Greg's back in town for a visit but gets too stoned to function in this week's episode. That doesn't stop Matt from engaging in his usual antics. This week, professional wrestler Matt wages war on Iran and pedophiles. He learns the slang term "binch" and pleas for someone to kill his foot. The two come up with alternate acronyms for MAGA and Matt jokes about jocks turning Greg into a geisha. Will Elon Musk shoot Grimes into outerspace if things don't work out? Can a haircut make you "hangry"? Learn all of this and not much more on this week's episode.

Is "Lightning Crashes" the best music for sex? Can you fuck a tree without the environmental police intervening? Are podiatrists all foot fetishists? All the answers to these important questions are contained within the Sex Episode! Just because this episode is mostly about sex doesn't mean you won't hear Matt rant about parading rich people nude through the streets while people throw feces at them. Learn about "wilderness play", celebrity dicks, and which one of these two used to be regularly invited to orgies.

Post-illness Greg is ready to take over the world. He is through with half-assing his way through life and now internalizes his negative thoughts. He even goes as far as to boldly predict world peace in the not-so-distant future. A bad mood Matt suggests Greg is only happy because he's under the spell of a woman. Matt encourages the disenfranchised to slaughter the rich before conceding that he'd willingly lose of all his hair permanently for 5 million dollars. They discuss the end of Greg's family vacations and the pointlessness of empty motivational quotes. Do Sandal incense smell like Birkenstocks? Find out in this week's episode.

**The bigwigs at Tortured For Profit have deemed Episode 67 too dark for immediate release**

In this episode, Greg recovers from a near-death illness and is derided and coddled in the process. Has pedialyte made him insensitive to current events? Blue-eyed Mike joins and the gang debates whether or not he receives preferential treatment because of his good looks. Matt gets too comfortable with the words "bitch" and "cunt" and wishes to be radioactive to social justice warriors. Greg makes bold declarations about quitting things and is subsequently mocked. Will he stay true to his word that he's going to begin internalizing everything? The answer's already no.

Matt proposes walking barefoot across the country to raise money against animal cruelty. He decides that Greg is the king of humblebrags and encourages him to do some "mirror work" to fix his resting smirk face. Greg, who is well-aware of his punchable face, ponders whether or not his smug mug has impacted potential friendships. Will he soften up his industrial look and embrace colors in his life or will he keep people wondering if he's a nazi?

As he attempts to quit smoking cigarettes, Matt's withdrawal symptoms manifest themselves in many ways in this episode. There's the weekly bashing of political correctness, do-gooders, and effeminate men. There's an insensitive reaction to Anthony Bourdain's suicide. He also pushes wild conspiracy theories about tap water and computer keyboards making people gay and Scott Stapp murdering Jonbenet Ramsey. Does Mike Pence really fuck his own ass with a cactus? Greg's too stoned to give a shit, but remember, he now would like to be identified as "it". Learn about business casual skateboarding ghosts and more in this week's episode!

Matt wants to set himself on fire to get rid of his heartburn. He discusses getting his skin tags pierced and doing MDMA while raving to "What is Love?" in a fishnet shirt. He and Greg ponder the future of sex, what it means to be "gender solid" and entering hospice care prematurely. Is God a disembodied vagina that squirts to produce rain? Is Matt a wolf in sheep's clothing or a bird in a baboon's suit? Will Greg eat 10 pounds of brussel sprouts or take a one way trip to Paper Cut City?

Greg almost quits the podcast and makes a plea to end the human race. Matt tackles controversial topics such as house midgets, choking, and the word "chinaman." They imagine a world where everyone still dresses like they did in Norman Rockwell paintings. Gaby offers a bizarre theory on sleeping positions. Who's the better boy, Jesus or Antonio Sabato, Jr.? Learn about revolutionary necklines and all the variations of "whoa" from vapid Hollywood male celebrities.

Greg takes on Tinder again and Matt is worried about him getting lured into a threesome with a couple, or at the very least, to a Ben Folds Five concert. Matt threatens the lives of pitbull haters and Greg admits that he never listens to a word anyone says to him. The two perform a riveting recollection of The Doors classic "The Changeling" though Matt concedes he's more like a rock. They discuss the deviant behavior of our founding fathers and discuss euthanasia for aging white men with no skills in the modern world. Matt continues to pitch his every-man narrative and Greg continues to preach his nihilistic world view. Don't forget to get your eyes re-shellacked!

In this episode, Matt wages war on the world acting as both an effeminate southern Jihadist and as a professional wrestler. Enjoy impromptu jingles about special needs and Jesus. Will "manopause" interfere with Matt's quest to become the world's last dictator? They speculate how many foot fetishists work at Foot Locker and discuss walking around naked in amusement parks. Which celebrity would Matt sleep with for fame? Remember not to wear shoes so heavy that God can't pull you up to heaven.