Transcripts

Happiness is tricky. Poets, philosophers, and musicians have written about this emotion throughout history, yet most of us would struggle to define it if asked. In fact, psychologists and other mental health professionals often abandon the topic for pathology. In this episode of Psychologists Off the Clock, Yael and Tal Ben-Shahar, happiness expert and author of the best-selling book, Happier, discuss happiness and what it means to be happy in today’s world. Pause a moment and take inventory of your emotions. What shows up? What’s missing? Join us in this episode, and take a step toward embracing and making room for all of your emotions today!

Listen and Learn:

About how Debbie first came to know Tal 

Yael and Debbie’s happiness hacks and the practices they use to build happiness in their busy lives

Happiness expert Tal’s definition of happiness

The differences between well-being and pleasure

Why it might be important to make room for all types of experiences (even the negative ones!)

How Tal’s life experiences have informed his work in the field of happiness

Practical advice for teaching your kids how to embrace and make room for uncomfortable emotions

Tal’s wisdom for choosing your responses in uncomfortable situations

On-the-ground practices you can use to build happiness into your busy life

Tal’s evidence-based thoughts on perfectionists, optimists, and performance-based happiness

About the most influential books Tal has read in the past year

Resources:

It's Okay That Your’e Not Ok (Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn’t Understand) by Megan Devine 

The Paradox of Choice: Why More is Less by Barry Schwartz 

The Myths of Happiness: What Should Make You Happy, but Doesn't, What Shouldn't Make You Happy, but Does by Sonja Lyubomirsky

Tal’s personal book recommendations: Aristotle’s Nicomachean Ethics, The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Dr. Nathaniel Branden, and The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment by Eckhart Tolle 

About Tal Ben-Shahar:

Tal Ben-Shahar is an author and lecturer.  He taught two of the largest classes in Harvard University’s history, Positive Psychology and The Psychology of Leadership. Today, Tal consults and lectures around the world to executives in multi-national corporations, the general public, and at-risk populations. The topics he lectures on include leadership, happiness, education, innovation, ethics, self-esteem, resilience, goal setting, and mindfulness. His books have been translated into more than twenty-five languages, and have appeared on best-sellers lists around the world. Tal is a serial entrepreneur, and is the co-founder and chief learning officer of Happiness Studies Academy, Potentialife, Maytiv, and Happier.TV. An avid sportsman, Tal won the U.S. Intercollegiate and Israeli National squash championships.  Today, for exercise, he swims, dances, and practices Yoga.  He obtained his PhD in Organizational Behavior and BA in Philosophy and Psychology from Harvard

Book Giveaway!

POTC is doing another book giveaway, this on e accompanying Yael’s interview with happiness guru, Tal Ben-Shahar. You can enter the drawing for a free copy of his inspirational book, Choose the Life You Want: The Mindful Way to Happiness, by:

Going to Instagram and locate, like, and SAVE the giveaway post

If you don't yet follow us, please do!

For an EXTRA entry, share the post to your Instagram story and tag @offtheclockpsych

Related Episodes

Episode 2. Hygge – Happiness and the Danish Art of Cozy Connection

Episode 48. Practical Wisdom with Barry Schwartz

Episode 97. The New Happiness with Matthew McKay

Episode 85. Emotion Efficacy with Aprilia West

Episode 120. Use DBT Skills To Regulate Emotions And Be More Effective In Relationships With Matthew McKay

Episode 143. Happier Parenting with KJ Dell’Antonia

Episode 183. Permission to Feel: Emotional Intelligence with Marc Brackett

Meaningful social connection does not always come naturally. And during the pandemic, it has been extra challenging to learn how to connect while at a distance. AJ Harbinger offers strategies to relate in deeper ways, on and off the screen. Many of us have felt isolated during the pandemic, and yet, it’s anxiety-provoking to re-open again! In this episode of Psychologists Off the Clock, Diana and AJ Harbinger, co-founder of The Art of Charm, Inc, provide expert insights on connecting with people through vulnerable, authentic conversation. Together they discuss the importance of sitting with silence, how to let your values guide your behavior in relationships, and much, much more. Take some pressure off yourself, step into a more meaningful connection, and listen to this episode today!

