A Little Help For Our Friends

Transforming Defensiveness: From Conflict to Connection in Relationships


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If defending yourself is important for protecting your self-respect in relationships, then why is "defensiveness" so bad? In this episode, we discuss "acceptable" and "not acceptable" defensiveness and cover strategies to transform those knee-jerk defensive reactions into opportunities for growth and connection. We talk about how to navigate the tricky terrain of criticism—whether it involves character slights or behavior-focused feedback. 

We peel back the layers of defensiveness, from professional settings to the nuanced dynamics within friendships and romantic relationships. Societal issues like microaggressions play into our defensive behaviors, while empathy and understanding can bridge gaps in communication. We highlight the importance of avoiding character attacks and fostering a more open dialogue.

We share tips for handling emotional conflicts, the impact of rejection sensitivity, and how varying defense mechanisms—from primitive to mature—can either hinder or heal our interactions. 

Support the show

  • If you have a loved one with mental or emotional problems, join KulaMind, our community and support platform. In KulaMind, work one on one with Dr. Kibby on learning how to set healthy boundaries, advocate for yourself, and support your loved one. *We only have a few spots left, so apply here if you're interested.


  • Follow @kulamind on Instagram for science-backed insights on staying sane while loving someone emotionally explosive.


  • For more info about this podcast, check out: www.alittlehelpforourfriends.com


  • Follow us on Instagram: @ALittleHelpForOurFriends
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A Little Help For Our FriendsBy Jacqueline Trumbull and Kibby McMahon

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