Tim Goodman's TV Talk Machine

Was reminded that we posted this on SFGate.com but not on The Bastard Machine. And yes, I've got more audio stuff but am too lazy to upload most of it and forgetful in other instances and can't be bothered in still more. Oh, and too busy with words to bother with sound. Clearly a TV Talk Machine podcast from here seems very, very unlikely. Anyway, off to the CBS hootenanny.

Spike Lee was here representing his documentary on Kobe Bryant for ESPN. He touched on issues like Obama, the possible enlightenment of power people in Hollywood and the fact that he hasn't been able to make three films on black artists (but they will eventually get done). Here's a snippet.

The kinda-sorta lost episode of TVTM... Yes, it was posted on the front of SFGate.com, but as Benny "Manny" Evangelista pointed it, I never posted it to The Bastard Machine. Just a little housekeeping here and then back to the inanity of this day.

Back from Paris and a little rusty, but how could anyone tell? Question Boy (Joe Garofoli) and Manny (Benny Evangelista) are no longer sitting on their hind parts with nothing to do. It's the TVTM -- the same rambling and pointless lovefest for humanity (and the arts) that it was two weeks ago and several lost e-mails ago. There are two TVTM's this week before I -- your Citizen of the World -- head to Los Angeles (that's still part of civilization, no?) for the Death March with Cocktails. This time, I'm bringing down a very portable and efficient digital recorder, so Los Angeles Question Girls be ready.

Brutal. Another example of the dumbassification of America. And then some. But it's not our fault.

Oh, it's a thing of beauty. That's all that need be said.

It's the Roger Maris version of the TVTM podcasts. People afraid of the sun in Seattle e-mail us. "Bars" revisited (of course). The art of "laying down" a fine podcast. Also, "the promise of an answer." Benny considers getting Mista Evangelista sewn onto the back of his shorty robe. He also has another dream that goes nowhere. A message from College Park, Maryland. The Ol' Collie P. We talk about our Washington monuments. Kittens! Plus: A reader loves "Intervention." He's alone on that. Also: "We aim to bore." Then, it happens: Teacher Tim, our very own Official TVTM Archivist, goes over the previous 59 podcasts and digs up a ton of (mostly bad) vocal impressions, which he breaks into "the standards," "the rarities" and "the musicians." It's a litany of failure but it's an impressive bit of research. For the record, Question Boy (Chronicle media writer Joe Garofoli) does 95 percent of the voices. So blame him. Then "The Cookie" totally slaughters us. He's very, very mean. People in Connecticut are like that. Except for Andrea. It could be tough love. It could be satire. But it hurt us. We wept all over our shorty robes. But we rise above it. In fact, we ask "The Cookie" if he wants to have a beer with us. And we decide that we will, at some point, go on a tour and have drinks with all of our listeners. Road trip!

We take a semi-long-lost letter from Israel, then various e-mails from around the country. We keep it tight and bright (if you've listened before, you know that's not actually true, nor will happen, but I add it here to lure new listeners). Boy, isn't life bountiful?

We at the TVTM podcast -- including me and, yes, our Question Boy Joe Garofoli -- admit that we didn't listen to TVTM 59. Maybe Benny did because he had to really do a LOT of editing on it, but if we assume that Benny was actually paying attention it only makes an ass out of us and Benny. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi was at the Chronicle that day and about to be interviewed right next to the Podcave and her bodyguards were looking very suspiciously at our lame podcast and wondering what we were doing. Here's what we were doing: Wondering if Nancy Pelosi would be Question Girl. Hey, it could happen. We'll work on it.

Tight. Bright. Angry. Obsequious. Oh, we've got it all in this podcast. We bring it. Our arsenal (read: something akin to the U.S. military instead of the British football club) is now vast. For example: "Bars." It's now a staple. Almost like Walton. But we bust out a lot of high-quality stuff this time. For example, Question Boy (Chronicle Media writer Joe Garofoli) does Arnold Schwarzenegger. I'm going to say it's on par, right at this moment without any fine tuning, with Angry Regis. And boy, isn't that saying something. OK, here's what else we've got: Pointless rambling. Boston vs. Britain. Lashing out. Lusting out. "Dr. of Inanity." Benny/Manny reads his first e-mail (and he realizes, very quickly, why we pay Question Boy so much money). There's talk of "Top Gear." There's a lashing out against soccer, particularly all that crappy extra injury time stuff. Have I said we do "Bars"? Because we do. "What was his question?" We find out that we like women from Boston and the Upper Hudson Valley as much as we do Britain. Who knew? U-S-A! U-S-A!