Listen and Learn:

Diana and Debbie apply AJ’s wisdom to reopening and reconnecting with people after the pandemic 

Practical advice for building more comfortable, relaxed connections with others 

How to captivate people using conversational skills

Rules, recommendations, and practical tips for being a more captivating presenter on non-traditional presentation platforms (looking at you, Zoom!)

AJ’s ultimate tips and tricks for getting your audience to remember your material

How to engage in meaningful connection with people online

What it means to ‘filter people’ in or out 

How to use emotion as a way to connect

AJ’s personal background with connecting to people and the history behind how his values guided him to this point in his career

Practical advice from the current AJ to the past AJ (and for all of us struggling with major decisions)

About John Gottman’s work and how it has influenced AJ

The four horsemen of relationships and how they might be impacting your relationships with others and with yourself

Three types of captivating questions that can help you explore another person more meaningfully

Why it’s so important to sit with awkward silences

Some emotional avoidance strategies that can be problematic in building meaningful connection

How AJ implements these strategies with his team

On a scale from 0-10 how awesome is Michael Herold

AJ’s answers to all of your questions including ones about tone and conflict in relationships, mirroring as a communication tool, and much more!

Resources:

Check out AJ’s podcast, The Art of Charm on iTunes or Google Podasts

More information on John Gottman and The Gottman Institute 

Make sure to take a listen to The Art of Charm’s episode with our very own, Jill Stoddard, and their episode with Michael Herold on making deeper connections as well 

Pre-order your copy of ACT Daily Journal today!

Sign up for Diana and Debbie’s webinar with Praxis Continuing Education

Join Diana’s April events to help you bring ACT into your daily life

About AJ Harbinger:

AJ Harbinger

AJ Harbinger is a relationship expert, podcaster, public speaker, Fortune 100 executive consultant, and co-Founder of The Art of Charm, Inc. Over the last 13 years, AJ has trained thousands of people on how to unlock and channel their inner charisma to effortlessly connect with others, and harness the power and opportunities that come with building high-value relationships.

Related Episodes:

Episode 173. Confidence, Self-Doubt, and Overcoming Limitations with Michael Herold

Episode 32. Social Connection: Exploring Loneliness and Building Intimacy with Debbie and Diana 

Episode 168. Everyday Conversations: How Conversational Style Impacts Relationships with Deborah Tannen 

Episode 180. Choosing to Live Your Values with Benji Schoendorff

Mental health clinicians want to alleviate human suffering and do what we can to help prevent suicide. And yet, like many stigmatized topics, suicide is often avoided in conversations - including clinical conversations. Basic behavioral science tells us that we humans tend to avoid painful stimuli, and thanks to the double-edged sword of verbal behavior, painful stimuli (like conversations about suicide and suffering) can be both physical and psychological. Suicide stigmatization, as well as uncomfortable thoughts and feelings, can keep even the most experienced clinicians and providers from effectively helping their clients who are experiencing suicidal thoughts and behaviors.

In this episode of Psychologists Off the Clock, Debbie and Sean Barnes, clinical research psychologist and principal investigator of the ACT for Life study, discuss suicidal behavior, ways suicide is challenging for clinicians, and how to effectively engage with clients who have thoughts and feelings related to suicide. As clinicians, we often have limited behavioral repertoires around suicidality in our clients. We often tend to focus on helping clients ‘not die.’ However, there is more to life than ‘not dying,’ and suicide prevention is only the first, albeit vital, step in recovery. Join us in this episode to learn how to help your client build a life worth living!

