True Love: Practicing in Relationship (Episode #31)

Welcome to episode 31 of The Way Out Is In: The Zen Art of Living, a podcast series mirroring Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh’s deep teachings of Buddhist philosophy: a simple yet profound methodology for dealing with our suffering, and for creating more happiness and joy in our lives. 

The presenters – Zen Buddhist monk Brother Phap Huu and journalist Jo Confino – are joined by lay Buddhist practitioner and artist Paz Perlman to talk about how mindfulness can support a healthy relationship: a core practice in Engaged Buddhism.

Paz Perlman is a Zen Buddhist practitioner and a visual artist, who regularly exhibits in the United States and Europe. She has studied with Thich Nhat Hanh for the past 15 years and is a member of the Order of Interbeing. In her artistic practice, she integrates Buddhist concepts such as impermanence, healing and transformation. In recent years, she has increasingly incorporated activism into her works and is presenting a large-scale installation at an upcoming retreat of climate leaders in Plum Village. Paz, who moved from New York to live a few minutes walk away from Plum Village, completed her art degree at Central St Martins, University of Arts, London. Read her artist statement here.

Paz and Jo have been married for 15 years; in this episode, they talk about how making the Buddhist practice of Beginning Anew part of their daily life has nourished their relationship. This practice of looking deeply and honestly at ourselves, our actions, speech, and thoughts, creates a fresh beginning within ourselves and in our relationships with others.The couple further share about discovering Thich Nhat Hanh’s teachings and integrating them into their life together; developing a shared spiritual aspiration and practice; their special marriage ceremony in Plum Village, including vows, and tea with Thay; relationship dynamics; maintenance and renewal; deep listening and loving speech; intimacy; and the four essential mantras in the practice. Brother Phap Huu discusses the same Buddhist practice, but in relation to a monastic environment; the four mantras to take care of relationships; the insight of interbeing; perceptions about others; mental formations; hugging meditation; and the energy of gratitude. 

The episode ends with a short meditation guided by Brother Phap Huu. 

Co-produced by the Plum Village App:https://plumvillage.app/

And Global Optimism:https://globaloptimism.com/ 

With support from the Thich Nhat Hanh Foundation:https://thichnhathanhfoundation.org/

List of resourcesPlum Village Communityhttps://plumvillage.org/

Paz Perlmanhttps://www.pazperlman.com/ 

Beginning Anew: Four Steps to Restoring Communicationhttps://www.parallax.org/product/beginning-anew-four-steps-to-restoring-communication/

‘Extended Practices’https://plumvillage.org/mindfulness/extended-practises/ 

Sister Chan Khonghttps://plumvillage.org/about/sister-chan-khong/ 

Sister Jinahttps://plumvillage.org/people/dharma-teachers/sr-dieu-nghiem/ 

The Four Noble Truthshttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dy-RI3FrdGA 

Deepak Choprahttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deepak_Chopra 

Thich Nhat Hanh On…: ‘Learning to Hug’https://plumvillage.org/articles/learning-to-hug/ 

Dharma Talks: ‘The Practice of True Presence’https://plumvillage.org/library/dharma-talks/the-practice-of-true-presence/ 

How To: ‘Begin Anew’https://plumvillage.org/articles/begin-anew/ 

Quotes

“Taste of tea, taste of time.” 

“Thay talks about what happens in relationships. A lot of little things can happen that annoy or cause offense, or which on their own aren’t very big – and often, as a result, don’t get dealt with. And so he talks about a stalagmite in a cave where there’s a small, small drip of little things – but those small drips eventually create a huge calcified mo