tossing of swag, etc.) and we recorded it for posterity. Or something. Here it is. Make of it what you will. Thanks to all who came for the beer and the pizza and the nonsense. There are pictures and YouTube videos in the comments strand of prior posts, so hunt those out. We're heading into the podcave for this week's version. More later.

Ah, it's a little case of "My Ever Changing Moods." Whatever. Hope you liked our PSA that opens this podcast. Here's the pertinent information for this Thursday's fabulous hootenanny -- aka, the late birthday party for The Bastard Machine and The TV Talk Machine Podcast. (And yes, we're going to show some new fall fare and some great stuff from the vault, plus play some music and perform a live podcast -- much less dark and prickly, promise -- with Joe Garofoli and Benny Evangelista). And yes, we'll be throwing DVD boxed sets of cool shows into dark night air. Keep your head on a swivel. Here's a link to some cool photos of the KFOG TV Party at the Cerrito Speakeasy shot by Bastard Machine reader Kent Bunn. (Thanks, Kent!). These should give a sense of the flavor of the night. Of course, on Thursday we'll all be in shorty robes and we'll probably hit the bar a little earlier. And yes, we'll be playing the winner of our new "Bars" theme song. It's about the only thing darker than this particular podcast!

Well, we take calls. We take e-mails. And we answer them. Period. That's what we do. Give the listeners what they come looking for. Thankfully, most of them come to the TV Talk Machine looking for and expecting nothing. And so we give them lots of that, too. The good news is that Question Boy (Joe Garofoli) atones for his complete and utter lack of worth in the last podcast with a sterling effort here. Well done, QB. Then again, it could be that as many as FOUR Question Girl candidates will show up at our Bastard Machine/TV Talk Machine Birthday Bash at the Cerrito Speakeasy on Sept. 25th. Perhaps he's feeling the heat. He needs to step up. Hell, Girlina is coming in from New Orleans. If Gustav couldn't stop her, then QB certainly won't.

In this TV Talk Machine podcast, coming in at a sterling, entertainment packed 36 minutes, we get Manny (Benny Evangelista) back "working the knobs." In many ways, we missed Super Producer Sub Justin Beck. You always love what you can not have. But anyway, let's not defer the major announcement: Our Sept. 25 hootenanny at the Cerrito Speakeasy will not be a benefit (because we couldn't get the technology necessary to draw in celebrity phone-in guests), so we've made the executive decision to make the whole thing free. Yes, free. That's 120 spacious seats with tables and couches and leg room where you can order pizza, pints of handcrafted beer and whatnot. "It's our gift back to the listeners," says I. "You'll definitely get what you pay for," replied Question Boy (Chronicle media writer and political blogger Joe Garofoli). In this podcast, I almost fire Question Boy for being lame. The only reason I didn't fire him is that I still couldn't get Vera H-C Chan to come in and be Question Girl. You'd think her bosses at Yahoo would give her a Monday off to get the company a little attention. Don't make me go scouring for Question Girls at Google, because I will. Also, I didn't fire QB because Amber from Canada is still, sadly, in Canada and unable to make it into the podcave. (Also, I forgot to send her our reader questions). So QB got a reprieve. But never mind what's coming up in this aggressively entertaining TVTM podcast, let's not "bury the lede" and forgot what we're all looking forward to on the 25th: 1. Free admission. 2. Couches with tables so you can put your PINT OF BEER and PIZZA down on them. 3. Free swag. 4. And lots of it -- DVD boxed sets, t-shirts, etc. 5. The worrisome thought that as you sip your beer, you might get hit in the gob by a "Heroes" DVD boxed set. 6. A LIVE podcast. Even though we can't get a phone line on the stage of the Cerrito Speakeasy (thus losing our ability to have celebrities call in -- or YOU call in, as a matter of fact), we're still going to do our podcast in front of 120 or so adoring fans. We will take their questions on a live microphone (QB roaming the aisles, etc....actually, we may have one or two Question Girls in attendance as well, and we'll put them to work). That should be fun because the more drunk people get, the more interesting the questions and answers will be. 7. We have decided that even though we can't get wi-fi on stage at the Cerrito Speakeasy, they DO have it out in the lobby, which just happens to be where the bar is. So I'm going to periodically go out there and have a pint of Anchor Steam and "live" blog our event for our International Listeners. 8. We are going to show new fall TV series (and no, not the same ones we previewed at the Sept. 11 KFOG TV Party). 9. We are going to have music. Yes, music. From my iTunes collection and featuring the winner of our "Bars" theme song. We are going to be in shorty robes. And we are going to shake our moneymakers. 10. What, you need a #10? Dude, it's free, we're going to be throwing free DVD boxed sets at your head and you can buy beer and pizza and actually bring it inside the theater? We're doing the podcast right in front of your eyes. We have tended our gardens. We will have Question Girls. We have live microphones. What part of "we're gonna rock your lame ass world" do you not understand? See you there.