Workshop for Therapists: Join Sean, Debbie, and their colleagues for ACT for Life: Experiential training on a Contextual Behavioral Approach to Suicidal Ideation and Behavior at the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science’s virtual pre-conference workshop, June 12-13, 2021.

Listen and Learn:

Why it’s important to talk more openly about suicide

The plethora of resources available for suicide prevention, postvention, and safety planning

Some of the challenges for therapists in managing suicide risk and working effectively with suicide (and some insight as to why it can be so challenging)

Sean and Debbie’s expert, experienced-backed opinions about talking to clients about suicidal behaviors, risk, and safety planning.

An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) conceptualization of suicide and why this approach to conceptualizing suicide is unique compared to more traditional approaches

The function of suicidal behavior and why it’s important to explore function as a clinician

About Sean’s intervention, ACT for Life, and how he is targeting suicidal behavior from a contextual behavioral approach

What creative hopelessness is, how to use it, and why it can often feel scary for clinicians

How to implement mindfulness and acceptance into your clinical work with suicidal clients

What it means to expand someone’s behavioral repertoire in the presence of suicidal thoughts and feelings

About Sean Barnes:

Sean M. Barnes, Ph.D. is a clinical research psychologist at the Rocky Mountain Mental Illness Research, Education, and Clinical Center (MIRECC) for Veteran Suicide Prevention and an assistant professor in the Department of Psychiatry at the University of Colorado Denver School of Medicine. Sean is a consultant for the Department of Veterans Affairs Suicide Risk Management Consultation Program and an Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) for Depression provider and training consultant. He is also the principal investigator of the ACT for Life study, testing a brief ACT protocol for maximizing recovery after suicidal crises. Other aspects of Sean's research focus on the use of contextual behavioral interventions for moral injury, and the study of suicide risk assessment, but all his projects share a common goal of alleviating suffering and helping others build vital meaningful lives.

Sean's MIRECC Webpage: https://www.mirecc.va.gov/visn19/staff/barnes.asp 

Sean's ResearchGate Page: https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Sean-Barnes-2 

Twitter: @Sean_M_Barnes

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255

Imposter syndrome involves doubting your abilities or skills, and can often leave high-achieving people feeling fraudulent or undeserving of their achievements. In fact, this syndrome has affected some of the most renowned celebrities (e.g., Lady Gaga), CEO’s (e.g., Howard Schultz), and a few of our favorite podcast co-hosts. In this episode of Psychologists Off the Clock, two of our high-achieving co-hosts, Jill and Debbie, rely on both their personal experiences and empirical evidence in their discussion of imposter syndrome.

Fellow imposters and frauds, please join us to learn more about imposter syndrome, and get some practical advice for dealing with it!

Listen and Learn:

About the ACBS panel that inspired Debbie and Jill to do this episode on imposter syndrome together

Some of Jill and Debbie’s personal experiences with imposter syndrome

Their empirically-backed, expert definition of imposter syndrome

Common thoughts and emotions that show up with imposter syndrome

When, why, and how imposter syndrome currently shows up for Debbie and Jill

Practical advice on what to do instead of “comparing and despairing” and information on how that behavior impacts imposter syndrome

Empirical evidence on why marginalized groups are disproportionately affected by imposter syndrome 

Actual statistics on imposter syndrome and who it affects

The evolutionary, social implications behind imposter syndrome

About the subtypes of imposter syndrome (and how to find yours!)

