Shame is something most of us carry but few of us talk about openly. It can show up in response to that inner voice telling you you're too much or not enough, as the impulse to hide parts of yourself, or as patterns in relationships that leave you feeling disconnected. Yet despite how common shame is, finding effective ways to work with it remains elusive for many people. 

In their latest book, Transforming the Shame Triangle: From Shame to Love Using Parts Work, Jessica Fern and David Cooley offer a fresh framework that uses parts work to help us see that shame is part of an internal “Drama Triangle” that they call “The Shame Triangle” and they present a groundbreaking system, integrating IFS with other modalities, to transform shame into Self-Love. When I saw that, I knew I needed to interview them to share these tools with more people. :) 

What makes their approach particularly valuable is the practical integration of parts work, giving us concrete tools rather than abstract concepts. They share some of these tools in our interview. 

Here’s what we covered in this groundbreaking interview: 

What is parts work in the IFS context?

What is the Shame Triangle & what is its destructive impact?

How do we heal Shame at its roots—not just manage it?

How do we transform the Shame Triangle into the self-Love Triangle?

What does integrating the Self-Love Triangle as a new way of living look like?

How have these tools helped you and your clients tangibly experience more love, creativity, and resourcefulness in all relationships? 

If you’re someone who has felt the weight of shame and wondered how to move through it, this interview meets you where you are. The authors bring both professional expertise and genuine warmth to a topic that too often gets treated with clinical distance or, worse, more shame.

You can get their book, "Transforming the Shame Triangle," here: https://amzn.to/4a5mEQE

Jessica and David are teaching an 8-week online course to help you integrate and deepen the work in their book. It launches at the end of February of 2026. You can learn more about that here: https://the-azurite-way.mykajabi.com/transforming-the-shame-triangle-feb-2026

Here are their other books:

"Polysecure" by Jessica Fern: https://amzn.to/4bzCSnC

"Polywise" By Jessica Fern and David Cooley: https://amzn.to/3LLJpRG

More about Jessica Fern and David Cooley:

Jessica Fern is a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional, a trained Internal Family Systems (IFS) practitioner, and an integrative therapist drawing on 25 years of experience in somatic, narrative, psychotherapeutic, and spiritual healing modalities. She is the internationally recognized author of Polysecure, and the coauthor with David Cooley of the books Polywise and their newest book Transforming the Shame Triangle. You can learn more about her work at: https://www.jessicafern.com/

David Cooley is a professional Restorative Justice facilitator, diversity and privilege awareness trainer, and bilingual cultural broker. He is the creator of the Restorative Relationship Conversations model, a process that transforms interpersonal conflict into deeper connection, intimacy and repair. You can learn more about his work at: https://www.restorativerelationship.com/