No one in their right minds would've ever expected these two lunatics could get past a few episodes without imploding. Yet, here they are, still providing rich content to an adoring audience. To celebrate the 50th episode, enjoy a compilation of hilarious clips from Tortured For Profit's first year.

Greg's not having the best week. He got a job, puked all night, and has a raw sewage issue in his basement that Matt warns him about throughout the episode. Will Greg's long nose hairs help filter the dangerous microbes or is cancer imminent? Enjoy an in-depth discussion of vomit, shit, and puss that smells like a pile of toenails. Learn about bleach wipe face masks and why record collectors smell so bad.

Greg attempts to stop Matt from painting the modern world as a dystopia by comparing American free speech vs. free speech in countries under actual dictatorships. Why do smart white liberals give Barack Obama a pass for war crimes? Will their friends' children save the world from itself or will they arrive at the same pessimistic conclusion of imminent collapse like Matt and Greg have? Matt likens gun enthusiasts to sexual deviants, delivers a touching tribute to Weird Al, roasts Greg for voting for Ralph Nader, and explains the scope of Jesus's forgiveness. Who's the better political figure, Henry Wallace or Henry Rollins? This and other burning questions are answered in this week's downer episode. Evil will prevail, but in the meantime, these two doofuses are just concerned about the way Mark Zuckerberg's knees bend.

Since his beloved Eagles won the Super Bowl, have things taken off for Matt as promised? Learn about being poor on Valentine's Day, bad gifts with good intentions, buying Hallmark gifts for weirdos as a social experiment, and songs NOT to serenade your Valentine to. Matt encourages Greg to study the relationship of some painfully ordinary Middle America sitcom couple. Matt also recalls having less Valentine's appeal than his mentally retarded classmates and impersonates Greg choking to death on a peanut butter sandwich. Find out why sex isn't free for Matt!

Recorded prior to the Super Bowl, Matt was a nervous wreck about his underdog Eagles. Greg, who resides in New England and doesn't give a shit about football, tries to make sense of the outrageous sports fandom that exists in Pennsylvania. Matt decided that his future success rested solely on the Super Bowl. Greg, meanwhile, is still miffed about the alt-right hijacking his free wardrobe. Matt suggests making coin purses out of their testicles. Not a bad idea. Also discussed: a proposed antithesis of the "blue lives matter" light, cartel violence as fine art, and what the color of your shoelaces say about you.

The guys at Tortured For Profit have long held the opinion that humans are inferior to the lovable creatures that they often consume: animals. What's it like to get pissed on by a squirming dead pig after you've shot it in its forehead? How does it feel to snap a deer's neck? Which bird species ganged up on Greg last year? Do ugly animals deserve to live? Learn about the varying webs spun by spiders on different drugs, get nostalgic about Ginuwine's undeniable pop hit "Pony," and listen to Greg give Matt an earful for watching garbage middle America trash television like The Office.

This week's episode didn't make it past the soundcheck. A winter sickness has magnified Matt's distaste for modern trends, particularly the word 'maker.' They discuss how even rural America is becoming overwrought with artisanal butcher shops, hip barbers, and other infuriating establishments. Matt recalls being heckled recently by a group of teenagers at a movie theater and Greg has some unkind words for people who participate in outdoor challenges.

Matt laments the deaths of nonexistent relatives and contemplates whether or not there should be a mass genocide of conservatives. He imagines himself as a good-guy serial killer who makes jump-ropes with neo-nazi intestines and fashions belts out of their nipples. He clops around in his new cowboy boots and recalls discovering a dead body in his youth. Enjoy offensive PSAs and learn how to get into heaven: You may have to beat Jesus in an arm-wrestling match.

Greg attributes his lack of success on Tinder to the presence of his newly single better-looking friend. Matt roasts Greg's "non-representational" Tinder bio and attempts to rewrite it. They discuss different ways women can juggle men, eccentric hobbies one can take up to lure a love interest, and helpful tips on initiating a conversation in 2018. Matt recalls a chivalrous courting of Gaby. Meanwhile, Gaby has a frightening recollection of Matt's perverse courting. Matt encourages Greg to find an Amazonian woman who can throw him like a javelin and give him piggy-back rides when he's tired. Greg denies having ever been in love and contemplates marrying himself. The torment never ends at Tortured For Profit.

2017 was a garbage year for Matt (literally, he became a garbageman) and a shockingly great year for Greg (presumably due to lack of any responsibility). They attempt a year-in-review with their friends Wes, Shari, Mike, and Gaby but it quickly becomes an impromptu roast of Greg’s pathetic existence. There’s a long discussion about the size of his allegedly long penis and his elderly vampire woman hands. Greg begs Mike to confirm that he’s perceived as a “normal guy” in Providence and comes to terms with the fact that he is not even remotely humble. He gets too bashful to sing Roy Orbison karaoke and Matt gets too comfortable with the idea of living in prison. Shari, who performs music as Void Vision, provides some much-needed improvised electronic sounds throughout. You will find out very little about what happened in 2017, but that’s probably for the best.