Some practical advice from our co-hosts for dealing with imposter syndrome

Resources: 

The Art of Charm Podcast’s episode with Jill on Imposter Syndrome 

Suzanne Imes and Pauline Clance’s paper on The Imposter Phenomenon in High Achieving Women 

More information on David Barlow and his Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders 

Valerie Young's book, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women

Alicia Menendez’s book, The Likeability Trap  

Eve Rodsky's book, Fair Play 

Jill's book, Be Mighty and her Imposter Syndrome Subtype quiz 

More information on Janet Helms and her work on WHMPS 

Dr. Bessima Tewfik - MIT professor who researches Imposter Syndrome

About Jill Stoddard and Debbie Sorensen:

Total Imposter, Jill Stoddard

Jill Stoddard earned her Ph.D. in clinical psychology from Boston University where she trained at the highly regarded Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders under the mentorship of Dr. David Barlow and Dr. Stefan Hofmann. She is founder and director of The Center for Stress & Anxiety Management, co-founder and vice president of the non-profit San Diego Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Consortium, and member-at-large for The Association of Contextual and Behavioral Sciences (ACBS). Dr. Stoddard specializes in the treatment of anxiety and related disorders and has expertise in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. She is an award winning teacher, peer-reviewed ACT trainer, author of two books, and co-host of the popular Psychologists Off The Clock podcast. 

Complete Fraud, Debbie Sorensen

Debbie Sorensen, co-founder and co-host of Psychologists Off the Clock, is a clinical  psychologist with a Ph.D. in psychology from Harvard University and a private therapy practice in Denver, Colorado. She specializes in providing individual Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for adults. In addition to private practice, she holds a part-time appointment as a Clinical Research Psychologist at the Rocky Mountain MIRECC for Suicide Prevention. She is also a co-founder of ImpACT Psychology Colorado, a psychotherapy collective in Denver/Boulder, and the Healthcare Wellbeing Collective, which provides mental health support and resources for Healthcare Professionals. She is a nationally-recognized trainer and training consultant in ACT for the VA. She currently lives in Colorado, her home state,

Anxiety can be an exhausting cycle. When you worry, you have a false sense of control and a feeling that you are “doing something” about what you fear, but it only leads to more anxiety and stress in the long term. In this episode Diana sits down with Dr. Jud Brewer, neuroscientist and author of Unwinding Anxiety, for a second time! They explore a fresh, science-backed perspective on anxiety. According to Dr. Jud, anxiety is a habit loop, and there are simple strategies to break the cycle. Listen in for some practical advice on how to unwind your anxiety today!

Listen and Learn:

How Diana and Debbie approach anxiety from an ACT perspective

Some of the intricacies of exposure-based therapy with ACT

Why Dr. Jud dedicated his book to the “Amazon addict” 

About Dr. Jud’s  model of anxiety as a habit loop

The three gears to shift out of anxiety and how it is linked to reward-based learning 

What to do when all you can think about are your worries

How to identify the point of diminishing return and form new habit loops (and what both of those things are!)

Practical advice on working with curiosity amidst anxiety

Jud’s research-backed wisdom on when (and if) anxiety improves your performance

Dr. Jud’s personal experience with anxiety 

Jud’s hopes for the future in helping people with anxiety

Resources:

Jud’s book, Unwinding Anxiety: New Science Shows How to Break the Cycles of Worry and Fear to Heal Your Mind 

Don't Shoot the Dog!: The New Art of Teaching and Training by Karen Pryor 

To find out more about Jud’s Unwinding Anxiety App, look here  

Jud’s programs, TED talks and videos, and clinician resources   

Pre-Order Diana and Debbie’s new book: ACT Daily Journal and get some freebies!

About Jud Brewer:

Dr. Jud Brewer is an internationally renowned addiction psychiatrist and neuroscientist. Dr. Jud is the director of research and innovation at the Mindfulness Center and associate professor in psychiatry at the School of Medicine at Brown University, as well as the executive medical director of behavioral health at Sharecare. His most recent book is Unwinding Anxiety: New Science Shows How to Break the Cycles of Worry and Fear to Heal Your Mind.

