Christopher Lum of California said he was a Los Angeles Fireman, former military, a rescue diver — and at first, Erin bought it all. He drew her in, asked for her help, convinced her to have his child, and she was trapped. And then, Chris did the unthinkable. 

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Christopher Lum often wore Los Angeles Fire Department clothing.

Dr. Denise McDermott, adult and child psychiatrist.

Every moment, every experience, may offer us a gift. Dr. Denise McDermott, an adult and child psychiatrist, says that even though an abusive relationship with a sociopath is horrific, it can also be a great teacher. Once we get to the other side of the experience and alchemize the trauma, we may find a greater sense of awareness and self-love.

Resources

Denise McDermott, M.D.

The Dr. Denise Show podcast

Lesly Plummer of England wants to protect her granddaughter, who is involved with a controlling man. So Lesly is telling her own story — she was married for 35 years to a man who was condescending and cruel. After leaving him, Lesly learned that there was a reason for his neglectful behavior, and perhaps a deeper meaning to her experience.

Dr. Liane Leedom at a Society for the Scientific Study of Psychopathy conference.

Recovery from a damaging involvement with a sociopath is possible. Dr. Liane Leedom, a psychiatrist and professor at the University of Bridgeport, says skills of Dialetical Behavior Therapy (DBT), such as mindfulness, can help. Your goal is to lower your level of arousal due to stress, and she offers strategies that you can use right away.

Resources

FREE! Your first step towards real recovery from narcissistic abuse and trauma

See Dr. Liane Leedom’s work on Researchgate 

Dialectical Behavior Therapy

Paired Muscle Relaxation on Youtube

Paced breathing exercise on Youtube

Dr. Marsha Linehan: Why learn DBT skills?

Radical Acceptance, by Tara Brach, Ph.D.

Dr. Liane Leedom at a Society for the Scientific Study of Psychopathy conference.

Our ability to form relationships with each other is rooted deep in biological foundations. Dr. Liane Leedom, a psychiatrist and professor at the University of Bridgeport, explains four behavioral systems, involving both biology and psychology, that are crucial for our relationships: The attachment or affiliation system, the caregiving system, the dominance system and the sexual system. 

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Resources

See Dr. Liane Leedom’s work on Researchgate.

Dr. Liane Leedom at a Society for the Scientific Study of Psychopathy conference.

Why does the silent treatment hurt so much? Why does the end of a relationship feel like withdrawal? What is cognitive dissonance? Why do targets of sociopaths lose the ability to think? In part 1 of this interview, Dr. Liane Leedom, a psychiatrist and professor at the University of Bridgeport, explains the effects of extreme relationship stress.

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Resources

See Dr. Liane Leedom’s work on Researchgate. 

PsychCentral: How does stress affect the brain?

The romantic relationship “Jessica” had with “Luke” left her feeling confused and abused. As a result, she turned to substances and experienced suicidal ideation. Then Jessica spoke with “Susanna,” who was also involved with Luke — and who endured similar treatment from him. A weight was lifted — Jessica wasn't crazy and the relationship issues were not her fault. Luke was the problem.

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All her life, “Susanna’s” greatest interests were psychological thrillers and cults. When she got away from her relationship, she realized that with Luke, she’d been living in one. Susanna wondered if his other women felt the same way, and reached out to his previous girlfriend, Jessica. Yes, their experiences were painfully similar, which helped them both in their recovery.

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Resources

For information about the Psychopathy Checklist Revised, see Range of sociopathic behavior: From sleazy to serial killer, on Lovefraud.com.

“Susanna” realized that her boyfriend, “Luke,” had two distinct sides to his personality — one side would never hurt her, and the other could. When things were good, she enjoyed the happiest moments of her life. But when they were bad, she collapsed into a puddle of tears — and Luke didn’t care. Slowly, painfully, she learned the truth about his manipulation.

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For months, “Susanna” thought of “Luke” as only a friend. But when she was in need, he rescued her — and from then on, he was more than a friend. Their excursions were full of fun and laughter — but then, when they returned home, Luke withdrew. Had she done something wrong? Did he no longer find her attractive? Susanna could never get an answer, and she felt like she was losing her mind.

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