Matt warns Greg about the dangers of becoming polyamorous and suspects he's into "pony play" with leather hooves and all. They remember the Kavanaugh-esque behavior of people they went to high school with. Despite losing the bulk of material to botched audio, they still manage to discuss Greg's hairy back tramp stamp, his "fascist marionette" vibe, and the increasing ambiguity of everything in life. Matt has a newfound fetish and an alligator fantasy. Meanwhile, Greg is trying to deprogram his republican nephew.

This week, Matt and Greg discuss BDSM hoarders, the lackluster comedy of Kevin Hart, Beatle boots, and (mostly) innocuous jokes about "shooting kids". Matt delves deeper into the mystique of their most well-adjusted friend Mike, accusing him of secretly being a mass murderer called The Appalachian Ripper. Greg delivers offensive quotes from a transcript of botched audio in deadpan fashion. Matt recalls possibly being molested in the nudist colony where he grew up and reveals why he wanted to set Greg and his friends on fire when they were in college.

Matt's still paranoid about Gaby cheating and Greg's still accusing certain leftists of being fascists in disguise. They discuss the genderless being Greg would've become had it been trendy when he was an impressionable youth. Greg's been called faggot too many times to embrace being called a cis male so Matt proposes a variation. They discuss weathermen backtracking and who they'd save last in a flood. Matt encourages black scientists to genetically engineer a disease that kills off white people. Is there a difference anymore between being queer and straight? Learn how to get your mojo back by bathing in the blood of a christian!

Greg and Gaby commiserate over grocery store etiquette and conclude that the customer's always wrong. Matt introduces the new slang "yeet" and repeatedly tries to insert it into conversation to piss off Greg. They discuss the problem with pink pussy hats, leg sleeves, birds Matt wants dead, and what would happen to Matt if he stepped foot on the dance floor. Can you resist arrest by accusing a cop of kidnapping you? Find out in this week's episode!

Matt wants to change his name and contemplates identifying as either a cloud or a coffee table in the next year. He and Greg discuss being on display at museums as cautionary tales. Matt imagines how he would've stood up against Hitler. He also imagines himself with a vagina that shoots out Skittles. Greg contemplates early dentures and Matt issues a warning to bullies about school shooters. Find out about Matt's controversial stand-up routine, ear gauges, Gaby's interpretation of Pearl Jam's "Jeremy" and more!

Learn about mongoloids, their fashion trends, the Mongolese language, the popular Paul Thomas Anderson film "Mongolia" as well as Mongolian celebrities and culture. The boys also deliver a touching tribute to "maverick" John McCain and debate the use of words and fashion co-opted by neo-nazis. They discuss their favorite songs about roni's, questionable Family Feud answers, and lesbians that look like Stephen Colbert. Who dabs wet cinnamon sticks behind their ears? Is there a Disney Land in Mongolia? Learn about the country for sad girls (Qatar) and more in this week's episode!

Matt thinks he can beat up any woman (not that he wants to) or child in a fight. After betting his next paycheck on knocking out Greg's nephew, he threatens to break the bones of boys as a new wrestling alter-ego called "The Nightmare Man". Not to worry, savvy Gaby already has plans in place to knock out all of Matt's teeth. They also discuss gay conservatives, when it's appropriate to wear underpants, and romantic adventures that sound uninteresting to Greg. Enjoy the most warped, abstract cover of Britney Spears' "Toxic" and the duo's reaction to being heckled over the internet. Matt envisions Greg and his college roommates as Zoolander types at the mall shopping in the womens' and kids' sections. Greg decodes the pointless motivational saying "living your best life" while Matt is busy getting into arguments on Star Trek message boards.

Matt diagnoses Greg with borderline personality disorder and requests a new friend after being disgusted by Greg's lack of culture. Learn about the Gay Bible and the Ten Cum-mandments. Influencers and food bloggers are encouraged to kill themselves and you'll hear all about beating a rabid raccoon to death.

Greg realizes he's a cold person and Matt tries to amend the 72-virgins-in-the-afterlife theory about muslim martyrs. They debate the merits of UB-40 and imagine Louis CK's unsolicited cum all over Greg's Doc Martens. Gaby tries to get signed to SoundCloud and Matt delivers a touching Elton John-style tribute to the not-yet-deceased George Herbert Walker Bush. Does Greg use sandpaper to wash away his sins? Which celebrity would Matt let hold him in their arms?

Matt pretends to have autism and offers to be Greg's therapist. He encourages cops and pedophiles to kill themselves but it wouldn't be a typical episode without those antics. Which one of these two is watching Queer Eye For the Straight Guy? Do only non-christians get bedbugs? Is it possible to psych out God? Will Greg outlive his healthier friends? What's the proper way to shoot your head off with a shotgun? Put the puzzle pieces together before God riddles Matt with cancer.