Related POTC Episodes:

Episode 167. Get Curious and Change Unhealthy Habits with Judson Brewer 

Episode 139. Neurodharma with Rick Hanson (Part 1)

Episode 140. Neurodharma with Dr. Rick Hanson (Part 2)

Episode 131. COVID-19 Anxiety, Cultivating Safeness, and Polyvagal Theory with Stephen Porges

Parenting is challenging. Some of the challenges—like effective disciplining and present moment awareness—are ubiquitous to parenting. No matter who you or your kids are, moments and experiences will test your patience and your wisdom. But while no parent has it easy, parenting children with special needs, neurodiversity, or mental or physical health issues comes with unique, extraordinarily trying experiences, and big questions to which it can be hard to find reliable answers.

In this episode of Psychologists Off the Clock, Yael talks with Dr. Russell Barkley, an international authority on ADHD. Russ is also author of many books, including the bestselling Taking Charge of ADHD and his recently released 12 Principles for Raising a Child with ADHD. Using principles from his books and decades of research, Russ takes on questions Yael collected from friends, family, and peers about parenting children with ADHD. Join us to hear in-depth and reliable answers to our most pressing questions about how to raise neurodiverse children!

Listen and Learn:

The seven executive functions and how they’re impacted by ADHD

Russ’ expert, in-depth answers to your questions about parenting and loving people with ADHD!

What ADHD is and why the label can be misleading

About some misconceptions parents often have about ADHD

How to better parent a child with ADHD

How to be compassionate towards yourself and your child as you parent

Key differences in behavioral markers of ADHD and Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)

About the long-term data on medication for children

How to find, appreciate, and reinforce strengths that show up in neurodiverse children

Effective parenting and discipline strategies for children with ADHD

Russ’ hopes for his legacy, and the future of ADHD

Resources Discussed on this Podcast Episode:

Dr. Barkley’s book, 12 Principles for Raising a Child with ADHD

Find some of Dr. Barkley’s lectures on his website

Find other interviews with and lectures by Dr. Barkley on YouTube

Emily Perl Kingsley’s poem, Welcome to Holland

Jon Kabat Zinn’s book, Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting

Alison Gopnik’s book, The Gardener and the Carpenter

About Dr. Russell Barkley:

Russell A. Barkley, Ph.D., is an internationally recognized authority on attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD or ADD) in children and adults who has dedicated his career to widely disseminating science-based information about ADHD. Dr. Barkley retired as a Professor of Psychiatry and Neurology from the University of Massachusetts Medical Center (1985-2002) and subsequently worked as a Professor of Psychiatry and Health Sciences at the Medical University of South Carolina (2003-2016). He is currently a Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at Virginia Commonwealth University Medical Center (2016-present). In semi-retirement, he continues to lecture widely and develop continuing education courses for professionals on ADHD and related disorders, as well as consult on research projects, edit The ADHD Report, and write books, reviews, and research articles.

Related Podcast Episodes:

Episode 14. Mindful Parenting

Episode 48. Practical Wisdom with Dr. Barry Schwartz

Episode 123. Tantrum Survival Guide with Dr. Schrag Hershberg

Episode 149. How Not To Lose It with Your Kids with Dr. Carla Naumburg

Episode 161: The Gift of Failure with Jessica Lahey

Setting healthy boundaries can be challenging, whether it is with someone you love or someone you dislike. Sticking with your boundaries once you set them, is also difficult. Relationship expert Nedra Tawwab, author of Set Boundaries, Find Peace, has the insight and tools you need to set boundaries so that you can thrive. In this episode, Diana and Nedra discuss strategies to overcome barriers to boundary setting so that you can set boundaries and find peace today!

Listen and Learn:

Diana and Jill’s take on the importance of boundary setting 

Nedra’s expert definition of boundaries and explanation of how they impact mental health

The science behind how setting healthy boundaries can provide peace and freedom from anxiety

Practical advice on how to set boundaries with toxic individuals, narcissists, your parents, your in-laws, your children, and yourself!

Barriers that might be affecting your ability to set a healthy boundary

What to do with the feeling of guilt when it shows up during the boundary-setting process

Nedra’s practical advice on how to be a clear communicator and set effective boundaries in particularly toxic dynamics

The differences between a soft boundary and a rigid boundary (and when to be flexible with them!)

