True Lovefraud Stories

Recovery from a damaging involvement with a sociopath is possible. Dr. Liane Leedom, a psychiatrist and professor at the University of Bridgeport, says skills of Dialetical Behavior Therapy (DBT), such as mindfulness, that can help. Your goal is to lower your level of arousal due to stress, and she offers strategies that you can use right away.

Our ability to form relationships with each other is rooted deep in biological foundations. Dr. Liane Leedom, a psychiatrist and professor at the University of Bridgeport, explains four behavioral systems, involving both biology and psychology, that are crucial for our relationships: The attachment or affiliation system, the caregiving system, the dominance system and the sexual system.

Why does the silent treatment hurt so much? Why does the end of a relationship feel like withdrawal? What is cognitive dissonance? Why do targets of sociopaths lose the ability to think? In part 1 of this interview, Dr. Liane Leedom, a psychiatrist and professor at the University of Bridgeport, explains the effects of extreme relationship stress.

The romantic relationship “Jessica” had with “Luke” left her feeling confused and abused. As a result, she turned to substances and experienced suicidal ideation. Then Jessica spoke with “Susanna,” who was also involved with Luke — and who endured similar treatment from him. A weight was lifted — Jessica wasn't crazy and the relationship issues were not her fault. Luke was the problem.

All her life, “Susanna’s” greatest interests were psychological thrillers and cults. When she got away from her relationship, she realized that with Luke, she’d been living in one. Susanna wondered if his other women felt the same way, and reached out to his previous girlfriend, Jessica. Yes, their experiences were painfully similar, which helped them both in their recovery.

“Susanna” realized that her boyfriend, “Luke,” had two distinct sides to his personality — one side would never hurt her, and the other could. When things were good, she enjoyed the happiest moments of her life. But when they were bad, she collapsed into a puddle of tears — and Luke didn’t care. Slowly, painfully, she learned the truth about his manipulation.

For months, “Susanna” thought of “Luke” as only a friend. But when she was in need, he rescued her — and from then on, he was more than a friend. Their excursions were full of fun and laughter — but then, when they returned home, Luke withdrew. Had she done something wrong? Did he no longer find her attractive? Susanna could never get an answer, and she felt like she was losing her mind.

Your culture can still support you, even if you’ve left your country. Vjolca Capri, LMHC, QS, NBCC, draws on her Islamic faith and traditions as she works with clients. Expats may miss their homes and have difficulty putting down roots, she explains. What to do? Build a new tribe where you now live. Then draw on the support of your community to solve problems and make decisions — like choosing a marriage partner.

Con artists will take advantage anything, including faith, tradition and culture, in order to exploit their targets. “Mariam,” unfortunately, learned this the hard way. She met a prospective suitor on a matrimonial website who seemed to be exactly what she was looking for. In reality, it was a marriage scam. Everything he told her was a lie — he was psychologically, financially and physically abusive. But Mariam used his own tactics against him and escaped.

What is depression? Mandy Friedman, LPCC-S, CCDVC, CCTP, is a counselor who specializes in treating victims of abuse, many of whom feel depressed. She explains that depression is a neurobiological and chemical brain state — not necessarily something you can overcome simply through willpower. Mandy explains how she helps clients, and suggests steps you can take towards your recovery. To listen to the entire interview please become a premium subscriber.