Matt wants to get paid to degrade gay slaves. A self-proclaimed "Dream Walker", Matt spins one of Greg's dreams into a psychedelic experience. The two debate when the world will end and whether or not rape jokes are funny. Greg forces more uncomfortable conversations about political correctness, dating, equality, and double standards. Matt tries to convince Greg that Gaby has bowel cancer and discusses how he would run his fascist regime. Matt, Gaby, and Greg discuss their reputation scores on some scam website. When will AI kill humans to protect the planet from our destruction?

Matt likens Greg, Mike, and Adam to the Zoolander gasoline fight scene as they recall gallivanting through a graveyard on their bikes. Matt clowns Greg for calling himself a country boy and the two debate whether or not babies deserve gravestones. Matt's dark energy has already miffed his new witch neighbor and the two speculate about his old neighbor running a deviant sex ring. They encourage all moms to shove their babies back in their wombs and talk seriously about seeing Kid Rock perform live. Which of Matt's tattoos does Greg want to copy? Which song does Matt consider the pinnacle of white culture? Has anyone ever had more fun than early 80s David Lee Roth? Write us some fanmail and let us know your thoughts.

In this special Memorial Day episode, Matt talks about ISIS soldiers with downs syndrome and accuses a gay veteran with PTSD of stealing valor and cheating on trivia nights. Matt claims to have PTSD from NOT serving in Afghanistan and proposes a "New Israel" on a faraway planet. Which slang terms is Matt trying to copyright? What if hip-hop was gay-friendly in the 90s?

Matt spooks a realtor and calls Greg the white Kanye West. He likens Greg's deleted Facebook posts to collectible beanie babies and Greg pushes back by threatening all of his closest friends that have been critical of his behavior. Matt wants to become the Dexter of elephant poachers. Learn about chairlift porn and Dr. Feelgood's special prescription. Should ISIS take out a farmer's market? Should Matt retroactively lash his friends with a belt for being careless with pets in the past?

Matt continues to dissect Greg's continued obsession with Joni Mitchell and the two decide they need life helpers to assist them with living. Months removed from eating Pop Tarts, Greg suggests abstaining from them raises one's IQ as Matt shamelessly devours a pack before his eyes. Matt offers to take Alex Trebek's cancer from him. Go back to 1952 with Matty's Malts, a shop that caters to everyone. Matt also envisions himself playing Keanu Reeves in a movie that portrays an alternate reality when Rosa Parks drove the bus. Are plants all racists that listen to Skrewdriver? This week's episode is abound with more bogus theories.

Greg has been challenging his belief systems and attacks liberals for being all talk and no direct action. While listing out his regrets for echoing leftist talking points and encouraging logic over emotion, Matt dubs himself a creature of complete illogic. Matt pays tribute to moms, asking for some breast milk and sharing a particular fondness for those who have given birth without getting a C-section. He suggests castrating Greg would bring more fame to the podcast. Greg weighs his heavy Joni Mitchell phase against Matt's Dead Milkmen nostalgia. What image got Matt reported on Instagram? Learn more about the famous abortion case Rose v Wade in this week's episode.

Matt, aka the shamefully self-proclaimed Dane Cook of autism, goes off the rails in this week's episode. From offering Hitler a posthumous fetish community award to encouraging conversion therapy to presidential candidate "Pete Bootygags", nobody's feelings are spared from Matt's wrath in this week's episode. Which billionaire does he want to cannibalize? Does Jesus have a social hierarchy for the gay community? Learn about the clothing store 21 Forever, monogamous white christian porn, and how to maximize being a capitalist.

Matt's quest to prove that he's autistic goes to new lengths in this week's episode. He also coins the term "farmers market liberal" after Greg calls out certain leftists for their fake compassion. They both long for the days of uninspired chain restaurant decor after enduring the modern wave of sterile Ikea hell. Matt wants to wave a big confederate flag in Kid Rock's entourage and talks in great detail about every deep-thinking jock's favorite band, Incubus. Matt offers himself as a weapon to be used against billionaires and wants someone to go into medical debt to keep him in a peaceful coma. Free your motherfucking mind and your prolapsed anus will follow!

Greg gets so stoned he can't communicate in this week's episode but not before boasting about leisurely wielding a machete as he walked around his apartment. Matt wants to have one of his hands removed, with the option of vacuum and shovel attachments. Greg wants to legally change his name. Find out how Matt plans to end the human race as "Emperor of the Moon" and he also has a few helpful hygiene tips. Matt fondly recalls the clothing store Structure and wants to burn down a club full of billionaire men. Just another week at Tortured For Profit.

Greg takes a deep dive into a Big Pharma conspiracy theory surrounding the deaths of famous artists. Matt suspects and even implores Big Pharma to put a hit on Greg. Ultimately, the two decide that their minds have been too damaged by pharmaceutical meds for them to even put up a fight. Matt's sick of Mike's good deeds and sympathizes with the last remaining ISIS members. Gnats continue to test Greg's patience and his obsession with Sade leads Matt to think Greg romances himself by candlelight when he listens to her music. Are chiropractors the real terrorists?