What clear boundaries sound like

The subtle differences between assertiveness, aggressiveness, and passivity

Nedra’s take on setting ultimatums (and why they aren’t always a bad thing)

Why it’s important to set boundaries with your kids and how to teach them to set their own 

Nedra’s personal experience with boundaries and how setting them has changed her life

Resources:

Nedra’s book, Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself 

Nedra’s website which has TONS of FREE resources including worksheets, a relationship quiz, a boundaries quiz, and Nedra's book recommendations

Check out co-host Diana’s workshop, An Introduction to ACT: Growing Psychological Flexibility through Acceptance, Caring, and Tiny Daily Practices on February 28th from 2pm to 5pm Pacific Standard Time 

About Nedra Tawwab:

NEDRA GLOVER TAWWAB, a licensed therapist and sought-after relationship expert, has practiced relationship therapy for twelve years and is the founder and owner of the group therapy practice Kaleidoscope Counseling. She has been recently featured in The New York Times, The Guardian, Psychology Today, Self, and Vice, and has appeared on numerous podcasts, including Don't Keep Your Day Job, Do the Thing, and Therapy for Black Girls. Tawwab runs a popular Instagram account where she shares practices, tools, and reflections for mental health and hosts weekly Q&As about boundaries and relationships. She lives in Charlotte, North Carolina, with her family. Connect with Nedra Tawwab on Instagram @nedratawwab. Find out more about her book, here. 

Related Episodes:

Episode 98. Narcissism with Dr. Avigail Lev and Dr. Robyn Walser 

Episode 174. How to Work and Parent Mindfully with Lori Mihalich-Levin

Episode 168. Everyday Conversations: How Conversational Style Impacts Relationships with Deborah Tannen

Episode 134. What to do When Work, Parenting, and Partnership Collide During Quarantine

Being an ally in the workplace involves a willingness and personal commitment to take action in pursuit of justice and equality for the disenfranchised. Too often, the burden of attaining equality is placed on marginalized individuals. A good ally takes on that burden instead. In this episode of Psychologists Off the Clock, Jill is joined by Brad Johnson and David Smith, co-authors of Athena Rising: How and Why Men Should Mentor Women and Good Guys: How Men Can Be Better Allies for Women in the Workplace, to discuss how men can be better allies to women in the workplace. Together, they discuss good ally behavior including educating oneself about different identities or experiences, challenging one’s assumptions and beliefs, and learning and practicing the skills necessary to make lasting change. Engage in some good ally behavior right now, and listen in to this episode to learn how to be a better ally today!

Listen and Learn:

-Brad and David’s take on the problem of gender equality and whose job it is to solve it-How to practice situational awareness and make invisible workplace issues more visible-What the zero sum bias is and how to use the most current research on it to inform your behavior-All about EQ, IQ, and how they can work for you (or against you) in the workplace-How to be a ‘good guy’ in the workplace and how to inspire other ‘good guys’ to take action-What a likeability penalty is, who it affects, and why-Expert-approved steps you can take to be a more proactive ally at home and at work-Why the global economic benefits to eliminating the gender pay gap aren’t more of a concern and who to hold accountable for eliminating that gap-Brad and David’s views on the pandemic and gender in the workforce

Resources:

Brad and David’s books, Athena Rising: How and Why Men Should Mentor Women and Good Guys: How Men Can Be Better Allies for Women in the Workplace

Alicia Menendez’ book, The Likeability Trap: How to Break Free and Succeed As You Are

Eve Rodsky’s book, Fair Play: A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do (and More Life to Live)

Brad and David’s most recent article on Harvard Business Review about male allyship

Kimberle Crenshaw’s article, Demarginalizing the Intersection of Race and Sex: A Black Feminist Critique of Antidiscrimination Doctrine, Feminist Theory and Antiracist Politics

About Brad and David:

Dr. Brad Johnson is Professor of psychology in the Department of Leadership, Ethics and Law at the U.S. Naval Academy, and a Faculty Associate in the Graduate School of Education at Johns Hopkins University. Dr. Johnson is the author of more than 130 journal articles and book chapters—many on the topic of mentoring—and 14 books, in the areas of mentoring, gender in the workplace, and professional ethics. He speaks around the globe on the topics of mentorship and cross-gender workplace relationships.