More scintillating TVTM to prick up your ears. Question Boy (Joe Garofoli) says he has a "man crush" on Jon Hamm (aka Don Draper), proving yet again that we are fearless in our sexuality. We also fearlessly have no information. But then we get rolling and boy, is that a good time. We also pimp our next big hootenanny on Sept. 25, where we will be doing this podcast LIVE on stage (pause for tingles) at the Cerrito Speakeasy. Of course, we may have some technical issues -- like no phone line on stage. And the fact that for me to live blog the event I'd have to be in the lobby (but that's where the beer is!). We're trying to work around the phone issue (I put my cell speakerphone on and placed a microphone right next to it last night and got a bad feedback, plus it wasn't very clear, so we need a workaround). In this podcast, second in a week (!) I am mocked (no surprise there). Joe pimps his own podcast ("Under the Bus" -- which means I'm looking to replace him pretty quickly now with a Question Girl); we make more fun of Manny (aka Benny Evangelista) for being sick. We applaud Super Sub producer Justin Beck for saving the podcast. We have another "Katie the Dreamer" e-mail which Joe reads absolutely perfectly (a first). More drama unrealized! More random and pointless weirdness -- Katie is now our official TVTM surrealist. By the way, Joe sings both "I Fought the Law" and "Dream Weaver." He also does a very bad Rupert Murdoch. Joe says he (not Murdoch) is a cougar, though he's probably a panther (manther?). And it only gets better. Wait -- "only gets better." We get mail from Canada, England, Oakland and North Carolina, among other places. And our Oakland e-mail, from Emily, is a rerun! Who doesn't like reruns! We should have Amber in Canada on board for next week's podcast.

After weeks and weeks of no TVTM to bore you with, we're back! And rustier than ever! The unprecedented work stoppage was littered with catastrophic failure at every turn -- vacations, actual work, other vacations, holidays, the lack of adequate or available fill-ins, Question Boy (media writer and political reporter Joe Garofoli) doing his other job, laziness -- you name it. Well, let me tell you, we narrowly averted yet another week without pointless rambling when, 41 minutes before Go Time, Manny (aka Benny Evangelista), sent an e-mail saying he was coming down with "a cough" and wouldn't be available today. Fearing rampaging crowds on an international scale, we rushed up to the third floor (where the power people are) and asked Super Sub producer Justin Beck whether he could fill in as producer. "Sure," he said. It was the one word he wished he hadn't said in the last 26 days. Once trapped in the Pod Cave, enduring a call-less TVTM (Justin was too lazy to pull them off the phone system), Question Boy and I rambled over countless e-mails, making Justin woozy with disinterest, mental fatigue and pain. And yet -- yet! -- we managed to get two full podcasts completed and Justin is still speaking to us. By the way, here's how Joe spent his time away from the podcave: Among other things, interviewing a DIFFERENT Goodman. And his personal podcast he keeps pimping? It's called Under the Bus, and here he interviews new MSNBC anchor Rachel Maddow. But whatever you do, don't miss him partaking in some Pig Lickers! But enough about Joe. The big news is we got this podcast done! Mission accomplished! (No thanks to Benny. Cough.). In this eagerly awaited TVTM, not only will you get ZERO calls, but you will also get our "traditional" or "classic" theme song (because Justin was too lazy to find all the other ones where our enthusiastic listeners sent in their versions). And yet, despite those obstacles -- and despite the fact that Joe hasn't had time to "tend his garden" -- the podcast was completed. For your eternal enjoyment, here it is, complete with information about upcoming LIVE podcasting events, beer, pizza and DVD tossing at random East Bay hootenannies. For you International listeners, we know the feeling of jealousy for missing these events will be intense, but you will be able to relive the joy of others as we record their glee (or at least their questions, which I'll be unable to answer...and since we can't afford to fly Amber from Canada down to do our heavy lifting (though we really, really wanted to) we'll just have to go with whatever comes into our tiny minds!)

Vacations (and perhaps some laziness) are taking a toll on the normally unflagging TV Talk Machine podcast production. This just in: Um, I forgot to post Part 2 from last week. (Hey, it was on the site, just not on the blog, and most of you seem to be getting it from iTunes anyway...). This also just in: Manny (Benny Evangelista) is on vacation, so he sent an e-mail virtually demanding that I wait to post the podcast until this week, which might make it seem new. I love his thinking. We've totally corrupted him. Also, Question Boy (Joe Garofoli) is on vacation, too. That leaves me, manning my own knobs. (Yeah, you pretty much had to see that one coming, like a neon big rig.) So, there's no TVTM this week, except for, uh, this new one.

Did a lot of work in Los Angeles, covering the Death March with Cocktails. Didn't do a podcast. Said I was going to do one -- or three -- and didn't. In this podcast, I fess up to that. But it's not really an apology. Who needs one of those? On the plus side, this particular podcast, complete with Question Boy (Joe Garofoli) and Manny (Benny Evangelista), has yet another new theme song, features us calling out of the podcast for the second (and third) time in history and, brace yourelf for this: we're going to outsource a bunch of our questions to someone who can actually answer them. First we call Hanna from Sweden, who's actually Irish (and who was in San Francisco -- but it still counts!). We are trying to have drinks with Hanna, as promised, because it would really set a bad example if someone came all the way from Sweden, stayed in Oakland where both QB and I live, plus visited The City and had dinner a half block from The Chronicle -- and we couldn't fit them in for drinks. It will happen! Then we cold-called Amber, our Outsourced TV Expert From Canada, and she said, "Why would you do that to me?" Awesome. A great start. Another person to make fun of me. Anyway, Ask Amber should be a significant upgrade on the podcast if she hasn't already put the call blocker on. We then got another call from Andrew from Ireland, confirming once again that we are the International TV Podcast of Record. Totally gassed by all the effort -- two calls out, chatting, taking calls from Ireland and such -- we decided to wind it down. A little shorty robe talk, a little light banter and we were done. Then we all hugged. Just to shake the rust off. "Your man" also is planning a major party for TVTM listeners and The Bastard Machine readers, which you can kinda-sorta find out about in Thursday's tighter and brighter podcast.