Dr. David Smith is Associate Professor of sociology in the College of Leadership and Ethics at the U.S. Naval War College. As a sociologist trained in military sociology and social psychology, he focuses his research in gender, work, and family issues including bias in performance evaluations, retention of women, dual career families, military families, and women in the military. Dr. Smith is the author of numerous journal articles and book chapters—many on the topic of gender and the workplace—and 2 books in the area of gender in the workplace and inclusive mentoring relationships. He speaks around the globe on the topics of mentorship and cross-gender workplace relationships.

They are co-authors of Athena Rising: How and Why Men Should Mentor Women and Good Guys: How Men Can Be Better Allies for Women in the Workplace. Learn more about being a workplace ally, here at workplaceallies.com.

Related Episodes:

Episode 163. The Likeability Trap with Alicia Menendez 

Episode 176. Fair Play with Eve Rodsky 

Episode 165.

Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate love. But this holiday can be challenging for anyone that’s been stung in their relationships. And it's  especially difficult for individuals who’ve experienced an affair or other significant relationship betrayal.

In this episode of Psychologists Off the Clock, Yael and Dr. Kristina Coop Gordon, co-author of Getting Past the Affair and Helping Couples Get Past the Affair, discuss affairs, major relationship betrayals, and how you CAN (contrary to a common cultural message) heal and get past them. So grab your a box of Valentine’s candy and join us to learn about using emotions for good, effective listening, forgiveness, and much more!

And speaking of celebrating those we love, we at POTC want to celebrate you, our listeners! We’re giving away Dr. Gordon’s book Getting Past the Affair to a few lucky listeners! If you, someone you care about, or those you treat are dealing with an affair, you'll want this book in your arsenal of tools. This book teaches an assortment of crucial strategies for coping, healing, and moving forward that have been proven to work. For details on how to enter our #bookgiveaway, check out our Instagram, @offtheclockpsych.

Listen and Learn:

Yael and Debbie’s thoughts on anger and other emotions and when and how they’re useful (and when and how they’re not!)

How Kristina's research on forgiveness helps couples

Dr. Gordon’s expert definition of forgiveness and how to grant it

Why affairs are so common and how couples can recover from them

If there are times to not tell your partner about an affair and how to decide if it’s one of those times

About the three stages of healing from an affair

What might be happening psychologically for each member of a couple after an affair

Practical (game-changing!) advice on how to effectively listen to your partner during tough conversations

The difference in how guilt and shame impact relationships

Dr. Gordon-approved tips on working through big emotions in ways that serve your values

Exercises for communicating more effectively with your partner, even in the face of painful feelings

How to talk about the details of an affair

Common reasons that partnerships become vulnerable to affairs

Examples of how Dr. Gordon would approach therapy with couples at various stages of healing

How Dr. Gordon guides couples through the decision to stay together or not

About Dr. Kristina Coop Gordon:

Kristina Coop Gordon, PhD, is Associate Professor and Associate Director of Clinical Training in the clinical psychology program at the University of Tennessee at Knoxville. Her research focuses on forgiveness, infidelity, and couple’s therapy. In Knoxville, she maintains a private practice specializing in couple’s therapy. She is coauthor of the self-help resource Getting Past the Affair and of the related book for professionals, Helping Couples Get Past the Affair.

Resources Mentioned in this Podcast Episode:

Dr. Gordon’s books, Getting Past the Affair and Helping Couples Get Past the Affair

Yael and Dr. Gordon’s paper from 2007, Predicting sexual infidelity in population-based sample of married individuals.

Dr. Gordon’s paper investigating forgiveness in women who were in domestic abuse situations, Predicting the intentions of women in domestic violence shelters to return to partners: Does forgiveness play a role?

Related Episodes:

Episode 25. Resilience: Bouncing Back After Difficulty

Episode 28. Maintaining And Healing Romantic Bonds With Relationship Expert Dr. Yael Schonbrun

Episode 92. Marriage in Midlife: The Rough Patch with Dr. Daphne de Marneffe

Episode 126. Surviving Break-Ups and Divorce: How to Mend a Broken Heart, with Yael and Debbie

Episode 183. Permission to Feel: Emotional Intelligence with Marc Brackett

Emotional Intelligence is not really about feeling better but, rather, it’s about getting better at feeling. In this episode of Psychologists Off the Clock, Debbie and Dr. Marc Brackett, founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and author of Permission to Feel, discuss practical skills you can use to better understand your emotions, and respond to them effectively. Emotional intelligence is often neglected in pursuit of what some refer to as “rational thinking.” However, emotional intelligence skills can actually help with thinking - and might even save you time and money. Find out how in this episode, and learn more about naming, understanding, and expressing your emotions in healthy ways!

Listen and Learn:

Diana and Debbie’s break down of “stress” and “overwhelm” and how they practice emotional intelligence skills in their own lives

Practical skills you can use to get better at feeling right now!

A real-time example of Marc Brackett and Debbie naming their emotions

Why children and adults struggle to understand and express their emotions in a healthy way (and how problematic that can be)

How Marc is working to make sure everyone receives an “emotion education”

The emotion expert’s explanation of how emotional intelligence actually helps with “rational” thinking 

An overview of the RULER emotional skill set, and the contexts where those skills show up

How learning some emotional skills might save you time and money in the future

What a “Meta-Moment” is, and how to do it in four steps

Whether the director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence thinks children will be okay after the pandemic

Marc’s practical words of wisdom for parents, teachers, caregivers, and anyone else invested in helping kids make it through tough times like the pandemic

Resources:

Marc’s book, Permission to Feel: Unlocking the Power of Emotions to Help our Kids, Ourselves, and our Society Thrive 

Find out more about Marc at his website, www.marcbrackett.com

Get access to the recorded version of POTC’s First Annual Wise Minds Summit here, https://www.accelevents.com/e/POTCSummit#about 

About Marc Brackett:

Marc Brackett, Ph.D., is founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and professor in the Child Study Center, Yale School of Medicine at Yale University. His research focuses on the role of emotions and emotional intelligence in learning, decision making, creativity, relationships, health, and performance. Marc is the lead developer of RULER, an evidence-based, systemic approach to SEL that has been adopted by over 2,000 schools across the United States and in other countries. He has published 125 scholarly articles and received numerous awards. Marc consults regularly with corporations like Facebook, Microsoft, and Google on integrating emotional intelligence principles into employee training and product design and is co-founder of Oji Life Lab, a digital emotional intelligence learning system for business. His research has been featured in popular media outlets such as the New York Times, USA Today, Good Morning America, and NPR. He is the author of Permission to Feel: Unlocking the Power of Emotions to Help our Kids, Ourselves, and our Society Thrive, published by Celadon Books, a division of Macmillan. Find out more about Marc on his website, www.marcbrackett.com.

Related Psychologists Off the Clock Podcast Episodes:

Episode 120. Use DBT Skills To Regulate Emotions And Be More Effective In Relationships With Dr. Matthew McKay

Episode 85. Emotion Efficacy with Dr. Aprilia West  

Episode 69. Emotional Intelligence and the Science of Meditation with Dr. Daniel Goleman 

Episode 9. Children’s Emotions: Understanding and Responding to Your Child’s Feelings